Dominant Mistress Story
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Dominant Mistress Story
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How I lost the man of my dreams, only to end up in a nightmare.
Oh my God. It all happened so fast. Things escalated from early morning conversations with him to late night text messages. The next thing you know, we’re having sex. Oh no. Just like that I’d slept with someone else’s husband. And, to add insult to injury, I was now an adulterer, because I had a husband of my own. I had become a married mistress. How did this happen? I knew I’d gone too far. Now our feelings were involved. You see, the lust felt like love and we were caught up in a web of deception. I felt lost, like I couldn’t escape. You see, the truth is that God sent my Prince Charming to me when I was 18 years old and I did not have to kiss not one single frog to find him. I know you’re asking how I started there and became a married mistress. Let me start by saying my pain was not in vain, and I don’t have one regret. However, if I could have avoided a few things along the way, I would have. I decided to become one with someone before I knew how to be one by myself. What you have to understand is one is a whole. How could I become one with him when I was in pieces? I came from a dysfunctional childhood. I lived in a home where my mom was a side chick. My stepfather was married to someone else, but was with my mom until the day he died. Although ultimately it was his wife (who lived on the other side of town) who reaped the benefits of being a wife when he passed away. She came and took everything and left my mother with nothing. I tell you all of this to say that my behavior was a learned behavior. Why would I think it wasn’t okay to sleep with someone else’s husband when that’s what was “normal” in our home? How could I know how to communicate when everything was always swept under the rug? How could I know a good man when I never had an example of one? How could I know that dysfunction was not normal? When I slept with her husband I didn’t realize the devastation I was causing. You see, I didn’t mean to hurt her. To be honest, I was more concerned with filling my void than causing hers. I wasn’t thinking that two families and generations would be devastated. The truth is that I wasn’t thinking about anybody but myself. I didn’t mean to disrespect and disgrace my husband. My intention was not to hurt him. Again, I wasn’t thinking. If only I had said no to someone else’s husband and appreciated my own blessing, our lives would be so different now. Yes, now the scars are healing. Unfortunately, the damage is done and I will have to be reminded of this in the days to come. Birthdays, weddings, graduations and grandchildren have all been affected. Our families’ portraits have been altered all because of my poor choices. To God be the glory I don’t live in my past, but the truth is I am where I am based on my own choices!!! Let me just say that I’ve learned my lessons, and the one is that cheating is a form of abuse and if you are knowingly sleeping with someone else’s husband you are an abuser. Not only was I abusing my husband, his wife and our children, but also the main person I was abusing was myself. I know now that I deserve the best. I had to really learn my worth. Some of you are being abusive and the truth is I’m not judging you because I used to be you. Learn the lesson from what I’ve been through. Avoid the pain, the shame, the self-blame and the guilt. Avoid what may take families years to heal from. The thought that still pops in my head is if only I had said no to someone else’s husband. The power we posses as women can be used to build or destroy. What will you use your power for? Tray Kearney is the creator of The Woman to Woman Show and the #nosidechicking movement on social media and the author of It’s Healing Time: Restoring Hope In Women After Infidelity .
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Funding from the Institute of Museum and Library
Services supported the electronic publication of this title.
Text transcribed by
Apex Data Services, Inc.
Images scanned by
Bryan Sinche Text encoded by
Joshua G. McKim
First edition, 2001
ca. 710K
Academic Affairs Library, UNC-CH
University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill, 2001.
Source Description:
(title page) Mistress and Maid. A Household Story.
Miss Muloch
121p.
Richmond:
West & Johnston, Publishers.
1864.
Call number 3079conf (Rare Book Collection, University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill)
The electronic edition is a part of the UNC-CH
digitization project, Documenting the American South.
At Head of Title "West & Johnston's Standard Novels."
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SHE was a rather tall, awkward, and strongly-built girl of about fifteen. This was the first impression the "maid" gave to her "mistresses," the Misses Leaf, when she entered their kitchen, accompanied by her mother, a widow and washer-woman, by name Mrs. Hand. I must confess, when they saw the damsel, the ladies felt a certain twinge of doubt as to whether they had not been rash in offering to take her; whether it would not have been wiser to have gone on in their old way--now, alas! grown into a very old way, so as almost to make them forget they had ever had any other--and done without a servant still.
Many consultations had the three sisters held before such a revolutionary extravagance was determined on. But Miss Leaf was beginning both to look and to feel "not so young as she had been;" Miss Selina ditto; though, being still under forty, she would not have acknowledged it for the world. And Miss Hilary young, bright, and active as she was, could by no possibility do every thing that was to be done in the little establishment: be, for instance, in three places at once--in the school-room, teaching little boys and girls, in the kitchen cooking dinner, and in the rooms up stairs busy at house-maid's work. Besides, much of her time was spent in waiting upon "poor Selina," who frequently was, or fancied her self, too ill to take any part in either the school or house duties.
