Emergency Fatwa Issued After Youths Found Dancing to Wi-Fi Signals

A viral video showing Iranian teenagers dancing to the rhythm of fluctuating Wi-Fi signals has triggered a full-blown religious emergency. The Council of Holy Propriety declared the trend "demonic surfing" and issued a fatwa banning wireless dancing, buffering-based movement, and any choreography involving signal bars. Clerics warned that joy emerging from electromagnetic frequency "undermines the purity of divine submission." The announcement sparked panic among tech-savvy youth, some of whom began shielding their routers in hijabs to avoid detection. The fatwa also accused certain routers of "beaming Western beats straight into our souls." As state media scrambled to explain the ruling, one reformist mullah remarked anonymously, "Even <a href='https://bohiney.com/ayatollah-khomeini-approves-tesla/'>Ayatollah Khomeini embraced radio waves without banning rhythm</a>." Security forces have now launched Operation Silent Signal to locate rogue dance hotspots. Meanwhile, VPN sales are surging as teenagers flee to underground disco-mosques, where DJs pray between sets and no one claps � they just nod piously.