Ebony White Guy
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Ebony White Guy
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Smart black women have come to grips with reality.
An elementary understanding of the law of supply and demand tells you there simply aren’t enough black men for every woman, good or bad. And, the handful of “good” brothers don’t exclusively date black. Despite the number of us clinging to this one-sided fight for black love, others see the light and have started dating white…red, brown, yellow, etc. Tired of watching their girlfriends blindly walk past Banker Bob (yes, middle class white men are the segment of their population marrying black women) to compete with countless other educated, attractive women for the attention of some haughty, Audi A5-driving, Howard-bred corporate law attorney who only likes light-skinned girls, rain-beau daters are spreading the word.
The focus merely appears to be placed on white men for two reasons: It’s most taboo and white men and black women statistically date outside of their races least. So, it stands out when they date out—especially each other. Of course a history of slavery, rape and abuse are reasons for a subconscious sour taste but, in 2011, the landscape is much different. Much like black men looked past the lynching, disfigurement and deaths of young boys like Emmett Till for flirting with white women, many black women have found the capacity to look beyond past (and some present) ignorance. There is nothing taboo about dating anyone of any race. All that matters is that he is a man of strong character who you can see yourself boning.
For black men who want to have their cake and eat it too, this form of shared enlightenment translates as obsession when it’s really quite the opposite considering an overwhelming majority of black women prefer black men. Equal-opportunity dating means women are no longer reliant on the affection of a relatively small pool of men and, with increased options, higher standards are easier to maintain.
In no way are black women the slightest bit obsessed with white men. Some are just focused on enjoying the goodness that can be found in all races.
LaShaun Williams is a lifestyle and relationship columnist, blogger and social critic. Her work has been featured on popular urban sites, such as The Grio and AOL Black Voices. She has made appearances on the Tom Joyner Morning Show and Santita Jackson Show. Williams is also the voice behind Politically Unapologetic , a blog where she unabashedly discusses culture, life and love. Follow @itsmelashaun on Twitter, Tumblr or Facebook .
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Most of the time White artists are spoken about in the context of Black music, it’s with the expectation of appropriation. Musicians from Elvis Presley to Miley Cyrus leveraged Black sound for their own personal profit throughout their careers, often breaking records and earning accolades that belonged to Black folk.
But there are some White singers and rappers who made contributions to our music with nothing but pure, raw talent. These artists are actually so damn good that they sonically passed as Black, until the music video dropped.
Here are a list of musicians, from the age of blue-eyed soul to modern day rap, that we didn’t know were White.
Simply Red isn’t Black, hell, they aren’t even American. These smooth soul singers formed their group in 1985 in Manchester, England. Their hit “Holding Back The Years” was covered by Angie Stone for 2000s teen classic “Love & Basketball.”
2. Bobby Caldwell — What You Won’t Do For Love
R&B crooner Bobby Caldwell draws his musical inspiration from his colorful upbringing in Miami. His mother, who worked in real estate, took on reggae king Bob Marley as one of her clients. Caldwell and Marley soon became friends. The artist’s appreciation for Haitian, Latin, R&B, reggae and Jazz music helped him pen and perform his 1978 hit ‘What You Won’t Do For Love.’
3. Michael McDonald–Keep Forgetting
Warren G & Nate Dogg sampled R&B banger “I Keep Forgetting” in their 1994 song, “Regulate.” Before Michael McDonald’s track became a part of hip hop history, McDonald was singing over this sultry musical beat for his debut solo album “If That’s What It Takes.” McDonald has nabbed 5 Grammy awards in his career spanning forty years.
Contemporary R&B artist Jon B’s song “They Don’t Know,” climbed to #7 on the Billboard charts when it was released in 1998–making it the biggest hit of his career. The late ’90s was ripe ground for the R&B star, whose voice fit right in among some of the greatest love songs of our time.
