Dirty Sexy Bitch

Dirty Sexy Bitch

Late night humor to keep your libido in check.

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#9 that line's not even close to fat. That's a bump

#6 is flat out wrong. damaged chicks will do just about anything

Glad I'm not the only one who noticed that those eggs look like a dick

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Uploaded 02/14/2017

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The World Wide Web was technically invented in 1989 by British scientist Tim Berners-Lee but it wasn’t until the late 90s that “going online” started to be mainstream. Since then, we’ve seen cats playing the piano and tons of memes While there are plenty of clean memes, there are just as many dirty memes for adults that are just as funny.
While some of these sexy memes cross the line and get pretty offensive, it’s all in good fun. We scoured every dark corner of the web for dirty memes and I hope you enjoy this compilation of 71 funny memes!
“When you a hoe and even your toothpaste knows what that mouth do.”
“Son, I know you have grown up now, and I’m proud of you. When Ashley comes over tonight if things get serious, make sure you’re SAFE! Use this! P.S. Your dinner is in the fridge, honey. Love Mom. Does anyone see the problem here?” Hint: the thumbtack.
“Are girls called chicks because they produce eggs or because they love [censored]?”
“When she asks if you’re good in bed: Not the best but still good.”
“Baby: So u came on her breasts? Man: …It was an accident. Baby: I EAT FROM THOSE, BE MORE CONSIDERATE PHIL.”
“Bae: Come over. Me: But I’m a cactus. Bae: My parents aren’t home. Me:”
“Woman: Do you have any batteries? Clerk: Sure come this way (wiggles finger). Woman: If I could come that way, I wouldn’t need batteries.”
“Before foreplay vs. After foreplay.”
“But my heart is big. I can’t ride a heart.”
“Catching snowflakes on ur tongue.”
“[censored] is nasty. First of all, I’m disgusting and [censored] is a work of art . I’ll [censored] until his soul is down my throat.”
“Do you like pizza? Cuz I want a pizza dat [censored].”
“My doctor told me I’m low on vitamin ‘D’…So I need more D. I definitely need more D.”
“Dr: Are you sexually active? Me: Haha big time. Dr: Like, with another person? Me: Oh, then no.”
“Dude, I swear I was just switching channels.”
“When he fine but so are all of his friends: Why was I born a train.”
“5 minutes into photosynthesis and chill.”
“Five minutes into photosynthesis and chill.”
“You flip her over for [censored] and she arches her back like…So you look down like…Pathetic.”
“Would a gay shop owner decline service to someone because they were straight? No. Because gay people aren’t [censored]. Well…Technically.”
“When you give her a towel to clean up and she tries to hand it back to you: Yeah, well don’t touch me with it.”
“When he told you to slow down but you didn’t listen.”
“Her: We should go to the park. Me: What park do you have in mind? [censored] Lick Park.”
“Hey, can you pass me the external hard drive? She wants the (D:).”
“Him: Hey babe I’m starving any suggestions? Me:”
“Him: Bae, get on top. Me: Horse pretends to be dead every time he’s supposed to go for a ride.”
“How to tell if ur dog is involved in a [censored] scandal.”
“I found this carrot in my roommate’s shower. Who the [censored] eats carrots in the shower?”
“If you like it you lick it. Everybody knows that.”
“I’ll make you wet, one way or the other.”
“[censored] is kind of like cooking. Everyone can do it, but not everyone can make it delicious.”
“Jesus loves you. I’m sure he says that to all the girls.”
“Just found out people in [censored] don’t love each other.”
“You know what else is slippery when wet?”
“Life is so much funnier when you have a dirty mind. True story.”
“When you’re mad at him but not at his [censored].”
“Me…Before [censored] vs. After [censored].”
“Your memes are offensive and vulgar, I’m unfriending you. Me: Take this on your way out…[censored].”
“When your mom out but she calls you while you beating your meat and you gotta make some [censored] up when she asks what you doing.
“My girlfriend wishes I could see things from her point of view . I agree.”
“Her: Name your fantasy and I’ll do it. Me: Ok so put duct tape over your mouth. Her: Ooo [censored], go on 😉 Me: And that’s it.”
“NAOMI: Did you know my name spelled backward is ‘I MOAN’? That’s SO funny cuz I love moaning. LANA: I wonder what my name spelled backward is…”
“On my way to reel in your [censored].”
“1 inch – Are you [censored] kidding? 2 inch – I can’t even hold it properly. 3 inch – Never been so unsatisfied in my life. 4 inch – I’ve had bigger. 5 inch – Good, but not enough! 6 inch – About right. 7 inch – Can’t complain. 8 inch – [censored] perfect. 9 inch – A bit much. 10 inch – It’s hurting my insides. 11 inch – I can’t take it anymore. 12 inch – I’m absolutely [censored] destroyed. And this is how I rate my Subway sandwiches.”
“My [censored] died. Can I bury it in ur [censored]?”
“When he putting the [censored] on and you just waiting there like.”
“Romance is not dead: Bruise my esophagus.”
“The secret to a successful marriage is to keep his stomach full and his [censored] empty.”
