Erotica Monkey
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Erotic Monkey describes itself as being ‘your discrete source for quality escort reviews’ and as many will know, Mr. Porn Geek is a bit of a fan of sites that allow people to comment, rate and talk about third-party services. For some reason, escorts in the industry generally don’t like the idea of being reviewed, but the fact of the matter is that the only real reason you’d have not to want a review written about you is if you’re the type of person to receive poor ratings! It’s a fact of life and capitalism that holding service providers accountable is important – the more informed the user, the better. Anyhow, I’ll stop waffling on now about why I support escort review platforms and instead, talk to you about one of them. Continue on as I venture over to EroticMonkey and tell you what to expect.
Before getting too deep here, I do want to mention early on that EroticMonkey.ch is heavily focus on the American escort market. In fact, I think it only covers girls from US-based states. That’s too bad if you’re English, Australian or from another part of the world where you’re hunting down no strings attached escort fun: unless you’re a Yank, this isn’t the platform for you.
What parts of the US are covered? Well for a start we’ve got the big-ticket destinations such as Chicago, Los Angeles, Las Vegas, New York City and San Diego, but don’t count out the lesser-populated parts of the United States, including Tampa, Omaha, Nashville and even Honolulu. I was even impressed to see over 400 listed escorts for Anchorage – when it’s cold outside and there’s not much to do, having sex seems like a pretty appropriate course of action! In total, there are over 34,000 girls on EroticMonkey.ch, all of which have a review attached to them. Those are some big numbers and they let you know that EroticMonkey is serious about the business they engage in.
After clicking on a region of the United States that you’re looking for escorts from, you’ll get a list sorted initially by the most recent review. Note that you can use the filtering at the top of the page to instead have girls listed based on number of reviews, highest average rating and last time on the website. EroticMonkey does let escorts advertise themselves here and some of the ladies will end up in the ‘featured’ area if they do a stellar enough job of providing men with mind-blowing companionship services. Some girls have dozens of reviews too – I even saw a few with over 100 different recommendations! Talk about staying loyal to the trade: some of these girls know the ins and outs of escorting and then some.
Anyway, once you think you’ve found a girl you’re interested in reading about, click on their profile to read more about them. Note that to have a look at the actual reviews, you will be required to sign up to the website. I’m personally okay with this, since all they require is a username, password and email address (my advice: use a burner email if you’re worried about it being traced back to you!) and nothing else. The reviews seem all legitimate and written by people who are serious about their experiences. One thing that makes it quite obvious is that they aren’t all 100% positive – some of the guys give pros and cons of each girl and aren’t afraid to talk shop in a frank and honest fashion. It’s refreshing for a change to have someone like Mr. Porn Geek – a guy who gives you the good and the bad no matter what.
EroticMonkey also has some forums that people might find interesting. Alongside sub-sections for each city, they’ve also got a general questions area and a place for people to find sugar babies. A few boards were also devoted to AAMPs – for those that don’t know, this stands for ‘apartment Asian massage parlor’: they’re popular for getting a decent rub and tug, plus there seems to be quite a lot in the South Bay and Peninsula areas. There were close to 7,000 posts on AAMPs alone at the time of writing this review – seems like folks just can’t get enough of talking about massage parlors with sexy Asian girls ready to work your shaft senseless!
While it’s all well and good having a place for you to find reviews of girls that have featured on the site, what is a person to do when they’ve had an experience and they want to write a review themselves? Well naturally, it’s easy as pie to get set up on Erotic Monkey for your own writing purposes – it doesn’t even matter if the girl isn’t on the site, since you can add them manually. These are some of the features that a lot of escort fans have been looking for online and to be honest with you, I’m so glad that Erotic Monkey provides you with a way to do exactly that. Long gone are the days of only being able to talk about a chick if she’s registered – this place keeps it real and lets you write about any service provider you’ve had the pleasure (or displeasure) or spending some time with.
There’s not a whole lot more going on at EroticMonkey, but I think one interesting feature is that you can hit a ‘safe browsing’ button which removes all of the images on the site and just displays text. I’m not entirely sure what the purpose of this is, since it still says ‘Your discreet source for quality escort reviews’ at the top of the page! Interestingly enough, they spell the word ‘discrete’ differently in their page title and on the web page itself: one is used by mathematicians and one is used for people interested in privacy. I’m sure I make spelling mistakes myself from time to time, but I always love pointing out inconsistencies whenever I see them.
So let’s be real for a second here: what are the bad aspects of EroticMonkey.ch? It’s all well and good me heaping on praise, but I think it shows a level of authenticity if I also talk about the not-so-pleasant elements of the network. First off, I do want to state for the record that it being only limited to the United States market is a little disappointing – I don’t mind if they just add entire countries to the list (instead of 4-5 cities in those countries) – but no doubt there are plenty of folks overseas that come to EroticMonkey and leave disappointed when they realize the site isn’t really all that useful since they don’t live in America.
Additionally, Erotic Monkey requires an account in order for you to read reviews: I think that it’d be convenient if you could at least read the most recent 3 or something without signing up. I don’t like giving out my personal information when there’s no need for me to do so and naturally, it’s not like it doesn’t take time to register for a website. Plus you can run into a whole host of issues after that point, such as the confirmation email not sending, entering your password incorrectly (it doesn’t have a double entry system to verify accurate input) and so on. It’s not the end of the world but yeah – Mr. Porn Geek isn’t a fan!
