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My message to new Pro Dommes: Fuck your clients if you want to. You’re the Domme, make up your own rules.
I’ll explain. I received an email from a guy this week seeking my advice. He had been seeing a Pro Domme for a year on a regular basis. Recently she had “made” him give her oral sex in a session. In another session she had intercourse with him. He “knew” that Pro Dommes weren’t supposed to have sex with their clients because it ruins the dynamic so he was asking me if it was okay to just stop seeing her or should he explain to her why he wouldn’t be seeing her again.
With a bit more conversation I determined that he had wanted to & consented to those sex acts in the session. So I told him that what two consenting adults do is their own damn business but if his feelings have changed he certainly owed her a conversation about it. Especially if he was a regular client she had come to rely on financially. I also told him the rule about Dommes not fucking clients was horse shit.
When I first started as a Pro Domme I was told this iron clad rule. I was so careful to follow these traditional rules that I didn’t even give hand jobs. I could do CBT, piss on a guys junk, sit on his face wearing full coverage panties, fist his ass, but god forbid I should even touch his penis with a gloved hand in a way that wasn’t painful. That I even let guys jerk themselves off was scandalous as I was told a proper Dominatrix doesn’t even permit slaves to cum in her presence.
I don’t know where these rules originated from but I can tell you that if you plan to pay your rent as a service provider you’re going to have to at least let guys cum. The market for clients who want only the strictest Domination is teensy-tiny.
So what’s the difference between seeing an escort & a Pro Domme? In some cases , not a hellava lot. A lot of escorts can role-play the Dominant role & fuck a guy in the ass with a strap-on. In some cases a Pro Domme might choose to engage in sex acts with a client. Here’s the thing: sex workers are individuals with their own personal boundaries, likes & dislikes, etc. Different Pro Dommes will offer difference services. Just as some escorts do anal (giving or taking), and some don’t, for example.
When talking to new sex workers I encourage them to figure out for themselves what they like doing or not. I encourage them to communicate that clearly so they work with clients they enjoy working with, doing what they enjoy doing. I wish someone had told me that in the beginning because I missed out on a lot of hot sex with clients who I had great chemistry with because I was following other people’s rules. Boy, was I surprised years later to discover that some other Pro Dommes who claimed they didn’t fuck clients sometimes fucked them when they felt like it (with clients consent). What a revelation! A Dominant, sexually healthy woman doing what she damn well pleases.
The great thing about being a Pro Domme is that clients don’t expect sex in the session so you’re not obligated. That’s a good thing, because that won’t be the dynamic with most clients. When the chemistry is there though, why deny it? Why deny yourself the pleasure? Negotiating on the fly can be a bit tricky because you need to ensure you have genuine consent & that can break the mood, but you can’t just spring that on a guy who is in compliant sub space. It’s not rocket science though. Use your words. Have a little conversation. For example:
“Sex is not meant to be a part of today’s session but I feel like it. If you would like to (worship my pussy/have me use your cock for my pleasure) I would like that. We can discuss further and it’s always perfectly okay to simply say no or use your safe words & we’ll move on. No problem.”
I might get some flack for this post but this is just my personal perspective as someone with real life experience.
Obviously respecting people’s boundaries and consent are essential in ALL situations. Not just sex work. So everyone should get used to communicating to understand each other, what people want or don’t want and ensuring you have ENTHUSIASTIC consent. A clear green light always. Got it? Cool.
Disclaimer: Most Pro Dommes explicitly don’t allow oral sex or intercourse. They state this on their info pages, just as I do. If your primary objective is oral sex or intercourse you’re better off booking with an escort who clearly offers those services. The odds of getting that with a Pro Domme are very slim & even asking for it in an initial email will likely result in your email being ignored. Consider the chances of it happening similar to spotting a white tiger in the wild. Not impossible but highly unlikely.
C4S (Buy vids or just send a TRIBUTE! I love random tributes!): http://www.clips4sale.com/23869
Some misguided critter recently tried to shame or insult me by calling me an escort. I would have been more insulted if they had accused me of being the kind of person who would try to shame someone for being an escort.
Over the last 12 years I have been a stripper, a Professional Dominatrix, a cam girl, an escort & fetish model/performer/porn star. I’ve done phone sex, I’ve done my version of a peep show or voyeur show, masturbated for money, done girl-girl shows, sold cuckolding sessions where a guy paid to lick another man’s cum from my pussy, I’ve spat my boyfriends cum into a guy’s mouth for $1000, I’ve had sex for money, I’ve done shows & lap dances at bachelor parties, I’ve done topless poker dealing, topless bartending & sold tequila shooters naked on a clothing optional beach…I’m sure I missed a few things I’ve done for money using my body & sexuality….but you get the idea.
I decide from one day to the next what I feel comfortable doing with my body. It has evolved over the years, but I regret nothing & have no hesitation in asserting my boundaries, whatever they are that day.
