Diary of a Wuhan woman
BeWaterDec 21, 2019– I just came back from vacation and saw that one of my tomatoes was ripe and ready to eat, so I brought it home hoping to give it my parents to taste. When I arrived, only my mother was at home. I took it out carefully and
showed it to her. My mother asked “What? You planted it? No thank you, will I be poisoned?”
Dec 23, 2019– Five years ago, my friend sent me some pictures from Weibo. The girl in the pictures looked like me. I downloaded a few and showed them to my parents. My parents, with certainty, said that she was me. We both indeed look alike from the side, but not from the front. I was so excited that I found my lookalike. I messaged her, but of course, I didn’t receive any reply as she was a radio host…
Jan 6, 2020– When I was in my first year of high school, I wanted to buy this comic book. At that time, the book was selling for $280. I felt that was too expensive and my father would not spend this much money on a comic book. I didn’t even ask. Later, I mentioned it to my father. He said if I wanted it, he would buy it for me. I tried to find the book again, but it was sold out. Since then, I have felt regret every time I thought of the book.
Jan 7, 2020– I am not qualified to comment on this topic. This was posted by my bird: I have this person as a pet. Yesterday I stood on her head and pooped all over her. I made her so happy…
Jan 19, 2020- Jan 20, 2020 – Coronavirus spreads in Wuhan
My condo is very close to the HN seafood market, literally less than 500 meters.
Suddenly, I felt nervous.
I went to the pharmacy and tried to buy some masks. They carried only basic surgical masks and I wanted to buy something better. I thought about it the whole morning. The basic mask was better than nothing. When I went back to the store, they were sold out… Mask: You didn’t want me yesterday, you don’t deserve me today.
Jan 21, 2020 – I bought $65 worth of basic masks from a pharmacy. I also placed an online order at Taobo for $400 worth of masks. I don’t know the exact delivery date. My friend on Guanggu Road told me a pharmacy close by still have masks in stock. So, I asked her to get $360 worth of masks for me. I will go get them from her later. During normal times, I would think this behaviour was
foolish. BUT the problem now is, my mother has a fever…got it!
Jan 23, 2020– Wuhan is now locked-down. I am very afraid. Who will save us? My mother’s condition has worsened.
Many thanks to everyone for forwarding my messages. At this moment, I can’t expect too much. In reality, there is a shortage of medical staff. So, we may not even receive reasonable care at the hospital. Compared to being surrounded by this unknown disease at the hospital, staying at home seems relatively safer. Now I wish to get some advice from someone who may have medical knowledge, tell me what kind of medicine I can use at home. I read that the hospitals are using Oseltamivir and Lian Hua Qing Wen Capsule for treatment.
Jan 24, 2020– I feel tightness in my chest. I must be feeling worried and anxious. Relax! Relax! Someone will come and rescue us one day!
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I saw my mother’s condition worsen. She could barely walk with my father’s
help. My dad didn’t want us to be at hospital together, he was afraid we would all get infected. I waited outside of the hospital. Tomorrow, the will close all the tunnels and bridges.We must see a doctor before midnight. Once we get a diagnosis, my mother will be admitted into hospital.
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My mother is in the hospital. I am filled with mixed emotions of hope and worry. On one hand, there is a big shortage of both medical staff and supplies. I am worried that my mother may not receive proper care. The frontline medical staff are already trying their best. My friend is at another hospital and people are sleeping on the floor without anyone asking. On the other hand, I am worried about a further outbreak of the virus. If so, then it will be even more difficult to get into the hospital! I’m stuck either way…
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I checked on my dad who was in the car. I didn’t have the guts to check again. I never saw him looking so tired. I could tell he has given up a bit and he knows he cannot escape from the virus. I asked him how he felt. He replied that he had a cough and a bit of a fever. He registered himself at the hospital and the doctor prescribed him with some medicine. He didn’t have any good sleep the last
few days, even in the middle of a dark night.
Jan 25, 2020– We arrived home close to midnight and I took a quick shower. I cleaned up the house and threw away some garbage. The house was very messy and I have always been a very lazy person, but now….The Chinese New Year decorations are still on the wall. Should I take them down? I told my friend that I would like to clean everything all at once. My friend said not to clean or throw garbage on New Year day. I really don’t know the story behind it, my father would know…
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Since last night, my mother hasn’t return my calls. I sent her messages all day long with no reply. My dad called her too. I will soon have a nervous breakdown.
Jan 26, 2020– My mom finally called us back and said she will be transferred to Wuhan Jinyintan Hospital…not entirely sure that was good or bad news.
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When I wake up tomorrow, I will prepare for the worse, but hope for the
best.
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I called the hospital and asked about the transfer. No one could give me an answer…the biggest concern is difficulty breathing…
Also, there a lot of people like my mother who are still waiting for
treatment. I feel so sad. I can’t help them. I hope they stay strong. Wishing for the death rate to stop climbing, stop climbing please.
Jan 27, 2020– The nurse at the hospital said that my mom is not being transferred. I don’t know why my mom told us about the transfer. Her current blood oxygen is very low now, what happens if she can’t transfer to another hospital.
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My dad also did the CT scan, his both lungs are infected.
Jan 28, 2020– My mom passed away. Don’t reply - no mood to reply!
Jan 29, 2020– Sorry for the confusion in my last post. I don’t have any serious symptoms at this moment, but I brought my dad to many hospitals. I no longer feel like I can protect myself. I feel helpless and hopeless. If one day something happens to me, I hope I will be remembered.