“[censored] is all fun and games until someone has to sleep in the wet spot.”
“When she finally ur girl and the level of freaky she is doesn’t match the level of innocence u thought she was…”
“Sometimes you just gotta get straight to the point and let him know he gives you butterflies in your [censored].”
“When you’re spooning and she pushes her bum upon you and you’re like: You don’t want to wake the dragon do you.”
“Started from the bottom. Finished on your face.”
“Subway. Introducing the Freshlight.”
“When you [censored] his meat but remember he was likin that [censored] selfies.”
“I swear some people were conceived through [censored] because there’s no way being that much of an [censored] is natural.”
“Take them to the zoo they said. They’ll learn something new they said.”
“When she tells you to go deeper: There’s no PP left for this move!”
“This yoga position is called ‘child support is only 18yrs’.”
“[censored] is [censored] typewriter. Excuse me while I go write an essay.”
“When you watch [censored] and [censored] at the same time as the horse.”
“We never truly grow up. We just get better swing sets.”
“Her: What’s your favorite- Me: Missionary. Her: …Color.”
“When he doesn’t that side of you yet.”
Please share these funny memes with your friends and family.
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Ellen Scott Wednesday 25 Oct 2017 8:29 am
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If you can hear every creak of the bed and the sound of skin rubbing on skin, you might be doing it wrong. Housemates be damned.
But while we generally know that total silence during sex is not a great idea (we do know that, right? Please don’t be pin-drop silent. It’s very disconcerting), attempts to fill that silence can be daunting.
Do you let out a moan? Do you do some heavy breathing? Would it be ridiculous to throw out a ‘you like that?’ or an ‘oh yeah’?
The person you’re having sex with asking you to talk dirty just piles on the pressure. How dirty is acceptable? What’s a sexy word for vagina?
It’s handy to have a couple of phrases in your back pocket you can pull out with confidence.
So to help you along in these moments of crisis, a recent survey of 5,000 adults by Forktip went ahead and asked straight women what they’d like a male partner to say in bed.
The top answer: Making her call him ‘daddy’. The runners up were telling her how tight her vagina is, and telling her how much he’s enjoying himself.
Now, it’s important to note that this is a study of 5,000 people, and what the average of 5,000 people like is not indicative of what everyone likes. It’s also very possible that those surveyed chose from a restrictive list of options, or that they held back on sharing what they’d really like their partner to say because they were worried about being weird.
I did a quick poll of women I know, and had varied responses to ‘what would you like a guy to say during sex?’
Some were incredibly turned on by the ‘call me daddy’ thing, while others found it absolutely repulsive.
‘If a guy asked me to call him daddy, I’d kick him in the balls,’ said Abby*, 24.
So it’s a bit of a gamble to try the daddy play if you’re not 100% sure what your partner is into.
Many of the women I asked said they like being called ‘slut’, ‘whore’, and ‘bitch’ in bed, which a few of them felt was concerning. It’s not, FYI. Wanting the dirty talk to get rough is common, and it doesn’t mean you want that kind of disrespect outside of the sexual setting. It’s part of being sexually submissive, and enjoying it when a partner takes control.
Others preferred no dirty talk at all, while some said they’d take ANYTHING over silence.
Molly, 27, told us she can’t really think of what she’d want someone to say in bed, but knows that anything rude, racial, or babying is entirely off limits.
Five of the women I asked said that while they’d like more dirty talk, they don’t currently feel comfortable asking for it in bed.
‘I’m sure that if I tell my boyfriend that I want to be called a filthy slut he’ll read into it,’ said Nicola, 27. ‘He’s really respectful so anything like that would be out of his comfort zone.’
If you’re keen to make more noise in the bedroom, you need to make sure that your sexual relationship is one in which neither party feels judged for their preferences, and when both feels able to try things out.
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If that’s not the case for your relationship, talk through things with your partner. Explore your fears and worries. Work on getting to a point where you’re both comfortable asking for what you want.
Once you’ve reached that point, you’ll be able to test the waters. Ask your partner to call you daddy. If she’s not into it, she’ll say so, and it won’t be a big deal. Or she’ll f***ing love it and you’ll be having incredible sex.
We say it all the time, but it bears repeating: Everyone’s different, everyone has their own specific sexual desires and needs, and the best route to finding out what your partner likes is to ask them, rather than relying on averages from surveys or anecdotes from your mates.

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