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A look at what happens to very young men serving time in adult prisons.

Carla Murphy


Feb 26, 2015
12:01PM ET


Photo Credit: Tony Hammond/Flickr Creative Commons
John Doe 1 was 17-years-old when he, like thousands of other adolescents in the U.S., was placed in an adult prison in Michigan. He’d been convicted of participating in a couple of home invasions and was looking at a minimum of three years inside. Attacks by older, much larger prisoners–the first, a cell mate–started soon after arrival. John, not his real name and now 20, recounts the abuse to The Marshall Project in an intimate and devastating long-read on the origins, status and limitations of the 12-year-old Prison Rape Elimination Act.
John would later be asked why he did not tell correctional staff, since in theory they could have taken steps to protect him. “I didn’t know what to do,” he said. He assumed the staff knew what was happening. From their station at the end of the hall, the officers would see men going in and out of his cell and they would not intervene. The rapists would put a towel over the cell door’s window, which was not allowed but must have been noticed by officers making their rounds. John says some of the officers would even make jokes, calling him a “fag,” a “girl,” and a “bust-down.” Two months after his arrival, John finally reached a breaking point.
According to TMP , “ 17 year-olds are automatically tried as adults in 10 states, while 16 year-olds automatically face adult charges in North Carolina and New York.” All states typically give prosecutors and judges wide discretion in deciding whether to charge youth under 18 as adults. 
Go here for a primer on PREA and read the rest of John’s story at TMP .
Colorlines is a daily news site where race matters, featuring award-winning in-depth reporting, news analysis, opinion and curation.
Colorlines is published by Race Forward , a national organization that advances racial justice through research, media and practice.

Hello everyone, I was chatting with a close friend I had met onlnie recently, and he directed me here to GenMay to share my long story and sort of essay. He told me there are many sensitive individuals here who would understand me. I still haven't found the courage to tell my story to someone face to face, or even over the phone, so maybe I can build some confidence this way. It is quite long, and took me weeks to edit and revise. It was the only way I could relieve myself of the shadow I had been living with. Please read this with an open heart, as I hope this would never happen to anyone, ever. So here goes...

Prison life itself is such a negative thing. It is so repressive that prisoners look in any direction to relieve their loneliness and despair. I have found in my experience that lack of education has a direct correlation to violence. The uneducated have less options to deal with perceived attacks on their pride or self-esteem. They can't successfully argue their points or ideas. They revert to brute strength to force their ideas on others. If successful it makes them feel good about themselves. To many, this is the only way they have learned to deal with things. Power of the fittest becomes the "modus operandi" of the prison population.

In such places even the more educated inmates can find themselves in a situation where they must use force to survive. If they have to confront violence often, one becomes what he is trying to avoid. Many men decide it is better to become an abuser rather then be abused. A few were violent abusers of women on the streets and pray on weak smaller males in prison. To them dominance is everything. When they have sex it is to dominate and humiliate and they receive pleasure from this. Many of their victims are traumatized for life.

All prisons have certain things in common. All people who are held captive against their will have similar feelings to varying degrees, but prisons very widely in the way administrators monitor and control inmates activities. Large overcrowded institutions cannot monitor and control all inmate activities. As long as the inmates are being fed, clothed, receive minimum medical services, and are not killing themselves, or the officers on a large scale, the administration is satisfied. Sexual practices are ignored in these overcrowded prisons.

Prison administrations are as different as the individuals running them. Some individuals try hard to run safe institutions while overcrowded, under staffed, and under budgeted. Sometimes it just cannot be done. Any time forced double celling, and blind spots are not eliminated, rapes, murders, and robbery will proliferate. The larger the prison the more it will happen. The smaller less populated prisons are easier to control and are safer.

The first time I went to jail I was 18 years old. I had gone AWOL from the navy, was living with 3 prostitutes, and befriended an older Marine. The Marine and I decided to pull an armed robbery of a small convenience store. A policeman happened to be in the area, and after a long chase we were arrested and went to jail. We ended up in different tanks in the Sonoma County Jail in California. I was 6'1" and weighed about 180 pounds. I wasn't a small guy and figured I could pretty well take care of myself. I was in for a big surprise.

Their were 20 men in my tank, it was split into two 10 man pods with 5 bunk beds in each pod, a day room was between them. The day room had four large steel tables to eat on, a toilet and shower was in the rear. The first night I was approached by 3 men. Two of them were about my size and the third was about 20 pounds and 6 inches smaller. They asked who I was and what I was in for. I told them and then one of them asked if I had ever been fucked. I said "no and I wasn't planning on it "he said "we're going to fuck you". l was filled with fear like I had never felt before. I swung at him with a left hook and as he blocked it his partner swung and hit me in the face knocking me to the floor. One of them grabbed me by the hair and slammed my face into the concrete knocking me out.

When I woke I was on my stomach, my pants had been pulled off, my legs were spread wide apart with one guy sitting on each leg and the other guy laying on my back. The guy on top was slapping me awake and said I want you to feel this. He proceeded to drive his cock deep into my butt. I had never felt such pain and tried to get away. They held me in such a way I knew they had done this to someone before. He fucked me for what seemed like forever and then came in me. Then he switched places with another one, and all three raped me. After it was over I was held in a head lock while they debated if they should kill me or not. I was asked if I was going to snitch and I told them "no". They said they would kill me if I said anything to anyone. I really thought I was going to die.

The next day they left me alone, I was numb and didn't know what to do. I was raised not to snitch on people and to handle my own problems and this was reinforced in Navy Boot-camp. As much as l wanted too, I rejected snitching as an option. I was looking at 5 years to life in prison for the armed robbery. If I snitched and then went to prison they could very easily have me killed. I was from another state and knew no one in California. I was so terrified and filled with shame and fear. My options were so limited, I felt paralyzed and helpless. I had no one to talk too, or to help me.

