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Part of HuffPost Parenting. ©2022 BuzzFeed, Inc. All rights reserved.
I knew this day would come as I had been warned by those who had gone before me. He's going to ask someday. She's going to have questions. You need to get your story straight.
Jun 14, 2016, 04:53 PM EDT | Updated Jun 15, 2017
This post was published on the now-closed HuffPost Contributor platform. Contributors control their own work and posted freely to our site. If you need to flag this entry as abusive, send us an email.
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I knew this day would come as I had been warned by those who had gone before me.
You need to get your story straight. You have to be *prepared* because you'll be caught with your pants down when the kids ask about the specifics of sex.
And, in a dark car, on the way home from dinner, it happened: my son and I had a whopper of a conversation.
While I've mostly recovered from the trauma, my friends are still reeling from the advice I gave him.
The evening started out innocently enough. After attending an event as a family, Hubby and I decided to take the kids out for dinner at one of our favorite watering holes (read: drink martinis as the kids consumed large quantities of fried foods and dessert). We spent that time talking to each other, visiting with friends who'd also gone to the restaurant and joking with our favorite bartender. It was a picture perfect moment: warm sweaters, noisy atmosphere, a family smiling together. I had no way of knowing that my son had questions brimming and he'd decided he was going to get some answers on the way home.
As we had taken two cars,my son opted to ride home with me. I should have seen this as a SIGN, people. Of what, I don't know, but I should have seen SOMETHING coming.
Once in the car, and about two seconds after I navigated the car away from the curb, he dropped a bomb on me: there was a sexting scandal at school and he was upset.
Let me repeat that: MY TWELVE YEAR OLD WAS UPSET ABOUT A SEXTING INCIDENT. Twelve. As in, they don't even have the word "teen" in their ages yet, bitchachos.
Pardon me as I try not to drive this people mover right into a tree.
While he was not involved (THANKYOUSWEETBABYJESUS), he was upset about the consequences, the children involved and the general implications that this kind of thing brings. He wondered what would happen if he received salacious texts, who he should tell, why kids would do such a thing. Heavy topics weighed on his mind and he wanted to talk about all of it. WITH ME. As I was driving heavy machinery. In the dark. Without Hubby as a back up.
I'm not going to lie: I was caught with my pants down and I swear, the deer we passed on the road did not look nearly as surprised as I did when I was driving.
But, I made a choice to keep driving, to take the longest way home possible because my tween was talking, openly talking to me about sex. I didn't know when, or if, this situation would ever present itself again. I don't know if it was the dark, country roads I slowly drove, the fact that we weren't facing each other or if the stars just magically aligned to make him open up, but it happened.
As we quieted from the sexting discussion, he coyly and shyly said, "I have one more question" and the tone of his voice made me realize I needed to brace myself.
"Well. You know. Some of the boys, they talk about this thing that involves blowing. And work. Blow work, is it? Something that is like a job and involves blowing. I don't know what that means. Can you explain that to me?".
I'M NOT GOING TO SURVIVE THE TEEN YEARS, YOU GUYS.
Here I was, in a car, being asked a specific question about a sex act from my twelve year old. In the split seconds that followed his question, I debated: do I tell him? Do I push it aside and tell him that's for grown ups? Do I pull over on the side of the road and call Hubby to take over? How hard will I have to junk punch Hubby when I get home? I honestly didn't know what to do and, as I gripped the steering wheel and tried to keep myself from driving into a cornfield, I made a decision.
I told him. I was honest and forthright. And, then it was HIM wearing the deer in the headlights expression.
As the reality of the answer set in, and, realizing these moments with tweens are fleeting, I took it one step further: I told him a committed relationship is a two way street and when you are intimate with someone, it's never one sided. If he's alone with a girl, it's to be enjoyable for both of them and it's never okay to let a girl please him solely.
I told him that if you get one, you give one. Plain and simple. Because no daughter in law of mine is going to stand in my kitchen and wonder why he's such a greedy asshole in the bedroom.
And, judging from the looks of horror on my friends' faces as I've recounted this story, I seem to be in the minority when it comes talking openly with kids about sex. I've been accused of condoning pre marital sex. I've been told I crossed a line by explaining the specifics of a sex act to my child. And, I've been told that I'm asking for trouble by telling him that his eventual girlfriend's needs are important, too. Mostly, my friends have cry laughed at the image of me driving down the street being asked about knob polishing. And, naturally, they all asked how soon I'd be blogging about my drive from hell....
But, for all the judgement, all the shocked outcry, I stand by what I told my son. I stand by my honesty and I hope, that in doing so, I've set the stage for him to want to come back to ask questions, to get good, solid answers from his father and I. And, in that moment, he trusted me with his thoughts and was open and honest with me. The least I could do was be honest right back.
Because if you get it, you give it, people.
Christine Burke is a blogger and freelance writer. Her personal blog is keeperofthefruitloops.com and she can be found on Facebook . Her latest book, "I Just Want To Be Perfect" is available on Amazon.

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The woman had waited years to become sexually active, only to end up with an upsetting discovery when she had unprotected sex.
It’s one of the biggest sexual myths out there: That only “immoral” people get sexually transmitted infections (STI).
The misconception is one doctors like Ginni Mansberg are keen to stamp out, as in reality STIs can be contracted by anyone and have “got nothing to do with morality”.
Dr Mansberg has worked as a Sydney GP for almost 30 years and told news.com.au podcast Kinda Sorta Dating some of the people she sees diagnosed with STIs would be considered the “most conservative” members of society.
“I am thinking of one girl who waited until she was 29 to lose her virginity to her boyfriend, who she was with for six months before they took a condom off, Dr Mansberg told host Jana Hocking.
“She got a triple whammy – she got chlamydia, herpes and an abnormal Pap test in one go, but you cannot call her a fallen woman.”
Who gets a STI had “nothing to do with morality and it’s got a lot to do with luck”, Dr Mansberg said.
One STI was so common, it was easier to assume most people you met have it – herpes. Dr Mansberg said that around one in eight people have been diagnosed with the virus at some point.
“Herpes, oh my goodness, I diagnose that all the time,” she said. “Herpes is super common.”
There was also a surprise rise in STI diagnoses in one age group: middle-aged people who find themselves single for the first time in decades.
“They have forgotten the whole condom thing, they’re used to not wearing a condom, “ Dr Mansberg said.
“We’ve been seeing a big uptick in newly single women and men – unfortunately it’s more women because men really don’t get a lot of symptoms from a lot of these STIs so for better or for worse these blokes they often spread it around.”
A young Aussie woman has gone viral with a video mocking men for their pathetic and selfish excuses for refusing to wear condoms.
Australia’s most-requested male entertainer – who bears an uncanny resemblance to Channing Tatum – has revealed the sex question women always ask him.
A pub has responded after a local newspaper went viral over a full-page ad taken out by a scorned lover, but not everyone is convinced.

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