Dressing Like A Slut
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Dressing Like A Slut
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( Note: The pictures for this article come from manofest.com . All the text is original. )
The wedding day is a special day in
every woman's life. One she dreams of from the time she is a little
girl right up until the 'big day', and it's a day on which she wants
to feel like a princess. Months and months have gone into the
preparations, from the caterers to the flowers. She goes to the spa
for a facial, a pedicure and a manicure. She has her hair done at
the most expensive hairdresser in town. The rehearsal dinner is
organized, the reception hall chosen and paid for, and the
entertainment carefully selected. Perhaps most important element of
all is the wedding dress.
The dress might be purchased new for a
small fortune or may have been handed down for generations, from
grandmother to mother to daughter, and expertly tailored to emphasize
the bride's lovely figure and femininity. It comes as no surprise
that above all, the dress is the single iconic representation of the
wedding itself, and reflects the brides feelings and sensibilities, a
beautifully wrapped package to be presented to the lucky boy who will
excitedly open his gift that very evening on the honeymoon.
So why would some brides dress like
sluts? I could go on with some psychobabble about “low
self-esteem,” but the truth is I don't know. Maybe they think
they're hot (or maybe they are) and they want everyone to know just
what this guy is getting. Perhaps it's the natural extension of the
same culture that brought us “Girls Gone Wild,” only in this case
it's “Brides Gone Slutty.” The fact is, I just don't know. The
best I can do is tell you the true stories of the 5 following brides
and let you decide for yourself what makes them treat their wedding
as if it's the bachelor party. I wouldn't like my bride to dress
like this. I couldn't handle it, being the jealous type prone to
sulking and donnybrooks. But I don't mind it when it's some other
sucker's wife. Nope...don't mind it at all. Here then, from least
to most, are the Five Sluttiest Wedding Dresses .
It comes as no surprise that this one's
called The Teddy. She even looks like she's ready for bed. Heck, I wouldn't
kick her out of bed for eating crackers. But it would
be a mistake to get involved with this woman She'll attract so many guys you'll be beating them off with a stick. You'll have to constantly be on your guard against the many guys who will try to break in on your matrimonial bliss. No, better leave this one alone, but the temptation makes it difficult.
“ You think she 'samples' from a
lot of sources when she makes a song; wait till tonight. We'll see who she samples from when she
makes her husband .”
I'm at a loss with this one. On the
one hand, I suppose it fits the definition of “slutty,” but darn
she looks good. It probably helps that this appears to be a model
and not an actual bride. Of course, it's one thing to look at the
picture and say it is attractive and appealing and quite another to
be the guy marrying her. The one who must endure the the looks and
salivating of the other men (and some of the women.) In the end,
does she pass the mother test...would your mom like it? No. Mom
wouldn't like it (but Dad would!) Sorry, I have to give it a thumbs
down based on the mother test.
“ You knock out the groom and I'll grab the bride.”
Her story is a tragic one. She ran
away to Vegas when she was 14 to become a showgirl and fulfill her
lifelong dream. But after being rejected by Siegfried and Roy, she
labored in the sleazy, back street casinos always vowing to make it
to the big time. Her dress is actually various pieces “filched”
from several different shows, including the tiara which came from the
show “The Princess and the Peacock.” Things never really worked out for the bride, and now she serves drinks at Dirty Dan's Emporium. She is marrying an Elvis
Impersonator.
"Yes, I have an objection, Reverend. I object to that dress!"
Ahhh, the dress that lets everyone know
her soon-to-be husband has a boob fetish. The men in attendance will
like it just fine and all will be anxiously awaiting the inevitable
“wardrobe malfunction.” This is the equivalent of the groom
wearing a codpiece, and seems to say “spring is busting out all
over.” The bride enjoys bowling and doing jumping jacks for her
appreciative man.
What's wrong with this picture? Look
at her and then look at him. It doesn't fit. It does not compute.
But on closer examination, it does make sense and here's how. The
bride, Ivana Greencardavitch, is a Russian national here working at
“Booties” dance club on a work visa. The guy is a customer. He
is a sucker. Or maybe he knows he's being had but thinks it's worth
it for just one night of wedded bliss with this heavenly woman. Too
bad it won't be tonight since Ivana is scheduled for the late shift.
