Distance Cumshot

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Michael Stahl
June 30, 2020


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According to urban legend and a confusing amount of Yahoo! Answers, an American man named Horst Schultz once set the record for furthest-reaching ejaculate with a load he projected 18 feet and 9 inches away. Was it real, or was all just a long-distance wet dream?
As Americans toiled through what some are already calling this year’s “ Lost Spring ,” with coronavirus depriving our schedules of haircuts, movie-going and pretty much all other acts of fraternity, people filled their free time in myriad ways. They finished fucktons of puzzles , plated meals in the spirit of Michelin-starred chefs and reinvigorated the snail mail industry through pen pal-ing. There was also one 35-year-old North Hollywood man we’ll call “Matthew” who began training his body so he could shoot his cum farther than anyone else in the world. The biggest, longest cumshot. The ejaculation record .
I’m bored; it’s quarantine. Let’s jerk off a lot , he thought to himself back in March. 
To accomplish his mission, he’s gotten his pelvic floor into prime shape, through various exercises as well as the use of electrical muscle stimulation machines that work via anal probe. They’re typically marketed more toward women who, after giving birth, may deal with incontinence, a higher risk of the almost never fun pelvic organ prolapse and reduced vaginal elasticity . But, as Matthew says, “Muscles don’t give a shit if it’s labeled for women, so you pop one of those up your booty hole, you turn it on and it shocks you into doing kegels.” (Matthew also recommends vibrating kegel balls .)
The inspiration for all of Matthew’s quarantine jizz jetting? 
The internet legend of Horst Schultz.
There have been and remain many men on Earth named Horst Schultz, from soccer players to architects to authors of knitting books to inventors seemingly obsessed with developing the perfect lid for cooking appliances . But only one of them, an apparent American , is said to have compelled his cum to travel 18 feet, 9 inches . This same “substantial” glob of seminal fluid purportedly set the all-time record for the fastest ejaculate at 42.7 miles per hour, while others have written that Schultz is the world-record holder for the highest-reaching jet of ejaculate as well. Apparently, the latter load defied gravity for 12 feet, 4 inches before falling back to earth — probably not onto the faces of any sky-peering spectators, because there almost certainly were none. 
That’s because the Schultz records are completely unsubstantiated. No photos of him exist, though one YouTube video about his distance feat, which has nearly 230,000 views from now woefully ill-informed people, gives the impression he posed for one while donning a Sperm Man superhero costume . Other than that, there are no real videos of Schultz competing in what could only be termed a most “gripping” contest. 
So why does the entire internet seem to believe that he launched his load nearly two stories away?
It’s difficult to say for sure where this ridiculous tale got started, how it spread online and why. But the oldest digital mention of Schultz appears to come from a 2005 Yahoo! Answers thread . In it, user DanE answered Andrew T’s question about who has the world record for the farthest-shot load. DanE likely copy-and-pasted his response from an eBaum’s World forum, which he’d provided a now-broken hyperlink to: “The greatest distance attained for a jet of semen that has ever been recorded is 18’9” (5.71 m) which was achieved with a ‘substantial’ amount of seminal fluid by Horst Schultz.”
The next time the Schultz record turns up is in another Yahoo! Answers thread from 2006. This one asks “What is the world record for most ejaculations in a day? Seriously?” An anonymous user offered the same copy-and-pasted text about Schultz, along with a list of other infamous “Sex Records.” “The most ejaculatory orgasms ever recorded in one hour for a man is 16,” the post reads, answering the original question. 
Other sites that present themselves as more legitimate, truth-based publications have also reposted the Schultz figure. eBaum’s World crafted its own article about it, as did Mandatory , whose editor-in-chief Matt Branham wrote that he’d seen it in the Guinness Book of World Records. But searches through Guinness’ site for Horst Schultz and his far-reaching ejaculate came up empty. The Guinness people also declined my request for an interview about false records attributed to their organization that appear on the web. 
