Discipline Spanking Boys

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Date Posted: 09:38:56 01/27/20 Mon

When my son entered middle school last year, I was confronted with an issue common to many single moms of boys who don’t have the option of passing the spanking reins to their husbands: should I continue to spank Judah as he enters the turbulence of puberty or find another means to discipline him for the inevitable misbehavior that will come, despite him being a “good” boy?
Judah, who is 12 now and in the 7th grade, rarely commits the kind of offense that screams “spankings.” He is a genuinely good kid, soft-hearted, loving, and intelligent. But boys will be boys and he rarely get through a week without multiple naughty moments, whether it’s not getting assigned chores or homework done, speaking disrespectfully to me, his teachers or other adults, succumbing to peer pressure in language, behavior, etc. Rarely are these missteps taken in isolation enough to justify a trip across my lap but at the same time collectively they are not things that I can simply pass off as not requiring correction.
About 8 months ago I decided to adopt a new approach that gives Judah a bigger role in his discipline but also keeps me in the drivers seat for raising him the right way. I keep a written daily journal for checking off incidents of troubling or questionable behavior and each Saturday morning when he wakes up up sit down with him on his bed and we go through the previous week, reviewing and discussing the entries. We both have the opportunity to give our own perspectives and he gets the opportunity to provide mitigation rationales for why he did what he did. I think for boys entering adolescence it is important to validate their natural need for wanting more autonomy.
When we finish, I give Judah the opportunity to have input on his punishment. This is probably the toughest moment for him, since the hairbrush is always on the bed next to us during this whole process. I use my open hand to spank his bare bottom the majority of times but the hairbrush is being used more and more as he gets older. Generally the bulk of his input comes down to his making a case for why I shouldn’t use the hairbrush, based upon his behavior for the week. I want to emphasize that I make the final call but I do give a great deal of weight to his perspective.
At this point, I announce my decision and Judah goes across my lap and his underpants are lowered to his knees. I don’t spank really hard but my hand spankings do extend over several minutes and although my brush spankings are much shorter, by the end of either he is reduced to tears and the promises to behave and pleadings to stop that should be elicited from a sound spanking.
During the time since this procedure was implemented, it has been a rare week when no spankings has been required but I still am very pleased with how it is going. And although Judah naturally would prefer to be spared the Saturday morning ritual, he understands why it is necessary and I believe appreciates the opportunity to present his own side about his behavior. From my perspective, I think the mother-child bonding has been enhanced and I have the opportunity to continue to promote communication and autonomy while simultaneously disciplining Judah in a fashion that I truly believes he needs.

[ Next Thread | Previous Thread | Next Message | Previous Message ]
Date Posted: 10:59:21 01/27/20 Mon

>When my son entered middle school last year, I was
>confronted with an issue common to many single moms of
>boys who don’t have the option of passing the
>spanking reins to their husbands: should I continue to
>spank Judah as he enters the turbulence of puberty or
>find another means to discipline him for the
>inevitable misbehavior that will come, despite him
>being a “good” boy?
>Judah, who is 12 now and in the 7th grade, rarely
>commits the kind of offense that screams
>“spankings.” He is a genuinely good kid,
>soft-hearted, loving, and intelligent. But boys will
>be boys and he rarely get through a week without
>multiple naughty moments, whether it’s not getting
>assigned chores or homework done, speaking
>disrespectfully to me, his teachers or other adults,
>succumbing to peer pressure in language, behavior,
>etc. Rarely are these missteps taken in isolation
>enough to justify a trip across my lap but at the same
>time collectively they are not things that I can
>simply pass off as not requiring correction.
>About 8 months ago I decided to adopt a new approach
>that gives Judah a bigger role in his discipline but
>also keeps me in the drivers seat for raising him the
>right way. I keep a written daily journal for checking
>off incidents of troubling or questionable behavior
>and each Saturday morning when he wakes up up sit down
>with him on his bed and we go through the previous
>week, reviewing and discussing the entries. We both
>have the opportunity to give our own perspectives and
>he gets the opportunity to provide mitigation
>rationales for why he did what he did. I think for
>boys entering adolescence it is important to validate
>their natural need for wanting more autonomy.
>When we finish, I give Judah the opportunity to have
>input on his punishment. This is probably the toughest
>moment for him, since the hairbrush is always on the
>bed next to us during this whole process. I use my
>open hand to spank his bare bottom the majority of
>times but the hairbrush is being used more and more as
>he gets older. Generally the bulk of his input comes
>down to his making a case for why I shouldn’t use
>the hairbrush, based upon his behavior for the week. I
>want to emphasize that I make the final call but I do
>give a great deal of weight to his perspective.
>At this point, I announce my decision and Judah goes
>across my lap and his underpants are lowered to his
>knees. I don’t spank really hard but my hand
>spankings do extend over several minutes and although
>my brush spankings are much shorter, by the end of
>either he is reduced to tears and the promises to
>behave and pleadings to stop that should be elicited
>from a sound spanking.
>During the time since this procedure was implemented,
>it has been a rare week when no spankings has been
>required but I still am very pleased with how it is
>going. And although Judah naturally would prefer to be
>spared the Saturday morning ritual, he understands why
>it is necessary and I believe appreciates the
>opportunity to present his own side about his
>behavior. From my perspective, I think the
>mother-child bonding has been enhanced and I have the
>opportunity to continue to promote communication and
>autonomy while simultaneously disciplining Judah in a
>fashion that I truly believes he needs.

