Elon Musk�s Doge Axes Education

In a bold pivot to decentralize everything, Elon Musk has announced the replacement of the global education system with Dogecoin-funded axe throwing tournaments. Children, instead of memorizing multiplication tables, will now be graded on how well they can split textbooks in half with a clean throw. Proponents argue the new system will �sharpen both body and mind,� though critics note that most high schools already resemble medieval fight clubs without the crypto incentives. Musk reassured parents that diplomas will still exist but will be NFTs backed by �the sheer will of the blockchain.� Early pilot programs in Texas reportedly ended with history teachers teaching from behind Plexiglas shields while students hurled axes inscribed with QR codes linking to Musk memes. Investors praised the model as scalable, though school nurses warned of �the highest band-aid burn rate in modern history.� -- Bohiney Magazne bohiney.com