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What is the working definition of a Hotwife? For the purpose of this discussion since I am going to cover this in some detail, the definition of a Hotwife is a married woman whose marriage is open on her end only, so that she can date other men and have sex with them, with both the permission and encouragement of her husband in order to fulfill his fantasy of sharing her with other men, to the benefit of their marriage. Wow! That was a mouthful. The thing is, all of those elements matter.
Now having said that, for those of you who think this concept is for weirdoes and seriously twisted married couples, I have news for you. This Hotwife Alternative Marriage Lifestyle is a lot more mainstream than you think.
I am a practicing Hotwife. Our marriage is open on my end. My husband has a fantasy of sharing me with other men and I date other men sexually in order to fulfill his fantasy which supercharges our own marriage and builds Intimacy, and open and honest Communication, by telling my husband all of the details of my dates after the fact and letting him ask me questions about it.
I have complete autonomy over my dating process. We only have one rule which is that I don’t date the same man more than a few times which is not a problem for me because I have cougar tendencies and I like variety in my personal sex life. I am particularly turned on by young hard bodied Alpha male gym rats who are attracted to me.
I have some empirical data to share with you as follows:
I have been a Hotwife Lifestyle Coach for over two and a half years and I have received over a thousand emails from men all over the world that have read my Tumblr blog Posts or found my website AlexisMcCall.com, who have thanked me for bringing this subject out into the open and admitted that they also have the fantasy of sharing their wife with other men and want my help in turning their wife into a Hotwife.
So what does that mean to an empirical data collector and Lifestyle Coach like me? It tells me that men who have a fantasy of sharing their wife with other men are probably the norm rather than the exception.
I think about this the same way I think about masturbation. It’s something that almost all people do throughout their life, but don’t talk about.
So let’s talk about it. First of all here is some non-empirical data for you to consider. These are easy statistics to find on line if you look for them. The three biggest reasons why couple’s divorce, are Infidelity, Jealousy, and Finances.
So if you are a Hotwife fulfilling your husband’s fantasy of sharing you with other men, you have already taken two of the top three reasons for divorce off the table. I’m not here to help you manage your Finances. I’m a blonde. I bank online because I couldn’t balance a checkbook on my own.
But it seems to me if you take two of the top three reasons for divorce off the table, you are miles ahead of the rest.
What woman would not kill to be able to have an incredibly Intimate relationship with her husband, have a supercharged marital sex life, and have a personal sex life of her own to be able to fulfill her own non-marital sexual fantasies at the same time? Nobody, that’s who!
So if that is the case why aren’t there more Hotwives out there? My response, admittedly also based on my empirical data collection as a Lifestyle Coach, is there are more than you think. I know that answer is not going to suit you as a reader who doesn’t understand how this type of marriage could possibly work.
So why aren’t there more Hotwife Marriages than you think? There is a very simple answer for that. It is because the guy who wants to turn his traditional wife into a Hotwife, has no Intimacy in their relationship and he is afraid to ask.
Is that a deal killer? Not necessarily. My husband Michael and I had zero intimacy in our 20 year marriage. He had been ignoring my existence for much of that time as he focused on building his successful business career.
We did it backwards to the way I recommend it to be done which is to build intimacy first as the foundation block. Michael and I did it using the skyhook approach. We were at a beach party one night on a small island with several of our boating friend couples. We were beach camping and we were not completely sober, myself included.
I was being teased by our group about one of the other members of our group who had made it quite clear that he was having thoughts about doing things to me that were not pure of mind.
Out of the blue my husband made his proclamation that the thought of sharing me with other men turned him on. I was dumbstruck in addition to not being sober. I don’t recall what my exact words were but I implied I wanted to talk to him about that subject privately.
I could have thought all kinds of negative things. The only time he ever touched me during that timeframe was out on the boat or when we spent the night at the marina. Of all the negative things I could have thought, I didn’t think any of them. I was curious.
I wanted to know where that thought in his brain came from, so when I got him alone later I asked. It was like a dam burst in his brain and he told me that he had always had a fantasy of me having sex with other men going all the way back to college.
Now before I get too far into this Lifestyle changing incident, in fairness I need to tell you was I was probably within just a few days of having an affair with a man I had been playing with on line. We were doing all of it. Cybersex, mutual masturbation, the whole nine yards. He was planning to fly in and claim his cyber girl in person.
Michael had no clue because we had not been communicating. So back to my story. I could have thought Michael was having an affair, or planning to. I could have thought he was trying to get rid of me, or trap me, or hated me.
I didn’t think any of those things. I wanted him to talk to me about this and he opened up like a fountain. He didn’t have answers to many of my hundred questions, but he told me what he knew and what he thought.
He told me that a few of his fraternity brothers would meet their girlfriends at a bar and watch men pick them up for sex, for real. In other words it was a planned thing. I had no idea. He kept telling me stuff and I kept asking more questions.
We talked almost all night long. We slept awhile and then talked for another hour. Over the following week we talked, and talked, and talked. He had sex with me every night! Our talking was not pillow talk in bed with the lights out. It was in the evening when he got home from work typically in his home office.
When that dam burst and the communication began flowing it was not just limited to sex and his particular fantasy. We talked about everything like we did when we were first married. Within just about two weeks I suddenly realized that Michael and I had an Intimate relationship once again.
Neither of us knew what a Hotwife was. He just knew what he wanted me to do but we had not talked about me actually doing it at that point. Michael began researching alternative marriage lifestyles, when he suddenly struck the mother lode.
At least that is what he thought at the time when he found the Hotwife section of the Tumblr blog for the first time while he was at work. He called me at home. He was excited.
