Dirty Talking Twinks

Dirty Talking Twinks

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Copyright 2022 - Spreaker Inc. a Voxnest Company - Create a Podcast - San Antonio, TX

Darren
on April 9, 2020 at 10:58 am

Because I’m a hard-hitting investigative journalist in the time of COVID, I pursue all leads on my way to a good story. So when I got an anonymous email from someone with murky motives offering a supposed lead, I was skeptical. Then I saw it took me to a video with dirty dancing twinks and I decided this could be my Pulitzer.
The link I got was to the YouTube page of an L.A.-based blogger named Matthew Lush who, apparently, is trolling for an online boyfriend. Lush is a kinda cute otter himself in the “yaaasss, kweeeennn!” mold, so I took a look.
The deal is, Lush sets challenges for contestants to partake in by sending videos of themselves doing the task, then others vote on their favorite; the lowest one gets eliminated. (It just launched about a week ago, it seems.)
The reason why my confidential source suggested I look into it was because a local man named Sergio (lives in Denton) is in the mix. The informant thought there might be a local angle.
But I gotta tell ya: I don’t roll that way. I’m not gonna just be a cheerleader for the North Texan. (Also I tend to like meatier guys.)
This week, Lush and his non-socially-distanced buddy totally Randy-and-Paula the shit out of the videos, with the theme of “dancing in your undies.” It takes about a half-hour to watch a bunch of twinkie young guys shake and grind in cravenly thirsty tease videos. Yes, it has come to this. Still, there are worse ways to spend 30 minutes in quarantine.
OK, check out the video below. I will now go back to my fearless pursuit of the truth.
Somebody pluck out my eyes and ears now. Slow news day I guess.
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Having never been a boy, I had no idea about all the weird shit boys do to get off. Even though I had a big brother, I wasn’t privy to the vast array of strange self-satisfying tools and tricks teenage boys have up their sleeves. That is, until I met my husband and he told me a hilarious story about why he loved climbing the pole at school.
“At first,” he explained, “I just climbed because I liked to see how fast I could get to the top. But one day when I climbed something weird happened. It felt really good. Like, so good I would make sure to climb that pole every morning and every lunch.”
Even as my own sons grew, I didn’t understand just how resourceful boys could be, until I questioned my then-12-year-old about why he had a giant box of condoms in his bedroom.
His hesitation should have been my first clue.
“Well, umm,” he said. “I use them to, uh, you know…”
“To what?” I asked. I had no idea what he was trying to say.
“Oh. Oh, well, OK,” was all I managed to say.
A week later, while out for drinks with my girlfriends, who also had teen boys, I asked if that was normal.
“I don’t know about condoms,” my friend Tammy said, “but I found out my son Charlie was using socks.”
“Socks?” I had never heard of boys sexualizing slippers.
“Yeah, socks. Your boys don’t do that?” Tammy asked. “Well, Charlie does. I swear I won’t even touch his laundry anymore. All it took was one time grabbing a sock that was hard as a rock and I was done. It was nasty!”
Learning about socks, and laughing my ass off watching the Bridesmaids scene where a mom describes cracking her son’s comforter, made me curious about what other means boys employ to get their (pun intended) socks off.
Naturally, I first turned to my husband and sons to learn more. I was in for a surprise with their answers.
Like machine gun fire, my eldest son listed his favorite masturbation props.
“Let’s see, there’s good old wadded-up toilet paper, towels, even shirts. Heck, I’ll use dirty laundry if it’s there. Whatever is within reach, really,” he shared. As he spoke, my younger son nodded his head emphatically.
“Anything else?” I asked. I was all business. Hey, who was I to judge? As a teen, I’d had an amorous moment or two with my favorite bottle of perfume, Love’s Baby Soft, which, if anyone remembers, was totally shaped like a dildo.
“OK, don’t laugh, but one time I put my penis in the vacuum hose,” my youngest said.
“While it was on?” I asked. I’d lost my deadpan expression the moment I picture my son losing his penis in a vacuuming accident.
“Yeah, but it was on low, don’t worry,” he reassured me. “It didn’t feel that good, so I only did it once.”
“Oh, what about paper towel rolls?” my oldest added. “And that time I used the cantaloupe?”
Even my husband was shocked at the cantaloupe revelation. Fruit. Really? I thought that was only a thing women in prison did.
“And the trash can,” my youngest said. Was nothing sacred?
By the end of our conversation, I had the idea that my sons, and probably all teenage boys, used anything and everything at their disposal to masturbate.
With my curiosity quelled, I had to wonder if my quest for knowledge was a worthy endeavor. Honestly, I’ll probably never look at a cantaloupe the same way again, but I am grateful I had this awkward, yet illuminating, discussion with my kids.
They felt confident enough to be real, knowing full well I would write this information and share it with the world. It may seem like too much for some parents, but talks like these let me know that my sons can truly be open with me about any subject, no matter how uncomfortable. Like, penis-in-a-vacuum uncomfortable. Ouch.
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There are things in this world that you can never understand until you’ve had a penis inside of your anus. Lucky for us gay/bi men, there are quite a number of us who know exactly how that feels. Here are 15 things only bottoms understand. (And if you wanna know the struggle tops go through, head over here. )
Let’s start with the best part of anal play: prostate stimulation . The attempt to describe the sensation is utterly useless. The feeling is truly ineffable. It’s heavenly. Euphoric. Unlike any other bodily sensation we’ve ever experienced. Thank the gods for gently tucking that almond-size gland 3 inches inside of our behinds.
Bottoms are a dime a dozen. It seems like every gay guy out there is a bottom, and when you think you’ve met someone who’s definitely a top…nope. He too is a bottom. Just a very masculine bottom.
It’s quite the feeling, being unable to walk straight after being pounded. Your gait is off as you awkwardly limp more to one side.
Not all of us do it, but the ones who do know exactly what I’m talking about. It’s an interesting experience, to say the least.
YASSSS. When the man you love finishes inside you, there is nothing better in this world.
We each have our own method that we swear by: the soapy finger, a douche, Imodium, etc. But no matter how we clean, it’s always a process. And if you’re like me, 25 minutes after you clean, you always have to poop, and it’s a pain in the freakin’ ass. (Not the good kind.)
It’s such a quick transition, the pain to pleasure switch. Where it goes from you being too tight and it hurting, to you being just right and his penis feeling amazing.
It feels amazing when he finishes while he’s inside you, but it’s also incredible when you finish while he’s inside you. Your ejacuations feel stronger and more intense when you finish with someone inside of you.
Yeah, not something that tops really have to worry about. Bottoms, on the other hand, we get them quite often. Here are some tips to help you get rid of those pesky anal fissures if you’re having trouble.
Even after you clean extensively, you know that having a guy poke around down there might stir things up. And if we get too into our heads, we can’t enjoy the sex because we’re too concerned about our own cleanliness.
Your date suggests an Indian restaurant that he claims you will love. NOPE. Definitely not doing that. Thai? Absolutely not. Tops don’t have to worry about what they’re having for dinner on a date. Bottoms on the other hand? Yes, we need to plan accordingly.
The struggle is real. I’m of the belief that you can skip leg day if you really worked your glutes and quads during sex.
I know, I know. It’s not the end of the world. You can also have him go a second time, but sometimes, when you really want to get pounded for awhile and he orgasms very quickly, it can be a bit of a downer.
A switch goes off in your mind, and you turn from an unassuming, suit-wearing businessman, to
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