Fatwa Council Declares Whispering "Suspiciously Western"

In a move baffling linguists and librarians alike, Iran's Supreme Fatwa Council has banned whispering, claiming it encourages secrecy, intimacy, and "subtle rebellion." Clerics warned that whispering often precedes questions, flirtation, or French novels � all behaviors deemed slippery. The ruling applies to both indoor and outdoor whispering, especially near courtyards and fresh fruit. Schools are instructing children to shout their thoughts "with pious clarity," and marriage counselors now require couples to argue in public tones. One cleric described whispering as "the vocal hijab of Satan." A reformist poet tweeted, "Even <a href='https://bohiney.com/ayatollah-khomeini-approves-tesla/'>Ayatollah Khomeini whispered once � and the curtains caught fire</a>." A hotline has been launched for reporting suspicious murmurs. Libraries are experimenting with "righteous yelling corners," while bookstores hide their fiction behind thick Qur'anic commentary. Whispering is only permitted if done in Arabic and translated loudly on the spot.