Dirty Gagging

Dirty Gagging
This Is The Kind Of Dirty Talk That Men ACTUALLY Like
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By Alex Alexander — Written on Jan 12, 2017
There’s just something about hearing a woman explicitly describe her sexual wants or needs that can make the male brain go crazy. We’ve always heard that men are more visual creatures — that men are turned on by physicality more than anything else — but dirty talk is a sort-of gateway drug that links together words and images in our heads.
We hear the descriptive words coming out of our partner’s mouths and it alters how we view reality. We start seeing ourselves as the hulking sex god that our girlfriend is describing or we begin seeing our wives as the slinky dominant mistress who’s not afraid to give us her commands.
In an article for Medical Daily , Dr. Ava Cadell noted that couples resort to dirty talk to “heighten their arousal and share fantasies that they may not want to turn into reality, but talking about them can be even better.”
And I couldn’t agree more. Dirty talk does bridge that gap between sexual reality and sexual fantasy in really fun, sexy , and safe ways. When done right, it’s amazing.
BUT that doesn’t mean that all men love it when their partners start talking dirty.
Why not? Because some dirty talk just doesn’t feel right to men . I’m not saying that men have moral objections to what’s being said — our sexual boundaries get thrown WIDE open when a woman starts talking dirty — but some forms of dirty talk are more effective than others.
Do you want to know the kind of dirty talk that men REALLY enjoy?
It will sound weird at first, but trust me on this one.
When it comes to talking dirty, what men REALLY want is… HONESTY.
I know, right? That sounds like some self-help BS, doesn’t it? Let me explain…
I am NOT saying that men want you to start yelling out, “Oh my god, your back is so hairy!” or “I legitimately can’t tell if you’re inside me or not, baby!”
We’re not looking for harsh, soul-shattering truths here. But men can inherently tell if your sex talk sounds like it’s coming from a false place. We don’t want to hear you reading from a script. We don’t want women to just quote back lines they heard in a porno. The dirty talk HAS to be rooted in some legitimate want/need/desire on the woman’s part.
For example, don’t tell us that you’re “SO wet” if you’re not. (We can tell.) Don’t tell us if we’re the “biggest ever” if we both know that we’re not talking about a record-breaking penis here.
Don’t try to be dominant, if you’re not naturally dominant. Don’t act submissive and call us “Daddy,” if you’re not into playing a submissive role in the bedroom.
(Also, the “Daddy” talk is real hit-or-miss for men. Some of us find it a bit creepy.)
This might surprise you, but more than anything, we want your dirty monologues to be grounded in some form of reality.
And there are many ways that can happen.
Give us some naughty play-by-play, tell us what’s happening to your body right now. (Are you almost there? Are you wet?)
Do you want it harder? Should we move an inch to the left? Do you want us to take control and dominate? Or do you want to bark orders at us and tell us what to do?
If you feel like begging for it, beg. If you want to ask us sexy questions — “Do you like that?” — ask away. We’ll be into it.
What we don’t want is for you to start playing some dirty talk character.
Don’t get suddenly foul-mouthed if we know that’s not what you’re really like. Don’t use hyperbole and keep calling everything the “biggest… hardest… wettest… EVER” because it pulls us out of the moment. It makes our dumb lizard brains think “Really?” and then we become aware “Ah, no, it isn’t, she’s trying to turn me on.” And that moment of realization isn’t particularly sexy.
If we wanted to experience artificially heightened sexual experiences, we’d just watch porn . At least, we know that’s supposed to be fake.
When it comes to dirty talk , men are 100% fine with you being as a graphic as you want to be, IF it’s coming from an honest place.
Just keep that in mind the next time you decide to talk dirty in the bedroom. Men love it. (We LOVE it.) But we’ve got to believe it too.
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I enjoy giving my boyfriend head. And not to brag, but I think I'm pretty decent at it. Recently though, he has hinted that he wants me to try deep-throating. In the porn I've watched it looks pretty intense — and I'm worried about my gag reflex. Any tips for how to deep throat for a first-timer? — The Shallow

I respect your willingness to swallow your pride, so to speak, and come at this with an open mind (and gullet). As you seem to already know, the gag reflex tends to be the biggest inhibitor of the deep throat technique.

Also known as the pharyngeal reflex or laryngeal spasm, the gag reflex is the contraction of the back of the throat that occurs when triggered by an object touching the roof of the mouth, back of the tongue, tonsil area, or the back of the throat. It is meant to prevent things from going down your throat that aren't supposed to be there, and to stop you from choking. The unfortunate truth is that our throats are not designed to swallow dicks! That said, some people have it easier than others in this category. Studies show that 37% of people do not have a gag reflex . On the other end of the spectrum, 10 to 15% of people have a hypersensitive gag reflex (HGR). Regardless of where you fall, you can learn how to deep throat if you care to. Consider these tips and then dive right in.

There are throat training exercises you can do to help desensitize your gag reflex. Keep in mind, this training must take place over time in order to be effective. Pick a phallic-shaped object, starting with something small like a toothbrush or your finger, and slowly move the object toward the back of your throat. When you feel yourself starting to gag, stop and try to relax while taking deep breaths in order to suppress your gag reflex. Try to hold it there for 10 Mississippis.

The more you practice this, the sooner you will see improvements. Once you are able to hold it there for the full 10 seconds, experiment with moving the object in and out slowly. This may stimulate your gag reflex even more. Make sure to keep breathing. Once you have conquered this with a small object, work your way up to a dildo. Hot tip: Do not practice this with a banana. It could break off into your throat and cause you to choke, which would be a very embarrassing way to go.

Positions that create a straight line from the mouth to the throat, allowing the penis to go there, are ideal. There are a few positions that are particularly good for this type of sword swallowing endeavor.

Whatever position you try, one of the most important things is that you are able to feel comfortable, safe, and relaxed with your partner. Feeling pressured or scared, besides creating a very negative experience for you, will lead to you tensing up the muscles in your jaw and your throat, which makes it less likely that you will get the results you were hoping for. Coming up with a signal that lets your partner know to stop is of the utmost importance, as is open communication any time sexual experimentation is going down.

When it comes to deep throating, creating optimal breathing opportunities and using breath to help you to relax are important ingredients for success. Stuffed up with a head cold? Wait until your sinuses are cleared out, then try.

Try experimenting with your breathing. Inhale as you slide him out, using that moment to take a breath. Try the reverse as well, inhale as he is going in and exhale as he is going out. Many experts recommend sticking your tongue out or flattening it in order to allow the penis to slide further down the throat. Keep in mind that this leaves your soft palate exposed and available to poking and prodding which is likely to trigger that gag reflex.

Go in hydrated like you are about to run a marathon. Dehydration is your enemy. You need saliva to do a good job. Putting some lube on your lips or on him can allow your mouth to go up and down smoothly which helps the whole process. If you are able to bring his penis into your mouth far enough, the back of your throat will begin to lubricate with a thick saliva.

There are many different tricks that are recommended to enhance your deep throat technique. They range from old wives' tales to more scientifically-based recommendations.

In order to feel safe and have a great experience, talk it out first. And make an ejaculation plan in advance. Are you comfortable swallowing? How do you want to be warned that he is about to cum — and where do you want it to go? Most importantly, like any sex act, this should be about wanting it. You should never feel pressured or coerced. With that? You're far from the shallow now.

In Hump Day, award-winning psychotherapist and TV host Dr. Jenn Mann answers your sex and relationship questions — unjudged and unfiltered.

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