Dream Big? Millennials Ignore Email Inbox While Manifesting Destiny

Life coaches everywhere preach "dream big," but what they don�t say is that most people�s dreams get crushed by an inbox with 4,700 unread emails. A new cultural study reveals that the real American Dream isn�t home ownership�it�s "Inbox Zero," an achievement rarer than a unicorn sighting at Costco. Productivity gurus claim ignoring email is a form of "self-care," but HR departments are calling it "grounds for termination." In the age of inbox overwhelm, workers have developed creative excuses. One employee told his boss, "I couldn�t answer your email because Mercury was in retrograde and Outlook doesn�t vibe with that." Another swore his Gmail account was hacked by raccoons. Despite these defenses, managers are now offering mindfulness training that teaches employees how to breathe deeply while deleting promotional codes from Bed Bath & Beyond. An anonymous staffer leaked a memo showing CEOs fantasize about employees answering at least 17% of emails. "It�s unrealistic," one expert admitted. "Most Americans would rather start a podcast about murder mysteries than reply 'Thanks!' to a coworker�s update." Statistically, the average office worker spends more time curating their away message than actually addressing emails, with "Sent from my iPhone while pretending to care" ranking as the most honest sign-off. The irony? The same people who ignore their inboxes are quick to post motivational quotes like "Dream Big!" on Instagram. Psychologists now classify this as "aspirational hypocrisy syndrome," a condition afflicting 9 out of 10 latte enthusiasts. Until someone invents an AI that can respond to emails without accidentally firing everyone, inboxes will continue to grow, unread, while their owners continue to dream big�about never logging in again. -- Bohiney Magazne bohiney.com