I do not buy into the BS hierarchy of adult industry workers. Strippers thinking they’re better than escorts because they don’t have sex with their customers, FinDom’s or non-nude fetish models thinking they’re better than those who get naked, phone sex or cam girls thinking they’re better than others for whatever reasons. Sometimes ladies in this industry can be pretty judgey considering how harshly we’re all judged by people in the vanilla world. Some lump us all together & at best they think some kinds of work are at least not ‘as bad’ as others. Even if we’re accepted & supported by our loved ones in our choices, no one prays that their little girl will grow up to be a sex worker & most won’t brag about it. The whole adult industry is stigmatized.
Women have been using their bodies & sexuality to make money for a very long time in a lot of different ways, not just in adult work. Some do it because they want to & they like it, they find it empowering, some do it for money, sometimes both. It does nothing to benefit anyone to try to shame women for it. If most men could do it they would & I doubt they would have any shame about it.
What people choose to do for work does not define who they are or all that they are. Women in the adult industry are also mothers, daughter, sisters, friends, animal lovers, Trekkies, gamers, teachers, foodies, therapists, painters, swimmers, pilots, volunteers, writers, sports fans, musicians, travelers, gamblers, sexual assault survivors, recovering alcoholics..they might be struggling with mental illness, mourning the death of a loved one, be fighting a legal battle with an ex, be caring for an elderly family member, be dealing with PTSD, be studying to get a new job outside of the industry, be working toward a personal goal or be helping someone else to get in or out of the industry…I could go on & on because every woman doing adult work has a story, a unique personality & a life beyond her job.
So, keep this in mind the next time you find yourself or hear someone else judging, objectifying or shaming a person in the adult industry.
I know you want to be him, but cool your engines & read this before emailing me begging to lick me…
I get a lot of emails from guys wanting to lick my ass and/or pussy. So I decided to make a blog post on the topic so I can just email this link rather than explaining over & over.
If you’re not a reader, the short answer is: “No”. But if you’re interested in more info please read on…
If you know my story from the beginning you’ll know that I started out doing no-contact voyeur shows/masturbation shows where the guy could jerk himself off while watching me…because although I was excited by being an exhibitionist & enjoyed naughty play I wasn’t comfortable actually having sex in that situation. I didn’t like the idea of feeling obligated to have sex with a guy just because he had paid me. From voyeur shows I transitioned to Pro Domme work & I followed the so-called traditional rules of Professional Domination (no intercourse, no oral sex, no hand jobs) & that was fine but they weren’t MY rules and over time I adjusted the rules to suit me (occasionally requiring oral service from regular clients I felt comfortable with, for example.) I even ended up in a long term relationship with someone who started out as a client.
At one point I decided that I couldn’t be sure ‘escort work’ wasn’t for me unless I tried it so I gave it a go & after about a half dozen clients my curiosity was satisfied. I simply do not enjoy being in a situation where I am obligated to have intercourse or oral sex with someone because they have paid me…when it’s my job to provide that service. All sex work is providing a service to a certain extent, even traditional Pro Domme work (you are exchanging a service for money). I am naturally Dominant & a control freak. There are limits to how “service-oriented” I can be before I hit a wall.
Hand jobs tho? I love giving hand jobs & I have no issue with that. But that’s my hand vs. my vagina, so that’s understandable. It’s certainly a lot more intimate for someone to touch my vagina or anus than my HAND touching them.
I know some people see my vids and get the impression that I do everything with anyone. BUT the men I’m intimate with in my vids are men that I am very familiar with. Often they are my own personal lovers. Sometimes friends or clients I’ve had for years. Sometimes they are slaves that have served one of my fellow Dommes for a long time, making them more comfortable to be with.
If you’re reading this & trying to figure out how you can get between my legs…it’s not impossible but it’s unlikely if that is your only selfish goal. You can pay for my time in private to get acquainted or if you have value as a film slave, you can apply…but don’t try to date me. I’m running a business. Respect that. Sure, I have been in a relationship with someone who started as a client (although that was 1 out of hundreds, so the odds aren’t in your favor)…but I have NEVER gone on a date (with no compensation) with someone who has started as a fan of Mistress T. Guys looking for free play greatly offend me.
– I don’t offer “escort” type sessions (intercourse or oral sex for pay). That means no oral worship, no direct contact between your mouth, hands or penis & my vagina or anus. By the way, prostitution is legal where I live so this is not a legal disclaimer, it’s real.
– Hand jobs are fine (along with strap-on, role-play, humiliation, foot worship, golden showers, ballbusting, spanking, sissy play/X-dressing & a few other things.)
– My social rate is $100/hour & I LOVE meeting fans! We can go for lunch or dinner…a walk, shopping, to the theater, parties, whatever. I’m a social chameleon.
– My private session rates vary depending on details but nothing in private happens for less than $300 the first time. I am very selective about who I see in private & rarely accept sessions these days. I’m pretty busy creating all the amazing content you love to jerk off to! I do need to eat though so you’re welcome to take me for a meal (at $100/hr social rate) & discuss the possibility of a private session.
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