Though, the thing being inevitable, she said little about it, Miss Leaf's heart was often sore to see Hilary's pretty hands smeared with blacking of grates, and roughened with scouring of floors. To herself this sort of thing had become natural--but Hilary!
All the time of Hilary's childhood, the youngest of the family had of course, been spared all house-work; and afterward her studies had left no time for it. For she was a clever girl, with a genuine love of knowledge Latin, Greek, and even the higher branches of arithmetic and mathematics, were not beyond her range; and this she found much more interesting than washing dishes or sweeping floors. True, she always did whatever domestic duty she was told to do; but her bent was not in the household line. She had only lately learned to "see dust," to make a pudding, to iron a shirt; and, moreover, to reflect, as she woke up to the knowedge of how these things should be done, and how necessary they were, what must have been her eldest sister's lot during all these twenty years! What pains, what weariness, what eternal toil must Johanna have silently endured in order to do all those things which till now had seemed to do themselves!
Therefore, after much cogitation as to the best and most prudent way to amend matters, and perceiving with her clear common sense that, willing as she might be to work in the kitchen, her own time would be much more valuably spent in teaching their growing school. It was Hilary who these Christmas holidays, first started the bold idea, "We must have a servant;" and therefore, it being necessary to begin with a very small servant on very low wages, (£3 per annum was, I fear the maximum), did they take this Elizabeth Hand. So, hanging behind her parent, an anxious-eyed, and rather sad-voiced woman, did Elizabeth enter the kitchen of the Misses Leaf.
The ladies were all there. Johanna arranging the table for their early tea: Selina lying on the sofa trying to cut bread and butter: Hilary on her knees before the fire, making the bit of toast, her eldest sister's one luxury.
This was the picture that her three mistresses presented to Elizabeth's eyes: which, hough they seemed to notice nothing, must, n reality, have noticed every thing.
"I've brought my daughter, ma'am, as you sent word you'd take on trial," said Mrs. Hand, addressing herself to Selina, who, as the tallest, the best dressed, and the most imposing, was usually regarded by strangers as the head of the family.
Miss Leaf came forward, rather uncertainly, for she was of a shy nature, and had been so long accustomed to do the servant's work of the household, that she felt quite awkward in the character of mistress. Instinctively she hid her poor hands, that would at once have betrayed her to the sharp eyes of the working-woman, and then, ashamed of her momentary false pride, laid them outside her apron and sat down.
"Will you take a chair, Mrs. Hand? My sister told you. I believe all our requirements
We only want a good, intelligent girl. We are willing to teach her every thing."
"Thank you, kindly; and I be willing and glad for her to learn, ma'am," replied the mother, her sharp and rather free tone subdued in spite of herself by the gentle voice of Miss Leaf. Of course, living in the same country town, she knew all about the three school-mistresses, and how till now they had kept no servant. "It's her first place, and her'll be awk'ard at first, most like. Hold up your head, Lizabeth."
"Far too long and too fine," observed Selina from the sofa. "Call her Betty."
"Any thing you please, Miss; but I call her Lizabeth. It wor my young missis's name in my first place, and I never had a second."
"We will call her Elizabeth," said Miss Leaf, with the gentle decision she could use on occasion.
There was a little more discussion between the mother and the future mistress as to holidays, Sundays, and so on, during which time the new servant stood silent and impassive in the door-way between the back kitchen and the kitchen, or, as it is called in those regions, the house-place.
As before said, Elizabeth was by no means, a personable girl, and her clothes did not set her off to advantage. Her cotton frock hung in straight lines down to her ankles, displaying her clumsily shod feet and woolen stockings; above it was a pinafore--a regular child's pinafore, of the cheap, strong, blue-speckled print which in those days was generally worn. A little shabby shawl, pinned at the throat, and pinned very carelessly and crookedly, with an old black bonnet, much too small for her large head and her quantities of ill kept hair, completed the costume. It did not impress favorably a lady who, being, or rather having been very handsome herself, was as much alive to appearances as the second Miss Leaf.
She made several rather depreciatory observations, and insisted strongly that the new servant should only be taken "on trial," with no obligation to keep her a day longer than they wished. Her feeling on the matter communicated itself to Johanna, who closed the negotiation with Mrs. Hand, by saying.
"Well, let us hope your daughter will suit us. We will give her a fair chance at all events."
"Which is all I can ax for, Miss Leaf. Her bean't much to look at, but her's willin' sharp, and her's never told me a lie in her life. Courtesy to thy missis, and say thee'lt do thy best, Lizabeth."
