Dirty Stepdaughter
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AITA for telling my husband and his family to suck it up when they complained about my daughters wedding?
[UPDATE] WIBTA for going to my mom’s doctor behind her back?
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AITA for refusing to “just skip a day” of my commitment to 20,000 steps a day just to prove something to my SIL?
AITA for not letting my sister use my pool after she and her kids insulted my family?
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I won't complicate this. I have a daughter Cara who is not my biological daughter, nor was she my legal daughter until she reached the age of 18 when she asked me to adopt her as an adult. I married my husband when she was 14 and together we have two children. Cara gets along okay with my husband. But admittedly her upbringing means she was maybe not as able to bond with a father figure as she was with a mother figure and her age was also a factor. Regardless, everyone gets along and I think that is the best you expect when you have someone who went through as much as she did at a young age.
Cara is engaged and came to me recently and told me she would like to walk with me down the aisle and do a dance with me while her fiance dances with his mom. She told me she didn't know how to ask for that without hurting my husband. I told her he would understand and I would be honored to do it.
I did not expect my husband and his parents to take offence. They believe she snubbed my husband and is making it seem like he's nothing. After listening to them complain about this for ten minutes I told them to suck it up and accept that she asked me, her mom, to do both of those parts of the wedding and that I was proud to do it. I dared them to tell me I was less deserving than my husband.
My husband and his parents believe I wasn't very understanding (and downright rude!!! according to my MIL).
So to clarify for people because I was not clear. My husband is not her father, he is her stepfather through me. I was married before and she was my stepdaughter who I ended up with custody of but never legally adopted as a minor because her biological mother was alive. She has trauma relating to father figures (two prior ones to be exact) so she has never really considered my husband as such but their relationship has been good considering everything she has been through.
I did adopt her when she turned 18. Not my husband, just me.
Again on mobile, sorry for any atrange formatting.
I began a log of the worrisome instances and talked to my dad more about the situation. We both felt we owed her the respect of telling her I would be letting her neurologist know what was going on. My dad approached the subject after dinner one night and my mom actually took it very well. She agreed that she needed to see someone about what was going on, but she was just scared to admit that things were getting worse. I totally understand her fear, and I’m glad she finally let us in and opened up about it.
She’s going to make an appointment with her neurologist on a day that I’m off work so I can go with her and let him know what was happening. She also agreed to start looking for a therapist/psychiatrist to help her deal with her depression and finding heath coping mechanisms for her stress.
The conversation also turned to how she’s noticing that she isn’t as capable at multitasking at work, and shes terrified. She loves her job and has been with her company over 20 years through multiple buy outs. Once she sees her neurologist and gets into therapy, she’s going to figure out what additional accommodations would help her be able to succeed best at work. The stress of work (or the thought of not being able to work) was really getting to her, and being able to finally tell us her fears and anxieties while we expressed ours brought us all closer.
TL;DR All in all, things went better than I could have imagined. She is grateful that we are worried about her and is willing to go get checked out.
5 years ago I made a commitment to get at least 20,000 steps every day, and I’ve stuck to it every day. It hasn’t been easy, but it’s something that really felt important to me. I was fat and stuck in a very sedentary lifestyle and mindset. Making the commitment forced me to get off my ass, taking long walks, and then picking up running, and overall being mindful of no longer being a lazy person.
I’ve slimmed down and am overall much happier and healthier than I was, physically and especially mentally. Other side effects are that my home is cleaner, I know more of my neighbors, I've seen a lot of great street art, etc.
It’s not something that really impacts my day beyond making sure I have the time, but for some reason, it really, really pisses my SIL off. I don’t make a big deal yelling “GOTTA GET MY STEPS IN EVERY. HEY EVERYONE. MY STEPS??? GETTING THEM.” or anything.
We were at the park with her kids, she asked me if I was still doing “that silly step thing” and I said yeah, I felt pretty good about it. She said that she worries about me and how obsessive I am about it. I told her that I don’t think I’m obsessive, that it’s just part of my daily routine, like taking a shower, or cleaning up.
