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| ‘Sleepovers’ With My 9-Year-Old Daughter

By Amy Arndt
October 7, 2012 8:00 am
October 7, 2012 8:00 am

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When I was in high school in the late ’80s, I took a job baby-sitting for a single mother with a 9-year-old boy. I didn’t know the family well. The father was absent from the situation, and the mother
appeared overwhelmed. The kid ran the show, and he got what he wanted by throwing fits, stomping his feet and pouting. The mother doted on her son, and spoke to him in a syrupy baby talk that made my skin crawl.
On my first day on the job, the mother took me on a tour of the house. When we got to her bedroom, the bed was unmade on both sides, and we stood there uncomfortably while I cringed at the thought that this rather unpleasant
woman had not slept alone. After a moment of silence, the mother shrugged apologetically and fessed up: her sleeping companion was her son. Given that I was a teenager and felt I was an expert on child psychology,
I quickly determined that the child’s behavioral problems were linked to the fact that he still slept with his mother.
Some 25 years later, I’m married with two teenage stepchildren and a 9-year old daughter. Because of our unique situation (five people in a three-bedroom home, custody schedules, etc.), the sleeping arrangements
can get quite creative. Yet one thing remains consistent: on Tuesday nights, my husband sleeps on the couch in the living room, and my 9-year-old daughter sleeps with me.
Confessing this publicly is not easy, because I’m a highly opinionated woman who has been known to change her mind on a variety of issues. Before the birth of my daughter, I bragged endlessly about my plans to
breastfeed. Yet despite a large investment in a private lactation consultant and a breast pump that rivaled a Dyson DC41 Animal, I produced about four drops of milk. As soon as I cracked open the first can of formula,
I shut my mouth and got back to taking care of business, and life was better for all of us, most important, our infant.
So despite the fact that I once thought that a 9-year-old sleeping with a parent was a terrible idea, I have to eat my words. I don’t know exactly how the Tuesday night sleepovers started, but it’s one
of my favorite nights of the week. I work full time, and this is time I spend catching up with my daughter. We hop in bed, talk about our days, watch lousy TV and cuddle.
Unlike the conversations in the car, where I’m distracted or stressed, or the big family dinners, when everyone talks at the same time, our sleepover nights allow for uninterrupted time to tackle the Big Questions
of Life. I’ll hear about problems at school, answer questions on religion, and attempt to explain puberty without sounding like a seventh-grade health teacher. Most of these nights, my daughter asks me to
sing her to sleep, and I bask in the glory that at this point in her life, she still thinks I can sing like Adele.
Take an informal poll of other parents, and you may discover that unique sleeping arrangements are not unusual. Several single, divorced mothers have confessed to me that they let their kids sleep with them. It’s
for a variety of reasons – some do it because they feel they can be closer to protect their child, others admit it’s filling a void and easing the aftermath of a tough divorce. Some parents tell me
that an occasional sleepover with a kid isn’t a big deal at all. And then you have parents who have taken the Ferber Method so seriously that the mere thought of having their kid in bed with them sends them
straight to the child psychologist.
At the end of the day, it’s about choices. I am going to blink twice, and my 9-year-old, who already practices rolling her eyes at me like a sassy-pants teenager, is going to have absolutely zero interest in
hanging out with me, much less participate in a sleepover. So until things change, I’ll cherish our Tuesday nights, and keep on cranking out the lullabies as long as I have a daughter who requests them.
