Do Women Like Anal

Do Women Like Anal
What Women Love & Hate About Anal Sex

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What Women Love And Hate About Anal Sex

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Anal sex is one of the few remaining aspects of sex that many people consider risqué, perhaps even taboo.
However, that's beginning to change. Anal sex has gone mainstream with TV shows like The Mindy Project and Girls featuring anal play in primetime. "Many women who are considering anal sex for the first time have lots of questions. Most commonly, women have concerns that it will be painful, uncomfortable, and/or awkward. Nervous first-timers should start with plenty of foreplay, take things very slowly, and use lots of lube. Above all else, couples should be sure to communicate openly about what feels good and what doesn't," says Tristan Weedmark, We-Vibe 's global passion ambassador.
Of course, as in any other type of sexual connection, mutual trust is key.
Once you can get past the hang-ups or the fears many of us have, anal sex can open new doors to pleasure. "Many women and men experience the most intense orgasms through the new experience of anal exploration. Kick it up a notch for her by adding clitoral stimulation , either manually or with a powerful mini-vibe," says Weedmark.
But still, anal sex is one of those things women have very strong feelings about. Some love it, and some hate it… and for that reason, we got to the bottom of it (so to speak!) about how women really feel. Keep this in mind before broaching the back door in your own bedroom.
It feels really good when you take a good poop, so one would imagine that's the draw for trying some anal, right? Not really, says one woman I surveyed. "I've suffered from hemorrhoids from a very young age, so I had to be very comfortable applying creams to my butthole and using suppositories. I absolutely CRINGE at the thought of how the suppository makes its way up your canal before your anus closes and swallows it whole. It gives me the heebie-jeebies — like nails on a chalkboard. So, while I really like the satisfying feeling you get when something comes out of the butt, there's just no way I can fathom a cock going in there," says Alex, from Florida.
This seems to be the top reason as to why women say no to anal sex. "Let's face it. Guys that like being pegged enjoy it as it the dildo stimulates their prostate gland and that pleasure overrides most of the pain of entry," says Coleen Singer of Sssh.com , a porn site for women and couples. "Women don't have that benefit and unless totally relaxed and very well lubricated. Personally, if I haven't had anal sex for a while, I'll pop in a medium size butt plug for an hour or so before taking the penis as it relaxes the sphincter and makes penetration much more pleasant," says Singer.
Sometimes women are turned off by the hygienic and health aspects of anything going on in the backdoor. "Many women express concern about this as an issue, but as long as you poop and then everything is cleaned out prior with an enema beforehand, there is very little chance of catching anything in there! I prefer natural enemas with no scent as these tend to irritate the rectum which can lead to a painful experience," says Singer.
"Another thing I have heard from many women is that from the anatomical point of view there simply can be no pleasure out of anal sex for women," says Singer. Seriously. "'There's nothing up there that can actually make it feel good.' Although this simply isn't true (there are actually more nerve bundles in the rectum than in the vaginal cavity), a great number of women rely on this as one of their reasons for not wanting to engage in anal sex."
Many women say that a man's penis is just WAY to big to go in that itty-bitty hole. "I find that using a combination of a pre-anal sex butt plug and lots and lots of lube, this isn't the case though," says Singer.
Anal sex is just not something that is enjoyed by some women and, if not, this must be respected! Consent is extremely important when it comes to sex. Don't try to push she issue if she's really not into it.
Before we get to the reasons women love anal, here are some good anal lube options to stock up on if you're looking to give her an experience she'll love:
While silicone lube is often a no-no for toys, it's perfect for body-on-body action like anal. Backdoor Silicone Glide, an anal lube by Pjur, is thick and rich. With just a few drops, you'll be set — plus, it's condom- and non-silicone-toy-compatible.
If you're playing with silicone-based toys and need a water-based lube, Sliquid Sassy is a great option that's specifically intended for anal play. It's got a thicker texture than many water-based lubes as a result — almost gel-like — to offer you all the lubrication you need. As with all water-based lubes, it'll dry out faster than silicone, but a little bit of water splashed on the right area will "re-activate" it if you need a boost when it comes to the slippery factor.
Most women have a little wild streak in them and want to be a bad girl from time to time. "There's something alluring and mysterious about the dark side of desire. I personally swing between being the sexual dominant (including occasionally pegging my man) to being the submissive (which frequently includes having my guy's dick in my butt!)," says Singer.
It's all about getting there in the way that works for you, and then having fun with it. "Anal sex is great when you've been properly warmed up," says Angela White , an award-winning adult star. "That doesn't mean ramming a couple of dry fingers into my rectum and calling it foreplay. The anus is not self-lubricating like a pussy so you need to either use lubricants or provide plenty of spit. Also, if you're not man or woman enough to stick your tongue in my butthole then you're not sticking anything else in there," White says.
"As there are a lot of nerve bundles in the rectal canal, I know a number of women that say a combination of anal penetration and clit stimulation results in bone shaking, screaming orgasms," says Singer.
Relaxation is key and also making sure you're lubed up. "Like first timers, I mean really wet and slippery trust me sometimes that's the number one problem! The best sex position I've ever felt it in was laying on my stomach and he sneaked it in between my cheeks, laid down on top of me and rubbed my clit with one hand while supporting himself with the other, and whispering dirty things in my ear while nibbling on it," says Jillian Janson , an award-winning adult star.
Everyone likes it different, but the main point is positioning is key too. "The downfalls of anal is watching your diet and making sure your digestive system is on track. Which is why most professional porn stars are particular with what they eat, especially when they are planning a film shoot that involves anal sex," says Janson.
Be it spanking or paddling, nipple clips or anal sex, a bit of pain can really get the juices flowing for many women. "For me, it ramps up the energy during sex and often leads to a state of euphoria at the end (called "sub space" in BDSM terminology )," says Singer.
"My guy absolutely loves anal sex from time to time, so any time he does something particularly sweet, brave or helpful for me, I very often reward him with my waiting derriere. Not only does he totally appreciate me offering, but in the B.F. Skinner "operant conditioning" model of psychology, it reinforces him doing sweet, brave and helpful things in the future!" says Singer.
"I've tried it before and actually learned to relax and enjoy it, but only with one particular guy. He loves anal sex and was very experienced! The difference with him is that he made his priority to make sure I was relaxed, that I trusted him and was having fun. I tried it again with another person and had to shut that down immediately as that level of trust or care was absent. Although the physical dalliance between Mr. Anal Sex guy and I have stopped for a few years, we're still friends who check up on each other!" says Penelope from Los Angeles.
While it's theoretically possible to get pregnant from anal sex if the semen or ejaculate leaks out and into the vagina, it's super unlikely. "It's nice to not have to worry about the unwanted surprise aspect, and still get to have your fun. That's what I like about anal sex!" said Bonnie from New Jersey.

