Domestic Femdom

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Domestic Femdom


by Peter Dirk |

posted in: Femdom , General , Guides |

13

Get A Convincing Open Letter To Send To A Prospective Dominant The easy way to get your partner to think about trying a Female Dominated Relationship
I am reaching out for some help. I have written a piece that I’d like reviewed by women in order to get their feedback. If you feel you’d like to help, could you email me at femalereverence@gmail.com where I can send you the piece and listen to your thoughts. Many thanks, Peter.
Get A Convincing Open Letter To Send To A Prospective Dominant The easy way to get your partner to think about trying a Female Dominated Relationship
What is surprising to learn for many is how many men have some form of ‘dominant woman’ fantasy in their desires. For some, it takes the form of visiting a ‘mistress’, and for others, it’s preferred to be within the confines of the household.
While it’s common in many men, it’s fair to say the fantasy is not as common for women. For women, it often comes as a request by their partner.
However, in many stable relationships, our own included, the female is the dominant partner around the house. It is her domain, and I’d suggest this is common, whether a couple realizes it or not.
Culture certainly reinforces this stereotype. How many TV shows and situational comedies have the female as the decision maker in the home, and the male as the slightly more reckless and less thoughtful partner, who needs the guidance of his wife to make better, and more appropriate decisions.
Within a household, it is often the woman’s word that is final.
So women take the lead role in many areas, the home being the most common where it is considered more ‘normal’, whatever that is.
The more in control of his life a man is, the more he may desire a more dominant presence at home, including all the rewards, humiliations, and punishments that it may entail.
So, it’s important to realize that a woman taking a more authoritative role over her man within a relationship is not just about performance in the bedroom, or having to convert the spare bedroom into a BDSM dungeon.
Many wives in their authoritative role, in fact, do not go in for this at all, so there are many avenues to see how you feel in this role to explore.
In essence, you can just be you, doing whatever you feel comfortable with while recognizing you have a male partner who craves your decisions and will be at ease with what you request of him.
So, if you find yourself having read this far, your husband or boyfriend has probably mentioned to you his desire for you to ‘take a bit more charge’ with him, or you at least suspect this is something he wants.
Firstly, this is completely normal behavior. It is a favorite fantasy amongst men, especially those who tend to be in control in so many other areas of their life. They desire this aspect specifically and have chosen you first.
This for many women can be a new frontier, but also for many it’s an exciting step into the unknown.
Your first thought is that this is all about kinky and deviant sex. That this is all some trick to get you into thigh-high boots and whip usage. While that’s something you might want to explore, it is not just about that.
A dominant wife is about so much more, as you will learn.
If it’s purely a sexual thing for him, then so be it, but you can always add some terms of your own in there.
What a dominant wife fantasy is more about is often described as Domestic Discipline (DD). Domestic discipline in this scenario is where the wife takes charge within certain agreed parameters and rules of the household, and her husband’s affairs and usage of time.
There are no hard and fast rules to it, you can invent your own, or be guided by what you read, as long as you both agree to the terms.
The dominant wife will expect tasks to be performed, and usually has authority over rewards and punishments, for lazy or inappropriate behavior. The key is more an authoritative guidance stance and less prison guard like mentality.
However, the dominant wife is the judge and jury over her domain. Her issuance of tasks is to be met with standards, and she can dish out corrective measures, or punishments as she deems fit.
Another term you often hear is Head-Of-Household HOH), which is just a different way of saying the same thing. Additionally, it can also be called a Female Led Relationship ( FLR ). sometimes they are used interchangeably, but I like to think of an FLR as more pervasive, and the dominant wife has more scope to act outside of the household. 
Again, no hard and fast rules, you should feel comfortable with whatever confines you desire.
It is quite possible that your thoughts have been running away with you. Images of inflicting lasting pain and severe humiliation which embarrasses you somewhat might be running through your head. 
I can dispel this right now. A dominant wife is more in control of all the aspects she desires to be in control of. Anything off-putting you do not have to do.
You are not a mistress or madam from an advert in the papers. You do not have to perform acts of torture as corrective behavior modification. Nor do you have to inflict pain.
In short, you do NOT have to change your personality to fulfill the role.
Nor do you have to remodel a room so it has crosses, a strapon bench, and shackles in every conceivable case. You don’t have to have a personality transplant or pretend to be someone else.
In many ways, your life might not change at all. With friends and family, you do not have to change. Trips to the cinema as a date do not suddenly have to become secret BDSM trips.
A dominant wife will switch to be more dominant when she feels like it. Sometimes you will want that authority, sometimes you won’t. You decide if it’s the time and place for it. That’s it.
You also do not have to make all his decisions for him. You don’t have to pick out his socks in the morning and tell him what fruit to eat. He is not a slave.
Chances are good he will just want you to make decisions that you feel are important to you and is prepared to give you the authority to make him perform under your instruction.
As a dominant wife you will get the autonomy to decide whether something should be a joint decision in which you require his input, and when you don’t and just require him to do something. The choice is yours.
Oddly, it is often not about being domineering or overly bossy, unless of course you both like that. You don’t have to nitpick and make him perform trivial tasks naked for your amusement, although that can certainly be within the confines of a dominant wife fantasy.
