Dominant Submissive

Dominant Submissive

Posted On February 11, 2020 July 7, 2020 By Mary Gravely
Home Blog What Dominant-Submissive Relationship Is Really About

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The belief that only 50:50 vanilla relationships are healthy isn’t true. BDSM relationships based on a certain level of power exchange can be just as functional and strong. Remember — just because something is different and alternative doesn’t mean it’s terrible.
If you read the “Fifty Shades of Grey,” you came across the concept of Dominant-submissive relationships. However, these books don’t portray it realistically and adequately.
Here’s what it really means to be in a power exchange relationship.
Many misconceptions surround pretty much anything that has to do with BDSM. The biggest one is that these activities and lifestyles are related to abusive behavior. People tend to believe that BDSM is only an excuse to be mean and cruel. However, a healthy BDSM relationship where each partner respects the SSC (safe, sane, and consensual) rule is far from being abusive.
Besides, there are many elements, like sets of rules, that keep the relationship safe. Even though people usually know this, they find it disturbing that the Dom often has the power to punish their sub physically. And this part of being in a BDSM relationship can sound like abusive behavior to some people.
But the focus here is on control, not the pain and suffering. A D/s relationship isn’t about one partner slapping the other for overcooking their meal. It’s rather about the Dominant holding enough power over their submissive to slap them in a specific situation previously discussed and agreed upon.
So, the power exchange type of relationship is well-organized, consensual, and based on mutual trust. It leaves enough room for both parties to be who they really are. And at the same time, it allows them to express their sexuality, needs, and desires without the fear of being judged and rejected.
Some kinksters prefer to keep BDSM strictly in the bedroom, and others like to engage in different types of relationships based on a certain power dynamic. The BDSM thing that has the biggest amount of power exchange is called a Master/slave relationship.
So, let’s say that your typical D/s is somewhere in the middle. It’s more than keeping it in the bedroom, but it’s not a 24/7 total power exchange. And given that, it’s evident that Dom-sub relationships are incredibly varied.
Like a “regular” relationship, it can be casual, serious, long-term, online, long-distance, etc. It doesn’t even have to require physical contact. The thing that matters the most is that elements of domination and submission are there. And you can organize them in many ways, depending on what interests you the most about BDSM in general.
For example, if your biggest kink is pet play, you can set rules appropriate for your preferred role. So, maybe you’ll establish a rule that a pet isn’t allowed to eat at the table. That way, you’ll keep the distinction between who’s in charge and who’s to submit clear. And at the same time, you’ll allow each partner to engage in activities they enjoy the most regularly.
Being a dominant partner in a D/s relationship isn’t about barking orders, calling others names, and beating someone. On the contrary, this role requires patience, responsibility, and respect. A Dominant isn’t supposed to be a tyrant, but a leader who truly cares for you.
And the ability to dominate isn’t something you’re simply born with. It’s rather a skill you need time to acquire, and yet, there’s always more to learn. Even punishment, such as spanking, is tricky and requires a certain knowledge. Not to mention things like reading a sub’s body language and knowing when to stop.
Besides, every Dom needs time to discover what style of domination suits them the best. They also need to think about their own needs and desires. And at the same time, they have to keep in mind what their sub can endure and is willing to do. So, having a great amount of power in a relationship isn’t easy at all.
People often believe that a submissive role is about being passive and avoiding responsibility, but that’s not the case. Some submissives even enjoy switching roles. So, it’s obvious that people who prefer this role don’t have to be passive. However, they may need to be a bit more flexible.
But being a submissive partner in a relationship means more than simply adjusting to someone. They need to learn how to please their Dom in a sexual and non-sexual way. Also, a sub has to be willing to face challenges, and they need a certain amount of confidence to do so. Speaking of which, it’s not only important to be open to new experiences, but also to learn how and when to say “no.”
Taking the role of a submissive is as demanding as playing the Dominant role, only in a different way. While the Dom needs to lead, the sub is the one who has to know how to follow. D/s isn’t a relationship between aggressive and passive persons — it’s more about two people working together to keep their relationship healthy, functional, and interesting.
When it comes to any aspect of BDSM, consent is of great importance. Without it, the relationship or activity is nothing but abuse. For that reason, communication is the most critical aspect of BDSM.
And both parties, no matter their role, need to communicate their needs equally. Setting safe words, rules, hard and soft limits, and such is a must. Also, talking about what types of power-play they are interested in will help them avoid misunderstanding and disappointment.
So, the BDSM relationship is a lot more than role-playig — it has to be built on mutual trust and respect. At the same time, both partners have to be open and willing to communicate all the time.

