Dick Clits

Dick Clits
umm… if i had one of those die be bulled like krazy

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Chris “Not Hemsworth” Pratt
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Meet Micha (or should I say meat?). He is 45 years old, lives in Berlin and is extremely well hung .
But he wasn’t always enormously endowed, a few years ago Micha underwent an irreversible penis enlargement .
His penis now measures a whopping 9 inches in length and 3.5 inches across, which for us sods still using the metric system is nearly 23cm long and 9cm wide. Aka: fucking enormous.
“Whether it weighs 7.5 pounds of 9.5 pounds, I can’t say right now,” he says.
“I just know that my kitchen scale, which shows up to 6.6 pounds, hasn’t been enough for a while.”
Remind me never to borrow your scales for baking , Micha.
Concerns about standards of food preparation aside, Micha is now the the subject of a new documentary from Vice called, wait for it, Monster Meat. Because his giant appendage really does just need to be seen to be believed.
The documentary is both fascinating and actually quite moving. Because behind his giant bulge, Micha is just a shy guy looking for love and self-acceptance .
“I didn’t have my penis enlarged because it makes me feel more beautiful,” he tells the camera, “but rather because it makes me feel better.”
The film explores the underground world of penis enlargement, dangerous procedures, extreme implants and the biggest question of all… Does size really matter?
“If a woman gets a breast enlargement, nobody says anything about it. If a man does something very similar to his body, it’s worth making a whole documentary about,” he says.
“People’s reactions are really different. I definitely get looks.”
Micha also confides that it can be difficult to tell if his partners really love him or just his giant dick.
“There’s always that danger also in a relationship. But I think if you take the time to get to know the other person, then I can tell what I mean to him. Whether he really loves me or just part of me. And then I make a decision, which may be against the partner.”
You can watch the whole thing here. It’s NSFW, but you knew that already (the post continues after the video).
Now, we didn’t include this originally, but by very popular demand, we’ve included an image of Micha naked below (via VICE ).
As for what it looks like from the front, Micha says, “I’ve been told that my penis looks like an ass or a mouth from the front.” How about that?
And to answer the one question that everyone keeps bombarding us with:
How does the penis affect Micha’s sex life? Apparently, “after you reach a certain size, you can’t do certain things any more. At least not with everyone and not without some foreplay. But there are other things you can do with it. You just have to free yourself from established roles and hardened ideas about sex and be ready to play.”
It turns out that there are a few unexpected options: “Of course you can penetrate my foreskin. A lot of guys have offered to do that. But I don’t get a lot out of that sexually.”
As for whether there are any drawback, Micha says his life is fairly ordinary, but “it isn’t as easy as buying a new pair of pants.”
And while we’re talking all things wang… Here are some things tat accidentally look like penises (you’re welcome):
Well hung, indeed. But whatever one’s size, health is also important. More men shoukd use a superior penis health crème (health professionals recommend Man1 Man Oil) to help fight penis odor, dry/flaky skin, loss of sensation, etc.
Or you could just shower daily and stay off certain drugs which will affect the sensation...

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This image charts women's penis-size preference on a technical scale from "ideal" to "not satisfying."
If you feel strongly about this topic, you can also participate in the vast penis-size debate forum .

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It’s happened again and my vagina is… hurting.
It all started a week ago, when women noticed a puzzling pair of bikini bottoms sold by Beginning Boutique .
"Oh, okay," the women responded. "Those swimmers ignore the fact that females have genitalia but okay."
A number of comment threads on the brand's swimwear went viral, with women making such observations as:
"Hmm, nice clit hammock. Sell anything for women with vaginas?"
"If this woman has a small camel toe wearing this I'd look like a panda sat on a tightrope."
"Do you have any suitable for mums with vaginas that hang like the sleeve of a wizard?"
You can see exactly what happened when Clare Stephens tried Beginning Boutique's bikini bottoms here:
"Man my vagina would eat these up... if you're happy and you know it clap your flaps."
And now, the clit hammock is back (it... it never went anywhere), courtesy of online retailer, Black Swallow . But now, it's in one-piece form, giving the ladies the benefit of a) no where to fit your breasts AS WELL AS b) no where to fit your vagina.
The Boracay swimsuit will set you back $49, which seems like a fair price for a one-piece but not a fair price for the fact you're still... nude.
As soon as actual human women saw the ad, they started leaving wildly vivid and vulgar comments because of course they did.
"Omg this is stunning! I’m buying one right after my surgery to remove my vagina."
"Her clitoris wins the bird box challenge."
"This would disappear into most women faster than a vodka soda."
"When you forget to pack your cozzie for a pool party and you have to borrow the random one some 10 year old left behind last time."
"I'm guessing you're called 'swallow' because your clothing is designed to be swallowed by a vagina?"
While some have suggested that the viral comments about 'clit hammock' swimwear constitutes body shaming, I can speak from experience when I say: Sir... no.
This isn't about making fun of the women modelling the swimmers.
This is about the fact that for the average human woman, genitals are a thing that preferably need to fit inside swimwear.
I tried the Beginning Boutique bikini bottoms recently, and had to WEAR NUDE STOCKINGS IN ORDER TO SIGNAL THE PART OF MY VAGINA THAT WOULD BE ON DISPLAY.
Please, no more clit hammocks. Or boob... slings.
On behalf of people with vaginas, we want to SWIM. And PLAY. And WALK.
Preferably without worrying we're going to pop a flap.
Soon trendy swimmers will just be three spaghetti straps with a postage stamp sized piece of material (that ironically only covers your belly button).
Hey, how did you know that! I thought I already banned you from my Instagram?
Jeeeeez... I'm pretty sure I saw one with a zipper... It seems after years of hogging all the opportunities to get our genitals stuck in a zipper we've decided to let women give it a try too...
Clare it is a vulva not a vagina. Even in these 'swimwear' (if one can call them that), you still can't see a vagina. You actually need a doctor's light, and an internal camera for that. We've made so much progress on here on this topic, please, please do not drag us back.

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