Dirty Talk Seduction
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Dirty talk can be a very powerful weapon in your arsenal. Although many guys think that talking dirty means only swearing and using very graphic phrases, they are wrong.
This also includes playful sayings that will tease your partner.
Luckily, in this comprehensive guide, I am going to give you the complete rundown on what dirty talk really is, how you can use it, and what exact phrases you need to tell. Also, you will learn the most common mistakes you need to avoid.
If you have ever wanted to really wow your partner with your mouth (in more than one sense 😉 ), then read on.
A lot of people tend to disregard dirty talk as something vulgar and explicit that is not worth incorporating into their sex lives. Surprisingly, the term “dirty talk” covers almost anything that you say to your lover to make her/him feel attractive.
There are several reasons why you should use it regularly:
Despite what you may have heard, both women and men love it. Although everyone is different, your partner’s gender has no bearing on what they do or do not consider attractive and sexy.
Even the shyest of us can appreciate some soft forms of dirty talk from time to time. They key is finding out what works best with whomever you happen to be at the time. While some like to take it easy, others love the explicit, kinky stuff.
That is why you may want to have a discussion with your sexual partner about what they prefer the most.
Is there a secret to talking dirty? Some would say – Yes, of course. – while others would say – Nah, just go start experimenting with it. I have a slightly different answer to this question.
Each and every person can learn to talk dirty, no matter his or her prior experience.
Sure, some guys were born with a talent for telling the right phrases at the right time while others need some practice. Luckily, I am going to provide you with a beginner´s guide that is full of tips and tricks.
These are very easy-to-follow even if you are timid in the bedroom and have absolutely no experience with the dirty talk.
From subtle hints to blatant graphic tell-all sexy stuff, there are many things that can be categorized as dirty talk. To become good at it, you need to follow a few simple rules.
Firstly, you need to fix the way you are presenting your phrases. You should adjust and consider:
So now you know how to talk dirty to your partner. Feel free to experiment and remember to stay confident. Do not let the fear of embarrassment keep you from having fun.
The next step is to learn what exactly to tell to your partner in the heat of a moment.
Once you know how to adjust your voice for a great dirty talk session, you need to know what you are going to say (here is a section with some examples you can use tonight). Below, there are good tips for beginners who lack some inspiration.
A lot of people have absolutely no experience with the dirty talk. If you are a beginner with the lack of experience, you may want to start with the most basic form of naughty talk.
I am talking about moans and groans.
The next time you are having sex, try adding these into your play and see how you will like it and how your partner will react to this. Trust me that it is very easy to do.
Think of it as an excellent way to communicate your preferences with your partner during sex. Does your partner do something you like? Then moan or say something like – “Oh, God.” to let her (or him) know that she (or he) is doing a great job.
Just keep in mind that to make this work, your moaning needs to be natural. Completely forget about the type of moaning you hear and see in adult movies.
Another excellent way to gain some experience in talking dirty is to add some basic compliments that tease your partner´s mind. These can be told outside your bedroom.
Also, you can try telling her compliments during your sex session. Here is a selection of good examples to try:
As you can see, these decent phrases are nothing to be afraid of. All you have to do is to tell your partner how great her (or his) body is, or how much you like what she (or he) is doing to you during sex.
Just keep your compliments honest, real, and believable.
Another easy way to introduce a very mild form of dirty talk into your sex life is to tell your partner what are you going to do to her (or him). It is an excellent way to increase her (or his) sex drive.
Just tease her (or him) by slowly whispering something like this into her (or his) ear:
Obviously, as a beginner, you do not have to use any detailed descriptions. In most cases, the fewer details you use the better as there is more space for your partner´s imagination to kick in.
Another important thing to consider when talking dirty is your body language. You need to project a dominant appearance that teases your partner not only mentally, but also physically.
Just imagine whispering something like this to your partner´s ear while sitting next to him in a cinema:
Such a phrase alone will make your partner thinking about you for the whole movie. However, if you add some bodily stimulation such as kissing her (or his) neck or running your fingers on her (or his) inner thigh, then you are going to drive your partner crazy.
As you can see, if you want to master the art of talking dirty, you need to have your body language in the alignment of your dirty talk.
Although I have given you a lot of various advice here, you always need to be yourself. If you are going to take things into extreme very quickly, your partner (especially in a long-term relationship) will notice that you are acting.
Just keep in mind that dirty talk is mainly about having fun and relaxing.
If you are trying your best but still do not get any reaction from your partner, stop forcing it. Take some time off and try dirty texting instead.