Okay, so maybe we knew Robin Thicke was white. The son of late TV star Alan Thicke, Robin’s talent first caught our attention when he road around on a bike with wild long hair belting, ‘When I Get You Alone.’ In 2006, Thicke’s falsetto heavy voice opened ears and thighs with his breakout hit “Lost Without You.”
Bay Area lyricist G-Eazy grabbed nationwide attention with his collabo with fellow rapper Cardi-B on “No Limit.” G-Eazy’s repetitive “f*ck with me and get some money” hook carries a type of swag only NorCal natives can pull off naturally.
Rapper Post Malone’s sound was birthed in the new crop of modern “stoner” music. The New York bred rapper first went viral with his hit, “White Iverson.” From there, Malone went on to perform at reality star Kylie Jenner’s 18th birthday, where he bumped into Kanye West. West was impressed by the burgeoning talent and decided to collab with him on his “Life Of Pablo” track “Fade.” His life was one big congratulations party from there.
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Here’s the truth: Race is still a thing.
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I was talking to my friend, Kim, as we sipped cocktails at a bar in Hollywood. She followed my gaze. “The … bald … white guy?” she asked, her face scrunched up in disbelief. I nodded. She raised an eyebrow and slurped on her vodka cranberry.
Some background might be helpful here. I’m black and my friend Kim is white, as was the guy in question. He also shaved his head and, apparently, that threw my friend for a loop. I knew why.
Since I’d known her I’d mostly dated black guys. The real estate agent I’d met at the LACMA summer jazz series. The actor who’d given me his head shot as soon as he learned I was a TV writer. The musician who serenaded me at the Dresden between Marty and Elayne’s sets. All black. And the one or two white guys in the mix had hair.
Two weeks later, I climbed in the passenger seat of the bald white guy’s truck when he picked me up from my apartment in Miracle Mile. Hmm … he drove a pickup truck. And I knew from talking to him on the phone that he was from the South.
I smiled as he told me he’d made a reservation at Ammo. So far, so good. I liked that place. As we drove along, I surreptitiously glanced at him — he was wearing a nice suit, having come straight from his office to get me.
He had mentioned he was a lawyer, so I’d already mentally checked the box for gainfully employed. But something else was on my mind.
Here’s the truth: Race is still a thing.
No matter how advanced a society we think we are, the idea that we’re post-racial is laughable. Over the years working in numerous writers rooms as the only black writer, I’d become a pro at deciphering comments white guys made:
Interracial relationships aren’t a big deal nowadays.
Translation: I’d never do it but I think Halle Berry’s pretty.
I have a lot of friends in interracial relationships.
Translation: Some of my friends date Asian women.
Translation: My kid listens to hip-hop.
This guy was from Georgia. “The heart of Klan activity,” one of my friends felt compelled to tell me. To be fair, I’m from the South. Raised in Florida, I know about chewing tobacco, gator farms, 2 Live Crew, y’all, and the Confederate flag. For that reason, I started getting nervous about this guy.
What if I were part of some Dixieland fantasy of his? After we were seated I asked him how many black girls he’d dated. “Why?” he asked. “Because maybe black girls are your thing,” I said. “I don’t want to be part of your chocolate fantasy.”
“Uh … I just think you’re hot,” he said.
We continued dating, and soon we were exclusive. This didn’t come without challenges.
Whenever we went somewhere with a lot of black people in attendance, I got the side eye from some of them. I understood. My dating outside the race was seen as a betrayal. Their thought bubble hovered, clear as day: “After everything they’ve done to us, you’re going to date one of them?”
And some days, it was tough because I felt guilty for not completing the picture of the strong black couple. Another time, my boyfriend got a call from his ex-girlfriend. “I heard you’re dating a black girl.” Yep. Word had spread through the Caucasian grapevine.
I was working on a sitcom at the time. When I told the writers on the show I was dating a white guy from the South who drove a pickup truck, I could tell they were skeptical.