The science, of course, would seem to call bullshit, too. As I’ve previously written , men simply can’t cum that far. The average distance of a male ejaculate is believed to only be about 7 to 10 inches , though many men in internet videos have shown off their skills to the tune of five- and six -foot long shots — dubious as there’s no measuring stick in sight. Numerous other clips with titles like “The Furthest Cumshot Ever” are of guys shooting past the torso of their partner or themselves to the head area, which is only about three or four feet away. Meanwhile, one redditor wrote that he once hit his ceiling , which shocked him, but that surface could reasonably have only been six feet north of his presumably bed-ridden cock. 
To optimally shoot loads for distance, a man would probably have to be in excellent overall physical condition — yes, with a particularly strong pelvic floor — and living in the prime years of his life. His sensitivity and arousal must be at peak levels, and he likely would have abstained between four and seven days. 
But even if the conditions are perfect, it’s still outlandish to think a guy would be able to get his batch to travel that far. For my earlier piece, I asked Paul Turek , a board-certified urologist and microsurgeon specializing in male fertility and sexual health, if the Schultz record sounded at all plausible. Until that point, he’d been very doctor-like and measured with his words, even as we talked cumshots. But at the mention of 18 feet, 9 inches, he let out a big belly laugh. 
Nevertheless, when Matthew read about the Schultz record online, it motivated him to change the narrative about how far men can shoot their loads, and legitimize digital record books across the web. “It’s time to embarrass some liars,” he tells me.
In return, I inquire how long he abstains between measuring his love projectiles because building up the reserves can help with ejaculate power and, thus, distance. “I’m bad at abstaining,” he responds. Referencing the video he sent, he adds, “I think that was one day.”
I suggest he wait up to a week to cum, and try again. Maybe that will do the trick and get his load to travel beyond his desired six-foot distance. It’s not exactly Schultz like, but it would put him at least a third of the way there.
“Oh my god,” he says, sounding grateful for the tip. “Let’s see what Guinness says.” 
Michael Stahl is a freelance writer based in New York City. He's covered the arts and culture, sex and relationships, business and tech, history and politics and other topics for Rolling Stone, Vice, Vulture, CityLab, Quartz, Narratively and many more publications. Follow him on Twitter @MichaelRStahl and read more of his work at MichaelStahlWrites.com .

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On The Cover: Check out Fireman Dan soak­ing the place—­controll­ing the blaze—with his water can­non. And yet, when the male popula­tion looks at an image in­volv­ing a big hose un­leash­ing a mas­sive blast… we in­stant­ly think “Cum Can­non” be­cause our brains are wired to crave en­han­ce­ment, which in the cum­shot space equ­als ex­plosive ejacula­tions featur­ing bi­gg­er loads and huge ropes of semen. This ar­ticle is all about why we’re wired this way, and how to get your cock (or is it your balls) loaded for your own far-flying long dis­tan­ce ejacula­tions.
Get your hose pumping with a HARDWEAR Cock Ring . Feed the blast with the OptiMale TNT XL Male Enhancing Supplement . And train your mojo with Sexxxtrainer .
An awesome big, hard cock, with spectacular semen volume for an amazing cum explosion is why you should power your male engine with HARDWEAR
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You might think your in­terest in hav­ing a mas­sive ejacula­tion is un­usu­al, but ac­tual­ly, want­ing to go the dis­tan­ce (lit­eral­ly) with bi­gg­er loads and long­er, farth­er fly­ing ropes of semen is a de­sire of many men. It’s also some­th­ing many women have an in­terest in ex­perienc­ing with their man. Guys in gener­al want to know how to shoot cum farth­er , how to ejaculate more and pro­duce a high-flying long dis­tan­ce cum­shot . Of co­ur­se, it can be easy for the uni­nitiated, es­pecial­ly if you don’t have a penis, to ques­tion what the fas­cina­tion is.
The bi­gg­er the load the more cleanup there will be on isle 69.
The farth­er the spunk flies, the more li­ke­ly you are to squirt your man-milk in some­body’s eye (laugh).