Gwen, since you truly believe Judah needs bare bottom spankings across your lap, do you think he's likely to continue needing them on into his teens? I'm wondering if spanking him is just as much a need of yours.

[ Post a Reply to This Message ]

[> [> Subject: Re: Tween discipline
Date Posted: 11:04:17 01/27/20 Mon

I’m honestly not certain how long he will need spankings. I’m not sure what you mean by asking if it is a need if mine. What age do you think should be a cutoff for spankings?

>>When my son entered middle school last year, I was
>>confronted with an issue common to many single moms of
>>boys who don’t have the option of passing the
>>spanking reins to their husbands: should I continue to
>>spank Judah as he enters the turbulence of puberty or
>>find another means to discipline him for the
>>inevitable misbehavior that will come, despite him
>>being a “good” boy?
>>Judah, who is 12 now and in the 7th grade, rarely
>>commits the kind of offense that screams
>>“spankings.” He is a genuinely good kid,
>>soft-hearted, loving, and intelligent. But boys will
>>be boys and he rarely get through a week without
>>multiple naughty moments, whether it’s not getting
>>assigned chores or homework done, speaking
>>disrespectfully to me, his teachers or other adults,
>>succumbing to peer pressure in language, behavior,
>>etc. Rarely are these missteps taken in isolation
>>enough to justify a trip across my lap but at the same
>>time collectively they are not things that I can
>>simply pass off as not requiring correction.
>>About 8 months ago I decided to adopt a new approach
>>that gives Judah a bigger role in his discipline but
>>also keeps me in the drivers seat for raising him the
>>right way. I keep a written daily journal for checking
>>off incidents of troubling or questionable behavior
>>and each Saturday morning when he wakes up up sit down
>>with him on his bed and we go through the previous
>>week, reviewing and discussing the entries. We both
>>have the opportunity to give our own perspectives and
>>he gets the opportunity to provide mitigation
>>rationales for why he did what he did. I think for
>>boys entering adolescence it is important to validate
>>their natural need for wanting more autonomy.
>>When we finish, I give Judah the opportunity to have
>>input on his punishment. This is probably the toughest
>>moment for him, since the hairbrush is always on the
>>bed next to us during this whole process. I use my
>>open hand to spank his bare bottom the majority of
>>times but the hairbrush is being used more and more as
>>he gets older. Generally the bulk of his input comes
>>down to his making a case for why I shouldn’t use
>>the hairbrush, based upon his behavior for the week. I
>>want to emphasize that I make the final call but I do
>>give a great deal of weight to his perspective.
>>At this point, I announce my decision and Judah goes
>>across my lap and his underpants are lowered to his
>>knees. I don’t spank really hard but my hand
>>spankings do extend over several minutes and although
>>my brush spankings are much shorter, by the end of
>>either he is reduced to tears and the promises to
>>behave and pleadings to stop that should be elicited
>>from a sound spanking.
>>During the time since this procedure was implemented,
>>it has been a rare week when no spankings has been
>>required but I still am very pleased with how it is
>>going. And although Judah naturally would prefer to be
>>spared the Saturday morning ritual, he understands why
>>it is necessary and I believe appreciates the
>>opportunity to present his own side about his
>>behavior. From my perspective, I think the
>>mother-child bonding has been enhanced and I have the
>>opportunity to continue to promote communication and
>>autonomy while simultaneously disciplining Judah in a
>>fashion that I truly believes he needs.
>
>Gwen, since you truly believe Judah needs bare bottom
>spankings across your lap, do you think he's likely to
>continue needing them on into his teens? I'm wondering
>if spanking him is just as much a need of yours.