Well, she got all weird and started saying “I bet you can’t give it up for just one day. Just one day. See, you’re addicted. It’s an obsession. It’s unhealthy.”
I told her that I’m not addicted, again, the same way I’m not addicted to taking a shower or brushing my teeth. It’s just a part of my lifestyle now. That I’m not going to give up and break my streak just to prove a point, that would be ridiculous! I suggested maybe she could join me and try it for a few days and she went off saying that I was calling her fat.
She went around pestering eceryone in the family to “challenge myself” by taking a day off. She switched her tune and is now trying to guilt me by telling me it’s setting a bad, unrealistic expectation for my nieces and nephews. I think that’s ridiculous and obviously if I’m doing it, it’s not unrealistic.
Her biggest complaint is that for the past few holiday meals we’ve had together, I “make a big show” of getting up and taking a walk afterwards, like I’m trying to prove something to someone. I told her that it’s pretty common, and that some families go on runs together in the morning of Thanksgiving, or take a hike. She told me that I was effectively shaming everyone because they wanted to relax. I think that’s ridiculous, but she insists that it’s insulting “to everyone” and makes me an obsessed asshole.
I think it's worth adding that my SIL isn't fat. At least, I don't see her as fat or overweight or anything. Also, I don't have an eating disorder and I'm not "replacing one addiction with another" so please stop projecting that onto me. You people are trying to come up with these insane hypotheticals to try to "gotcha!" me because for some reason, you want me to have an eating disorder.
I (28f) am a mother of 2 and engaged to my partner of 5 years (30m). My kids are 3 and 5 years old, and neither of them are my partner's children. I am 4 months pregnant with a third baby, who is his biological child. There was never any cheating, and everyone involved is aware of all of this. When we started talking about moving in together, we agreed that we would move in with him and he put me on the deed, meaning we have equal equity in the house despite me paying a fraction of what he did. My siblings and I grew up poor and I only met my partner and got to the point I'm at because I got a combination of scholarships and grants for his university.
All of this has given my siblings a lot to tease me over. I don't mind it most of the time, but there have been times I've had to shut it down.
My sister (36f) has 2 kids, ages 4 and 6, with her husband. She and her husband were a few hours away, but last year they moved near us. With lockdown, I suggested that she bring her kids over to use our indoor pool. All 4 kids got on well, and my sister and I got to talk, so the arrangement was working. Additionally, the 4 year old has a knee thing which means the best thing for him is swimming, so this had considerable health benefits for him.
Then just before Christmas they came over. I made my partner a drink and brought it to him, and she made a snarky comment about me being his maid. This led to a passive aggressive conversation about our income and lifestyle and the visit was cut short.
Then she brought her kids over again earlier this month. I don't know what happened exactly, but my kids came up to me, sobbing, saying their cousins called them bastards and me a gold digger. My sister was with me and said her kids were just joking. I asked her where they learned those jokes and she said they probably figured it out themselves. I said that even if that was the case, which I doubt, they should still apologise to my kids. She responded that they were only teasing, and I said they were being brats and I expect an apology. My sister got them to apologise and left. Considering that this was the visit following the one where my sister and I had that passive aggressive conversation about my income, I am confident that they did not "figure it out themselves", rather that my sister either said it within their earshot or to them directly and they copied her.
She's now called me asking to use the pool. I've said no. I'm fine with my siblings teasing me, as we're all adults, but her kids calling my kids bastards, joking or not, was unacceptable. She said her kids were only joking, they've apologised, and they really enjoy coming to my house and it's helping the 4 year old. I said they shouldn't be praised for apologising, and after this I don't think I want to put my kids in that position again. She said that I was being a selfish, privileged arsehole by punishing her kids for something they've already apologised for and accused me of thinking I was better than her and our other siblings. I said that if she respected anything about my life, we would not be having these issues, and she said I was blowing this out of proportion and being a complete arsehole by holding this over them and being willing to affect the 4 year old's health.
I'm concerned I'm in the wrong due to the 4 year old's health issues and the fact that the kids apologised and this was a first offence, so I feel I should give them some leeway.
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