Eel In Vagina

Eel In Vagina

(This post may contain disputed claims. We make no assertions as to the validity of the information presented by our Opinion Columnist. We are an opinion blog, not a traditional news outlet, and this post should be treated as such. Enjoy.)

Dan Lindsey is a nationalist political writer who supports the constitutional rights of Americans. Borders, language, culture, and the right to bear arms are of the utmost importance to him.
One desperate woman was recently taken to the hospital after attempting a sick internet stunt with a live swamp eel that went horribly wrong. Now, the woman is in jail after police caught up with her following a life-saving surgery to remove the eel from where it didn’t belong in the first place.
Everyone knows China is a Communist craphole full of millions of starving people, and unfortunately, because of the conditions created by Communism, an internet vlogger known as Zhang attempted to earn money by working for an illegal Chinese pornography streaming site called Tiger Live, according to The Sun .
Just like Communism itself, Zhang’s sickening internet stunt ended horrifically after she reportedly placed the head of a live swamp eel inside of a condom and inserted the animal into her vagina in an attempt masturbate on video, hoping to make a quick buck. The sick act almost cost Zhang her life as she lost control of the eel and it forced its way up into her body. Sadly, the worst part for this desperate Chinese woman was yet to come.
Zhang, who used the screen name “Qi Qi” for the illegal internet stunt titled “Eel Door,” was rushed to the hospital after losing control of the animal as it made its way up into her body, according to Metro . Doctors performed emergency life-saving surgery on Zhang to remove the swamp eel from her body. As a lesson to any future wannabe “eel-lovers,” they took a picture of the animal being removed from a surgical incision in Zhang’s torso.
Words cannot very well describe how disgusting this act is, but it is important to refocus on why there are so many people in Communist China desperate enough to do these things. According to a report by The Blaze , Chinese unemployment levels are estimated by nongovernment entities to be above 10 percent since 2007. That equals approximately 79.3 million people who are out of work and looking for ways to feed themselves or their families.
It’s no wonder there are people, like Zhang, driven to such depravity. In addition to their unemployment crisis, the Communist giant is producing less and less food every year because of their poor land management practices. China reportedly loses farming land the size of Atlanta each year, resulting in a steady decrease in their food production levels.
Here’s the scary part. Communists don’t seem to care about their mistakes or learn from them. Why on earth would we want socialists in charge of our country when we have China to look to as an example? Between 1959 and 1961, an estimated 45 million people starved to death in China. That wasn’t terribly long ago. So, what is it that keeps their population in such sub-poverty conditions? It is the few political elites who have been doing what they think is best for everyone else over the last several decades while living extravagant lives themselves. Sound familiar?
Of course, we can bring this discussion back to focus on the personal responsibility of a desperate Chinese woman trying to pull off a sickening act to earn money, but there’s usually a reason people are driven to such depravity. Zhang was just one of 22 people, who worked for Tiger Live, arrested by China’s anti-porn police in the Zhejiang Province since March 2017, according to HK News . Her near-death mistake is just one of many acts of desperation, many of which are much more graphic than her own and too disgusting to share here. The next time you see an article about some third-world degenerate doing something for money on the internet, try to remember how they ended up in such a crappy situation, to begin with.
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Remember that scene in Broad City when Ilana sees police officers in the subway station, so she stashes her weed in her vagina? She dubs it “nature’s pocket” and it turns out she’s not the only one using this pocket in unexpected ways.
People with vaginas have attempted to smuggle or hide loaded pistols, Rolex watches, marijuana pipes, crack, lighters, money, cellphones, cigarettes, makeup, fireworks (yes, really), alcohol and a host of other drugs and stolen items in their vag. Of course, few people would actually consider inserting things like loaded guns and fireworks inside their vaginas. But sometimes, in an attempt to make things more interesting in the bedroom, some do make questionable decisions about what actually goes in there.
Sure, your vagina can stretch and accommodate quite a few things, but being able to do it doesn’t mean you should . Putting the wrong thing in can result in a host of health issues, from major injuries and tears in your vaginal canal to infections and irritation… not to speak of the embarrassment at your OB-GYN’s office .
Turns out, the list of approved things to put in your vagina is short and easy to remember.
Penises are totally allowed to enter mouths, vaginas and buttholes. But remember to put a condom on it to avoid STIs and unwanted pregnancies. A note: Flavored condoms should only be used for oral sex , as the flavor chemicals can irritate your vaginal lining.
Fingers (attached to hands, of course!) also feel pretty good. As long as the person’s nails are trimmed short with sharp corners filed away and kept clean, digits are a good time. You can improve your safer sex practices by wearing latex gloves (easily purchased in drugstores) and adding lube.
Watch: 5 Things Your Ob-Gyn Wants You to Know About Your Vagina

Speaking of lube, there are still lots of myths about lubricants . Oil-based lubes are actually OK, according to Lilly (who goes only by her first time), a sex toy expert and blogger at Dangerous Lilly .
“Synthetic oil-based lubes have been proven to cause vaginal infections in some, but there is much less chance for an interaction when a natural oil is used,” she tells SheKnows. “They shouldn’t be used by anyone relying on latex or polyisoprene condoms for STI and pregnancy protection, though.”
She adds that silicon-based lubricants are actually safe to use and that contrary to popular belief, “many water-based lubes are incompatible with vaginal pH or have irritating ingredients that make some folks more susceptible to vaginal infections and can increase STI transmission.”
According to recent statistics , the global adult sex toy market is poised to reach $29 billion by 2020. That’s a lot of sex toys… although not all of them are safe.
Sex toy materials are a complex and wide-ranging topic, but in short, the safest materials are the ones that are considered chemically stable and don’t harbor bacteria and fungi in the pores, Lilly says. This includes silicone, body-safe metal alloys like titanium, aluminum blends, stainless steel, glass and properly sealed ceramic and wood. She has a full guide to sex toy materials and cleaning , too.
There are actually no regulations for sex toy materials, so be wary of claims of “FDA-approved” toys, Lilly notes. Shopping at reputable stores and reading reviews from trustworthy bloggers will help you make good sex toy choices.
Our personal recommendation: anything from celebrity-loved brand LELO , which is known for beautiful and powerful sexual instruments. Their rabbit vibrator (with 12 vibration settings!) targets both your G-spot and clitoris, has an ergonomic design and is made of safe and soft silicone.
According to Dr. Hilda Hutcherson, board-certified OB-GYN and gynecology professor at Columbia University, your main concern when considering items other than penises, fingers and sex toys is using objects with a smooth, nonporous surface, no sharp edges, no irritants and nothing that would degrade a condom.
“You want to make sure that whatever you put in, you can completely take out,” she tells SheKnows. “That’s why most food is a problem: It’s difficult to remove it. Peeled bananas, for example.” Other foods to avoid include spicy foods like chili peppers and spreadables like peanut butter.
If you are into temperature play (using hot or cold objects as part of the sexual experience), avoid putting ice directly into your vagina, as it can stick to your delicate skin. Instead, cover it with a condom to create a barrier. Very hot surfaces can also cause damage because “the [vaginal] lining is very delicate and can easily be burned,” Hutcherson adds.
The safest way to play with your food is to put a condom on it. That way, you avoid risks attached to bacteria, irritation or pH imbalances. As long as the item is big enough to be removed and not easily breakable (like a large cucumber or squash), you should be fine.
A version of this article was originally published in June 2019 .
Want more approved sex toys? Here’s our list:
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