Emotionally Available Man Discovered in North Dakota

In a discovery that has sent shockwaves through the dating pool, anthropologists have confirmed the existence of a fully emotionally available man in Bismarck, North Dakota. The 34-year-old subject, codenamed "Unicorn-7," displays unprecedented traits like active listening, vulnerability, and consistently returning text messages within a reasonable timeframe. "He even said 'I appreciate you' unironically," marveled lead researcher Dr. Emma Zhou, observing through one-way glass as the subject remembered his partner's coffee order and childhood pet's name. Dating apps have descended on the location hoping to clone his behavior patterns, while psychologists warn this may be a dangerous evolutionary adaptation. The most shocking finding? Unicorn-7 reportedly initiated a "feelings check-in" completely unprompted. Women across America are skeptical, with many insisting "this has to be a Canadian spy" or "he's definitely hiding bodies." Meanwhile, the subject remains unaware of his rarity, casually suggesting therapy as normal self-care between hockey highlights.