You don’t have to constantly belittle him and humiliate him in public. 
It’s more about being dominant, rather than bossy. A distinction that eludes some people, but it is more about you having normal wishes met, as if you were the natural authority. Think of him more as an underling at work that you actually like. You don’t have to be ‘the bitch’, but at the end of the day your wishes will need to be met.
The internet is full of very weird things, and none more so than in the BDSM arena. Making your husband dress as french maid 24 hours a day may be OK for some people, but most dominant wives in a female led relationship would be uncomfortable with this.
That’s more degrading than humiliating , so while it might be OK for a kinky punishment , it’s not really what is meant by a dominant wife.
You do not need to feminize your husband either. You do not need to make him take up knitting as a hobby and watch him walk around in a dress. The male can still do male things. He does not have to change his friends, or give up sports. He can still do ‘guy things’. 
You also, and absolutely DO NOT have to be inflicting pain as a sadomasochistic pleasure. You do not need to cackle while whipping him, as if this is part of your psychological makeup. He will be wanting a strict and dominant wife, who has boundaries and applies her discretion about tasks and punishments for his behavior.
Most surprisingly it is not all about sex either. It is certainly an important element, and he will likely want some control from you in the bedroom, it is not normally just within those confines. He probably has some fantasies where there is natural female authority though. That is normal.
With a dominant wife, sex can certainly be a major aspect of the control, but he will more than likely crave more than just sex. Somewhere he has a need for you to correct a behavior that willpower alone has not accomplished.
So now we know what it isn’t, just to clear up a few myths, then what exactly is the dominant wife relationship all about.
Well, maybe this is a good point to mention that a dominant wife within a marriage or long term partnership will look like all your other relationships in many ways. The cornerstone of a long-lasting partnership will not be compromised.
The dominant wife within her partnership, whether husband or otherwise, will base her decisions on staying with him like any other woman. Whatever reason she has chosen him will not be subject to change.
A dominant wife will take into account his decisions on a multitude of issues, like any other marriage or partnership. Trips away, holidays and parenting are all very much a joint decision.
So if it’s the same, what exactly do you do in this dominant wife pairing? How does it work?
Let’s take a little time to see how it might play out.
Let’s take a fictional couple called Tim and Claire. They have what you might be considered a ‘normal’ life. A mortgage, both have jobs, they discuss major buying decisions and both parent their small children. Tim is a successful professional and has asked Claire to be a ‘bit more dominant’. After discussion they decide to try a female led relationship, with Claire to perform the role of a dominant wife.
Around the house, and after work Tim can be a bit lazy and often doesn’t clean up after himself. He is a proud man, and he is getting very relaxed in his sedentary lifestyle. He needs an impetus to improve himself.
So Claire gives him 3 chores to do each week. Keep the bathroom clean at all times, take the garbage out on Tuesday evening and vacuum the living room and hallway every weekend.
She also decides to put him on a bit of a fitness drive. He is to do 20 press-ups and 20 sit-ups every day. She also gets him to walk a few miles of an occasional evening. She weighs him every Sunday morning. If he starts to lose weight and get a bit more muscular she will reward him. If he doesn’t and suspects he is cheating, she can limit his meals, get him to ask permission to eat snacks, even at work. She can increase the distance he is walking and get him to make a healthy breakfast each morning.
If she catches him cheating or doesn’t believe he isn’t she can restrict privileges to the TV, limit his time on the games machine. She can also administer corporal punishment for severe transactions.
She also inspects his chores to check he is doing them correctly. She can reissue instructions, clarify or otherwise change the chore. Again, if they are done well she can reward him, or if not correct his behavior. Tim really hates feminization as a BDSM play, so maybe Claire can threaten to make him wear some frilly silk panties to work if the chores aren’t done well enough.
In all other areas of married life Tim and Claire appear ‘normal’. They chat about their days together and Claire makes the evening meals. There is no dungeon being built, Tim has no whip marks and Claire hasn’t purchased some thigh-high leather boots and altered her personality.
Maybe Tim slips a bit on the press-ups and isn’t doing them correctly. After instruction he still isn’t doing them properly. Maybe Claire limits his TV time, or says if he hasn’t learned how to do a ‘proper press up’ by Friday he will not be allowed to watch his favorite TV show. Or maybe she can send him to bed early.
The point here that Claire is not a ‘controlling bitch’, enthusiastically belittling her partner and delighting in his failure. She is using her role as a dominant wife in order to make Tim live up to what he can be. She is using her authority to make him a better man.
From Tim’s point of view, he has given his wife authority to improve himself, and make her life a little easier. Not only has he relinquished his willpower to achieve to her in certain areas, he has given her the power to restrict his enjoyments, and issue corrective measures to improve himself.
The reality is a dominant wife can live within the confines of a perfectly normal relationship.
A question most females have when starting this journey would be ‘why the hell do men submit themselves to this?’ Additionally, has his personality changed?, and will I have to accept that my husband has changed?
While it can be a little daunting, there are some reasonably simple sets of psychology at work. There is nothing to fear, and no, your man has not changed.
In fact, chances are good that he has had a desire to have a dominant female in his life for a while, and he chose you while harboring this passion. He is only now mentioning it to you, and feels comfortable with you being the one he has ‘confessed to’.
