Email Nudes

Email Nudes
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With great nudes comes great responsibility.
1. Thou Shalt Respond Enthusiastically to the Nude
2. Thou Shalt Respond to the Nude in a Timely Fashion
3. Thou Shalt Not Seek Bespoke Nudes
4. Thou Shalt Not Request the Unlimited Plan
France Wasn't Ready for Tia Mowry's Waist-Length Caramel Cornrows
Why You Should Add Apple Cider Vinegar to Your Routine
Zendaya's Hair Just Keeps Getting Blonder and Blonder
5. Thou Shalt Not Take Titillation as Explicit Invitation
6. Thou Shalt Not Make of the Nude a Graven Image
France Wasn't Ready for Tia Mowry's Waist-Length Caramel Cornrows
Why You Should Add Apple Cider Vinegar to Your Routine
Zendaya's Hair Just Keeps Getting Blonder and Blonder
Alana Massey is a writer covering culture, identity, vice, and virtue. She is the author of the book [All The Lives I Want] (https://www.amazon.com/dp/1455565881/?tag=gcptracking-20) and a forthcoming book about language, gender, and the workplace, both from Grand Central Publishing. She enjoys cats, glitter, books, champagne, and money.
I assure you: the reason is embarrassing.
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If you are reading this, chances are you’ve got a nude on your hands . Maybe even a baker’s dozen or so of them, depending on the propensity of the sender to really go all out during a session. The splendor of the nude image has found its way into your life, you lucky rapscallion, you. There are instructions for what you must do upon receipt of this nude but first, take a moment to be serenely grateful for it. Behold that nude and thank whichever god, idol, or Hadid sibling you worship for selecting you, a humble farmer or social media manager, as the recipient of this delicate erotic gift.
But verily I say unto you, take heed of these commandments I deliver unto you for how you might care for your nudes. Treat them well, lest you be sucked into the Lake of Fire where surely you shall join the amateur porn avengers from the internet bogs, a lifetime’s walk from the paradise of the flesh where a well-cared-for nude delivers thee.
It should go without saying that receiving a nude should be a source of excitement, gratitude, and euphoria. But there are many who see fit to put off responses to nudes for several hours or sometimes not respond at all. Like sociopaths and people who prefer Coke Zero to all other carbonated beverages, these degenerates walk among us. Do not be one of them.
When you receive a nude, your response should be both: (1) immediate, as there is no time for dilly-dallying when it comes to demonstrating your delight and (2) specific & thorough, meaning I don’t mean you need to write a sonnet about a butt or draw comparisons to the Botticelli, only that “Hot” or “Sexy” will not do. Emoji responses are acceptable so long as they are not in the singular form: a single eggplant or heart-eyed cat will not suffice. You must tell a story with the emojis, demonstrate a feeling, use a combination of suggestive foods, pleased faces, and at least one that indicates danger (fire, shooting stars, the red alarm).
Between the hours of 10:30 p.m. and 9 a.m., it is perfectly acceptable to not respond immediately to a nude. In any other hour of the day, you have 60 minutes maximum to respond. Sorry, buddy — “I wasn’t looking at my phone!” is not a good excuse. First because it is usually a lie, and secondly because if you’re currently having relations, however casual, with someone who sends nudes, you should be diligent about keeping your phone close by.
To those rare few who really, truly do not look at their phones for hours: congratulations on missing your flash flood warnings and Amber alerts. I hope you’re happy when you get swept into the East River for failing to heed warnings and cause the death of a child you totally saw at the bodega but didn’t know was actually a captive.
If someone sends you a photograph of their ass, marvelous in shape and hearty in girth, your response should not be for an alternative body part. If you receive an adequate but not entirely alluring dick pic , you don’t get to demand a do-over like some sort of maniacal Romanian gymnastics coach expecting perfect form. The sender of the nude chose an angle, body part, and lighting that made them feel attractive and worth sharing with you. That’s a nice thing, an intimate thing. Don’t ruin it by trying to turn it into a “Choose Your Own Adventure” game. If you want to see someone fist themselves or straight-up show, like, full and proper asshole, there is pornography for that. Bing is excellent for this purpose (yes, real people use Bing for an actual purpose and that purpose is being horny). You aren’t the director here, you’re the audience. Pipe down, there might be a good part coming up.
Plenty of foolish and undeserving ne'er-do-wells have been on the receiving end of my glorious nudes. However, these miscreants grew tired of my habit of always asking if it was OK to send them before sending a flurry of them. Why, you ask, do I always ask? This is because consent is mandatory, even outside the context of skin-to-skin contact.
Saying, “Just send them any time!” seems like a good idea so you can get straight to the NC-17 stuff without giving permission, but the truth is, I will sit around and wait for your grandmother to die and send you a crotch shot at her funeral to teach you a lesson about why asking for permission is always cool.
This concept is among the hardest things for people to wrap their heads around but sending a nude does not mean I want to have sex with you. It should not signal to you that you are invited over. It should not signal to you that I got naked because I was thinking of you specifically.
Chances are, you have received plenty of nudes from a person’s “Greatest Hits” collection that has been sent far and wide because some pussy was just meant to see the world through the lens of various phone screens. Part of the aim of sending a nude can be to make you horny (duh), but part of it is just about showing off the best of your corporeal form, erotic and enticing despite — and in defiance of — the fact that we are all just decaying matter, marching toward death. If someone made you a macaroni necklace, you wouldn’t fucking think, “Oh, they want me to eat this macaroni.” You feel me? Good.
You have perhaps heard of a pernicious practice plaguing the otherwise unadulterated joy of sending nudes. It is called “ revenge porn” in The Common Tongue, but really it is just men whose masculinity is so hollow and inconsistent that they get awesome nudes from a person (most often a lady, though this gross phenomenon certainly occurs across the gender spectrum ). She somehow then scorns our Lead Male and he releases them into an internet bog where swamp-assed mouth-breathers, most of whom still don’t realize Fight Club was meant as painful irony, can cheer on the distribution of these images.
Sharing someone else’s nudes is illegal and if you think you can get away with it because you’re going to share nudes without faces or visible tattoos , think again. You grossly underestimate the number of justice-hungry broads who will identify themselves in the photos and even assume a splay-legged squat in the nude Dior pumps they wore in the original photo to recreate the image in a court of motherfucking law if they have to. (They won’t have to, that doesn’t happen in courts of law. But my meaning remains: the victim will find a way to have it prosecuted.)
Receiving a nude and then sharing it doesn’t make you have the upper hand, it just proves that you had a hot babe on your hands and your only case for defaming her is proving she was, indeed, naked under her clothes. Sharing that shit minimally or broadly doesn’t make you macho. It makes you the world’s most willing cuck, and that makes approximately no one want to get naked for you ever again.
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IDG News Service |