That night the same three came back to my bunk. They said I was their punk now and it would do no good to try and fight because they'd just take me down and hurt me again even worse then before. My head was throbbing from the beating, my right eye was black and swollen shut, and my butt hurt. They told me to take a shower and shave all the hair off my body from the neck down. I was just like a robot and did what they said. Going along was better then getting beat or killed. I didn't reason it out I just did it.

After shaving they told me I was going to give them all head. I didn't want to and resisted. I said "please don't make me do this. I couldn't imagine sucking a mans cock!! I was slapped and my head was forced down to the first guys cock by my hair. I started sucking his cock and he gave me instructions on how to suck it. He grabbed me by the hair and forced his cock down my throat when he came. I thought he was going to gag me to death and I puked on the floor after he let go. The others must have been turned off cause they left me alone that night. I was still in shock the next day and wondered what would happen next I even thought about killing myself.

The next night the same three came to me again. This time they told me to take off my pants. I was given Vaseline and told to lay on my stomach and put some on my butt. I did what I was told. This time they told me to help by pushing like I was taking a shit as he pushed his cock in my ass. It made it allot easier as he took his time working it in making it less painful. It was still uncomfortable and I felt like I had to take a shit while he was in me. This time he fucked me like he would probably fuck a woman and it wasn't near as bad as the first time. The second guy fucked me about the same way while the third had me give him head at the same time. Their was nothing pleasurable about it yet I was perplexed about getting a hard on. I was afraid about it because I thought they would beat me if they saw it. I also wondered if I could be homosexual. That really bothered me!

I now know that when a man's Prostate Gland is stimulated he will get an involuntary hard on. It was very confusing at the time. I was able to keep them from noticing because they always had me lay on my stomach for sex. Things started to tapper off after this and they weren't so demanding. I would have sex with one of them at a time, and at different times, however others in the pod started to become interested.

I would be woken up at different times of the night and asked to perform sex. I would just do it rather then risk being beaten. The men began to treat me gently and after a week or so they started letting me play cards with them and gave me candy bars and stuff. Before that I was ostracized, no one talked to me nor would they eat with me.

After a time some of them would even protect me against the three that originally raped me. They would abuse me by calling me a punk and asked things like, "do you like getting fucked in the ass bitch" and "what would your girlfriends think of you now". They even got into my things and wrote to the girls I had been living with and told them I was a punk. Sometimes they would pull my hair or slap me while I gave them head. The other guys started to get on them about it. I appreciated them sticking up for me and started to like them. These other guys treated me real well during sex. Some of them preferred getting head and some liked fucking better.

Even though I wasn't saying no anymore they all knew they were raping me. I knew it was established that I was a sex toy and if I ever flat refused I'd be beaten badly. I thought of the first three as violent rapists and the others as opportunists and in reality nice rapists. They wouldn't come out and take sex violently but would take advantage of a scared young person who they knew couldn't say no.

At this point I was trapped in this role. I reasoned that I had better Just make the best of it and get past this the best I could. After awhile the sex wasn't all un-pleasurable, however I became rudely aware of what frustration many, many women go through. As I would lay on my stomach getting fucked some of the guys treated me just like a women. As they got hotter and hotter they'd start grinding nicely and kissing on my neck and back and rub on my sides, legs, butt, and stomach. This felt so good and I'd Just give in to it and enjoy it. I would start fucking them back so I could grind my cock into the bed and get my own pleasure. It felt really good, but right when I would start getting real hot they would usually cum and put all their weight on me before I could orgasm. Then after we got up they wouldn't talk to me or even look at me. It really made me feel like shit.

Although I never initiated sex with anybody their were two guys I enjoyed having sex with. One would wake me up real late and lead me into the day room. He'd have me rub Vaseline all over his cock and then bend me over the table. He'd enter me very slowly and hold onto my hips and run his hands up and down my ass and legs as he'd pump and grind his cock in me just as if I was a women. When I got hard he'd reach around and grab my cock and jack me off as he fucked me. We'd both usually come at the same time.

The other one would have everyone leave the room. He'd have me lay on my back and he'd spread my legs and held them up to my chest. I'd grease my butt real well with Vaseline and he'd enter me. I'd cover my balls and cock with one hand to hide it and to keep my balls from being smashed between us. He'd slowly push into me and start slowly fucking me. As he got hotter he'd lean forward and put my free hand on his head and start sucking on my neck and nipples. I'd hold his head as he sucked on my nipples. He'd keep his eyes closed pretending I was his wife and say "Oh baby fuck me move that ass baby" and tell me he loved me. I would push my ass back against each of his strokes making it as good as I could for him as I would grind my hard cock against my hand at the same time. If he was getting ready to cum before me I'd reach down and pinch his cock at the base so it would stop his orgasm and he'd have to start building for it over again. That would give me a chance to get into it and orgasm myself. I liked it best that way cause I felt I had more control over the situation. I figured if I'm going to do it I might as well get into it myself and get off when ever I could. He was really cold afterwards but the next day he was nice and stuck up for me the most. The orgasms I had with those two were very strong and intense. It felt like they were really making love to me even though I knew they weren't.

I started to even feel a sense of power that I'm sure many females feel around groups of men. I could walk by them in the day room and shake my ass and they'd get all silly. I could have even started fights between them If I wanted to but I never did because I knew it could back fire and get me killed. I was beginning to like certain aspects of being treated like a female. It did stir up a new part of me inside, a feminine sexy p
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