Doggy Style Hurts

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Doggy Style Hurts
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If you have experienced vaginal or pelvic pain during sex, you will understand the emotional stress it causes.
The pain will greatly affect your sexual function, which is disconcerting. Not only does it disrupt one of life’s pleasures, but it can also be disruptive to a relationship.
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My girlfriend always has pain when we do it doggystyle.  She thinks I am hitting her cervix.  How can we have sex in that position without hitting the cervix?  We usually have doggystyle with her on her hands and knees.  Sometimes we do it with her face in a pillow, no hands, on her knees.  Either variation of doggystyle hurts.  Could someone explain to me where the cervix is located if I am behind my girlfriend while she is on her hands and knees?  Note:  I am average sized


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Janice M Epp, PhD
Jan 27, 2009


Hello.

The cervix is located at the very end of the vaginal barrel. Once a woman is very turned on, the cervix rises up and out of the way. If a woman isn't sufficiently aroused, the cervix may get bumped by the penis, which can cause cramping/pain. So the solution is not to have doggy-style sex, during which the penis penetrates deeply until and unless your girlfriend is very, very turned on. Or you could try not thrusting so deeply and asking your girlfriend how it feels. Ask her to tell you when it's getting uncomfortable and then try another position. Dr. J


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Shout-out to all my ladies who are with dudes on the, ahem, bigger side.
Like all things sex, doggy style sex can come with a lot of questions. So, if you’ve ever wondered if you’re doing doggy “correctly” (spoiler: doggy has a ton of different varieties and tweaks so any variation of your-partner-entering-you-from-behind is “correct”!), rest assured, you’re not alone. If you’re wondering about the intricacies of pulling it off (are you supposed to be on your hands, elbows, or arms?) or if you’re just wondering about how to make it more comfy for you, we’ve got answers for you!
Here are some of the most commonly asked doggy style-centric questions, along with expert insight from Carmel Jones , sex and relationship coach and writer at The Big Fling ; and Gigi Engle , LifeStyles brand ambassador, certified sex coach, and author of All the F*cking Mistakes: A Guide to Sex, Love, and Life , to help.
You can do doggy in any variety of ways (so whichever is most comfortable for you, do that!), with one of the more common ways is with you leaning or resting on your hands or arms, explains Jones. “Some people like to get on all fours on the bed and rest on their hands,” which is considered the most “classic” form of doggy, according to Jones. And if you’re looking for even deeper sensation, Jones recommends keeping your butt up higher, arching your back, or resting on your forearms instead of hands or palms: If you do yoga, “Imagine it like Child’s Pose with your bum in the air,” Jones adds.
Before we get into this, let’s just note that queefing is totally normal (check out our list of fascinating queef-tastic facts here if you’re so inclined) and something you can’t “hold in” or control. Because doggy is a relaxing position that causes your pelvic muscles to be raised, more air can get inside, which might explain why doggy leads to queefing more so than other positions, explains Jones. Queefing is also caused by movement or changing positions, which could be the reason why. “The shift in your position might also contribute to the motion of air flowing out. But you must remember, that's all it is: air. It's nothing to be ashamed of anyway,” she adds.
Just like queefing, there could be a variety of reasons why you feel bloated after doggy style, explains Jones. One reason could be if you have a tipped uterus (more common than you’d think, FYI!) Women with a tipped uterus often describe discomfort during doggy style, says Jones. If you think this is you, talk it over with your OBGYN who can assess if the bloated feeling is attributed to your anatomy.
If you’re having a little trouble getting there during doggy-style, you’re not alone. Actually, not to make you feel basic, but there are plenty of women with the same issue. A 2017 study found that 36 percent of women need clitoral stimulation in order to orgasm. And let’s face it, doggy-style isn’t exactly heavy on the clit rubbing.
But it doesn’t have to be that way. “Get your clitoris involved by bringing in some sex toys,” says Engle. “A smaller toy is easier to maneuver over the clitoris since you’re balancing with one hand on the bed and the other on your clit,” she says.
But honestly, know that doggy just isn’t the right position for everyone when it comes to having an orgasm—and that’s totally chill. “Doggy-style can be enjoyable without orgasms, so don’t put so much pressure on yourself to come,” she says. Instead, mix up your sex positions so you can find which position does.
According to Engle, all you really need to get maximum depth next time you and bae are doing it doggy is a slight tweak to your positioning. “Try moving onto your elbows for support instead of being on straight all-fours,” she says. “This can get your partner deeper.” Another option? Try out flat doggy, where you lie on your stomach and your partner lies directly on top of you, says Engle.