If he is dropping hints, or you suspect that might be what he wants from other requests, why not start the conversation yourself. It can take a lot of courage to tell someone that, especially as in the male world it might be considered weak. It isn’t but it can unfortunately be presented that way.
If you don’t want to tackle the subject directly, tll him you have read a book on the female led relationships, or someone at work was talking about it. Just ask him what his initial thoughts are, and see if he bites, and opens up about it.
At the very least it is not helpful to either laugh or outright dismiss his desire for a female led relationship. That is likely to be completely counterproductive.
Why he wants you to take more control, and what the limits of that control are, will be different with every male who desires this type of relationship.
Personally, I believe it has something to do with balance between a professional and private life. Society puts a lot of pressure on men to provide, and their basic instincts are competitive. As such many men make a successful career in their professional lives. At work, they can often be the proverbial ‘king of the jungle’ and they are in control of the tasks of others. Day to day at work they are the decision makers.
As a counterbalance, they require an element of their life where they are not in control. They desire a private life where the decision making is taken from them. It is a therapeutic measure for them, and as such they really prefer their wife to be a dominant wife. 
It satisfies a need within them. And they have chosen you.
Ironically, a dominant wife not only can benefit you but can actually lead to a more harmonious relationship.
It sounds paradoxical I know, but here’s what I mean.
In a typical relationship the female may do a little more of the household chores than the male. The male may only do a few, and really resent doing them when he does. If at all they will be a bit half baked. The female may get a bit resentful, maybe even bite her lip for a bit. Eventually though an argument will ensue and resentment might actually grow over time. The female nags a bit, and the male complains. It can be a repetitive cycle.
A dominant wife within a female led relationship will play out differently though, and will work for the benefit of both the male and female.
In the above scenario, within a female led relationship the female is clearly the head of the household. She has blanket authority, given to her consensually, to dish out chores in order to keep the house functioning the way she likes it. As such, she can give the male a list of tasks to be completed to a standard. She can insist they are done before a TV football match or he will not be allowed to watch it.
He has some clearly defined tasks with a punishment for non-completion. It is not outlandish, it just the dominant wife exercising her right. The male can then decide how much he wants to watch the game in relation to his chores. He can complete them satisfactorily, or face a punishment that he does not wish to receive. The dominant wife has the autonomy to make the punishment more severe as well.
In the end, the male will relent most probably as his dominant wife has exercised her authority and will feel duty-bound to comply. In the end, a cycle of resentment has been averted and both the wife and the husband will be happier.
In many relationships the wife can punish the husband in a multitude of ways, but with a dominant wife then the punishment is consensual.
It is entirely possible that with you being a dominant wife, the domestic routine may not change very much, it is just that between you there is a clearly defined role. Far from feeling that you will be sidelined and ignored, you will have an authority given to you that makes the household run a lot smoother.
As a small word of warning, both from experience and having knowledge of the Stanford prison experiment, it is not advisable to take things too far, especially without discussion with him on the balance being applied.
If you are too picky, too domineering or start getting him to do things where he starts to feel that it is a power trip, then it won’t work. At least not for long. Your goal should not be to turn him into an automaton, a completely unthinking being, who has to ask permission to do anything, and receives punishments on a whim. He will quickly tire of it.
The idea is to use your authority to keep the household running, give him tasks and instructions to improve him and throw in a little kink if you so desire, in order to keep things fun , fresh and exciting.
The thought of starting a dominant wife relationship is exciting for many, however for most who cautiously go into this lifestyle, their thoughts turn to the discipline part of it.
It’s easy to request that the dishes are washed, but what if they aren’t done. What if a chore isn’t performed as well as you know he can do it. You suspect he did it half-heartedly, and want to discipline him. How do you go about doing that?
If you have experienced this emotion, then you are not alone.
Every woman who has been asked this will have been there at some point, so for now it’s good that you are entertaining the idea, and are wondering what will a dominant wife do, and be expected of her. Further, how do you start?
The society we live in tends to make men more comfortable with authority, and often there is a natural default to it, and as such many women feel a certain reluctance to assume the role.
Typically then, although not a certainty, the husband will make the request to the wife. Despite many fiction and erotic novels depicting the idea of an empowered woman sauntering through life with men willing to commit to any task at the click of her fingers, this is not the normal way it starts.
Again, from everyone I have spoken to, the idea was proposed by the male, more often than not. It most probably is your situation if you are reading this.
He also probably wasn’t recently having these thoughts and came to you immediately. Chances are pretty good that he feels comfortable having told you, was a little unsure of how you might take it, and is keen to know your initial thoughts.
He has most likely been waiting for the right woman, in order to let her have some authority over him. This goes far beyond sexual proclivities, and satisfies a need to be ‘out of control’ in an area of his life.
So most female led relationships start by the male initiating a conversation, and the female having no idea.
Many women faced with the idea for the first time,
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