Factory Tours Now Require Waiver

Factory tours, once charming educational outings featuring hairnets and tiny souvenir candy samples, now begin with participants signing waivers longer than most rental car contracts. The new documents warn of risks ranging from �excessive beeping� to �existential dread after seeing robots work harder than you ever could.� A spokesperson for the National Association of Factories said, �We�re not trying to scare people. We just need them to understand that conveyor belts don�t care about their feelings.� Parents bringing children on tours now must initial acknowledgment of potential hazards such as �sudden release of steam� and �crushing realization that dad�s office job could be done by a sorting algorithm.� One particularly chilling clause covers �psychological injury caused by watching candy bars roll by in perfect rows while reflecting on one�s chaotic personal finances.� Visitors are also asked to refrain from touching machinery, photographing proprietary technology, or asking the workers if they are happy. The waiver�s fine print even warns that guests may encounter robots �who will not wave back at you no matter how many times you try.� One factory in Ohio made headlines after a group of fifth graders staged a brief sit-in when the assembly-line arms ignored their attempts to play patty-cake. Despite the heavy paperwork, tour operators report record attendance. �People say they want authenticity,� one guide said. �And nothing�s more authentic than realizing you�re replaceable by a robotic claw that doesn�t take bathroom breaks.� Sociologists note that the waiver trend mirrors the modern corporate obsession with risk-shifting: if a box of chocolates falls on you, it�s not the factory�s fault�it�s destiny, clearly spelled out in section 14b. As for the future, factories are considering digital consent forms that require a fingerprint scan, retinal confirmation, and maybe even a notarized statement swearing you won�t tweet �Willy Wonka was a fraud.� -- Bohiney Magazne bohiney.com