If you’re not feeling super ~connected~ to your bae during doggy, it might be time to slo-mo this B. “Doggy-style is often depicted in porn as this rough and intense pounding position, and it really doesn’t need to be this way,” says Engle. “Slow everything down. Have your partner thrust with purpose.” Engle actually recommends slowing things down as a rule of thumb whenever you want things to feel a bit more intimate in bed. “When in doubt, slow down the sex to make it more sensual,” she says.
If you’re craving some mid-coital smooches, there’s even a way to get that taken care of. “You can even sit back on your knees, with your partner still inside you, so they can kiss your neck and grab your breasts,” says Engle. “All of this makes the position very intimate and sexy.”
If you’re dealing with this issue, Engle says that first and foremost, you have to make sure you’re, like, 110 percent turned on before any P goes into your V. “This can take 20 to 30 minutes for women,” she says. “Oral sex is a must. The vagina naturally expands when it’s aroused. If you’re not ready for penetration, there can be pain and even tearing. This is the biggest cause for female pain during sex.”
In addition to being aroused, make sure you have a handy bottle of lube lying around on deck. “Lube is a must. We need to stop having shame around lube,” she says. “It doesn’t matter how wet you get, you should always be using more lube. The wetter, the better. This will help with discomfort.”
Alright, so there are a few reasons he could be slipping out of you so often: “It could be that he has a smaller penis or it could be that your thrusting movements are too big and you’re out of sync with your rhythm,” says Engle.
No matter what the reasoning behind the regular slip-outs, Engle says it’s nothing a little good old-fashioned communication can’t fix. “The easiest way to handle it is to decide which one of you is moving and which one of you is staying still during this position,” she instructs. “That way, you don’t wind up disconnected." Or try flat doggy, as described above, since this positioning gives a more controlled depth, which can make staying in easier.
If the classic knees-down-ass-up doggy isn’t working for you, Engle recommends working a pillow into the mix when you’re doing it the OG way. “Being on all fours can cause a lot of banging around of the cervix, which is not ideal,” she says. “Try placing a pillow or two under your hips for more lift.”
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Have an embarrassing sex question? Chances are someone else has already asked it on Reddit (or hey, maybe that was you!). Known as "the front page of the internet," Reddit is where web-savvy people crowdsource answers to pretty much any question… like this one . Feel free to check out what other commenters had to say, but we went straight to an expert to get the facts. Check it out, below:
The question: I've recently started dating someone that I’ve known for a long time. Our sex is amazing… I normally don’t orgasm the first few times I have sex with a new guy due to lack of relaxing or I don’t know what but with him I have. My only problem is we tried doggy the other night and it really hurt. It’s not like he’s extremely large and far from small but it just really hurt. He is a little on the thicker side which I love when its during missionary and on top but not so much from behind. Now before anyone gives advice on using lube, that is not the problem. I get extremely wet and am very naturally lubricated but does anyone have other suggestions or have dealt with this same issue and suddenly overcame it?
The expert: Jennifer Landa, M.D., Chief Medical Officer of BodyLogicMD and author of The Sex Drive Solution for Women .
You're definitely not alone here. Doggy style is one of sexiest positions because it lets your guy go deep—way deep—to get that blow-your-mind orgasm you crave. But sometimes that deep thrusting hits your most sensitive spots in a not-so-fun way.
Problems with the position usually have to do with his penis hitting your cervix, says Landa. "The cervix can also be more tender at some parts of the cycle than others. Tenderness is usually worse during ovulation. Plus, some women have a tilted uterus , causing the cervix to be tipped toward the back of the vagina." When this happens, the cervix is much closer to the opening of the vagina so his member is more likely to hit your most sensitive spot.
Does that mean you're relegated to on-your-back-only positions for the rest of your life? No way! Your vagina has the amazing ability to expand when you're aroused, giving you extra space for his penis. The key is to make sure you get in plenty of foreplay before going doggy so your body is ready. Make sure you use plenty of lube, too.
And if that still doesn't help, speak up! Try telling your guy that you’d like to control the action when you get into doggy position. Have him kneel or stand behind you while you thrust backwards. Being in control of the speed and depth means you can stop before it gets to a painful spot and focus on where it does feel good.
Going into a modified doggy style helps, too. Try lying facedown on the bed and stick a few pillows underneath your waist or your middle to modify the angle. You can also keep your legs a little closer together so that he can't go quite as deep. Both tweaks let you experience this sensual position without the discomfort.
Here's the thing: Sex shouldn't hurt, no matter what position you choose. Make sure your between-the-sheets action includes plenty of foreplay and communication so you can get all the amazing benefits without any aches.

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