Dont Have Sex

Dont Have Sex

by Luke Winkie and Zachary Zane Published: Sep 30, 2021
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"Is it true that if you don't use it, you lose it?" Actually, yes, in a manner of speaking.
At some point in our lives, we go through a dry spell. It’s an inevitability. For some men, the dry spell lasts a couple of weeks, whereas for other men, it can go on for months—even years.
With Covid still a concern now and for the foreseeable future, many of us are dealing with a dry spell that’s lasting far longer than we care to admit. Yes, a growing number of us are vaccinated, but with new variants seemingly emerging on a monthly basis, many of us are still worried about swapping spit with new partners. Valid concern! And for those of us who live with a partner, the stress of well— pick anything —can leave us not feeling too frisky.
The Kinsey Institute conducted a study called Sex and Relationships in the Time of COVID-19 , which found that 44% of participants said their sex life had declined in the early months of the pandemic, while 30% said the same of their romantic life. Even though many individuals are spending more time at home with their partners than ever before, they’re not feeling particularly sexual. Which makes sense: It can be difficult to feel sexually connected to your partner with everything that’s going on in the world.
“People are masturbating less, [and] they’re having less sex,” lead author Justin Lehmiller, Ph.D., a research fellow at the Kinsey Institute and member of the Men's Health advisory board, told us of the study's findings . “Part of the reason is people are more stressed and more anxious, and that has the effect of lowering sexual desire .”
This lack of sex and intimacy is bad for a couple of reasons: 1) sex is fun, and you should be having as much of it as you can, 2) we’re all missing out on the many well-documented emotional and physical health benefits of having sex regularly. Not to mention that sex is a great way to connect with your partner, and without it, you may feel somewhat estranged from them.
But what actually happens to your body when you don't have sex for a long time? Here are 9 of the most surprising side effects.
A great night of lovemaking can make literally everything else in the world feel better. Even if your boss won't stop breathing down your neck, or if you're under a bunch of deadlines, you’re consistently getting laid, so all of that stuff seems super manageable.
Apparently, there's a scientific reason for that. Neuroscientist Dr. Debra W. Soh said in an interview with Men’s Health that during orgasm, "endorphins are released that can help to improve your mood,” she says. “So, if you tend to use sex as a way of coping with stress, a dry spell can be doubly frustrating.”
We know from numerous studies that sleep is directly related to stress. When you’re stressed, you don’t tend to get quality sleep. (This creates a vicious cycle because when you don’t sleep, you end up getting more stressed.)
Sex helps you de-stress by releasing numerous hormones and neurotransmitters. Phil Stieg M.D., Ph.D., neurosurgeon-in-chief at NewYork-Presbyterian Weill Cornell Medical Center and host of the This Is Your Brain podcast previously told Men’s Health that the release of three hormones, in particular, facilitate better sleep: oxytocin; prolactin; and dopamine.
“Oxytocin has a very calming effect, and as anyone who has ever tried to fall asleep while stressed out knows, being calm is the best way to prepare for sleep,” he said. "Prolactin creates a sense of satisfaction, and dopamine is known as the feel-good hormone.
So in short, when you have sex, you’re less likely to be stressed, and you're more likely to sleep better.
Without sex, you may notice an increase in blood pressure. Science says that’s not a coincidence. In fact, a 2006 study in the medical journal Biological Psychology found that people who were having regular sex had lower levels of blood pressure than those who weren't. This is also linked to the relationship between sex and stress. The researchers controlled for multiple variables in the study and concluded that having sex more frequently actually improves your body’s physiological response to stress. This, in turn, keeps one’s blood pressure at a lower base level.
A 2010 study published in the American Journal of Cardiology found that men who have sex at least twice a week almost cut their risk of heart disease in half. However, the researchers noted their findings may simply be correlational—not causal. “Men who have frequent sex might be more likely to be in a supportive intimate relationship," they noted. "This might improve health through stress reduction and social support.”
Take this one with a grain of salt, since the existing research was done in rats, not humans.
A 2013 study published by researchers in Maryland found that sexual activity in rats led to improved cognitive function and hippocampal function. (The hippocampus is a part of the brain that’s largely responsible for memory.)
That same year, a study from Konkuk University in Seoul concluded that sexual activity can actually help combat the negative, memory-reducing effects caused by chronic stress. “Sexual interaction could be helpful,” they wrote, “for buffering adult hippocampal neurogenesis and recognition memory function against the suppressive actions of chronic stress.”
You know that old expression, "if you don't use it, you lose it?" Science suggests that to a degree, that might be true. A 2008 study in the American Journal of Medicine concluded that men in their 50s, 60s, and 70s that weren't sexually active were more likely to suffer from erectile dysfunction. This makes some sense: on an intellectual level, navigating all those arms and legs and erogenous zones can get pretty confusing, so imagine trying to navigate the core mechanics of intercourse after months and months of not having sex at all. Luckily, there's an easy solution: even if you don't have a partner, the research suggests ejaculating regularly can help alleviate some of these effects.
If your dry spell extends to the self-pleasure zone — i.e., if you're not masturbating at all — research says that's not healthy. In fact, multiple studies have pointed to the conclusion that "high ejaculation frequency" (a.k.a. jerking off at least 4.6 to seven times a week) is linked to a lower risk of prostate cancer . So get out those baby wipes and turn on Pornhub for the sake of your own health.
Orgasms are incredibly beneficial to your immune system, as psychologists Carl Charnetski and Francis Brennan Jr. found. They conducted a study where they asked patients who were having sex once or twice a week to provide saliva samples. Those samples were found to contain an extremely high concentration of the common-cold busting antibody immunoglobulin A. Who knew that extremely close contact was a net-positive in terms of preventing illness?
Most dry spells have two parts: the part where you're insanely horny and turned on by even a slightly curvaceous frying pain; and the part where you're down in the dumps and can't even be motivated to get off the couch. Apparently, that can even spill over into your employment satisfaction. An Oregon State University study found that couples with an active sex life were much happier at work.
"Maintaining a healthy relationship that includes a healthy sex life will help employees stay happy and engaged in their work, which benefits the employees and the organizations they work for," says Keith Leavitt, an associate professor at the college. There you go, guys: feel free to blame missing that Zoom call on not getting laid. I'm sure your boss will understand.
Zachary Zane is a Brooklyn-based writer, speaker, and activist whose work focuses on lifestyle, sexuality, and culture. He was formerly the digital associate editor at OUT Magazine and currently has a queer cannabis column, Puff Puff YASS , at Civilized .
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Medically Reviewed by Sabrina Felson, MD on July 06, 2022
People go through dry spells in the bedroom for all kinds of reasons. Maybe they’re busy, or maybe they’re single. Or they might just decide they want a break.
If that break goes on long enough, though, it can have an effect on your body and some parts of your life. But it’s important to remember that there’s no “right” amount for everyone. What’s key is that you find what works best for you.
If you don’t have sex with your partner often, that may make you feel less connected to them, which can mean you don’t talk about your feelings much or get a lot of support in managing day-to-day stressors.
And sex makes your body release hormones, like oxytocin and endorphins, that can help you manage the effects of stress. Oxytocin has the added benefit of helping you sleep .
Research is in the early stages, but some studies have shown that people who have sex often are better at recalling memories. And there are signs that sex can help your brain grow neurons and work better in general.
Regular sex helps you feel emotionally close to your partner, which opens the door to better communication. Couples who have sex more often tend to say they’re happier than those who get less of it.
But it doesn’t have to happen every day -- once a week seems to be enough. This seems to be true no matter your age or gender, or how long you’ve been in the relationship.
Regular sex can help your body fight off illness, so having it less often might lead to more colds and the like. In one study, college students who had sex one to two times per week were shown to have higher levels of a certain antibody (called immunoglobulin A) that plays an important role in your immune system .
If you’re a woman who’s gone through menopause, you have another reason to keep having sex. Without regular intercourse, your vagina can tighten and its tissues can get thinner and be more likely to get injured, tear, or even bleed during sex. This can be so uncomfortable that women with these symptoms avoid having sex, which can make it worse.
Changes related to menopause, such as vaginal dryness and irritation, can be treated with lubricants, moisturizers, or low-dose estrogen .
For men, how often they have sex may be linked to their chances of prostate cancer , but the evidence is mixed. Some experts think that sex might actually raise your odds, by possibly exposing you to sexually transmitted diseases that lead to inflammation .
But in one large study of almost 30,000 men, those who said they ejaculated more than 21 times a month on average had lower chances of prostate cancer during their lifetimes, compared with those who ejaculated four to seven times a month.
Anxiety.org: “Why Having More Sex May Lead to a Healthier Mind and Body.”
Kinsey Institute Research: “Frequent Sex is Linked to Better Memory.”
Society for Personality and Social Psychology: “Couples Who Have Sex Weekly Are Happiest.”
Psychological Reports: “Sexual Frequency and Salivary Immunoglobulin A (IgA).”
The North American Menopause Society: “Changes in the Vagina and Vulva,” “Vaginal and Vulvar Comfort," “Lubricants, Moisturizers, and Low-dose Vaginal Estrogen.”
Mayo Clinic: “Erectile Dysfunction.”
American Journal of Medicine : “Regular Intercourse Protects Against Erectile Dysfunction: Tampere Aging Male Urologic Study .”
Johns Hopkins Medicine: “Does Sexual Activity Affect My Risk of Cancer?”
International Society for Sexual Medicine: “What is the “Normal” Frequency of Sex?"
© 2005 - 2022 WebMD LLC. All rights reserved.
WebMD does not provide medical advice, diagnosis or treatment.

