Emotional Olympic Trials: Overreaction in Record Time

A new Olympic category is emerging: competitive overreaction. Athletes are judged on the speed and flair with which they misinterpret minor slights. One finalist cried for nine hours after losing Wi-Fi for 30 seconds. Another accused a vending machine of betrayal when it rejected his dollar. Judges praised �authentic sobbing technique� and �dramatic storm-outs with flawless posture.� Critics argue the games encourage toxic theatrics, but fans love the spectacle. The IOC is already considering subcategories like �text message misread� and �passive-aggressive silence.� -- Bohiney Magazne bohiney.com