These tiny negatives aside, boys every­where love their sexu­al erup­tions—and we want them bi­gg­er. Com­pared to the many awesome be­nefits of being a sperm whale, the mes­si­ness (if you call it that – keep in mind that some peo­ple love being slat­hered down in ejaculato­ry fluid) re­sult­ing from a mas­sive load is an easy matt­er of throw­ing your sheets in the wash. In this guide we will dive into the mirac­le of man-milk, as­sess­ing why we crave huge loads, ex­act­ly what those manly ex­plos­ions are good for, and how you too can get your jizz fly­ing far, high, and wide.
Here’s the deal. Big loads feel amaz­ing… yes physical­ly, but also (and maybe even moreso) psyc­hological­ly. The more ropes of seed and the farth­er those ropes fly, the more satis­fy­ing the ex­peri­ence is to the per­son ejaculat­ing. The fin­ale, while it isn’t the en­tire show, ec­hoes back to en­rich the en­tire epi­sode from the mas­culine van­tage. Why is this?
Too often the th­ings that are mis­un­derstood or tri­cky to un­derstand about male sexu­al pre­oc­cupa­tions and self-interest are blamed on porn. Men like big dicks be­cause we’ve seen it in porn (be­fore the visu­al age, we must have wan­ted tiny lit­tle rice cris­py dicks swing­ing bet­ween our legs —NOT ). Men like huge ejacula­tions be­cause… you gues­sed it… we see it in porn (be­fore adult video was in­ven­ted, we were all pray­ing for a thimble full of jizz or less, and if we ended up with en­ough to fill a shot glass, we were straight-up pis­sed —NOT ). Does an­ybody else get tired of the porno cat­chall blame game? We cer­tain­ly do. Every sexu­al be­havior that guys have did not originate from view­ing X-rated con­tent.
Porn did not make men… MEN MADE PORN.
Adult con­tent has evol­ved to be the way it is be­cause it cat­ers to male de­sires (in­stinctu­al sexu­al self-image de­sires and oth­ers). The don­key dicks and super soak­er ejacula­tions we find on the silv­er scre­en of sex are there be­cause "we" the major­ity of the audi­ence like see­ing those th­ings. Those as­pir­ing to be male porn stars train them­selves, ex­erc­ise their an­atomy, feed their cocks for per­for­mance, hone their per­son­al genetics, and some­times seek sur­ge­ry to per­form the way they do. Which is to say, they exude the male fac­tors that stimulate and arouse us… as heterosexu­al men, as homosexu­al men, as men in gener­al. Man created adult video not the other way around. If these visu­al re­presen­ta­tions didn’t ap­pe­al to the audi­ence, it the im­ages would have chan­ged or gone the way of the di­nosaur. So, the editors and co­ac­hes at al­lknight.com are here to tell you that de­moniz­ing porn for celeb­rat­ing the penis-factors that men are fas­cinated by is just plain silly. The con­ver­sa­tion rea­l­ly has noth­ing to do with porn at all.
At the end of the day our prim­al brain re­memb­er some­th­ing our modern brain some­times over­looks. Speak­ing in­stinctual­ly, the squirt is rea­l­ly what sex is all about. Wheth­er we are gay or straight or have any in­terest at all in mak­ing bab­ies or not, the act of co­pula­tion and the squirt­ing of “baby batt­er” all exist in the in­terest of pro­ject­ing our DNA into the fu­ture in the form of pro­crea­tion. See­ing our seed ac­tual­ly "feels" good, and see­ing a lot of it feels even bet­t­er. Now, lets over­lay this fact with the much more ob­vi­ous fact, that every angle of male sexual­ity is visu­al—
Our genit­als are front and cent­er, boys... we walk up­right with our cock and balls swing­ing every­where for all to see.
Our arous­al pro­cess is held under the brightest spot­light in the world, focused on the in­fla­tion of our big hard cock bal­loons. We call this hav­ing an erec­tion.
Our or­gasm is tied to an in­credib­ly visu­al mech­an­ism, like a firehose spray­ing, stok­ing in­stead of dash­ing out the flames of pass­ion. We call this ejacula­tion.
