Family Nudity Children

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I have 2 boys, ages 2 and 5. We live in a house with 1 bedroom upstairs that we all share. I am very comfortable being naked and don't like to wear a robe to and from my bedroom when I am getting dressed in a hurry. I also love to take baths and hot tubs with my sons and don't want to make a big deal about my body. My older son has started to be fascinated by my ''beautiful nipples, cute butt and bagina''...his words, trust me that is not what I would say! I have told him that those are my private parts and it is uncomfortable for me when he to talks like that. I don't really care but I can tell that my husband does. He has said that it's probably time to put on the robe around them. I also want to do what is emotionally healthy for my boys but am feeling resentful that I have to make this accommodation. Any advise? I haven't read about this subject and would appreciate to hear what others know from experience from what the experts say is best. Wishing for a master bathroom.
Your 5 year old is growing up. You have a choice, either go around naked and be talked about or cover up and don't hear about your body from your 5 year old. I don't think you can call them your ''private parts'' if you are not keeping them private. anon
This is a case in which you have to weigh your current desires to be naked w/ your sons reaching an age in which you may be stimulating them sexually. Being a responsible parent means having to juggle what you want to do ideally with what is really best for your children. I have 3 grown children who grew up in a completely non-prudish home, but all people & kids need their own privacy. We had ours & they had theirs. You may be setting your boys up for really serious sexual issues in the future. You don't live in the Amazon jungle & you don't have a private, separate master bathroom. Bear with it! Happy Grandmother
I agree there's a problem, your boys behavour isn't normal but I speculate yours isn't either. For the sake of your kids, I'd talk with their pediatrition. Tell him/her everything, then sit back and listen.
Your oldest will be in school soon if he's not already and you don't want him to have problems. Even if he got through school, these issues could surface in the workplace and limit his ability to contribute to his chosen field.
What's cute at five is deviant in just a few years. If you don't call a halt to it you are setting your kids up for trouble. h
put a robe on, i have two boys and while they are still likely to walk in on me when i shower they aren't ''scoping out'' my ''cute butt, nipples etc'' it seems a bit icky that they comment on your body? When my oldest was about 3.5 he said to my husband ''Dad, did you know mom DOESN'T have a penis?'' My husband was laughing so hard he almost slit his throat while shaving...he of course said, ''son, you don't really want to marry a woman with a penis''
They were more intersted in how i was able to pee without a penis, not on what it looked like... jammie wearing mom
Sorry if this offends you, but at a certain age it is inappropriate for a parent to walk around naked in front of their child. Quite frankly, for most kids the thought of their naked parent is a disgusting one. Do your kids a favor and put some clothes on. anon
Your child's sexual feelings towards you are natural and innocent but you're not covering up around him is inappropriate. Sorry to sound harsh but it's your job to understand the longer term implications of these feelings he has. anon
Your husband's discomfort should not dictate how you relate to your sons. He's a grown up, and needs to figure out why he feels uncomfortable - that is about him, not you nor your sons. We are very open with our son (no siblings), he sees us naked all the time but at 4 he does show a renewed interest in my private parts.
I have asked him-and I reinforce this often-the following: Breasts: those are my private areas, I don't like to be touched there. You need to ask me if you can touch me before you do it. Sometimes I might say yes, but I will say no too. Vagina: he hasn't shown any ''clinical'' interest in actually seeing it but he does point to it or kneels down and wants to see how I urinate. My answer is the same as above in the case of pointing or touching.
However I don't discourage pure intellectual curiosity. This is perfectly normal at 2,3,4 and 5 it just manifests itself in different way at each stage because their brains comprehend more at each stage. We started introducing the subject of private areas around 3 and reinforce it at each stage. Children are also referring back to heir bodies as point of reference and anything different they need to understand. I would suggest that you correct his pronunciation and highlight correctness.
Often times when my son was 2 and 3 he would say'' where is your penis mommy?'' my answer was always the same: ''Mommies don't have a penises they have vaginas-that's what makes mommy-mommy-and daddy-daddy.
At four he is interested in the mechanics of my breasts and in showing me he knows his terms. I don't let him touch them often -even the nipples- but sometimes, and if he's followed the rules-ie: asked permission to touch first. I find that he's just interested in understanding how does milk come out from there-I have explained that they are for milk to feed babies when they are really small.
If given a choice he will always choose dad first to take a shower with before he chooses me. It's a recognition of his body in the body of my husband. We take baths instead because I am more playful in the tub, and that really is great way of redirecting attention after truthful but factual explanations. Lastly, we feel that it is important that children grow up with a ''real'' image of what women and men look like. Most women and men don't look like ''Barbies'' and ''Ken''... being truthful and real to us is more important than upholding some puritanical misbegotten idea. Naked, Open, and Happy
If I read this correctly you are saying that when your son talks about his attraction to your body you correct him and tell him that it is uncomfortable for you when he talks like that, but you don't really care. Are you only saying this because your husband has a problem with it?