I find that really hard to believe.

by
Dan Savage
November 21st, 2018 August 28th, 2020
"I live in D.C. and want local news."
"Y'all are doing real local D.C. journalism."
" Washington City Paper has made me feel like I am part of the D.C. community."
I’m a recently divorced single mom and full-time student. I’m really beginning to hurt financially and have decided to start working as an escort. I am at a point of great emotional stability, happiness, and confidence—all reasons that led to my decision—and I’m surrounded by people who love me and won’t judge me. (Not that I will be telling most of them.) I’ve been seeing a man who I like, but I’ve made it clear that I am not committed to him and can see him only once a week. I’ve explained that I don’t think I can ever be monogamous and I do not want a relationship. He has struggled with this and told me early on he was in love with me. We have AMAZING sex, and I think this causes him to have a hard time understanding why I don’t want a relationship. I do not want to tell him I am escorting. I feel the fewer people who know, the better. And I don’t know him that well, as I have been “seeing” him for only six months. I know he would want to know, and a huge part of me feels that the right thing to do is be honest with him if I am going to continue seeing him. I also know that cutting him loose would hurt and confuse him, especially without being able to give him a reason. How do I handle this? What is the right thing to do? My site goes live in three days, and what’s keeping me up at night is not how best to verify clients, it’s what to do about the man in my life who I respect and love, even if I am not in love with him. —New To Escorting
Let’s set the escorting issue aside for a moment. You don’t want the same things (he wants monogamy and a defined relationship, you don’t want any of that shit), you don’t feel for him the way he feels for you (he’s in love, you’re not), and you’re a busy single mom and full-time student—all perfectly valid reasons to end a relationship, NTE. You aren’t obligated to tell him that something you were thinking about doing but haven’t yet done, i.e., escorting, factored into your decision to cut him loose.
While I definitely think people have a right to know if their partners are escorts, I don’t think people have an absolute right to know if their partners were escorts. So if the sex is really good, and you think there’s a chance you could one day feel as strongly for him as he does for you, and you’re planning to escort only until you get your degree, NTE, you could tell him you want to take a break. Explain to him that you don’t have the bandwidth for a boyfriend just now—kid, school, work—but you’re open to dating him after you’re out of school if he’s still single and still interested. —Dan Savage
I’m a 30-year-old single monogamist and I recently realized I’m bisexual. I feel much happier. Except I recently crossed a line with a very close friend of mine, a man I’ll admit to having some romantic feelings for. After he broke up with his ex, I started getting random late-night text messages from him. And a couple weeks ago, we hooked up sans penetration. We acknowledged that we both have feelings but neither of us is in a good place. He’s still dealing with the end of his LTR, and I am only just coming out as bisexual. I love this person and our friendship is important to me, but I can’t stop thinking of the possibility of us being together. I’m confused by the timing and I wonder if this is real or just something I’ve allowed to distract me—or both! Also, what would this mean for my bisexuality? I’ve been to this rodeo before—meaning opposite-sex relationships—but what about the part of me I haven’t fully explored? —Between Every Thorn Solitude Yearns
You describe yourself as a monogamist—so, yeah, entering into a committed relationship with this man would prevent you from exploring your bisexuality. And the timing feels off: He may be on the rebound, and you’re still coming to terms with your bisexuality. So don’t enter into a committed relationship with him, BETSY, at least not yet. Date him casually and keep hooking up with him, with the understanding—with the explicit and fully verbalized and mutually consented to understanding—that you will be “exploring” your bisexuality, i.e. you’ll be getting out there and eating some pussy. —DS
I’m a 37-year-old woman married for eight years to a wonderful man. We’re happy and GGG to the point where his kinks have become my kinks and vice versa. However, he loves anal sex and I cannot do it. No matter how much lube we use or how slowly we go, it’s not just uncomfortable, it’s red-hot-poker-in-my-ass painful. Can you give me any concrete, practical advice to get to a point where I can enjoy anal? —Beyond Uncomfortable Tushy Trauma