It is always the best to incorporate dirty talk into your sex life gradually. Test his or her reactions to some soft-to-mild phrases and if you think he or she likes it, you can gradually continue into some hard-core, explicit phrases.
However, never test more than one level during your session. I mean, if you are trying dirty talk for the first time, you:
This way, you should be able to tell where are both you comfortable and which level works for you the most. Just stay away from these most common mistakes.
If you have absolutely no experience in dirty talk, you may find a face-to-face opportunity with your partner somehow intimidating, or even embarrassing. Especially, if you are not a very dominant and self-conscious person.
If this is the case, don’t sweat it. Try to gain some experience first, by:
Start gaining experience with the soft dirty talk and observe how he or she reacts. In the vast majority of cases, your partner will love it.
Try to experiment with various things to see what she likes the most.
If you have absolutely no experience in dirty talk, you may find a face-to-face opportunity with your partner somehow intimidating, or even embarrassing. Especially, if you are not a very dominant and self-conscious person.
If this is the case, don’t sweat it. Try to gain some experience first, by:
Start gaining experience with the soft dirty talk and observe how he or she reacts. In the vast majority of cases, your partner will love it.
Try to experiment with various things to see what she likes the most.
Once you have some experience, you can step up your “game” into a more naughty form. Just try following tips from a guide for advanced dirty talkers.
If you are talking dirty to your partner already, my advice is to add some “dominant elements” to your sex play. There is a wide variety of options for you to choose from.
All these are an excellent addition to talking naughty, especially if you are assuming a dominant position during your sex session. Trust me if your partner likes to be talked dirty to, she or he will love some soft version of dominant-vs-submissive behavior as well.
This can easily add more spice to your love life.
If your partner loves some explicit dirty talk, there is a high chance she or he will love if you add some swear words to your play. You can also experiment with softer versions of degrading as for some people, this is extremely attractive.
You can try to say phrases like this:
As you can see, these hard-core phrases need to be more explicit and less teasing. Just keep in mind that you need to gradually build up to this level and do not start to use swear words out of the blue.
To become an expert in the dirty talk you need to have a creative imagination. It is best to have a complete script in your mind before you even start your sex.
You need to base your script on your or your partner´s sexual fantasies. Obviously, you need to have an open discussion about these first.
If you are having problems with your script and are looking for some inspiration, I highly recommend you to start reading some of these kinky sex stories.
To become an expert in the dirty talk you need to have a creative imagination. It is best to have a complete script in your mind before you even start your sex.
You need to base your script on your or your partner´s sexual fantasies. Obviously, you need to have an open discussion about these first.
If you are having problems with your script and are looking for some inspiration, I highly recommend you to start reading some of these kinky sex stories.
These examples are very soft and perfect for beginners. Also, these are excellent if you want to gradually build up your dirty talk into something more intense (see levels 2 and 3).
Just make your partner feel sexy and wanted. However, you have to be honest, base your compliments on reality and make them believable.
Also, simple moaning and groaning are enough at this level.
Examples in the second (medium) level are more explicit and detailed. They can often be used as a foreplay by someone who has already some experience with the dirty talk.
Also, they provide for an excellent background if you want to go for a full-on raunchy dirty talk (see level 3 below).
At this level, the lines you are using do not have to be graphic at all. This depends on what you both prefer.
The third category or hard-core dirty talk can be very explicit and may involve a lot of slang or even swear words. Although this can seem weird when taken out of context, it can be very attractive when done in the heat of the moment.
Just keep in mind that you can not tell your partner these out of the blue. It is best to gradually build up the atmosphere and only then use these. Otherwise, you may ruin his or her mood.
Feel free to experiment with all kinds of different phrases. You can try these raunchy and vulgar lines during sex or you can even use these during sexting while doing your ordinary day-to-day activities.
If you are going to experiment with dirty talk in your sex life, you may (and probably will) make some mistakes as there are many things you can do wrong. This reminds me of a very popular saying:
“Only a fool learns from his own mistakes. The wise man learns from the mistakes of others.”
So be a wise man and take your time to learn about the most common mistakes other guys already made during their dirty talk efforts.
The last thing you should keep in mind is this…
You need to always be able to asses the situation first. Sometimes, your partner may not have a mood for dirty talk so try some soft-to-mild phrases to tease her (or him) and if she (or he) reacts positively to this, you may continue. If not, just drop it.
Also, if you are the object of a dirty talk, you need to realize that your partner is trying to flatter you, not to make you feel uncomfortable or strange.
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How To Talk Dirty During Sex, On The Phone & Whenever
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Alex Shea is a freelance sex and relationships writer based in Texas. She studied Life Sciences at San Jacinto College and has a journalism certificate from the University of Michigan.
