Dirty Kinky

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Dirty Kinky
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By Tom Miller — Written on Sep 08, 2016
As much as it’s against my personal creed, I’ll be honest for a second. Upon receiving this assignment, I had to look up kinky in the dictionary because I’m a chili cheese fries kinda guy when it comes to sex : meat and potatoes, and a little cheesy.
Internet dictionary defines kinky as “involving or given to unusual sexual behavior.” And I’ll be damned if the word “unusual” doesn’t plop into this whole operation like a number two shot out of a t-shirt cannon.
For some folks, “unusual” may mean leaving the lights on , and for others it may mean being pegged by a criminally insane drifter they met at the grand opening of a Starbucks. But if drunk convos with my friends and lurking around YourTango informs me of anything, most of us are somewhere deliciously between these two things. 
For most dudes, the whole kinky thing is about novelty . For others, it’s about unresolved formative trauma. And, if you’re lucky, both. Let’s concentrate on novelty. Periodically it’s gratifying to convince our caveman brains that we’re ensuring our genetics are passed as widely as possible even if we’re not Ashley Madison-ing it up out there. 
Here are 10 things kinky women are seriously great at doing that men seriously dig:
When in doubt, just go with “[verb expletive] my [noun expletive], baby.” 
Put his hands on your throat if you like being choked. Asked to be spanked if that’s your thing . And if you're interested in having your hair pulled , just do it doggie-style.
Own (and wear) completely impractical lingerie. I don’t know how it’s possible, but thigh-high stockings are somehow sexier than no stockings at all. 
Be aggressive. Request position changes. Tell him what you want to do to him and, if you want to choke him, there are like 0.0001 percent of guys who may be cool with it. 
Insist on him not using his hands once in a while. But don't let him go hands-free too much or he'll get lazy. 
Take precautions that it doesn’t end up in Kris Jenner ’s hands, but saying you want to "watch" it later is melt-your-face-off-like- Raiders-Of-The-Lost-Ark hot.
Explore yourself with your finger and then put it in his mouth. If you’re feeling fun, do the same with his finger and your mouth .
I'm not even sure if you should ask. I know I know, social contract. I know women have decided they hate 69-ing , so face the other direction and "concentrate" on your magic. 
Be exceptionally clear where you want his DNA to go , even if it’s to be Spider-Man -ed directly into one of the cheaper towels.
Go out and get (mildly) freaky. You’ll be surprised what a virtuous cycle stepping out of your comfort zone with a little kink may start. 
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Remember that BDSM and other subdivisions of it are consensual acts that include a lot of preparation and instruction before they can be carried out properly for the enjoyment of all parties.
"I’m in a full-time Master/slave dynamic with my partner. One of my biggest kinks is piss play and humiliation. My fondest memory was having 22+ men pee on me while I was wearing a cone of shame. After being peed on, my Master forced me to sit in the pee for a long time before being allowed to shower off. It was definitely one of the hottest things I’ve ever done."
"My girl has a Daddy/dom fetish. Spanking and impact play are a must, usually coupled with clothespins and nipple clamps. She’s absolutely required to call me Daddy or Sir, and if not, punishment will ensue. There’s something amazing about having a person put their total trust in you and let you completely control and use their body."
"Me and my ex had a party and in the middle of it we stealthily made our way to the back room and while we were having sex I tied her up. When we were done I left her like that and then after an hour I came back and we did it again. Just to be clear, the entire thing was completely consensual."
"My girlfriend and I are into cuckolding. We met a guy and I watched him fuck her in the ass while I sucked her toes. After he came in her ass, I licked it out and we kissed. Five minutes later, she started giving him a blowjob again. He came in her mouth, she kissed me, and then spat it into my mouth."
"I'm a cam girl and while I’m in the free chatroom, my husband is logged in as well. When I do private shows, he peeks in the room and watches me and after I'm done working for the night we have mind-blowing sex. It really turns him on seeing all these people flirting and talking dirty with me."