“ I wish they'd get this show on
the road. The bride's meeting me back at the club for my weekly
private. ”
I leave you with these thoughts: Isn't
it the goal of every bride to look desirable on her wedding day? To
appear at her best, most alluring? To make her husband-to-be proud
of winning her heart, and by extension, make others jealous? Perhaps the women
who wear these dresses are simply trying to present themselves in
their best light as they see it, and are guilty of nothing more than
poor judgment. And perhaps for that we can find it in our hearts to
forgive them, to laugh with them, to wonder and admire the female
form.
Or maybe they're just sluts. Can't blame a guy for trying.
A few of the comments on here remind me of something I have heard "if you cant say anything positive then say nothing at all" There are some beautiful girls in the photos and some creative dress designs. Maybe we should all be more tolerant of other peoples views when they are not hurting anyone.
Christoph Reilly (author) from St. Louis on December 17, 2011:
fpherj48 - Thanks, friend. Glad you find me humorous. It's always nice to have people appreciate your efforts.
Suzie from Carson City on December 16, 2011:
The dresses are sad.....but funny.....YOU? You're friggin hysterical! I'm wiping tears away!
Kimberly Schimmel from North Carolina, USA on September 22, 2011:
These "dresses" are the epitome of "white trash." These brides needed some kindly grandmother to take them aside and explain that there is a difference between wedding attire and honeymoon attire!
Christoph Reilly (author) from St. Louis on January 06, 2011:
lifeisabeach: Umm, just a little. Thanks for the comment.
Most wedding dresses could be more sexy, but these were over the top.
Christoph Reilly (author) from St. Louis on November 14, 2010:
Andrew: Well said. I can't help but feel a little jealous when I view these pictures, and perhaps that's the point. Thanks for the comment!
I have seen a lot of comments saying slutty, cheap etc. but the reality is that this is a beautiful young woman in peak condition and confident in her stunningly proportioned body,You can also clearly see that her spectacular gifts are full, firm and completely natural
We should praise the brilliance of the dress maker who provides a fabulous display of the luscious ripe fruits and shares their perfection for all to see and appreciate.
This is a woman showing the World that she is about to give herself to a very lucky man for physical pleasure – she will have made every man, the vicar included, concentrate on her, desire her and envy the groom who is on the threshold of enjoying a true, natural and suitably horny female in her prime.
You can also clearly see that these are full, firm and completely natural Every man’s dream fulfilled in one incredible dress.
silverfoxygirl108 on September 12, 2010:
It's amazing what people will do. lol This just shows you how far you can go! I liked the way you wrote the first part. :)
Christoph Reilly (author) from St. Louis on August 26, 2010:
epigramman: And you, Sir, are a gentleman and a scholar. Hey, I don't mind the dresses. I'd like to be a guest at a couple or three of the soiree's, know what I mean? Thanks for the comment!
..the only person who has a better profile picture than you at these pages of hub is Jesus Christ - but at least you're in good company.
..and how can any wedding dress be slutty - unless you're planning to consummate the marriage by sleeping with his best man!
Gotta love your hubs though - they're fresh, exciting, witty and - of course - essential!
Christoph Reilly (author) from St. Louis on August 10, 2010:
PaperNotes: I'm with you: Flaunt and let flaunt, I always say! Thanks for the comment!
OMG, those are very stimulating clothes for a wedding! It's good that the brides even managed to wear something for her wedding! We can't blame them, it's their style anyway.
Christoph Reilly (author) from St. Louis on July 19, 2010:
Susan Reid from Where Left is Right, CA on July 19, 2010:
Christoph Reilly (author) from St. Louis on July 19, 2010:
Considering your business, your reaction is not surprising. My intention was not to make anyone sick though. Hope you feel better. Thanks for the comment!
Wedding Invitation Designs on July 19, 2010:
I just got a sick feeling in my stomach!
Christoph Reilly (author) from St. Louis on April 22, 2010:
ritosolange: Thank you very much, and thanks for the comment!
Oh my...funny hub. Great ending line.
Christoph Reilly (author) from St. Louis on March 29, 2010:
Hi Dorsi, Yes, they're very...um,stunning. Thanks for the kind words and thank-you for the comment!
Dorsi Diaz from The San Francisco Bay Area on March 29, 2010:
OMG!! I feel embarrassed for these brides just looking at this! Poor judgment or what? I just don't know but I wouldn't have been caught dead wearing any of these dresses at my wedding. Of course I didn't have as much to show off but still.....
Great hub and love your writing style..just hilarious!!
