Ertic Monkey
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Escort reviews at "The Erotic Monkey", aka "Escort Monkey"? WTF? Is this some bestiality site, or what? Anyways, first things first; let’s face facts. There is a 99% chance that all you were going to do tonight before reading this article was jack off, eat something, and go to bed alone. It’s sad, but it’s true. I mean, that would be the easy thing to do, right? A hell of a lot easier than going out and trying to actually bang a chick. That takes time, probably money (to buy her drinks, etc.), and effort. Wouldn’t it be so much easier if a sexy slut could just show up at your door within the hour, willing to do anything you command her to do?
Well, lucky for you, we live in the information age. Not that most guys use the internet a whole lot for learning. Luckily, it’s never been easier to find an escort in your city than it is today, which means that you – yes, even a fat, lazy slob such as yourself – can get laid pretty much on demand any day of the week. If you have a little bit of money to spare, that is.
You might be thinking that ordering an escort is below you. You know, paying for sex gets a bad rep and all, but have you ever stopped to consider why, or whether or not that rep is warranted? What is so shameful about it paying for sex? Don’t we all kind of pay for sex, in one way or another, when it comes down to it? Think about it; whether you’re paying a girl directly for sex, or you’re taking her out on dates and paying for dinner and drinks, you’re still spending money with the end goal of getting some pussy, right?
Why not cut out all the extra hassle and extra steps and just give a girl money directly without having to cross your fingers about whether or not you’re going to get some ass out of it? It’s much more honest and direct. Quit being such a pussy and just get over the fucking stigma already. Plus, it saves you a whole lot of time and energy, since you won’t have to try and woo her or seduce her into fucking you. If you’ve never done it before, I say fuck it, just give it a shot!
As you probably could imagine, there are a fuck ton of escort ad and escort review sites out there to choose from. And, just like with any website, not all of them are created equal. Some are awesome, really easy to use, have convenient search engines with tons of filters to help you find the perfect girl, and provide all the information you’ll need to get ahold of the girl. Others will be lacking in one or more of those features, and some are just straight-up shit and should be avoided like herpes.
You won’t even have to go out of your way to find girls in your area. Erotic Monkey automatically detects your location and immediately provides you with beautiful pieces of ass within 50 miles or so of you, making your life a hell of a lot easier. After all, by the time you think to yourself, ‘hey, maybe I’ll order myself an escort,’ chances are you’re already extremely horny. Erotic Monkey gets that, and it wants to help you get straight to business – fuck all the bullshit!
But forget the reviews for now. Because if all you’re looking for is a great site to help you find escort ads and get in touch with the girls, Erotic Monkey can help you out completely free of charge. That is actually how I would recommend using the site. At least at first. Once you become a little more experienced and actually have racked up some girls to review, then it may be worth considering a paid membership.
At the very top of the site, you will find a quick access toggle button, allowing you to switch between safe browsing and the full site. Quickly censor the site if you’re browsing in public or at work. Toggling safe mode “on” will take away all the pics and switch the funny little monkey character into an alternate logo that just reads “EM” in a bold font. I wouldn’t advise searching for escorts in the office anyway, but hey, maybe you want to get fired!
Now that we have all the essential functions and site design quirks out of the way, it’s time to take a look at some girls. Although I can’t really speak for the quality of the girls themselves (it’s going to vary quite a bit depending on your location), I can say that they seem to consistently provide all the information you could ask for in the girls’ profiles. And if the profile is missing anything, they always give some means of contacting her directly, so that she can speak to you about prices and screening (if she does that … most of the good ones do, by the way).
Not only can you find the perfect paid companion to ease your lonelier nights on Erotic Monkey, but you can also read the latest escorting news. Just check the discussions, the site’s blog, and the forums section. Some of the girls even post in the forums, explaining where they will be traveling. Plus, it can be helpful for you to brush up on your escort etiquette before you spend the night with one. Learn how not to be a piece of shit!
All in all, Erotic Monkey, just like Eccie and USASexGuide, has developed quite a name for themselves as far as escort ad sites are concerned. And they have earned it. Between excellent site design, some awesome features, an amazingly detailed advanced search function, rigorous reviews, and plenty of posts of sexy ladies willing to make you cum for a price, you really can’t go wrong. Well, aside from draining your bank account along with your dick…but that comes with the territory.
PornDude likes Erotic Monkey's
Reviews system
Plenty of info on the girls
Great advanced search
Great site design
Safe mode
Plenty of features
PornDude hates Erotic Monkey's
Expensive!
No way of contacting the girls directly through the site
Find a better FREE discrete source for quality escort reviews than EROTICMONKEY on ThePornDude!
First, are you asking yourself “what is Erotic Monkey?” Without the proper context or knowledge, the answers to this question can go downhill very quickly. You can’t blame anyone in that regard because there’s still the matter of that name.
However, Erotic Monkey is one of the best escort sites that you can get your hands on. The slogan, combined with the picture of a monkey clutching his “banana,” drill the point home that you don’t need to be pleasuring yourself when this site has such a lucrative alternative to offer you.
Before you even do anything, the Erotic Monkey displays the escorts or erotic massage parlor closest to you, so you can just choose who you want to bang right off the bat. It’s very likely for at least one of these results to appeal to you.
If not, though, feel free to dive into the advanced search to turn on some truly comprehensive filters. You can even turn on the porn star filter if you wish. Now you no longer need to imagine banging one of those sexy stars that were always out of reach.
It’s probably hard for you to imagine how fuck apps and an escort site exist in the same stratosphere; however, the experiences can be more similar than you think. It’s crazy to think so, right?