[ Post a Reply to This Message ]

[> [> [> Subject: Re: Tween discipline
Date Posted: 11:16:50 01/27/20 Mon

>I’m honestly not certain how long he will need
>spankings. I’m not sure what you mean by asking if
>it is a need if mine. What age do you think should be
>a cutoff for spankings?
>
>>>When my son entered middle school last year, I was
>>>confronted with an issue common to many single moms
>of
>>>boys who don’t have the option of passing the
>>>spanking reins to their husbands: should I continue
>to
>>>spank Judah as he enters the turbulence of puberty or
>>>find another means to discipline him for the
>>>inevitable misbehavior that will come, despite him
>>>being a “good” boy?
>>>Judah, who is 12 now and in the 7th grade, rarely
>>>commits the kind of offense that screams
>>>“spankings.” He is a genuinely good kid,
>>>soft-hearted, loving, and intelligent. But boys will
>>>be boys and he rarely get through a week without
>>>multiple naughty moments, whether it’s not getting
>>>assigned chores or homework done, speaking
>>>disrespectfully to me, his teachers or other adults,
>>>succumbing to peer pressure in language, behavior,
>>>etc. Rarely are these missteps taken in isolation
>>>enough to justify a trip across my lap but at the
>same
>>>time collectively they are not things that I can
>>>simply pass off as not requiring correction.
>>>About 8 months ago I decided to adopt a new approach
>>>that gives Judah a bigger role in his discipline but
>>>also keeps me in the drivers seat for raising him the
>>>right way. I keep a written daily journal for
>checking
>>>off incidents of troubling or questionable behavior
>>>and each Saturday morning when he wakes up up sit
>down
>>>with him on his bed and we go through the previous
>>>week, reviewing and discussing the entries. We both
>>>have the opportunity to give our own perspectives and
>>>he gets the opportunity to provide mitigation
>>>rationales for why he did what he did. I think for
>>>boys entering adolescence it is important to validate
>>>their natural need for wanting more autonomy.
>>>When we finish, I give Judah the opportunity to have
>>>input on his punishment. This is probably the
>toughest
>>>moment for him, since the hairbrush is always on the
>>>bed next to us during this whole process. I use my
>>>open hand to spank his bare bottom the majority of
>>>times but the hairbrush is being used more and more
>as
>>>he gets older. Generally the bulk of his input comes
>>>down to his making a case for why I shouldn’t use
>>>the hairbrush, based upon his behavior for the week.
>I
>>>want to emphasize that I make the final call but I do
>>>give a great deal of weight to his perspective.
>>>At this point, I announce my decision and Judah goes
>>>across my lap and his underpants are lowered to his
>>>knees. I don’t spank really hard but my hand
>>>spankings do extend over several minutes and although
>>>my brush spankings are much shorter, by the end of
>>>either he is reduced to tears and the promises to
>>>behave and pleadings to stop that should be elicited
>>>from a sound spanking.
>>>During the time since this procedure was implemented,
>>>it has been a rare week when no spankings has been
>>>required but I still am very pleased with how it is
>>>going. And although Judah naturally would prefer to
>be
>>>spared the Saturday morning ritual, he understands
>why
>>>it is necessary and I believe appreciates the
>>>opportunity to present his own side about his
>>>behavior. From my perspective, I think the
>>>mother-child bonding has been enhanced and I have the
>>>opportunity to continue to promote communication and
>>>autonomy while simultaneously disciplining Judah in a
>>>fashion that I truly believes he needs.
>>
>>Gwen, since you truly believe Judah needs bare bottom
>>spankings across your lap, do you think he's likely to
>>continue needing them on into his teens? I'm wondering
>>if spanking him is just as much a need of yours.