Clinical Sexologist & Psychotherapist
Kristie Overstreet, Ph.D., LPCC, LMHC, CST, is a clinical sexologist and psychotherapist with 12 years of clinical experience. She is a licensed counselor in California, Florida, Georgia, and Louisiana. She is also a certified sex therapist, certified addiction professional, and president of the Therapy Department, a private practice in Orange County that provides counseling services throughout the United States.
Dirty talk may feel strange at first as you pick your brain for the perfect dirty things to say to your partner. Relax a little—talking dirty isn't an exact science, and navigating it relies more on how comfortable you are versus how much you know about it. Here's how to talk dirty during sex, plus sexy things to say to your partner outside the bedroom to build excitement.
Give yourself permission to go at your own pace. Sharing your fantasies via text may be a better choice if you're not comfortable with any face-to-face play yet. You're on nobody's schedule to learn how to dirty talk except your own. (Here's our full guide to sexting, in case you're curious.)
It doesn't have to be super creative, but it should feel good to you and your partner. "Good sex is supposed to be freeing and explorative," Shan Boodram, sexologist and K-Y's intimacy educator, tells mbg. The dirty things you say to your partner should feel natural and flow with the moment.
Let dirty talk elevate your sexual experience, not hinder it. The sooner you disregard the pressure you put on yourself, the easier exploring the sexual experience will be. You can help your partner navigate your body. Shoot, it may even lead to more fulfilling sex for everyone involved.
When you want to describe the moment for your partner, you don't have to mention their cup size or their girth. Something as simple as "I love your body" can get the ball rolling. And if you want to throw in a few adjectives, generals like—fat, huge, and wet work really well.
The comfort you feel in your relationship has everything to do with what you're willing to try sexually. "Talking with your partner(s) beforehand about your interests in dirty talk can be a great way to reduce the anxiety when you're actually in the moment," sex and relationships therapist Kamil Lewis, AMFT, tells mbg. Communicate, explore, and communicate some more.
A greater sense of intimacy can blossom in your relationship by learning how to talk dirty. "Dirty talking isn't about it being gross or crude or vulgar," Boodram explains. "It's just more about, does it make you feel hot?" What makes a phrase dirty is how sexually aroused you get from hearing it. Be the person that champions someone's sexual fantasy, not crushes it.
I want to see you play with yourself.
I love it when you grit your teeth.
I love it when you whisper in my ear.
I love how hard you can make me come.
Sexy things to say to your partner.
Dirty talk isn't only for the bedroom. Here's some inspiration for dirty things to say to your partner to keep sexual energy flowing in your relationship.
I keep thinking about your body against mine.
Remember last night when we [insert sexual activity]? Wow.
What sex position was your favorite?
My body misses your [insert body part].
Thinking about you makes me want to touch myself.
When you get here, I'm going to [insert sexual activity].
I really liked it when we [insert sexual activity]. Let's try that again.
I've been thinking about [fill in the blank] all day long, and I can't wait until we can [fill in the blank].
What do you think about doing [insert sexual activity] the next time we're in bed?
I've been looking forward to sitting on your face all day long.
I know it's been a long day. That's why I'm going to [insert sexual activity] when you get home.
That thing you do with your [insert body part] really makes me hot.
It makes me horny when you [fill in the blank].
You look good enough to put in my mouth today.
You make me so wet/hard when you moan.
Whether you're having phone sex for the first time or you're in a long-distance relationship, here are some dirty things to say when you're virtually connecting with someone. Personalize these phrases to fit your relationship, and match the language you and your partner already use. Remember, one couple's vanilla is another couple's kink.
I miss the way you feel inside of me.
I miss the way your [insert body part] feels [insert verb] against my [insert body part].
When I get back, I'm going to [insert sexual activity].
I can't wait until I can go down on you again.
I'm going to fuck you so hard when I see you.
I'll rip your clothes off the moment I see you.
Thinking about you is making me so wet/hard right now.
I want to see you naked...right now.
Just hearing your voice makes me want to touch myself.
I want to feel how wet/hard you are.
What else do you like when I do it to you?
The way you're sexting me is hot; want to show me what you're talking about?
I'm touching myself. Do you want to taste?
The comfort you feel with yourself and in your relationship is a crucial factor in talking dirty. You already know the right dirty things to say to during sex, before sex, and after sex—all that's left is for you to go for it.
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Alex Shea is a freelance sex and relationships writer based in Texas. She studied Life Sciences at San Jacinto College and has a journalism certificate from Michigan State University....
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