Maybe it isn’t so crazy. Aren’t you just trying to get some ass anyways, so that you don’t have to pleasure yourself unless you want to? If that’s the case, then there’s no difference between getting that from someone who’s providing a service, as opposed to someone who’s just looking for a casual hookup.
The only difference is in the other person’s motivation. One gives you want you want because you’re paying for the service. The other gives you what you want because you can give what that person wants too, which is the same “monkey” that you used to only spank.
Kicking off the alternative review section is the infamous Ashley Madison. Before you ask, that’s not the name of a woman. It is one of the most notorious fuck apps on the market. Why is that?
Well, it provides a platform for married people or those in committed relationships to get some sweaty, sexy, side action when the person at home isn’t cutting it.
Additionally, the site has built-in privacy features to help you cover your tracks if that is ever needed. No wonder it’s known as “the adultery site.”
Getting sexual satisfaction as or with a married person has never been easier than this site makes it.
The name of this one sounds super innocent, doesn’t it? It can be if you want it to be, since it can function as nothing more than a dating site. However, that may not be the experience you want, if you’re poking around on an escort site, such as Erotic Monkey.
What you want is to have someone over that you can get balls deep into at will. Luckily for you, WellHello offers you the chance to do just that.
There are numerous features to get you going, such as a very impressive matchmaking feature based on your location and preferences. It’s almost like you can imagine the person you want to sleep with, and then find that person on the site.
Adult Friend Finder is one of the most popular fuck apps on the face of the planet. This one has been around for a long time, and it has a huge active user base, which means that there are always horny, hungry people, who can’t wait to get all freaky with you in bed.
It is ridiculously easy to use this site to browse around for the erotic experience you want with someone.
In fact, you don’t even need to meet the person if you want someone to jack off to. Adult Friend Finder allows you to remotely control a user’s sex toys if they allow it. That’s a whole new experience entirely.
FuckBook is what you’d get if you turned hooking up into a video game and put it on easy mode.
The matchmaking algorithm makes it super easy to find and chat with people who appeal to you in the sex department. To make things even easier, it helps you with templates.
Why is that important? So, obviously, if you’re not paying for sex, you need to say the right things to ensure you seal the deal, right? Well, FuckBook has a selection of templates that you can use to make conversations flow the way you want them to.
Erotic Monkey clearly wants to get you into the action as quickly as is possible, since the signup process is shorter than any you may have ever experienced. There are only three fields that require completion.
You must enter an e-mail address, a username, and a password. Note that signing up is not required to browse the profiles; however, you do need an account to view the contact information for an escort.
You live in a time when many things are easier than they were even a decade ago. No matter what it is that you may want, the chances are that the internet can help you in some way or another.
This even applies in areas where you may never have thought possible all those years ago. Take your sexual pleasure, for instance. There was a time when all you could do whenever you started feeling heated was to pleasure yourself.
Sure, you could probably do well with an escort, but finding one was not as easy as it is today. Now you’re no longer limited to self-pleasure, as you can now easily bang someone for the right price.
All you need to do is be able to use a computer or some other internet-enabled device. Once you can do that, use the advanced search feature to find who you want.
That’s where sites, such as Erotic Monkey, come into the mix. The slogan, which is “Never spank the monkey again,” says it best. You truly don’t need to do that, unless it’s what you prefer.
While there’s no denying that the name of the site instantly gives unusual vibes, Erotic Monkey does quite well in achieving what it set out to do.
In this review, expect to get all the juicy details about Erotic Monkey, as well as some information on some of the alternatives you can use instead.
This process couldn’t be easier. Once you have an account and you visit an escort’s profile, the contact information you need is right there for you. It’s that simple to find a source for quality escort. Profiles usually display both an e-mail address and a phone number, so you have all you need.
This is all but guaranteed, so there’s no reason for you to be too concerned about this. Remember, Erotic Monkey is not your average escort site.
Normally, you find escorts on sites that are not willing to engage in sexual activity. This site is a whole different ball game, and you can tell based on the kind of vibe you get from the site.
Remember that you get the contact information for the escorts too, so all you need to do is verify that they provide what you’re looking for, and you’re home free. Make sure to follow up on Erotic Monkey’s blog for helpful tips.
If Erotic Monkey wasn’t popular in the USA, there probably wouldn’t be as many escorts on it as there are now. There’s a high amount of quality escort reviews for the USA.
Remember that this is a job for them, and there’s no reason for them to stay somewhere that isn’t paying the bills.
Just in case that isn’t enough convincing for you, consider that there are reviews on the profiles of many of the girls that work in the US. People need to use these services to review them, after all.
Upon doing some escort reviews, the profiles on Erotic Monkey are all authentic. There’s no need for you to worry about getting an unfortunate surprise for your escort hookup efforts.
It’s important to mention the site’s escort reviews yet again. Erotic Monkey is an escort review site, just as much as it is a place for you to find an escort. You can always look at what other people have said about an escort before you make any decisions.
There are no safety concerns surrounding this site. The pages are all encrypted with an SSL certificate, which helps to prevent malicious parties from collecting your information. Make sure to read Erotic Monkey’s terms of service and privacy policy before you begin.
As far as the escorts are concerned, just read reviews and be smart as you make your arrangements. Once you do those things, you need not have any fears.
Comparable Site: Check out our review of Adult Search
Comparable Site: Check out our review of Skip The Games
Erotic Monkey is an amazing avenue for you if you want to enjoy a nice sexual encounter with an escort.
Be that as it may, a better idea is to use one of the sex apps reviewed above. These allow you a better interaction with the person prior to your hookup, as well as a more organic experience.
After all, this is more than just a job for people who also want to hookup.
Nicole Hust
I am an avid dater turned dating blogger. Dating Inquirer is the #1 reviewer of online dating. I like to go FAR... into the hookup and sex dating world.
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