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This article is more than 10 years old
This article is more than 10 years old
Maybe I am a prude, but my upstairs neighbours certainly have an unusual taste in home decor
Most people's neighbours keep the curtains drawn on their sex lives. Photograph: Andrew Warburton/Alamy
All the day's headlines and highlights from the Guardian, direct to you every morning
© 2022 Guardian News & Media Limited or its affiliated companies. All rights reserved. (modern)
I live on the ground floor of a house with bay windows. I noticed a pretend hand with a sticking-up pink finger displayed prominently in the upstairs window. What's that for? Is it a gesture of defiance? I am not best friends with the upstairs neighbours. And because I went to a girls' school and don't go out much in the world, I think it's just an odd ornament. The next day I have another stare and realise that it's not a finger, it's a penis, and it must be a dildo. Erk. Right at the front for all the passersby to see.
I promise you, readers, I have never used one. I only recognised it because a more adventurous friend left three in the wardrobe about 20 years ago, thinking I might like to try them, but I didn't, and forgot about them. Then my mother moved in, and I had to throw them away sharpish, because she already had a heart condition.
Now here is one stuck in the upstairs window. What does it signify? What is the matter with these neighbours? Lots. They make terrific crashing and shouting noises at night and since they moved in, the police have often called in the early hours, but what for? The neighbours swear that nothing dreadful's going on, they're innocent. It must be the fairies who broke the doors and windows, because it wasn't them and it can't have been darling Norman, the chilled yoga teacher upstairs.
They've done nothing wrong, except display a dildo in their front window. Although I think it may lower the tone of the house, it's probably not a crime and perhaps I'm an uptight prude.
I don't think I am. I don't mind what anyone does. If you want to go wild or nail your chums' bits to the table, that's fine with me. Do anything you like, as long as I don't have to watch or hear about it, or see something rude in the window to remind me of it every day.
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