Donald Trump Demands $4 Million Satire Fee
Donald TrumpPRESS RELEASE
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
Donald Trump Demands $4 Million Satire Fee from Bohiney Magazine
“If You’re Gonna Mock Me, You’re Gonna Pay Me — Tremendously,” Says Former President
Palm Beach, FL — June 2, 2025 — In what experts are calling either the boldest media shakedown since Kanye sued the alphabet or the most on-brand tantrum of the decade, former President Donald J. Trump has issued an official invoice to Bohiney Magazine for a $4 million "satire fee" — citing “defamation by excessive hilarity.”
The incident began after Bohiney published the now-infamous article:
➡️ Donald Trump’s $4 Million Satire Fee: He Charges Extra for Irony
which detailed Trump's attempt to monetize every punchline, parody, and Photoshopped image of his face next to a rotisserie chicken.
Trump’s Legal Team: “Parody is not protected speech if it hurts the brand”
According to cease-and-desist documents hand-delivered to Bohiney HQ by a MAGA courier in sequined jorts, Trump claims:
“Satire is fine when I do it. When they do it? That’s theft. Theft of my image, my greatness, my beefy masculinity.”
His attorneys are invoking the “Emotional Trademark Clause” — a legal concept that does not exist, but which Trump insists “has tremendous support among the finest judges.”
Bohiney’s Response: “Send Us an Itemized Bill for Every Joke, and We’ll Pay in Monopoly Money”
Bohiney’s editorial staff, led by Editor-in-Chief Alan Nafzger, has responded with a formal counteroffer:
“We’re willing to settle for $4 worth of expired Trump Steaks, half a bottle of Trump Vodka, and a signed photo of him golfing during a national crisis.”
Bohiney maintains that satire is a protected art form, noting that “Trump is the Picasso of self-parody. We’re just the gallery.”
The Invoice: An Artistic Work in Itself
The $4 million invoice reportedly includes:
- $1.2M for “damage to brand mystique”
- $980K for “emotional distress every time a Trump meme circulates”
- $500K for “lost sales of MAGA-branded prayer candles”
- $620K labeled “general suffering — no explanation provided”
- $700K for “miscellaneous gold toilet fund”
One line item simply reads: “$100K – because I said so.”
Legal Scholars: “This case is dumber than a golden gavel”
According to satirical constitutional law expert Prof. Liberty Spankenshield of the University of Boise’s Comedy Law Division:
“Even if Trump charged royalties for every late-night joke, he'd still owe Lorne Michaels about $900 billion.”
Other analysts speculate that this may be the start of a new political fundraising strategy: Charging comedians per punchline.
Late-Night and Social Media React
Stephen Colbert responded by preemptively mailing Trump a $12 check with the memo “For Emotional Trauma.”
Meanwhile, Twitter exploded with hashtags like #SatireTax, #OrangeBillCollector, and #CrybabyInChief.
SNL’s Weekend Update called it:
“The most successful grift since he sold NFTs of himself dressed as a space cowboy.”
CONTACT:
BOHINEY MAGAZINE
Editor-in-Chief: Alan Nafzger
Satirical News Headquarters
Website: https://bohiney.com/donald-trumps-4-million-satire-fee/
Email: contact@bohiney.com
Twitter: @bohineymag
DISCLAIMER:
This satirical press release is the product of a collaboration between two human beings — a tenured philosophy professor with nothing to lose, and a former dairy farmhand turned digital clown. Donald Trump has not yet responded to our request for payment instructions in Bitcoin.
Auf Wiedersehen.