"I grabbed the lube from next to my bed and after a bit of prep, I was able to push my dick in my own ass and have sex with myself. I was so into it that I started to talk dirty to myself, changing roles so that one second I was begging some imaginary stud to pound me harder and the next I was calling myself a needy bitch. This all culminated with me calling myself daddy and cumming inside myself."
"My mother-in-law is a lawyer and has her own office. Me and my husband had sex all over the place: her desk, her secretary's desk, the floor, and even the copy room. One time I was on a desk bigger than the others, but my husband couldn't reach me so he took a big book to step on. When we were done, my husband picked up the book and realised that it was actually the bible."
"My girlfriend’s parents were giving me a lift back home from the airport one afternoon. My girlfriend and I were in the backseat, one thing led to another, and I was getting a blowjob. It was the quietest orgasm I’ve ever had."
"I had sex with a girl in her dorm room while we were in the middle of a conversation with her roommate. We just kinda snuggled up under the covers, both facing her roommate. Mid-conversation, she leaned back and whispered, 'I want you inside me'. I just kinda smiled and nodded my way through the conversation while very subtly doing the deed."
"I fucked my boss in the ass using a strap-on while we were in his office during the middle of a work day."
"I’m all about the kink: I’ve nursed a grown man like a baby, I've been fisted and then had his penis inserted at the same time, and I've had my vagina stretched with a vaginal speculum."
"Whilst my girlfriend’s parents were away for the weekend, we did a bit of naked cooking. She was only wearing an apron whilst I fucked her from behind over the oven. We got our bodily fluids on the food when I pulled out, but we decided to eat it all anyway."
"I once drove 30 minutes to a guy’s house with a butt plug in the whole time. The vibrations from the car made me orgasm twice."
"My girlfriend literally gets off on the thought of me being dominated by men while we're having sex. I’ll slowly whisper a detailed play-by-play of the sex I used to have with guys while she rubs herself. Right when she tells me she’s about to cum, I jump up and sit on her face so I can feel the vibrations from her moans and so she can taste me while she climaxes."
"Me and another woman spit-roasted her boyfriend using strap-ons."
"I put on latex gloves and played nurse to my husband. I gave him a prostate exam and started blowing him simultaneously."
"Once, my ex and I were having sex on his couch and I asked him to cum on my breasts. When he was done, I swirled his semen over each nipple and put my finger in my mouth to lick off the rest. Then I said, 'I’m not cleaning it up. I’m going to leave your cum on me all day.' And I did. We went to the grocery store, the park and out to dinner."
"We have this thing where my girlfriend dresses as an iguana and I dress as an armadillo."
Note: Submissions have been edited for length and/or clarity.



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Curious about how to talk dirty and make your lover seriously blush? These 64 dirty talk examples will get both your heart’s racing and make your lover desperate to come back for more.
Whether you’re sexting at work, whispering in their ear at a bar, kissing in a corner, or in the thick of the action, dirty talk makes things even hotter .
With a few flirty words, you can make them immediately want to rip your clothes off, turn a casual conversation into a primal session, initiate a role play, make sure they think about you naked all day, or tell them what you want and how you want it - so you get exactly that later on.
If you’re worried about what dirty things to say, relax. You don’t need to memorize dirty talk examples, put on a show, or say anything that makes you feel uncomfortable.
How to talk dirty? Basic and effective dirty talk is about being honest and not holding back. Tell your lover your desires, how aroused you’re feeling, what you like about their body, what you want to do to them, what you want them to do to you…
Once you’re confident you can get more kinky and explicit.
As we said, when learning how to talk dirty, the most important thing to do is be comfortable. And remember that everyone is turned on by different things.
Did any of these dirty talk examples particularly turn you on? Share these with your lover, and experiment until you find out what dirty talk turns them on.
Be warned: once you discover the power of dirty talk, you can’t go back!
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