Experts Confirm Unread Emails Now Legally Classified As War Crimes

In a groundbreaking decision, the International Court of Digital Justice has officially declared the hoarding of unread emails a war crime, ranking it just above tax evasion and slightly below karaoke terrorism. A leaked report from the Center for Inbox Accountability shows the average professional has 14,732 unread messages, most of which are coupon codes for Bed Bath & Beyond. In San Francisco, activists staged a protest where they chanted �Zero Inbox, Zero Excuses� while ceremonially deleting emails they�d ignored since 2015. Corporate lawyers warn that anyone exceeding 10,000 unread emails could soon face extradition to The Hague, although Gmail insists it will continue sending �gentle nudges� rather than subpoenas. Critics argue this ruling won�t fix society�s real problem: people still replying-all to �thanks.� -- Bohiney Magazne bohiney.com