Does Fisting Feel Good

Does Fisting Feel Good

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Last weekend, I attended and presented at a Presentation Party Night (I highly recommend the experience, whether you attend or decide to present) and my presentation was on vaginal fisting. It was basically a how-to type of presentation that I made in Power Point that highlighted consent, safety, and method, all very important things but as I was in a room full of straight-up (and likely mostly straight) strangers, I didn’t want to fully out myself as a transsexual man that enjoys getting vaginally fisted. I made some allusions, but yeah, I wasn’t quite brave enough to stand up and be all, “Yo! I love being fisted and I have a vagina of steel! Let me tell you how it feels!”
I felt kind of bad when, during the question and answer segment, a woman in the audience pointed out that I didn’t say anything about how it feels or many positives aspects of it. She was right, I didn’t say much about how it feels and I over-focused on, “Use lube! Don’t wear rings! Trim your damn fingernails!” This is my chance to rectify that situation.
You know that moment when you’re completely connected to your body, and your mind, and your emotions, and your sense of trust? I usually don’t feel that. But if somebody I love or trust or love and trust has their fist up in me, I experience that combination and it is euphoric. It’s a culmination of all the great things. It’s the sexual simile to watching the X-Files and cuddling while talking about yur day.
I was born female but I’ve lived as male for the last ten years. I know a lot of trans men feel incredibly uncomfortable about penetration but, obviously, I don’t. I’ve had plenty of sex with cisgendered men, and I’m okay with penises and stuff, but my favorite sexual pleasure will always be getting fisted by a woman.
Let me break it down for you: if I take my pants off for you, you are special. Granted, during specific manic phases I’ve been known to show my nether-regions to people who are practically strangers, but those cases are few and far-between. If I let you get me off by penetrating me, you’re even cooler.
If I ask you to shove your fist in me, you are golden and I have established trust and communication with you. I will totally ask somebody I don’t love to fist me, but it feels so much better if I also love the person. It makes me feel incredibly connected to them, and that makes for a very arousing experience. It almost feels spiritual, even though I am not a spiritual or religious person.
The best thing about getting fisted is the emotional connection it can bring on (though not always). I can get off with two adept fingers (or a less adept penis, or an even less adept strap-on) for sure, but there’s something special about being spread-eagle on a bed and letting another person insert a rather large portion of their body in me. My junk is all out in the open, for their eyes to see. That’s hard for me to do as a trans person — let it all hang out.
And if I want a person’s fist in me, I want their eyes to look at me while they’re doing it. I want them to know what they are doing, and how I am reacting, and I want to know how they are reacting. Having a fist in me promotes communication. “Is this okay?” Those are magical words to me and get me even hotter.
Don’t even get me started with “Does this hurt?” Yes, it hurts and it is wonderful, and please, please do it harder.
To me fisting can be a very intimate act. There are a few moments when a chosen partner is working their hand into me, before it’s a fist, and the situation is all body language, eye contact, and verbal communication. It’s me letting go of myself, letting walls fall (because I have a great deal of anxiety around being touched in an even non-sexual context) and opening up (pun intended.) It’s knowing that I might ejaculate, and that might freak my partner out or embarrass me, so it’s also me letting myself be very, very vulnerable. Even just the act of saying, “Will you fist me?” puts me in a vulnerable position. They could say no, and then I could feel embarrassed about this little kink of mine.
Physically, it is amazing. I love getting fisted while being kissed. It’s the perfect set-up and it makes my body feel taken care of. And I know it sounds gross, and straight-up straight porn-ish, but I love feeling full. I like feeling as much of a person as I can, and them feeling me, and feeling a part of my body that most people aren’t allowed to go near. I like the communication surrounding how it feels for both parties; I like feeling safe enough to tell them when it hurts too much, or when it doesn’t hurt enough. I like being in control of when I’m ready for them to extract their fist so I can feel my body orgasm on its own, and I like having an orgasm when a fist is still in me, because there’s nothing hotter than muscles contracting and fixing a wonderfully stimulating hand where it’s at until things settle down.
I don’t know how it feels to be fisted as a woman. I wasn’t that adventurous when I was femaleidentified. I also don’t know how it feels to be anally fisted because my butt is off-limits. (And guys, I know the “Oops, wrong hole!” trick — don’t try it. I’m onto you.) I can only tell you what I know as a sensitive, slightly masochistic, and pervy transman. And I can tell you that it’s amazing and emotional, and if you really want to make me happy in bed, ask me if you can fist me. Because sometimes having to ask my partners all the time gets old.
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You think you know, but you have no idea.
If your idea of fisting is having someone shove their clutched fist up your vagina , then you've got it all wrong. Instead of that punch to the vag approach, fisting actually consists of your partner entering his or her fingers into your love tunnel one by one—until all five digits are past the threshold.
“Fisting [is the] sexual practice in which someone’s entire hand and all five fingers are inserted into the vagina or rectum,” says Ian Kerner, Ph.D., sex therapist and author of She Comes First.
As you might imagine, there’s a lot of potential for things to go wrong with this intense move. If you rush into it, your partner’s hand can damage your vaginal muscles and cause scraping and scratches, says Kerner. Eek!
However, when done in a safely with a partner you trust, fisting can provide a pleasurable sense of fullness and lots of vaginal stimulation , says Kerner. So if you and your S.O. want to give fisting a whirl, here’s how to do it the right way.
Safety First
Because your vagina is about to experience some seriously stimulating "fullness," Kerner recommends keeping lots of lube on hand to use throughout the experience. Hygiene is another major factor when getting hands-y, he says. To prevent scrapes or bacteria from entering your lady bits, make sure your partner’s hands are clean and their fingernails are short. Having latex gloves, or finger condoms, if you will, isn’t a bad idea either. They act as a barrier and can make entering easier, says Kerner.
Foreplay Before You Finger
Getting five fingers in your vagina is no easy task! The key to proper fisting is to stay in the mood. The more aroused and relaxed you are, the better chance you have of nailing this act says Kerner. So start slow with some touching, kissing, massaging, oral, or whatever, before you go deep.
Start Slow
“The general technique is start by entering two fingers to the vagina,” says Kerner. “And you want to start feeling comfortable with those fingers.” Then, once you’re feeling good, your partner can slowly add a third finger. He'll want to bundle his fingers together to form a beak-like shape as he continues to maneuver his hand in, says Kerner. At this point, you can encourage your partner to use his thumb to hit the clitoris for stimulation (because yessssss), while his three fingers stroke the G-spot.
Take It Further
For many couples, having three fingers inside the vagina is enough. But, if you’re feeling A-OK and are ready to take it up a notch, grab more lube and have your partner continue on by inserting his pinky and thumb into the beak formation with the rest of his fingers. Then, slowly and gradually he can move deeper, inserting his knuckles and eventually the wrist.
Once his hand is fully inside you, he can try to expand his fingers to provide different types of stimulation such as using his knuckles to hit the G-spot or turning his hand if it feels good, says Kerner. However, if you’re aiming for an orgasm , then you’re going to want to hit the clit. “The clitoral stimulation is going to be a big enhancer [with fisting],” says Kerner. He suggests calling in backup such as a sex toy, his other hand, or even oral to hit the spot.
Talk Him Through It
You've gotta keep communicating about what feels good and what doesn't, says Kerner. As he’s entering you, describe the sensation and maybe give him advice on what to do next. Kerner says to have him focus on slower, gentler movements as opposed to thrusting like a penis.
Scratching or too much thrusting in your vagina can be dangerous, says Kerner. And if you're feeling anything more than slight discomfort, shut it down. If you're just slightly uncomfortable, add more lube .

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