Pulled forward Elizabeth did courtesy, but she never offered to speak. And Miss Leaf, feeling that for all parties the interview had better be shortened, rose from her chair.
Mrs. Hand took the hint and departed, saying only, "Good-by, Lizabeth," with a nod, half-encouraging, half-admonitory, which Elizabeth silently returned. That was all the parting between mother and daughter; they neither kissed nor shook hands, which undemonstrative farewell somewhat surprised Hilary.
Now, Miss Hilary Leaf had all this while gone on toasting. Luckily for her bread the fire was low and black; meantime, from behind her long drooping curls (which Johanna would not let her "turn up," though she was twenty), she was making her observations on the new servant. It might be that, possessing more head than the one and more heart than the other, Hilary was gifted with deeper perception of character than either of her sisters, but certainly her expression, as she watched Elizabeth, was rather amused and kindly that dissatisfied.
"Now, girl, take off your bonnet," said Selina, to whom Johanna had silently appealed in her perplexity as to the next proceeding with regard to the new member of the household.
Elizabeth obeyed, and then stood, irresolute, awkward, and wretched to the last degree, at the furthest end of the house-place.
"Shall I show you where to hang up your things?" said Hilary, speaking for the first time; and at the new voice, so quick, cheerful, and pleasant, Elizabeth visibly started.
Miss Hilary rose from her knees, crossed the kitchen, took from the girl's unresisting hands the old black bonnet and shawl, and hung them up carefully on a nail behind the great eight-day clock. It was a simple action, done quite without intention, and accepted without acknowledgment, except one quick glance of that keen, yet soft grey eye; but years and years after Elizabeth reminded Hilary of it.
And now Elizabeth stood forth in her own proper likeness, unconcealed by bonnet or shawl, or maternal protection. The pinafore scarcely covered her gaunt neck and long arms; that tremendous head of rough, dusky hair was evidently for the first time gathered into a comb. Thence elf locks escaped in all directions, and were forever being pushed behind her ears, or rubbed (not smoothed; there was nothing smooth about her) back from her forehead, which, Hilary noticed, was low, broad, and full. The rest of her face, except the before-mentioned eyes was absolutely and undeniably plain. Her figure, so far as the pinafore exhibited it, was undeveloped and ungainly, the chest being contracted and the shoulders rounded, as if with carrying children or other weights while still a growing girl. In fact, nature and circumstances had apparently united in dealing unkindly with Elizabeth Hand.
Still here she was; and what was to be done with her?
Having sent her with the small burden, which was apparently all her luggage, to the little room--formerly a box-closet--where she was to sleep, the Misses Leaf--or as facetious neighbors called them, the Miss Leaves--took serious counsel together over their tea.
Tea itself suggested the first difficulty. They were always in the habit of taking that meal, and indeed every other, in the kitchen. It saved time, trouble, and fire, besides leaving the parlor always tidy for callers, chiefly pupils' parents, and preventing these latter from discovering that the three orphan daughters of Henry Leaf, Esq., solicitor, and sisters of Henry Leaf, Junior, Esq., also solicitor, but whose sole mission in life seemed to have been to spend every thing, make every body miserably, marry, and die, that these three ladies did always wait upon themselves at meal-time, and did sometimes breakfast without butter, and dine without meat. Now this system would not do any longer.
"Besides, there is no need for it," said Hilary, cheerfully. "I am sure we can well afford both to keep and to feed a servant, and to have a fire in the parlor every day. Why not take our meals there, and sit there regularly of evenings?"
"We must," added Selina, decidedly. "For my part, I couldn't eat, or sew, or do any thing with that great hulking girl sitting starting opposite, or standing; for how could we ask her to sit with us? Already, what must she have thought of us--people who take tea in the kitchen?"
"I do not think that matters," said the eldest sister, gently, after a moment's silence. "Every body in the town knows who and what we are, or might, if they chose to inquire. We cannot conceal our poverty if we tried; and I don't think any body looks down upon us for it. Not even since we began to keep school, which you thought was such a terrible thing, Selina."
"And it was. I have never reconciled myself to teaching the baker's two boys and the grocer's little girl. You were wrong, Johanna, you ought to have drawn the line somewhere, and it ought to have excluded trades-people."
"Beggars can not be choosers," began Hilary.
"No, my dear, we were never that," said Miss Leaf, interposing against one of the sudden storms that were often breaking out between these two. "You know well we have never begged or borrowed from any body, and hardly ever been indebted to any body, except for the extra lessons that Mr. Lyon would insist upon giving to Ascott at home."
Here Johanna suddenly stopped, and Hilary, with a slight co
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