One final thing I do want to mention is that Erotic Monkey has quite a nice advanced search feature: you can pick girls based on a wide array of metrics. These include things like age, height, hair color, ethnicity and what types of services they provide. You can even look for pornstars on the site if you want a truly unique experience – there are quite a few on there that have worked in the industry before.
For me though? The ethnicity filtering is the go-to selection here. Choose girls who are Asian, Latina, Indian, Arabic or ebony – you’ll never fail to find some interesting and exotic delights thanks to the advanced search feature that EroticMonkey has to offer.
EroticMonkey.ch offers people a convenient and enjoyable way to learn about escorts, read their reviews and find new companions that they can contact directly through the site. The design is nice, it’s focused entirely on the United States and it has quite a large user base with thousands of reviews. All things considered, it’s hard to find fault with Erotic Monkey here: they seem to know what they’re doing and make their site as easy to use as possible.
Save for a few small problems, I think this is one of the better escort review platforms that the Internet has to offer. Check it out today and find your new favorite escort – you can’t go wrong here with Erotic Monkey!
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Escort reviews at "The Erotic Monkey", aka "Escort Monkey"? WTF? Is this some bestiality site, or what? Anyways, first things first; let’s face facts. There is a 99% chance that all you were going to do tonight before reading this article was jack off, eat something, and go to bed alone. It’s sad, but it’s true. I mean, that would be the easy thing to do, right? A hell of a lot easier than going out and trying to actually bang a chick. That takes time, probably money (to buy her drinks, etc.), and effort. Wouldn’t it be so much easier if a sexy slut could just show up at your door within the hour, willing to do anything you command her to do?
Well, lucky for you, we live in the information age. Not that most guys use the internet a whole lot for learning. Luckily, it’s never been easier to find an escort in your city than it is today, which means that you – yes, even a fat, lazy slob such as yourself – can get laid pretty much on demand any day of the week. If you have a little bit of money to spare, that is.
You might be thinking that ordering an escort is below you. You know, paying for sex gets a bad rep and all, but have you ever stopped to consider why, or whether or not that rep is warranted? What is so shameful about it paying for sex? Don’t we all kind of pay for sex, in one way or another, when it comes down to it? Think about it; whether you’re paying a girl directly for sex, or you’re taking her out on dates and paying for dinner and drinks, you’re still spending money with the end goal of getting some pussy, right?
Why not cut out all the extra hassle and extra steps and just give a girl money directly without having to cross your fingers about whether or not you’re going to get some ass out of it? It’s much more honest and direct. Quit being such a pussy and just get over the fucking stigma already. Plus, it saves you a whole lot of time and energy, since you won’t have to try and woo her or seduce her into fucking you. If you’ve never done it before, I say fuck it, just give it a shot!
As you probably could imagine, there are a fuck ton of escort ad and escort review sites out there to choose from. And, just like with any website, not all of them are created equal. Some are awesome, really easy to use, have convenient search engines with tons of filters to help you find the perfect girl, and provide all the information you’ll need to get ahold of the girl. Others will be lacking in one or more of those features, and some are just straight-up shit and should be avoided like herpes.
You won’t even have to go out of your way to find girls in your area. Erotic Monkey automatically detects your location and immediately provides you with beautiful pieces of ass within 50 miles or so of you, making your life a hell of a lot easier. After all, by the time you think to yourself, ‘hey, maybe I’ll order myself an escort,’ chances are you’re already extremely horny. Erotic Monkey gets that, and it wants to help you get straight to business – fuck all the bullshit!
But forget the reviews for now. Because if all you’re looking for is a great site to help you find escort ads and get in touch with the girls, Erotic Monkey can help you out completely free of charge. That is actually how I would recommend using the site. At least at first. Once you become a little more experienced and actually have racked up some girls to review, then it may be worth considering a paid membership.
At the very top of the site, you will find a quick access toggle button, allowing you to switch between safe browsing and the full site. Quickly censor the site if you’re browsing in public or at work. Toggling safe mode “on” will take away all the pics and switch the funny little monkey character into an alternate logo that just reads “EM” in a bold font. I wouldn’t advise searching for escorts in the office anyway, but hey, maybe you want to get fired!
Now that we have all the essential functions and site design quirks out of the way, it’s time to take a look at some girls. Although I can’t really speak for the quality of the girls themselves (it’s going to vary quite a bit depending on your location), I can say that they seem to consistently provide all the information you could ask for in the girls’ profiles. And if the profile is missing anything, they always give some means of contacting her directly, so that she can speak to you about prices and screening (if she does that … most of the good ones do, by the way).
Not only can you find the perfect paid companion to ease your lonelier nights on Erotic Monkey, but you can also read the latest escorting news. Just check the discussions, the site’s blog, and the forums section. Some of the girls even post in the forums, explaining where they will be traveling. Plus, it can be helpful for you to brush up on your escort etiquette before you spend the night with one. Learn how not to be a piece of shit!
All in all, Erotic Monkey, just like Eccie and USASexGuide, has developed quite a name for themselves as far as escort ad sites are concerned. And they have earned it. Between excellent site design, some awesome features, an amazingly detailed advanced search function, rigorous reviews, and plenty of posts of sexy ladies willing to make you cum for a price, you really can’t go wrong. Well, aside from draining your bank account along with your dick…but that comes with the territory.
PornDude likes Erotic Monkey's
Reviews system
Plenty of info on the girls
Great advanced search
Great site design
Safe mode
Plenty of features
PornDude hates Erotic Monkey's
Expensive!
No way of contacting the girls directly through the site
Find a better FREE discrete source for quality escort reviews than EROTICMONKEY on ThePornDude!
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