P.S. Do some women actually enjoy anal? After my experiences, I find that really hard to believe.
If you’re still interested in exploring anal after all those red-hot-poker-in-your-ass painful experiences—and you are by no means obligated to explore any further—focus on anal stimulation, BUTT, not anal penetration. Try rimming, try a vibrator pressed against your anus (not shoved into it), try running his lubed-up dick up and down your crack (across your anus, not into your anus), and try all of these things during masturbation, vaginal penetration, and oral sex. Having a few dozen orgasms—or a few hundred—while your anus’s sensitive nerve endings are pleasurably engaged could create a positive association between anal stimulation and sexual pleasure.
It’s going to take some time to create a positive association powerful enough to supplant the negative association you have now—an association with echoes of regicide (google “Edward II and red hot poker”)—so your husband shouldn’t expect to get his dick back into your butt anytime soon, if he ever will at all. Some people, for reasons physiological or psychological or both, just can’t experience pleasure during anal intercourse. If you’re one of those people, BUTT, your husband will just have to grieve and move on. —DS
P.S. I find it hard to believe that a woman could possibly enjoy, say, a Donald Trump rally. But some women do, BUTT, and we have video to prove it. The same could be said about anal.
I am a 30-year-old hetero woman. Any ideas on how a person can build up to healthy intimate relationships again while recovering from trauma? I’m afraid in normal sexual situations. How can I get to a point where I can have sex for fun and not in a way where I’m triggering my fight-or-flight response? Yes, I am seeing a therapist. —Traumatic Experience Nullifying Sexual Energy
Here’s an idea, TENSE, but please run it by your therapist before giving it a try: Find a guy you like and propose a different kind of friends-with-benefits arrangement. You will be in charge—you will do all the initiating—and while he can say no to anything you ask, he isn’t to ask for or initiate anything himself. You set the menu, you make the rules, you give the orders. He’ll need to be someone you trust, and it’ll help if he’s someone who thinks following orders is sexy—and trust me, TENSE, those guys are out there. You said that normal sexual situations aren’t working for you. Maybe an abnormal one would? —DS
Email your Savage Love questions to mail@savagelove.net.
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Plus, how you can make the experience better for both of you
More women might be open to backdoor sex than you think, according to a new study from Indiana University’s Kinsey Institute for Research in Sex, Gender, and Reproduction.
After researchers surveyed more than 2,000 men and women about their sexual behaviors, they found that nearly 43 percent of men and 37 percent of women reported having anal sex with the opposite sex in their lifetime.
The findings are consistent with a recent report from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, which found nearly the exact same percentages for both men and women.
Once taboo, anal sex has slowly been slipping into the mainstream, largely due to pop culture and porn , explains Kimbery McBride, Ph.D.— a sex researcher not affiliated with the study—in our playbook on how to make anal sex better for her .
While that 37 percent shown in the study suggests that a significant number of women are open to the idea, that doesn’t necessarily mean your partner is automatically game for anal sex. But if you have both expressed interest in experimenting with it, there are some things to consider before you do so.
In the past , sex researcher Debby Herbenick, Ph.D., lead author of the study, gave Men’s Health her advice on what you should know about anal sex. Here, the top tips from both her and McBride on what you can do to make sure anal sex is just as good for her as it is for you.
She has to want to try it. If you try pressuring her into it, she’s just not going to feel relaxed. So before you go anywhere near her backend, talk to her about it. That means having an open, honest conversation about it before you get to bedroom.
And even if she expresses interest in it then, you still need to check in with her during sex to make sure she's still on board—even if it’s in the middle of sex while you’re switching positions .
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