Isn't this a little like saying no when you mean yes? If it doesn't make you uncomfortable and you say it does, don't you think you son knows that your words are not the truth? If this is what is going on you are playing with fire. For starters he will feel justified to not listen to you whenever he feels like it and my guess is that he will continue to sexualize you because your false professed discomfort is asking for more.
I would suggest that you begin by really being honest with yourself and seeing what is true. How does it make you feel when your son looks at you and talks about how hot you are? Ultimately I don't think it makes any difference whether you put a robe on or not. But you have already established a precedent of not really being straight with your kids. anon
Wow. As a public health professional, a sex educator, and a mom of a four-yr-old, I have to say I am disappointed--not by your question, but by some of the responses that you received. Whenever my son displays curiosity related to my breasts or genitals that gives me a flash of discomfort, I always ask myself how I would feel if he displayed the same curiosity about my elbows, or my knees. He is curious about bodies and how they work--all parts, especially those he doesn't have. And that is normal. Like one of the (great) responses, I occasionally bathe with my son, he sees me naked alot, and I let him sometimes touch my breasts if he asks politely. I would also ask yourself how you would feel if your son complimented other parts of your body (which I bet he does). Would his calling your hair or your eyes or your smile pretty make you uncomfortable? The issue is that we are a hypersexualized culture, battling intense shame--and some of the responses are great proof of how we are willing and really programmed to read sexuality into the most innocent of intentions. Your son isn't sexualizing your body, he's appreciating it, and kids that age absolutely see their moms as gorgeous. The language he has to describe it is limited (a four year old friend calls everything he likes 'sexy' right now--not, I assure you, because he is horny). You and your husband need to come to some agreement about what you feel comfortable with--your sons will pick up some undercurrent if you are not feeling comfortable. If you, your husband or anyone else doesn't feel good about being naked in front of your kids, then you shouldn't do it, and that is totally fine. But remember that it isn't because your kids can't handle it, it's because all of us are raised in such a body and sex negative society. It sounds like you are struggling to find a healthy, balanced attitude, and I wish you all the best. Good luck! sex positive mama
To original poster: I was really dismayed to see ''deviant'' come up in this conversation. I felt the shaming responders are speaking from their own issues, but you don't have to take theirs on!
We can still have boundaries without believing that bodies are gross / curiosity is abnormal. We're so uptight in this country about nudity, when in other countries, people are nude on the beaches, and Asians have deep soaking baths for their nightly family soaks. Parents' bodies are only ''disgusting'' if a family has weirdness and shame about nudity, which kids pick up on. A couple people said your son is sexualizing you - that is their interpretation. I think he is in awe of your feminine beauty - parts he doesn't have. How is this wrong or sexual? It's just pretty body parts and curiosity. The line comes at touching (IMO).
I disagree that genitals cease to be private when they are shown. Genitals always belong to their owner, and it is always your choice whether someone is allowed to touch. That makes them private.
I generally like to downplay things. I casually say and act like we all have bodies, no big deal (and some of us bleed, and that's no big deal either). If a child tries to touch, I tell them that part is just for me and I need a little space. I also remind children that we only touch our own privates, not others'. Obviously this isn't true in the grand scheme, but it's an age-appropriate explanation teaching an important social boundary. When I get compliments, I act neutral/disinterested.
I really liked the ''Naked, Open and Happy'' response, but she points to being accurate, so I will say: calling external female genitalia ''vagina'' is commonly used, but inaccurate. The vagina only exists internally. The vulva is the external, comprised of the labia majora, labia minora, clitoris, and vestibule of the vagina. If you want to keep it simple, calling it vulva is best and factual. I think nudity is fine until puberty
I just read the advice given regarding being naked in front of your boys, and summarized it seems like most everyone is telling you that you are being inappropriate or even going to damage your children!
My parents were very open about their bodies, and I (a girl) showered with my father. I have boys and they, too, are very interested in my body and whenever they see my breasts or I'm in a bra, they want to give me hugs. I tell them to wait until I'm dressed to hug them. I think it will be very clear to you when it is no longer appropriate. I don't think that curiosity is a sign of discomfort. I think your children will eventually feel uncomfortable seeing you naked and they'll probably let you know. Trust your own feelings.
Btw, my husband used to be really uncomfortable with me being naked in front of the boys, but now he is not - it was his issue, not mine. a
Do we comment on our children's cute little butts? If so, is it strange for them to return the compliment?
I think if you are comfortable being nude in front of your boys, by all means continue to do so. They will grow out their natural curiosity and will learn to be comfortable with women's bodies. Which is good thing.
To be honest, I don't think it's appropriate at this point. Kids talk about everything they do and see at home, to other kids and teachers at school. (Trust me, my son told a cashier that my mom doesn't have very much money after I told him that we couldn't buy something). Not sure how comfortable I would feel if all the other kids in my son's class knew I had a nice this or that.
I don't think it's particularily healthy for your sons either - as they grow up it may become confusing. Or if other boys somehow found out, they could become the ''butt'' of jokes.