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I Took These 22 Brutally Honest Photos Of Moms To Show What “Mother’s Day” Really Looks Like
Home Partnership Advertise Success stories Jobs About us Contact Home Advertise Success stories Challenges Jobs About us Contact
#1 Motherhood Is Never Peeing Alone
#2 Motherhood Is Never Shopping In Peace
#4 Sleep Never Lasts Long, They Find You
#5 Motherhood Is Being Your Kids' Entertainer
#7 Sometimes Moms Need A Time Out To Have A Sip Of Wine And Check On Their Phones
#8 Motherhood Is Breastfeeding Whenever Wherever
#9 Motherhood Is Never Ending Laundry
#10 Motherhood Is Never Showering In Peace
#11 Motherhood Is Being Kicked In The Face At Night
#12 Motherhood Is Cooking With One Hand
#13 Motherhood Is Trying To Keep Your Kids Alive
#14 Motherhood Is Not Being Able To Call In Sick
#15 Motherhood Is Being A Nurse Or Wiping Kids' Noses With Your Shirt
#16 Motherhood Is Having No Privacy
#17 Motherhood Is Having Little Helpers To Help You Cook
#18 Motherhood Is Being A Housekeeper
#19 Motherhood Is Trying Not To Lose Your Mind
#21 Motherhood Is Breastfeeding On Demand
#22 Motherhood Is Never Shopping Alone
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Everyone talks about how special motherhood and parenting are. The bond shared with a child is unlike any other; it’s a magical journey that is rewarding and satisfying, and I couldn’t agree more. I love being a mom, and it’s the best job in the world. I am a mom of two boys and love them to pieces, but Raising kids is not always all rainbows and butterflies.
Motherhood is not remembering what it’s like to get a whole night’s sleep and wiping more poop than you ever thought you’d see in your life. Raising kids is no longer having privacy, never peeing or showering in peace. Motherhood is using your shirt to wipe runny noses and dirty faces. Life with little children is learning how to do everything with one hand while carrying a baby in another. Motherhood is waking up with a bit of butt or foot in your face. Motherhood is breastfeeding whenever, wherever. Motherhood is yoga pants and bad hair days. Motherhood is no longer shopping alone. Motherhood is a filthy car all the time. Motherhood is not being able to call in sick because it’s a 24/7 job without a paycheck, and the list of everyday problems goes on. But in the end, I wouldn’t have it any other way. Having young kids and being a mom means being completely overwhelmed by love, joy, responsibility, and selflessness.
With the help of my mommy friends, I created this little intimate photography project just in time for Mother’s day, to remind everyone what motherhood really looks like. Some might find these interesting pictures raw, but that's how it is in real life.
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My daughter is 24 years old and still does this to me if i forget to lock the door.
Omgosh I remember those days..lol it was a chore..lol
This is such a lovely picture showing mother love <3
Now my kids are adults my dogs do exactly the same now, theres no winning.
hahahahaha! love it! I remember when bananas in Australia cost heaps ($12.00 AUD a kilo), I would have to sneak away from the kids to have one.
Probably an unpopular opinion but if a kid can ask for the breast they are probably too old to be breast feed.
Yesss. And it only gets worse when they're teens.
Partner could be looking after the kids while you take a shower. :-(
Gah this is terrible but something about that little snuggly baby beside you makes it worth it
Oh yes but i.g my other 2 pulling at my shirt mom mom mom I'm hungry
Less laundry and less fighting with a toddler who doesn't want to. You gonna do it for her?
Single mums having to push through because they are it. There is no one to step up and help out.
Honestly, all of these will be misses for the while i have kids but i can't wait... i want children even more now! i love this post!
'Uh..oh..don't do that, go away, watch tv or something' there,that's more like my mom..she is such a good cook but so perfectionist that she didn't allow me to help when i was little..
My mum taught us to pick up after ourselves, even at that age - otherwise we'd feel the wrath of dad. And once she had cleaned it was expected to stay that way - as she put it .... "you can play, but we're not pigs so we will not live like pigs" The same with closing doors to keep the heat in "were you born in a barn...no...then shut the door" (never understood the barn. But I always shut the door)
kids need rules and boundries ofc.. but you also need patience and let your kids be kids.
For a lot of reasons, saying that Mom is a maid really raises my hackles. We all do a lot of things for our kids. I don't know, but when it gets said like that it's almost like an expectation or a task. I willingly did all those things when the kids were little, but I wasn't a maid! Not for my own kids.
I love this mom. She doesn't sweat the small things, and looks to allow her children to be little and enjoy life.
Two under control , now try to see what the third one is trying to do.