“I’m a what?” I didn’t know what he was talking about. He told me to research the word “Hotwife” and the world would open up to me. Wow! Did it ever!
So the question is . . . . Can you have a successful Hotwife marriage that is missing one or more of the elements I mentioned in my definition? I will get into that subject next time.
Hotwife Lifestyle blogger, lifestyle coach, and Wife Sharing advocate. Write to me at AlexisMcCall35@Yahoo.com or my website AlexisMcCall.com.
Hotwife Lifestyle blogger, lifestyle coach, and Wife Sharing advocate. Write to me at AlexisMcCall35@Yahoo.com or my website AlexisMcCall.com.
Part of MultiCultural/HPMG News. ©2021 BuzzFeed, Inc. All rights reserved.
Here Is Why A Husband Gives His Wife Encouragement To Be An Adulteress
Author | Speaker | Holistic Health | Fitness | Life Reinvention | Mature Model | Ageless Beauty | Actor | Intimacy | Communications
I believe it’s safe to say that all married women have fantasized, at least once, about having sex with another partner during their healthy, happy, and loving marriage. Her fantasy may be a secret affair with a celebrity, someone at the office, or perhaps just a sexy and willing figment of her imagination. Most women never act on these (normal, healthy) impulses, but some couples do — in a totally consensual way. The husband gives his wife permission and encouragement to have sex with other men, while he stays faithful only to her. It’s called Cuckolding, and many committed, loving, and trusting married couples engage in it.
The word “cuckold” derives from the name of the cuckoo bird, which has a habit of laying its eggs in other birds’ nests. The association and the sexual implications are common in medieval folklore and literature, although the older usages usually imply that the husband is unaware of his wife’s adultery. In modern fetish usage, a cuckold is compliant in his partner’s sexual infidelity. Not only is the cuckold partner happy about and sexually excited by the adulterous act, they also often pick out her outfit for the night, shop for jewelry for her to wear, arrange the hotel accommodations and supply the condoms.
A cuckold, then, is traditionally the husband of an adulterous wife, and the wife who enjoys cuckolding her husband is frequently called a “hotwife” or a “cuckoldress.”
Working as a fetishist, I have role played the hotwife in many sessions with clients who either have a cuckolding fantasy, who are no longer in a cuckolding relationship but still crave it, or who want to talk while their hotwife is out on a date.
One client expressed his feelings about being in such a relationship with particular eloquence:
“I never would have dreamed that my beautiful, church-going, subservient wife of more than 25 years would call my bluff and be excited about my cuckolding fantasy. Yes, she is church-going and PTA-attending, a doting soccer mom, educated, professional, worldly, and the sweet and innocent lady next door who no one would never suspect had a deep craving to experience new, different, and varied sexual experiences with other men of all ages.
It started out innocently a few years ago when we used fantasy role play in the bedroom to keep the embers burning. One weekend while the kids were away, we slowly stepped away from our normal vanilla world and started to explore and indulge in my deepest desires. Ever since the first affair, my wife has the “power” in the relationship, and she loves it. We’re now playing by her rules, which means playing with others outside our marriage, but no play for me.”
In all relationships, however, there are many perspectives, and each person’s emotions, thoughts, and beliefs take frequent twists and turns. Cuckolding is not for everyone. For some hot wives, what seems at first like a “have your cake and eat it too” arrangement turns into feelings of confusion.
My new husband and I have always enjoyed our sex life. We have been together for five years now, and our sexual energy together still feels electric. Then, out of nowhere, he told me one day that he wanted to catch me in the act of having sex with another man. Literally. Although I have zero sexual attraction to other men, I agreed to try it out. The question then became where to find a willing male participant. After weeks of talking to trusted friends, we ended up on a swinger’s site and found many eager seekers.
Immediately, my husband became way more interested in sex with me. At first I absolutely loved it, although I was curious about why this turned him on so much. When I asked him, he explained, “I think it’s because I always felt a lot of rejection from girls as a young man and even as I got older. I worry that the women I have close relationships with might leave me for other men, and acting it out in a controlled environment actually makes me feel safe.”
He knows I would never leave him, but he likes to imagine that I’m a dirty girl who likes to have sex all the time with strangers behind his back. He even likes it when I sext with guys while we’re having sex together so he can read it.
So, how is this for me? I have done this a few times for him now, and I’ve found that I do not physically or emotionally enjoy the sex with other men. I am able to go through the motions and act like I love it. I have yet to achieve an orgasm during sex with someone else. Usually after we’ve played, he claims his interest in me having sex with other men has started to wane, but then, after a few weeks, it always returns. I have now refused to do another cuckold scenario until he’s willing to fulfill some of my fantasies as well, although that has not yet happened. He keeps getting stuck on this same cuckold fantasy. I suppose it must be amazing for him, but it does nothing for me.
In the end, as always, it depends on you and your partner. If one or both of you has a cuckold fantasy, it’s worth talking about. Indulging this fantasy has the potential to improve your relationship and make you stronger as a couple, but it takes careful planning, communication, and honesty throughout the whole process. And, if you’re curious but don’t want to go all the way with a stranger, try role playing a cuckold scenario first! Remember, no matter what, you are in control, and you have the freedom to explore your sexuality however you want. As long as you keep an open mind and communicate well, you and your partner can be happy together no matter how adventurous or vanilla you decide to be!
5 Ways Post50s Can Improve Their Sex Life
Everything in our culture makes people, and women in particular, feel that after the age of 40, they’re no longer sexually attractive, and this belief gets internalized. But researcher Gina Ogden, in conducting her famed Isis study (a national survey of sexuality and spirituality), found that women in their 60s and 70s were having the best sex of their lives — people need to understand that the brain is the most important sex organ in the body!
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