Surely the spankings that are having a positive effect on Judah's emotional development (eg. his acceptance of his needing to be held accountable for his behavior) are also uniquely satisfying to you as their provider. I'm guessing there isn't anything else in your life quite like taking him across your lap and spanking his bare bottom.

[ Post a Reply to This Message ]

[> [> [> [> Subject: Re: Tween discipline
Date Posted: 11:29:16 01/27/20 Mon

I do feel that spankings have a bonding aspect to them. Judah and I are very close and although he understandably hates to be spanked, he also appreciates that I am doing it out of love because I want him to grow up to be the best man he can.


>>I’m honestly not certain how long he will need
>>spankings. I’m not sure what you mean by asking if
>>it is a need if mine. What age do you think should be
>>a cutoff for spankings?
>>
>>>>When my son entered middle school last year, I was
>>>>confronted with an issue common to many single moms
>>of
>>>>boys who don’t have the option of passing the
>>>>spanking reins to their husbands: should I continue
>>to
>>>>spank Judah as he enters the turbulence of puberty
>or
>>>>find another means to discipline him for the
>>>>inevitable misbehavior that will come, despite him
>>>>being a “good” boy?
>>>>Judah, who is 12 now and in the 7th grade, rarely
>>>>commits the kind of offense that screams
>>>>“spankings.” He is a genuinely good kid,
>>>>soft-hearted, loving, and intelligent. But boys will
>>>>be boys and he rarely get through a week without
>>>>multiple naughty moments, whether it’s not getting
>>>>assigned chores or homework done, speaking
>>>>disrespectfully to me, his teachers or other adults,
>>>>succumbing to peer pressure in language, behavior,
>>>>etc. Rarely are these missteps taken in isolation
>>>>enough to justify a trip across my lap but at the
>>same
>>>>time collectively they are not things that I can
>>>>simply pass off as not requiring correction.
>>>>About 8 months ago I decided to adopt a new approach
>>>>that gives Judah a bigger role in his discipline but
>>>>also keeps me in the drivers seat for raising him
>the
>>>>right way. I keep a written daily journal for
>>checking
>>>>off incidents of troubling or questionable behavior
>>>>and each Saturday morning when he wakes up up sit
>>down
>>>>with him on his bed and we go through the previous
>>>>week, reviewing and discussing the entries. We both
>>>>have the opportunity to give our own perspectives
>and
>>>>he gets the opportunity to provide mitigation
>>>>rationales for why he did what he did. I think for
>>>>boys entering adolescence it is important to
>validate
>>>>their natural need for wanting more autonomy.
>>>>When we finish, I give Judah the opportunity to have
>>>>input on his punishment. This is probably the
>>toughest
>>>>moment for him, since the hairbrush is always on the
>>>>bed next to us during this whole process. I use my
>>>>open hand to spank his bare bottom the majority of
>>>>times but the hairbrush is being used more and more
>>as
>>>>he gets older. Generally the bulk of his input comes
>>>>down to his making a case for why I shouldn’t use
>>>>the hairbrush, based upon his behavior for the week.
>>I
>>>>want to emphasize that I make the final call but I
>do
>>>>give a great deal of weight to his perspective.
>>>>At this point, I announce my decision and Judah goes
>>>>across my lap and his underpants are lowered to his
>>>>knees. I don’t spank really hard but my hand
>>>>spankings do extend over several minutes and
>although
>>>>my brush spankings are much shorter, by the end of
>>>>either he is reduced to tears and the promises to
>>>>behave and pleadings to stop that should be elicited
>>>>from a sound spanking.
>>>>During the time since this procedure was
>implemented,
>>>>it has been a rare week when no spankings has been
>>>>required but I still am very pleased with how it is
>>>>going. And although
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