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I am Giedre Gomes, children/family photographer. Born and raised in Lithuania, currently live in Cedar Lake, Indiana.
where are all the dads when this is going on???
thanks for your concerns :) baby is not even 2 years old... btw my own kid is 3 and still breastfeeds at night and I don't see anything wrong with that. have a blessed day !
lol sorry, I commented under the wrong comment :) These are stay home moms ... they have to do everything alone while dads are at work :) that's why they are not in the picture. I am one of them, that's why I decided to show how my days with kids look like :)
That's all good. Just wondered why the dad wasn't helping out...
You don't see anything wrong? That doesn't mean it isn't wrong- just that you haven't studied into went to stop breast feeding properly. I hope for your & their kids sake they aren't old enough to remember being breast fed when they are older, that kind of thing will screw them up in the head.
Taking the pictures. I wouldn't let in a total stranger to take any of those pictures especially with bare bottoms and going to the potty.
If you are okay with showing the world photos of you going to the potty, etc., you probably have no problem letting a stranger photograf you like this. And who said the photographer has to be a stranger if not the dads (which it wasn't), it may be a friend.
You do notice that this is a MOTHERS DAY photo shoot, right? It’s talking about kids and mothers.
The dads are working, so moms can stay home and bond with their kids!
bond with their kids = clean, cook, take care of everything so the dad can just rest when we comes home? Smells like 1940s.
Hooking up with underage girls or the whores attending College in town.....
Working. That was a stupid question.
Providing. Who do you think supplies everything?
Some of us are busy working our arses off for over 24 hourams a dat to put a roof over our wives and children's heads.
Just sayin dude...just sayin.
My husband's job is super stressful. I don't mind if he comes home and relaxes. If I ask him to do something/ want to go somewhere he'll take handle of them. I don't know why women think it's the "1940s". It's a partnership. If they can't understand that then kids were probably not the best option.
Maybe at work so they can make money for the family to live on ever think of that?
I think this re-confirms my childfree status.
Mine too! And ppl keep asking me why haha.
Very good for you. Best you keep it that way.
Reinforcing yet again that not having kids was the smart choice.
I'm thinking abt that too :(
And I'm not old enough to not have the 'you will one day want kids' reply every.single.time
@Random Panda - Show me on the doll where it hurts you that I don't have kids. Parents are the arrogant ones anyway. Trust those of us who know - YOU are the only one who thinks your kids are cute.
Not everyone should have kids,and it is good you recognise this. The worst thing in tge world is when a selfish,ignorant,immature fool has a child by accident,and then tye child pays the price and later society. The world thanks you for not unleashing more of your dna and creating more people like yourself. You made the right choice,and we thank you.
Why so bitter? If you feel that strongly about not having something, you may want to think about root causes rather than boast about it on the Internet.
Reinforcing that i agree with you. The world needs less trolls,and pathetic selfish people like yourself. The world thanks you for not contaminating society with more of your DNA.If only your parents had felt the same about having you, what a better place this world would be.
did you ever learn to respect others choices and thinking?! your parents had you but obviously never taught you anything...i'd say the mistake to the world is you and your kind of thinking, not the ones that do not want to have kids...
You say that on every. Single. Post. About kids. We get it. We do not care.
Why do you care that she posts? Fuck off.
Jealous, much? I don't give a rat's behind if you DO have kids, and quite frankly, when I see kids running amok in a store, I breathe a sigh of relief. I don't have to take them home.
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I respect your choice to not have kids, but maybe you can also respect other people and not insult their intelligence over something this natural. It doesn't make you look all that smart.
Pretty sure they meant it was the smart choice for them and not insulting those who decided to have children. No need to sound all petty and take it so personally.
No one's insulting anyone here. Maybe stop being so sensitive and arrogant. You are not better than anyone else because you squeezed a kid out of your hoohaa
where are all the dads when this is going on???
thanks for your concerns :) baby is not even 2 years old... btw my own kid is 3 and still breastfeeds at night and I don't see anything wrong with th
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