The kicker was when we went to the wedding of one of his friends in Cape Girardeau, Mo. I’m not exaggerating when I say white people stared at us as we walked down the street.
The more serious the relationship got, the more I started thinking about kids.
If we had them, they would be “multiethnic” or “biracial” or “mixed heritage.” All terms that annoyed me. But I was getting ahead of myself, right? Was I in this or not? Was I ready to be committed to a guy whose family owned shotguns and went to the Waffle House?
My parents were both college professors. His parents hadn’t gone to college. My parents were Baha’is who didn’t celebrate Christmas. His dad played Santa Claus in various malls below the Mason-Dixon line during the yuletide season. My boyfriend listened to emo rock, for God’s sake!
I loved that he shared a house off Sunset with a gay, Pakistani performance artist. I loved that he’d had the same Rottweiler for a pet since high school. I loved that he was a plaintiff’s attorney, helping clients who’d been discriminated against in the workplace.
I didn’t love his pickup truck — it was cramped and always had dog hair on the seat.
Fourteen years and two kids later, race is still a thing, in a growing list of things, that defines us.
Maisha Closson is a TV writer living in Los Angeles. She’s on Instagram as @ maisha_closson
L.A. Affairs chronicles the current dating scene in and around Los Angeles. If you have comments or a true story to tell, email us at LAAffairs@latimes.com .
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Posted on February 21, 2014
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Ezinne Ukoha
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For the longest time, I have been told that I am the “type of black girl” that white guys would be falling over themselves to date. I would always get defensive and force them to explain how they came to this conclusion. Apparently the way I carried myself and the way I spoke convinced them that I would attract mostly white guys. I wasn’t sure how to feel about that but it got me thinking about what black girls imagine when they consider dating a white guy.
I have dated a few of them myself, and based on my experience, I can say that it’s not that much different from dating guys within my own race but there are a few exceptions. White guys tend to be a lot more adventurous and spontaneous. This can translate into being involved in activities that won’t work well with weaves or an expensive blowout. I have never been that girl who spent loads of money and half a day at the salon. I am a low maintenance kind of gal so I never had a problem taking a hike and ending up at a watering hole. I somehow always ended up with white guys who loved my hair and it didn’t matter if they were younger or older. They found my natural tresses engaging and refreshing, and even though I was flattered, I always made it a point to explain that extensions were not necessarily a tacky endeavor, as long as the recipient knows how to rock it!
Another reason why my friends were adamant that I was “white guy” material rests on my physique. I have always been quite slender and there is this unspoken “fact” that white guys are more turned on by girls who carry a more athletic build. It’s true that based on the ones I dated, being in shape was a major feat, but they also appreciate a “little junk in the trunk” too – and I think that mentality goes across the board.
I will admit that being African seems quite appealing to guys of other races, especially white men. My name alone would garner a level of attention and then the avalanche of questions regarding my background. It seemed the more I divulged the more heightened the interest became. I started to feel a sense of guilt that my heritage was what set me apart from the rest of the pack. It was a huge advantage that I grew up in my country because my demeanor reflects the fact that I am not your “typical” Black girl. And when I would ask for a more detailed explanation, the stereotypes start filtering in; I am soft-spoken instead of loud-mouthed, I enjoy working out and it shows, I have a college degree, and I am not a “baby mama.”
Yes, all those things are true, but those qualities also apply to legions of black girls, and I always endeavor to point that out. I have never been the girl who limited the offerings on the menu when it comes to dating. I have always been an equal opportunity scout and my pledge was and still is to find the guy who respects and loves me just the way I am. Historically, yes, I do tend to attract white guys more and that could be something inherently in me that orchestrates that but I try to never lose sight of who I am and I certainly don’t allow guys of other races to express their adulation at the expense of my sistahs. Dating outside your race can pose a variety of issues that can either break or make your relationship, but as long as both parties are in it for the right reasons, it can be an adventurously fulfilling ride.
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