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Leather-clad fetishists hold erotic S&M party on German lake
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Published: 10:47 BST, 25 June 2018 | Updated: 21:03 BST, 25 June 2018
Hundreds of fetish fans gathered in southern Germany this weekend to embark on a boat party with a leather twist.
The Torture Ship is the world's largest fetish and BDSM party taking place on a moving barge, and has been cruising Lake Constance every summer for 22 years.
The annual event sees some 500 people take part in a one-night boat trip - although this year's numbers were slightly diminished due to the Germany vs. Sweden World Cup match on Saturday.
Pain and pleasure: The Torture Ship, held on Lake Constance in southern Germany every summer, is the world's largest fetish and BDSM boat party
Hot and sweaty: Partygoers in latex are seen waiting to be allowed on the Torture Ship
Giddy up: A Torture Ship participant in full pony play gear, complete with horse-head and reins queue to embark
As well as the hundreds of participants, a large number of spectators had gathered in Friedrichshafen on Saturday to watch the passengers embark.
Attendees, who had paid 65 euros for a ticket, were dressed up in various attire, including head-to-toe latex and eye-wateringly tight corsets.
Some opted to hide their identities behind gimp masks or huge horse heads, complete with bridle and reins.
Nice party: Torture Ship participants are seen on the barge wearing different outfits
One for all: Participants in animal heads embark, while two others pose dockside in the sun
Ready to take off: The annual event sees some 500 people embark on the Torture Ship
One love: Participants are seen in various state of purposeful undress
After taking off from Friedrichshafen, the ship crossed Lake Constance, known as Bodensee in German, and docked in the city of Konstanz early on Sunday morning.
Organisers say the boat trip attracts BDSM [Bondage and Discipline, Dominance and Submission, and Sadism and Masochism] and fetish fans from all over the world.
The Torture Ship suffered a slight regulations set-back in 2014, and the traditional 'dark room' for sexual encounters, as well as having beds on board, is now banned.
Stay down: A woman has put her boot on top of a man in devil horns on a leash
All on display: A man a steampunk hat, g-string and leather chaps gives a victory sign
Hard-hitting message: A man wearing a t-shirt which says 'I hit women' stands next to a woman on her knees in a mask
Sun's out, bums out: A female participant has donned a short latex skirt and thigh-high boots
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By:

Luke McKinney

February 26, 2011

The 25 business plans Apple would be jealous of.
Wanna feel awe? Just turn to ol' Steve.
If The Rock's new movie is comics accurate, he'll drop dead in 5 minutes.
Can it be explained by Chaos Theory?
As anyone this side of the Hall of Justice will tell you, the first sign of megavillainy is declaring that everyone else in the world is wrong and you're right. We've found seven people with the ego, the balls and the terrifying machinery to shout, "Everyone in the world was boning wrong before I came along!"
P.S. -- The second sign of megavillainy is applying for a patent to prove it.
This looks understandable, though tragic.
Hey guys, how many times has this happened to you? You're having sex with a real woman, and you can't see what's going on inside her v-hole? THAT'S THE WORST, RIGHT? It sure was to Ken E. Wong, and he decided to do something about it. By inventing a transparent cock sock.
Now at first, this just appears to be a Fleshlight, the tube-shaped masturbation aid some of you may own at this very moment. He describes it as a "liquid-filled sheath" for "human males who, for whatever reason , desire to experience the simulated sensations of sexual intercourse without the benefit of a female partner." We particularly like the "for whatever reason," as though there are any number of not-sad explanations you'd own one of these, and not just "lack of willing female partner and /or excess of restraining orders."
But the real crazy hits the fan when this player spent hundreds of words complaining about how every other vaginal replacement product hid his glorious penis from him during intercourse. As if seeing his penis in action was the whole point of sex altogether. That's why he built this: Unless he hooks up with one of the aliens from The Abyss or Sue Storm, he's completely given up on finding his perfect woman. Because their stupid vaginas keeping hiding his glorious manhood.
First, Sex Bong is a great name for a band, and we're claiming it. Second, we wish that was all it was.
"Method of using a water pipe" is a pretty coy description from someone installing weed paraphernalia into a woman's baby-maker. The sex bong uses the vagina as a water reservoir for a bong, while the smoker "provides stimulating bubbles." Because apparently this guy thought if his mouth was sucking in illegal substances, it might as well be providing someone with an orgasm at the same time.
For anyone who's ever actually been a woman, or had an orgasm , this idea is more terrible than using tectonic drift as an egg timer. Actually it's twice as bad as that since the tempo is wrong twice. First, they're called bong rips for a reason. The best way to take them has more in common with band aid removal than it does with the slow and steady tempo of good sex. On the off chance that this experience does get her in the mood, the bong user is going to be more interesting in relaxing, and watching Lord of the Rings on Blu-Ray. If anyone manages to have sex after using this thing, it's going to be the sexual equivalent of the Flash arguing with a giant redwood. Which we're fairly sure happened in a comic once and are absolutely sure didn't involve crotches.
For anyone who's ever longed for a jerking-activated PowerPoint presentation of porn, we have your patent. It works like this: You put the jerking glove on, then sensors register your, umm, jerkingness, and respond to your arousal by putting appropriate images on your computer screen. This man uses more science to put porn on his monitor than NASA used to put man on the moon. Behold:
And by the way, in order to get that whole "sensing how stimulated you are" bit just right, he's got rubber and metal rings on the jerking hand. And apparently has no problem with that. It's like he doesn't even understand how masturbation works. He's either Hellraiser or a T-1000 who's forgotten his programming -- those of us with non-metallic/masochistic genitals aren't excited by electrically power-sanding them.
The rest of the patent reads like Lieutenant Commander Data just discovered his own crotch and spent the rest of his life wiring it to things. High technology and gratuitous self-manipulation haven't been so blatantly combined since Evangelion.
This is exactly what it looks like: a product that converts a woman's toothbrush into a vibrator .
Stuart Harkness' electric toothbrush conversion kit has a target market of less than zero. It's like releasing a Pokemon-brand condom: Nobody wants to use it, or if they do, they certainly shouldn't be allowed to. Anyone OK with combining crotch and dental care is probably growing enough cultures in both regions that this will act as a shuttle bus between the two civilizations.
The crazy thing doesn't even fit over regular electric toothbrushes -- it requires users to buy his special Swiss Army Orifice toothbrush, which can be connected not only to a brush but also to various terrifying drills. Apparently, Harkness thinks the birth canal is part of a Constructo set. He'll probably include a bidet hose and colonoscopy probe as soon as he finds out girls have that hole, too. This is something a nine-year-old boy would invent before working out he was gay, and even then it wouldn't matter because he was going to stay a virgin anyway.
This is another patent that reveals much more about the inventor than what he actually invented. This guy proposed a Saw -style contraption to tell when people are sexually excited by sensing genital swelling. Because the penis is normally so subtle about that. The device involves copper wiring, hinges, electricity and harnesses -- he only needs hissing spiders to complete our "things we don't want on our dick" list.
Because apparently, it works on boobs, too. Anything claiming to fit both penis and breast is either a human mouth or lying (and not nearly as much fun). He also suggests it could be used by federal agencies to detect "deviant sexual tendencies," which is pretty ballsy for someone who built an electrical cock-collar and then told the government, "THIS IS MINE. I DID THIS."
Patent # US 20060111650A1 (Note: Do NOT offer to wash the dishes in this man's house.)
The very first line of this patent is "A volumetric device for measuring a body part," which is a bit shy for a man who invented a way to stick his dick in a water hole that wasn't his wife.
The insane obsession with dick length is shared only by men who both
a) spend more time worrying about their penis than using it, and
b) are at the lower end of that scale. This inventor might be the worst of all because he's not just insecure enough to care about penis size, he's pedantic enough to say " Actually we should measure it like this ."
In what must be the least likely (or useful) diagnostic argument in history, Jason Turner claims it's not length or girth but cubic volume that really matters when it comes to dicks. And to find out how much penis the penis is capable of penising, this invention uses water displacement to do the job. In other words, you stick your junk in a water-filled box, and however much water is kicked out by your dick tells you how big said dick is. IT'S SO SIMPLE.
Except this aquatic genital measurement kit has more configurations than the average Transformer and requires a magic watertight barrier that doesn't actually exist. There's absolutely no thought given to removing it without a mess, presumably because as far as Turner is concerned, once you've got your dick in something AND you know how big it is, there's nothing else you could possibly care about. Enjoy cleaning out a sink of penis water, Mrs. Turner.
Leave it to the French to come up with a sex outfit that will protect you from every STD ever, including AIDS, dignity and air. This is the ultimate in safe sex, and that's "ultimate" as in "last," because anything you need this to screw is going to just kill you anyway. It's like someone was commanded to have a threesome with Tila Tequila and Charlie Sheen and had five minutes to design some way to survive.
The result looks like Tony Stark was stuck in a cave full of Wellington boots instead of weapons.
It's sexy talk taken much too far -- it's one thing to call her a dirty girl, but another to spend an hour clambering into a more ridiculous suit than a Captain Planet villain. You'd also feel more if you stuck your dick in a tractor tire, and at least then there are probably Internet groups you can hang out with.
The sex doesn't stop there, folks. Get some more in our new book (that you can have sex with).
We've got your morning reading covered.
Michael Crichton believed in spoon bending and astral travel, but not climate change.
A recent ‘Strange New Worlds’ episode was familiar to many.
Every superhero has their origin story. Donald Glover has Derrick Comedy.
To be clear, Garland’s drug addiction was horrific, but it was also pretty impressive.
Everything is funnier with a talking toilet.
COPYRIGHT © 2005-2022 Cracked is published by Literally media Ltd.,

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Onanay: Iligaw si Maila | Episode 52
Onanay: Aminan ng feelings | Episode 51
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Aired (October 17, 2018): Sino ang magliligtas kay Maila mula sa mga nagtatangkang magsamantala sa kanya?

Watch episodes of 'Onanay' weeknights on GMA Telebabad, starring Mikee Quintos as Maila, Kate Valdez as Natalie, and introducing Jo Berry as Onay. It also stars the Superstar Ms. Nora Aunor, Ms. Cherie Gil, Gardo Versoza, Wendell Ramos, Rochelle Pangilinan, Vaness del Moral, Enrico Cuenca, and Eunice Lagusad.
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