Christoph Reilly (author) from St. Louis on March 11, 2010:
I don't know. What IS holding the fabric up? Hmmmm? I think #4 would have to walk very carefully; no running, no bouncing up and down (Of course, that would be half the fun of these dresses!)
gwendymom from Oklahoma on March 11, 2010:
Wow CR, I really wish you would stop using pictures of me without my permission. Just kidding. I am really wondering though what kind of miracle substance is holding the fabric to those breasts in pic 3 and 4. That some pretty powerful stuff!
wedding photographer on January 25, 2010:
I like any bridal ideas and I'm happy to see some diversity in the wedding dress. I like the article. Very interesting and catchy :)
Christoph Reilly (author) from St. Louis on January 11, 2010:
Ahhhm, my kind of woman. No one (in their right mind) would deny you wearing anything you pleased. Thanks for the comment!
Isabelle22 from Somewhere on the coastline on January 11, 2010:
Slutty dresses? I actually liked a few of them lol. I guess beauty is in the eye of the beholder. I loved this hub.
Christoph Reilly (author) from St. Louis on December 24, 2009:
David V: You're welcome. Glad you liked the post. I'm with you. I wouldn't mind being a guest at a wedding where the bride wore one of these, but not my wife. Thanks for the comment!
great hub Christ...thanks for letting me know these "outstanding" wedding dresses....however i will not going to let my gf wear these dresses on our big day hahaa...
Christoph Reilly (author) from St. Louis on December 04, 2009:
film critic: You are a wise man, dispensing your Soloman-like wisdom among the masses. As for myself, if my bride looked like that, I don't think I would mind this dress under any circumstance (but maybe just on the honeymoon.) Thanks for the comment!
I am here to veto the thumbs down on #4 based on the mom test, as it is based on insufficient evidence.
Although it is true that a mother of a 20-30 year old son might not approve of such a dress, the mother of a 45 year old, a mother who has otherwise lost all hope, would be happy with any wedding dress as long as it was attached to a bride.
Christoph Reilly (author) from St. Louis on December 02, 2009:
Edward: Indeed. Thanks for the comment!
#3 and #2: new definition of a booby-trap ...
Christoph Reilly (author) from St. Louis on November 29, 2009:
I think it's part of art and symbol of freedom as long it's not nude but if designer knows how to appreciate what wedding is I am sure she will never wear that gown.
Christoph Reilly (author) from St. Louis on September 15, 2009:
AEvans: Hi AE! I certainly couldn't do it...but then, nobody would want me to! Thanks for comment!
Julianna from SomeWhere Out There on September 12, 2009:
OMG! Those women are quite brave I could not imagine wearing any of them on my wedding day but do have to say they are quite sexy. :)
Christoph Reilly (author) from St. Louis on July 26, 2009:
Anath: That seems like a lot to put up with just so you can wear a sexy outfit. Perhaps just a little role playing?
I could be a long wait, I need to wait for a marriage proposal first :-)
Christoph Reilly (author) from St. Louis on July 25, 2009:
I, for one, would like to see you flaunt it in that Lady Godiva dress! I'm waiting...
Ok... so I am the "if you've got it flaunt it type" what can I say? If I had a beach wedding I would love something like that Lady Godiva "dress".
Christoph Reilly (author) from St. Louis on July 25, 2009:
Ixxy: There are a few I would jump at...at least till honeymoon was over! Thnxxy Ixxy!
lxxy from Beneath, Between, Beyond on July 25, 2009:
;D I dunno, many guys would jump @ this...like K-Fed.
Christoph Reilly (author) from St. Louis on July 17, 2009:
Cgull: That is certainly a possibility. Thanks for your comment!
cgull8m from North Carolina on July 17, 2009:
I don't think they are serious about the wedding. Probably they are more interested in the money rather than the marriage.
Christoph Reilly (author) from St. Louis on July 13, 2009:
Mary: You would probably say something like, "I make wedding dresses that celebrate the female form!" lol Thanks for the comment and the visit!
In the years I've been making wedding dresses I've never been asked to make any like these. Not sure what I would say if I was
Christoph Reilly (author) from St. Louis on July 09, 2009:
stephanie: Thanks for coming by. Yeah, I think if I had it, I'd be a total s*ut! lol Thanks for the comment!
Stephanie from Texas on July 09, 2009:
Hey Chris. I'm just reading this, better late than never right? :)
Loved this! Very funny but true hub.
Truthfully though , if I had it to flaunt like these ladies I would at least think about flaunting it. ;) Well, probably not to this extreme haha.
