Dick Swap

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Reviewed in the United States on May 27, 2022
A sexual thriller of what might happen if parts below the belt were interchangeable or swappable.
3.0 out of 5 stars A solid read while drinking beer in the bathtub
Reviewed in the United States on September 4, 2017
I wanted to read something light while I drank beer in the bathtub, and this sounded good. It was free on Amazon, too. You might remember Andy Boring as the guy who wanted to Fill The Grand Canyon And Live Forever. I actually didn't, but after I read it I Googled the name and was like, Oh yeah, right. That was a cool book, even if I couldn't remember the name of the narrator. What I do remember is that old King Missile song, which kept playing in my head while I read this. It's similar in a lot of ways, most notably the whole Detachable Penis thing. The twist is that instead of a guy getting drunk and losing his, his buddy loses it one night after they'd swapped 'em with each other. They both have the same ability, you see, so naturally they swap 'em sometimes. That's the titular Dick Swap. Most of the tension and drama in the story comes from the fact that the rich guy who loses his friend's dick is really kind of a major dick to his less-well-off friend. I can't recommend this to everyone, but it's decent if you're looking for something quick to enjoy while consuming alcohol and soaking in tepid water.
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I wanted to read something light while I drank beer in the bathtub, and this sounded good. It was free on Amazon, too. You might remember Andy Boring as the guy who wanted to Fill The Grand Canyon And Live Forever. I actually didn't, but after I read it I Googled the name and was like, Oh yeah, right. That was a cool book, even if I couldn't remember the name of the narrator. What I do remember is that old King Missile song, which kept playing in my head while I read this. It's similar in a lot of ways, most notably the whole Detachable Penis thing. The twist is that instead of a guy getting drunk and losing his, his buddy loses it one night after they'd swapped 'em with each other. They both have the same ability, you see, so naturally they swap 'em sometimes. That's the titular Dick Swap. Most of the tension and drama in the story comes from the fact that the rich guy who loses his friend's dick is really kind of a major dick to his less-well-off friend. I can't recommend this to everyone, but it's decent if you're looking for something quick to enjoy while consuming alcohol and soaking in tepid water.

A sexual thriller of what might happen if parts below the belt were interchangeable or swappable.

At first, I thought it was just some gag based on a weird fetish like so much self-published material on Amazon. I was wrong. As I read it and its sequel, Party! Patio!, I realized that Dick Swap is actually a metaphor for class warfare. Consider how often the author points out Keith is poor. Think how Kevin, the rich friend, is insulated from the consequences of his actions due to the advantageous position in life he enjoys. Because he has money, he can bully Keith into trading penises with him, a metaphor for how the wealthy can take the labors (for which dicks are a symbol) of the working class and use them for their own pleasure, leaving the workers with but the scraps (represented by Keith being left with Kevin's smaller penis, which is also a metaphor for the character weakness of the capitalist class). When Kevin loses Keith's penis, he takes his own back and leaves Kevin with none. He constantly forces Keith into spending money he doesn't have so that he has a place to stay, just like the credit industry. Andy Boring is a modern day Karl Marx and Dick Swap is his Das Kapital.

Never thought it could happen. The tale is legendary amongst the Bizarro crowd. "Dick Swap" was unleashed to the public by Anderse, er... Andy Boring. A brilliant tale of love. Brotherly love. Never has a relationship been so sex-charged and yet - platonic. Two dudes, Keith and Kevin, have the unnatural talent of being able to swap their gonads. Hey, it can happen! Well, I guess, but... As their suburbanoid adventures to the local Applebee's ensue, the swapping continues. On one fateful evening of milquetoast debauchery, one of these coveted organs gets ganked by a selfish conquest. Who's laughing now? An "epic" quest for the right to male genitalia ensues across the wide nation of America in thirty-five pages of whopping glory! There's even a police shootout! It's like "Thelma and Louise" for dudes with no attention span. Despite the vainglorious action permeating the pages,the reader can sleep soundly knowing that there is always Applebee's.

Is this book bad? Yes. Is it so bad it is good? I'm not so sure. It is a great book illustrating everything you should not do while writing a book. Still, I found myself reading to the end. It was kind of like a children's book written with adult themes, sans pictures. It'd be worth dropping a dollar on just to see how rough it really is.

The author's style is stripped and clipped and comprised largely of declarative sentences. What they declare is often negligible. Somehow, the result is captivating. Through the techniques of Ellis, Paluniuk, Brautigan, and Vonnegut, he has created something much greater than the sum of its parts. I am amazed.

I rarely ever give something one star, but this deserves even than that! 😑 If you've read the blurb, it only gets worse from there, and I mean the writing. It reads like a grade school English assignment, with protagonists not much smarter than a kid (if that). Spoiler alert! They don't find it.

It’s a book about dick swapping. What more could you want. Read it at Applebees if you really want to get the most out of it.

Honestly, I'm sorry I didn't read this clever work earlier. If you aren't into bizarro short fiction or penis jokes, you may want to steer clear. If, however, you can smile through the obvious insanity of two best friends with detachable penises, then don't hesitate. A quick read.

Unlike other reviewers, I never got to the "so bad, it's good" feeling. Instead, I just kept repeating "no, it's just bad." Quirky theme, but the writing doesn't support the need for a reader to even care what becomes of the characters. Oh well, live and learn.

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“Dick Swap” is a story of two men who switch penises. The author’s description includes the sentence “When one of the penises turns up missing, it leads them on a strange and beautiful quest of self-examination, friendship, and mystery.” You can read the preview for free in the “Look Inside” link , as usual, if you want to see exactly how they swap dicks, or why.

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