Dominate Couple
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Relationship dynamics aren’t easy. If someone dominates you, or has “one up” chances are you don’t enjoy the relationship and you feel like you might lose them.
Falling in love and being out of control activates the same part of the brain. The problem is, the moment someone starts feeling in control, this the moment they start falling out of love.
Really balanced relationships where both parties know they love one another but still try to impress one another (because they want to keep the other party satisfied so as to avoid them leaving) tend to be happy ones.
Sometimes relationships aren’t that balanced though. In fact, often they aren’t. This can be because one party fears they’re dating someone out of their league, or because they are afraid due to past experience, or they are going through a period when they are emotionally needy. It can also be that the other party has a period when they are emotionally unavailable, or simply don’t have much time to invest in the relationship even if they want to. As a result, the other person is now dominating the relationship. And the more you want them, the more they push you away, sensing your insecurity and/or emotional need.
These kind of relationship dynamics are sometimes established early on; some women even thrive on feeling they have one up on their guy because it appeals to their biological need of knowing the man will be there to provide for the family. However, it’s still a turn-off.
Other times a well balanced relationships change when outside factors change. Maybe something happens to make one of you lose confidence, like the inability to get a job, or the discovery of infertility and suddenly you feel inferior and have fear of losing the other person, so you start putting their wellbeing and your need to keep them above your own wellbeing. It’s not sexy and rather than make you feel better and more confident, it will make you feel worse. You won’t win them over that way.
Instead let’s have a look at the signs telling you she has one up on you and how to change that.
How do you know she has one up on you? There are some telltale signs:
Of course, in the beginning when just having met someone chances are you both feel this way. You’re both insecure/seeking assurance. You’re in love, you feel out of control. If the balance suddenly, or gradually shifts to one of you trying harder than the other, that’s when you need to stop and reassess the situation, so you can take steps to get that magic feeling back again…
Putting yourself first is all you have to do, but if you need some ideas for what that means, here are some:
Basically your relationship should balance itself out doing this, but imbalances in relationships tend to spring from underlying stuff in our mind too. That’s why you should keep reading…
Creating balance in a relationship starts with creating emotional balance in yourself. There are plenty of things you can do to achieve this.
A lot of emotional wellbeing springs from true confidence in yourself. These are a few things you can do to create confidence:
Most of us need a bit of an emotional tune up in our lives from time to time. Even if we don’t need a tune up we are all able to grow; the moment things get stagnant they start to die, so don’t let yourself get stagnant! Rather always grow and develop as a person. It keeps things interesting and it will make you feel happy in yourself; thereby regaining your equilibrium. Here are a couple of things you can try:
There are also some books that are great to read when on the search for overall emotional wellbeing and happiness:
There are sometimes other things missing in a relationship which can cause trouble. If you are emotionally closed, if you don’t know how to express love in a way she understands, if you allow her to dominate you in the wrong situations, if you feel sexually inadequate, if you aren’t able to communicate in a way she understands, or don’t understand her…all that can lead to imbalances. Relationships are tricky…but they are well worth it when you rise above the challenges and create wonderful ones. You can do that.
Thanks for this well expressed insight! I’m sure that I will have a lot to be grateful for having received this guidance.
Thank you for sharing your supportive comment. Please share more of your thoughts and feelings in the future. Have a great day, Kem!
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Quiz: Are You a Dominant or Submissive Partner?
15 Questions
| Total Attempts: 2056
It’s no secret that usually, one of the partners is either the dominant or the submissive one when it comes to relationships. All it takes is to pay attention to who has the last word and which partner dictates the mood around the room when people surround them. It may sound strange to many, but both personalities are essential in making a … Read More relationship work. Are you submissive or dominant in your relationship? Take our quiz and find out now. Read Less
1. Does your partner have all your bank codes?
2. Would you do anything to please your partner no matter what?
D. As long as they are happy about it
3. Who usually apologizes first after a fight?
A. I apologize first whenever my partner gets mad at me
B. Whoever makes the mistakes apologizes first with earnestness
C. My partner usually apologizes as it is often their mistake
D. I apologize because I don’t think conflicts are great for a relationship - P4
4. Who made the first move in your relationship?
C. We both gradually acknowledged our mutual attraction to each other
D. I couldn’t deny things when I saw them in vulnerable/hurt/in pain
5. Do people outside of your relationship think that you are being abused by your partner?
7. Do you feel overwhelmed by your partner’s authority on you?
8. Who plans date nights in your relationship?
D. I let them take the lead as I want them to have a good time
9. Do you like it when no one is superior to the other in a couple?
B. It’s hard to tell who is superior because it’s all about nurturing each other's dreams
C. I think that one of us should be superior to the other
10. Do you feel comfortable letting your partner take the lead during sex and intimate moments?
B. No, I like to be the one in control
D. I prefer when we both equally have a say in our intimate moments
11. Does your partner need more nurturing than dominance?
12. Are you submissive because you are in love with your partner?
C. I am submissive because I want them to feel comfortable
D. No, I do that because I am nurturing
13. Do you make all the decisions in your relationship?
A. Yes, because you are the strongest one in the relationship
B. No, I let your partner make most of the decisions
D. Yes, but only after I’ve talked about it with your partner
14. Are you submissive because you don’t want to lose your partner?
C. No, I’m not submissive, to begin with
15. Do you feel like you always have to say yes to your partner because you are scared of the consequences?
D. There are no terrible consequences because we communicate a lot with each other
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