Christoph Reilly (author) from St. Louis on June 20, 2009:
laswi: That would make some grooms very uncomfortable. But to each his own. I wouldn't mind being at one of these weddings, but I wouldn't want it to be mine.
laswi from Sri Lanka on June 20, 2009:
With this type of wedding dresses the groom can show the real beauty of his bride to the relations and friends and the whole world sometimes.
Christoph Reilly (author) from St. Louis on June 20, 2009:
lauralolita: It is amazing, isn't it. Thanks for your comment.
lauralolita from Florida on June 19, 2009:
Wow, Those are disgusting! I can't believe some women actually want to wear those "dresses" on the most important day of their lives. Ridiculous.
Christoph Reilly (author) from St. Louis on June 19, 2009:
BeautySpeaks: Thanks! Most people think number two is the most tame. I think you should wear a number 4! Thanks for the comment!
BeautySpeaks from Prince Georges County, Maryland on June 19, 2009:
Christoph Reilly (author) from St. Louis on June 19, 2009:
sixty: Ha! I think there would be quite a hub bub when she enters the room!
holy cow! very interesting hub you got here... :) pls join my fan club also
Clive Fagan from South Africa on June 19, 2009:
" a titter ran through the assembly of dearly beloved gathering here together for the purpose of holy matrimony" might be appropriate?
Christoph Reilly (author) from St. Louis on June 18, 2009:
JamaGenee: Lol. Good point (or "points," as the case may be.) That would be an interesting story: How the ministers or whatever dealt with it. Somewhere along the line, you just know somebody had to screw up! So nice to see you! Thanks!
Christoph Reilly (author) from St. Louis on June 18, 2009:
sixty: Thanks for your compliments but I can hardly take any credit. It's just a fun little thing to look at and as much as I try, I cannot figure out what was going through these ladies minds. I'm not objecting, mind you. Thanks for the comment!
Joanna McKenna from Central Oklahoma on June 18, 2009:
Nobody has mentioned the ministers or JPs who had to *try* to keep a straight face and their eyes in their heads while performing the ceremony! Especially for Ms Melons! You betcha Heaven was getting LOTS of "Dear Lord, help me get through this without embarassing myself"!
Clive Fagan from South Africa on June 18, 2009:
Hi CR what a different and unusual take on wedding dresses. Slutty and wedding hardly belong in the same sentence but you managed it.
Christoph Reilly (author) from St. Louis on June 15, 2009:
Delores: I can at least appreciate the chutzpa it would take to wear one of them! Thanks for coming by and commenting!
Dolores Monet from East Coast, United States on June 15, 2009:
This was a riot. I've seen ugly wedding dresses before but these were really awful.
Christoph Reilly (author) from St. Louis on June 14, 2009:
guru: I have everything...except a woman dressed like this! lol. Thanks for the comment!
my-success-guru from Upstate NY on June 14, 2009:
Amazing! I never saw wedding dresses like this before! Then again were there wedding dresses in those pictures? LOL Here's to your health, wealth and happiness!
Christoph Reilly (author) from St. Louis on June 13, 2009:
Shirley Anderson from Ontario, Canada on June 13, 2009:
I wish. Her hair's longer and straighter than mine. Otherwise, that's me, although only in my mind.
Christoph Reilly (author) from St. Louis on June 12, 2009:
Shirley: Well, good night. In the meantime, I'll picture you in that last number....
Shirley Anderson from Ontario, Canada on June 12, 2009:
I would've sworn that I had already commented on this hub. Huh. Must be getting old.
Okay, let's see. They're all pretty classy bridal gowns, it's too hard to choose just one. If I looked like a couple of those brides I might consider flaunting to the extreme like that (not).
You never fail to give us such entertaining words and pictures, Chris. It's always a pleasure to read your work.
It's just about 1:00 a.m., gotta sign off for the night. Have a good one and thanks for the glimpse at high fashion! :)
Christoph Reilly (author) from St. Louis on June 12, 2009:
Depends on your viewpoint, I suppose.
Christoph Reilly (author) from St. Louis on June 12, 2009:
Suzanne: Bizarre, isn't it. I noticed the bridesmaid too, and she is either hiding her face, brushing her hair back, or whispering something to the bride. Probably hiding. Thanks for coming by and the comment!
justmesuzanne from Texas on June 12, 2009:
Unbelievable! I can't imagine thinking any of those get-ups would be suitable for anything other
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