Jan 13, 2011 7:28 pm PST

A California man has pleaded guilty to charges that he broke into the e-mail accounts of thousands of women , scouring them for nude photos that he then posted to the Internet.

George Bronk, 23, was arrested in late October after police found evidence that he'd hacked into more than 3,200 e-mail accounts.
He used the same technique that Sarah Palin hacker David Kernell used to break into the former U.S. vice presidential candidate's Yahoo account: He scoured his victims' Facebook accounts for answers to the security questions used by Web-based e-mail services such as Gmail and Yahoo Mail.
Then, posing as his victim, he would claim to have forgotten the account's password and try to answer the security questions that would let him back in. Often, the security questions are easy to guess. The questions Bronk faced asked him things like, "What is your high school mascot?" and "What is your father's middle name?"
Once in, he would change the account password -- locking out his victim -- and search for any racy photographs. If he found any, he posted them to the victim's Facebook profile.
Of the 3,200 accounts he broke into, Bronk found nude or semi-nude photos in 172 of them, prosecutors said.
In one case he persuaded a victim to send him even more explicit photographs by threatening to post the ones he'd stolen if she didn't.
Bronk faces six years in prison on felony hacking, child pornography and identity theft charges. He entered his plea Thursday in Sacramento Superior Court.
"This case highlights the fact that anyone with an email account is vulnerable to identity theft," California Attorney General Kamala Harris said in a statement.
Robert McMillan covers computer security and general technology breaking news for The IDG News Service . Follow Robert on Twitter at @bobmcmillan . Robert's e-mail address is robert_mcmillan@idg.com
Copyright © 2011 IDG Communications, Inc.
Copyright © 2022 IDG Communications, Inc.

InStyle is part of the Dotdash Meredith publishing family.

Nudes are not an invention of the digital era — any art museum is proof of that. Neither is dirty talk — just read James Joyce's wildly, er, imaginative letters to his crush . But the Internet sure has encouraged us to take the art of sexting to places our parents could have never imagined. AIM introduced the concept of cyber-flirting. Chatroulette gamified it. Snapchat pulled off a vanishing act. Leaks like Emily Ratajkowski and Kim Kardashian's confirmed the realities of slut-shaming. Eggplant emojis provided a shorthand for requests. The AirDropped dick pic epidemic assaulted our inboxes. And the witty Urban Decay palette offered a cheeky rebuff.