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1. It started to feel like a chore.

3. Intimacy stopped existing outside the bedroom.

4. Birth control had negative side effects.

5. They didn't share the same kinks.

6. One person wanted sex more than the other.

10. Libidos changed as you get older.

11. Sex stopped being a factor in the relationship.

12. Having kids ruined their sex life.

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Relationships change over the years. If you're one of the many couples who find themselves having a lot less sex than they did when they started dating, you're not alone. Sometimes, though, a couple's sex life gradually decreases until it becomes nonexistent. And unless both people are happy with that, it's inevitably going to lead to problems.
Couples may stop having sex for a variety of reasons, and the reasons can sometimes be uncomfortable to talk about with your partner. The quotes below are from Reddit users sharing why they and their partner no longer have sex, or have way less sex than they used to. All of their stories illuminate the importance of open communication between partners.
INSIDER cannot independently verify any of the stories, but they will give you something to think about.
"Oftentimes, I'll be playing a video game and I'll be really into it but there's a nagging thought in my head that I really need to do the dishes. I know that if I get up to do the dishes now that I won't have that thought anymore and I'll be able to relax and play my game. Sex is the dishes in this analogy." - Redditor aaadddhhhdddd
"[My] wife came in my office last night nude and said 'let's go have sex.' No foreplay, no seduction, no kissing, no romance.... I said I was feeling ill. Really, I am so uninterested at this point I don't ever want to have sex with her again." - Redditor livesomelife
"Dear husband, I know you want to have sex more, and I guess I do too. But throughout the years you've forgotten that having sex is an all day affair. Not in the literal sense, but in the sense that in order for both partners to feel the connection and desire there must be more attention paid to the relationship. You have no idea how much I want you to desire me all day long and show me. We are at the point where we kiss twice a day (once before we leave
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