If our society was structured differently, perhaps it could work. But given our current set up, I think you may be setting yourself up for unnessary problems in the future. Anon
I am concerned that my 5 year old daughter often see her dad with out a shirt on. My husband doesn't wear PJ tops to bed (and sometimes bottoms)and on some occasions they take a shower together.Can she misinterpret this? Does he blur the boundary between father and daughter? Or, how much is too much, for kids to see their parents naked as a part of the day, getting dressed, taking showers, etc? When do we need to be more sensitive and careful? SD
Did you say ''without a shirt on''? If your daughter ever goes to a swimming pool, she will see all kinds of men with no shirt on. As for taking a shower together, I don't know, it's not my cup of tea for children to take showers with naked parents of the opposite sex (just the height difference, yuck!) but you'll see in the archives that others think it's ok. but no shirt, is all ok by me. anon
My dad was semi-naked around the house my whole life - including when I came home from college. He walks around in his underwear. My father is a doctor and we were raised to view bodies rather clinically or matter-of-fact. An arm, a chest, a face: we all have them. I think our Puritan roots often cloud our view of things, but family nakedness is the norm in many European countries and public nakedness is the norm in many tribes that still exist today. It felt very OK for me to see my dad in his underwear as he is my dad and we therefore have an intimate relationship. It would not have been OK for me to have my dad in his underwear in front of my friends, but he never did that. Having that intimate, close relationship was healthy for us. My father was there when I delivered both of my kids and because of the open relationship that was established when i was a kid, I didn't feel weird at all about being exposed - I just felt supported and encourage by my dad. Lisa
My advice is to relax about this issue. I showered with my dad in the late 1950s and I don't think there were ever any thoughts of boundary issues (especially at your daughter's young age). Going shirtless seems a non issue. That's what she will see all the time at the pool, beach, etc. As the mom, I might request that he wear boxers, at least, around the house. But I think instilling a sense of body shame or wrongness at her age makes ''playing doctor'' more attractive later. My kids are now preteens, both sexes, and although they like their privacy in the bathroom, if they walk in on me getting out of the shower, it is a non event. relaxed mom
I am naked around my kids all the time. My son is 5 and my daughter is almost 7. We sometimes shower together too. My wife does the same.
I see absolutely no problem with this. Why make our bodies an issue?
There is a line of course - I don't allow them to touch me in any sensitive areas, nor do I touch them except to help them wash. And we are clear with them that it's completely fine if they want privacy, it's not ok for them to be naked in public, and it's certainly not ok for anyone to touch them if they don't want to be touched.
The result is that they are completely fine with being naked and seeing us naked, and there's never even a thought of any inappropriateness. anon
Around eight or so, your daughter will let you know she wants more privacy. Our daughter stopped barging in on my husband in the bathroom around 5, and they gradually had more privacy from each other. Now that she is a pre-teen, there's much more physical space between them, though they still love to talk and joke. anon
Truthfully, I don't see anything odd about a dad with no shirt, or in underwear, or sometiems naked. I'm pretty sure your daughter will let you both know when she's wierded out by it. For us, My now 17 yo son was about 11 or 12 when he was wierded out by my not closing the bathroom door, or changing my clothes with the door open, etc. It was at that time too that he started needing more privacy for himself. My 13 yo son started this when he was 9 or 10 or so. I don't think it's wierd and I wouldn't worry. my 2 cents.
You're worried about his bare chest? Wow. My husband bathes with our 5 year old daughter all the time. Its a wonderful time. Totally fine. She sees us naked, getting dressed, etc all the time too. I think it builds good body image.
Perhaps you get a weird feeling about your husband? If that's it, you should follow that further. But if it's just your own issues with nudity and sexuality, then let me assure you, her seeing your husband naked is just fine. I'd start worrying when she gets uncomfortable-probably about 10-11. mom of 5 yr old
Every family is different, but here are some thoughts:
Nudity does not equal sex. Male does not equal predatory (there is more of a stigma attached to male nudity around children than female nudity). opposite sex parent child bathing or showering together does not equal incest!
you are worried about ''blurring boundaries''; there are many different ways of setting, blurring, violating boundaries. Parents who have a deep inner respect for themselves and others and understand the adult responsibility to nurture children without exploiting them do not run the risk of accidentally blurring a boundary between a healthy parent/child relationship and incestuous-type interactions.
If parents and child are comfortable with what is happening in terms of dad and/or mom and/or child walking around the house not fully dressed at times, then it's fine. If dad or mom starts to feel uncomfortable, or if the child starts to express a wish for greater privacy, etc, then things can be adjusted. neither prude nor pervert
a friend's husband bathes with their three year old girl. This seems highly innapropriate bordering on worthy of making a comment to the couple that they should stop. They are very ''straight'', for lack of a better term, which makes it all the more odd. What is the conventional wisdom on this topic? liz
I think that you will find that your opinion is probably in the minority. My husband bathes (showers) with our 3 & 5 year old daughters. I've never thought
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