Sending nudes is risky business — ask anyone who's ever been the victim of revenge porn, or had a co-worker glance at their phone at the wrong moment. But the research says that one in five adults is willing to chance it. Alone in their bedrooms — feeling horny, bold, or in need of validation — they take pleasure in trading photos of their most vulnerable selves.

We asked women what they feel about nudes, and the answer? A lot. Here, 50 women of all ages from across the country tell us about their experiences sending and receiving naked photos — the uncomfortable, the empowering, and the cautionary.

"My earliest memory of being asked for a nude pic is in 4th or 5th grade, when I would go into open AIM chat rooms, and strangers would say, 'ASL?' [age/sex/location] Then they would ask for nudes. I only send nudes to partners or people I'm seeing if they are completely unidentifiable (no face, tattoos, or marks proving it's me)." —Gabrielle, 26, New York, sales

"I'm sure any straight guy would love to get AirDropped a pic of a girl's tits, but unexpectedly getting my first dick pic on the subway during rush hour was one of the most invasive experiences I've had in NYC. And that's saying something, because NYC is basically one giant invasive experience. It was disgusting and threatening." —Riley, 26, New York, media

"I was 19 and I let my college photography professor, who I was having an affair with at the time, take photos of me. I felt very vulnerable, and when he asked later if he could submit them to a photography exhibit/contest, I said absolutely not ." —Debra, 62, California, producer

"I was asked for feet pictures when I was 11 or 12, and I didn't know what was really going on. Once I found out much later, I was disgusted. I wasn't actually asked for a nude photo until I was 15. My boyfriend at the time wanted to sext, but I wouldn't send him pictures. I was very sheltered. I didn't send any until I was probably 18." —Lexie, 21, Florida, administrative assistant

"When I first started dating after my divorce at 41. Not being used to dating sites or texting men (since I was married for 12 years and when I dated in my 20s, we didn't text), I thought sending pics was very risqué." —Alisha, 45, Florida, sales

"I was 11 when I first sent one to a guy from an AIM chat room, and I continued to talk to him and send photos for YEARS after that. The craziest part is that we never met, Skyped, or talked on the phone—I had no way of knowing who he actually was but thought we were in some sort of relationship. I think back on it and feel really dirty because I'm sure he was a creepy, old pedophile." —Alexandra, 28, New York, finance

"When I was 13, my cousin's friend asked me to send a boob pic over AIM. I had no boobs, so I didn't want to send a picture. I had all my friends over and we were huddled around AIM when he sent a dick pic. That really scared us and probably led to us not doing anything with boys for a while after." —Morgan, 28, Michigan, nurse

"When I was single, I always had a rule not to send nudes until they've seen me naked IRL. You don't want to miss that moment of excitement when they see you naked for the first time. Now, I just send to the friend group chat. When our boobs look good, we send." —Lyz, 32, New York, copy director

"I refused to send them until [I was] married, and I never have my face in a photo. I have ALL the rules. I don't send anything that, if it were to be seen by my family, they could be sure it was me." —Tara, 35, Texas, singer

"Pussy pics are for boyfriends and hubbys only. But I don't care about my face being in photos or people taking screenshots—I'm pretty body proud (most of the time) when I work hard on angles and sex appeal." —Regina, 28, Ohio, healthcare IT

"I only send via Snapchat because you can see if something has been screenshotted." —Lauren, 26, New York, editor

"I had never taken a picture like this before and was convinced I'd get a horrible angle so I asked my sister to take it. We're so close it didn't even phase her. My boyfriend was excited but responded, 'Who took that picture???!' Only selfies from now on." —Josephine, 24, New York, teacher

"Outwardly, I advocate for deleting naked pics of your exes, but I secretly hope mine hold onto the ones I've sent them. There's something incredibly arousing about the idea of them still salivating over my near-naked body." —Ariella, 29, Massachusetts, writer

"I'll show different parts of my body. Once in a great while I'll send a pic with my face too. I trust that my boyfriend would never show anyone." —Brooke, 34, California, therapist

"I've sent them to my committed partners as well as people I've casually dated, if I want to spice up the conversation or the mood strikes. The older I've gotten, the less I need or care for the self-esteem boost. It's more to make the receiver happy." —Lauren, 29, California, publicist

"I was getting so many unsolicited dick pics on dating apps, and I alternated between being creeped out and being angry, but then I just started to think it was funny and decided to turn the tables and send a pic of my boobs as my first message. Honestly, only one guy didn't respond out of like … 25. I even went on dates with some of the guys and they weren't pervy or inappropriate. Of course, there were a ton of filthy responses, too, and I didn't respond to those, but I liked throwing them off and feeling in charge."
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