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Am I a Dominant or Submissive Personality Quiz

10 Questions
| Total Attempts: 124477

There are different types of people in this world. Some are meant to be leaders at the front of the pack and show some type of dominant characteristics. Others are more like followers and depend on the strong personalities and tend to be very submissive to fit into the group. This is a simplified explanation of this dynamic, but in reality, it’s … Read More far more complex, and it is defined by many factors that emerge, most of the time, during the person’s childhood. So, do you think you are submissive or dominant? Take our quiz and find out now. Read Less
1. Do you let people decide for you?
2. Do you like imitating the people around you?
4. Do you like to have people around you admiring you?
B. No, because you are a shy person
5. Do you take it personally when people don’t do what you ask them to do?
6. Do you need mentorship all the time?
B. No, because you are the mentor most the time
7. Are you attracted to people who have a dominant personality?
B. No, you can’t get along with people who are exactly like you
8. Are most of your friends submissive?
9. Are people scared of you because of your personality?
A. Yes, because they see dominance as a form of aggressivity
B. No, because you are normally very kind
10. Have you been bullied a lot when you were a child?
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I understand and I wish to continue.
Domineering and submissive personality patterns are no longer recognized as personality disorders , yet such traits are still discussed by psychologists and may come up as a theme in psychotherapy.
This test is one of the first to combine the measurements of dominance and submission into a single test, delivering composite results.
Do you tend toward the dominant or submissive side of things? For each of the following questions, indicate how well it describes you below.
Sometimes I feel like I deserve to be mistreated.

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The IDRlabs Dominance/Submission Test was developed by IDRlabs based on the academic references and projects detailed below. IDRlabs is not affiliated with any of these researchers or their institutions.
The Dominance/Submission Test was compiled on the basis of the following sources: Plouffe, R. A., Smith, M. M., & Saklofske, D. H. (2019). A psychometric investigation of the Assessment of Sadistic Personality. Personality and Individual Differences, 140, 57–60. O'Meara, A., Davies, J., & Hammond, S. (2011). Short Sadistic Impulse Scale [Database record]. Retrieved from PsycTESTS. Atkinson, B. (2017). The SELF-DISS: A comprehensive measure of self-defeating interpersonal style. Electronic Thesis and Dissertation Repository. 4896. https://ir.lib.uwo.ca/etd/4896. McCutcheon, L.E. (1995). Further validation of the self-defeating personality scale. Psychology Reports, 76 (3), 1135-1138.
Dominance components measure assertive traits such as aggression, hostility, and dominance. Submission components measure aggrieved traits such as diffidence, self-abasement, and unworthiness. Together they provide a combined picture of the respondent’s sadistic and masochistic traits. This quiz also allows you to compare your scores with the population average, as well as to see whether you tend more toward Sadism or Masochism.
As the publishers of this free Dominance/Submission Test, which allows you to determine the extent of your assertive and aggrieved traits, we have strived to make the quiz as reliable and valid as possible by subjecting it to statistical controls and validation. However, free online quizzes such as the present personality test do not provide professional assessments or recommendations of any kind; the test is provided entirely “as-is.” For more information about any of our online tests and quizzes, please consult our Terms of Service .
1. High validity and reliability. There is good scientific evidence that the Dominance and Submission items used are solid psychometric constructs that hold up when analyzed statistically, and they should be considered among the mainstays of scientific personality testing.
2. Free. This Dominance/Submission test is delivered to you free of charge and is accessible, without the need for registration or sign-ups.
3. Benchmarked to population averages. This Sadism/Masochism Test makes use of large-sample population averages as obtained from scientific papers and in-house testing.
4. Statistical controls. Test scores are logged into an anonymized database. Statistical analysis of the test is conducted to ensure maximum accuracy and validity of the test scores.
5. Made by professionals. The authors of this Dominance/Submission Test are certified in the use of numerous personality assessments and have worked professionally with personality testing.
This test provides information on domineering and submissive dynamics for educational purposes only. The information is provided "as-is" and should not be construed to constitute professional services or warranties of any kind. For more, please consult our Terms of Service .

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