When you look at these sim­ple rea­lit­ies, the an­sw­er be­comes clear. Male sexual­ity is visu­al (per­iod). Not be­cause we’re a bunch of brain­washed Pornhub ad­dicts, but be­cause that’s how na­ture made us. Every as­pect of the male sexu­al per­for­mance is right in our faces and high­ly an­imated on the stage of life. And this is why it is more psyc­hological­ly re­ward­ing to have a big cum­shot. Men­tal­ly, a big load speaks to our prim­al sel­ves, boosts our male egos, and makes us feel like our job fertility-wise is done. The visu­al feels good men­tal­ly and em­otional­ly.
Physical­ly speak­ing, ejacula­tion is a se­ries of micro-muscle contra­c­tions in the plumb­ing of the penis and the great­er male re­produc­tive sys­tem. Those contra­c­tions feel good too (amazing­ly good)… every spasm sen­d­ing erotic, or­gasmic shocks... each one bring­ing us clos­er to goon­ing out com­plete­ly. For men who eith­er natural­ly shoot big loads, or who have lear­ned how to shoot thier jizz farth­er with prac­tice, each pulse can often be tied to a rope of ejaculate. The more semen we pump out and the farth­er it flies, the more contra­c­tions are re­quired and the strong­er the flex­ing of the ap­paratus needs to be in order to pro­duce such an im­pres­sive ejacula­tion. When you com­bine the ment­al and the phys­ical you get fireworks in the form of a spitt­ing cock, and an awesome ejaculato­ry ex­peri­ence with a power­ful sense of satis­fac­tion. Let's not fool our­selves, moth­er na­ture wan­ted to be sure we could never grow tiered of sex (be­cause if we did the spe­cies woud van­ish). So, she wired us to re­spond on many levels to many as­pects of the mac­hine­ry of fuck­ing, from with­in look­ing at our­selves and from with­out look­ing at our mates. Male ejaculato­ry self-interest is just one of many of those "look­ing with­in" as­pects.
And these are the real rea­sons why high-power pop-shots are in de­mand (and will al­ways be in de­mand).
To build champ­ion cum spitt­ers, the kinds of mega-load boys show­cased here, a man needs to focus on three con­cerns. Three areas of male en­han­ce­ment that the per­for­mance co­ac­hes here at al­lknight.com are al­ways in­struct­ing our trainees to address…
Semen Volume: A boy needs a lot of cum, a big manly load, to per­form at the level we are show­cas­ing. You might think you would be able to shoot a lit­tle bit of spunk a long way, but rea­l­ly more goes farth­er.
Semen Con­sis­ten­cy: Your junk-juice needs to be JUICY… the jizz can be thick and white, which is high­ly de­sir­able, but it MUST re­main a li­quid. Ejaculate that is too clum­py will not work. Clum­py semen simp­ly will not shoot.
Semen Pro­puls­ion: Once you’ve got your balls fil­led to over­flow­ing (rea­l­ly your Co­wper's gland and pro­state, but it feels like its in our balls) with per­fect­ly visc­ous, li­quid cock-snot, you’ll need strong male mac­hinery—a power­ful cum can­non—to fire your seed long dis­tan­ce and to keep it pump­ing for mas­sive multi-rope vol­cano loads.
With these three con­cerns addres­sed, some of which you may have under you belt natural­ly, all of which we can train for—but with these three bases co­vered your homeruns will be all the more ex­plosive and ex­cit­ing.
If you haven’t watched the awesome video at the top of this page, you’ll want to watch it now, and then ex­plore each point here in the full write-up for more de­tail.
Tip 1 – Get an awesome Hardwear Cock Ring. If Volume and Con­sis­ten­cy are al­ready in place, the right ring will in­stant­ly en­han­ce your shoot. This is based on the prin­cip­al of fluid dynamics in a tube (where the fluid is your groin gravy, and the tube is your dick). Just like a gard­en hose will spray farth­er if you pinch the hose, Hardwear rings are an­atomical­ly de­sig­ned to pinch the hose of your man­hood just right and in­crease the dis­tan­ce and power of your shoot.
Our rings ampl­ify the male sexu­al ap­paratus, mak­ing the penis larg­er and hard­er, al­low­ing
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