My dad currently has high fever, his breathing is still fine. He will have another CT scan today at the hospital. I am afraid of sending him to the hospital but also afraid that he won’t like it at the hospital.
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I am waiting for my dad’s CT scan, I don’t know how long the wait will be. I am crouched on the sidewalk and staring into space. This is the most pathetic I’ve ever looked in my life. I am not even afraid of death. All I want now is to stay by my father’s side and take care of him.
Jan 30, 2020– I saw this picture and I wanted to cry. I haven’t cried much the
last two days. The only time I cried was when I received calls from relatives and talked about my mom. The rest of the time I am too full of worry to cry, so worried that I don’t even feel sad. I have been waiting for the day when I can finally let go and cry all day and all night. God, I’ve been trying very hard to help my dad. I know many people are helping and caring about us. Please extend your arms and help us!
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The recent rumours about shuang huang lian (a traditional Chinese medicine); will mean countless people lining up tomorrow at the pharmacies and an increased risk of cross infection.
Feb 2, 2020– My father’s blood oxygen is very low, he wants to be admitted into hospital, it may be too difficult now…
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My father is in the hospital now. Just like on Jan 24, 2020, when my father brought my mom to the hospital. It was pouring that day. I didn’t even have a chance to see my mother one last time. Today, it is only raining light but my
father kept telling me to leave and not go back.
Feb 3, 2020– When I wake up every day now, there is always a feeling of great fear. My upper body would feel frozen and numb. I usually feel better after I get up. I was woken up by my cough. I think to myself, “Am I done? Am I infected?”
Finally, no more urgent calls or text messages for me. I stared out the window for a while, and then Pepper (pet bird) flew onto my hand for the first time and bit me. We spent some time together sitting under the sun.
Today is the seventh day since my mother’s death.
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My throat doesn’t feel well, it feels dry even after drinking water. If it must come, please let it come slowly.
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Today, I went back to my parent’s house and got some old pictures from 2 years ago during Chinese New Year. I put the photo into my raincoat. When I arrived home, I forgot to take it out before putting the raincoat into a bucket of water. Oh no, my photo must be done. At this moment, if the photo is gone then there may be no hope for my family. Luckily, I searched on the web today and found out Dettol won’t help kill the virus, so I only put clear water in the bucket today. My photo can be saved. If Dettol was used, I don’t know what would have happened to my photo… please, my father needs to recover. We can’t lose one more person from the photo.
Feb 4, 2020– I didn’t see mom in my dreams, but I dreamt about looking for my mom. I went everywhere and asked “Have you seen my mom? Does she know my dad got infected? I was looking for her…”
Feb 5, 2020– Help me! I started getting a fever yesterday. I’m afraid to say, today I received call from the hospital. They said my father was in danger and wanted me to sign some papers. I stayed and cared for him for half the day. He is now in critical condition. I tried to assure him that we would transfer him to another hospital. He kept sitting up to pack his bag, and asked how long would the wait be!!! God!!! In fact, none of the other hospitals would take him!!! He kept asking like a kid, how long!!!! I can’t save him I am so useless!!!! Who can save my father!!!!! I can only pray for help from around the world!!!
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I also contacted the Chinese daily newspaper. One volunteer called me and offered my dad a breathing machine. I was very grateful for the help, but my dad needed urgent care. I was so afraid people would say my dad wanted better care even though he is already in the hospital. At this moment, staying at a hospital is already a luxury. But I beg everyone, I don’t want to over-utilize resources. I want to save a life, he is my dad. My mom’s death is not even a number. I can’t let my father becoming another number. The hospital said that a diagnostic test was performed, but we need to wait 5 days for the results. I don’t know why it has to take so long. Of course, it doesn’t really matter at this point because his lungs are already close to being completely infected.
Feb 6, 2020– God. Help them, help my dad please!
I removed my help request. My phone ran out of battery today from calling around for help, but 99% cannot offer any help. In fact, there is no help available. I am so exhausted.When I took care of dad, I also received many phone calls. At first, I felt a glimmer of hope, but I just felt hopeless in the end. Never mind, I realize no one can help us.
My father, my pitiful father, I can’t do anything. No matter where you guys go, I will stay with you, ok?
Feb 7, 2020 - One very important message today among many useless ones. Good news! Mr. Wen’s team didn’t give up on us. I don’t want to give up and hope my dad can last overnight. My dad’s former colleagues also showed their support. This is my only wish in life. If it comes true, I won’t make any more wishes: SAVE MY DAD!
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I spoke to my dad for a long time. I told him things I’ve been wanting to tell him these past 33 years and everything else in case there is no more opportunity to do so. He has been crying today, listening to my words, my poor daddy!
With help from Wen’s team and old colleagues, my father transferred
to another hospital. Changing hospital is not guaranteed to be better. When the doctor told me how bad his condition is, I collapsed into a heap on the floor and started crying. I can’t even imagine the pain my daddy is going through. God, why don’t you choose me instead. Why are the kind and the weak always suffering? My father and mother are very nice people, can’t you see it? It has been 17 days since my my mother fell ill. We still haven’t woken up from this terrible nightmare.
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The doctor just called me and my father is in very poor condition. This may be the last night. If we were allowed euthanasia, I would ask for it. I don’t want him to suffer any longer!
Dying from shortness of breath is so cruel. Mom, please bring dad with you. Fly into the sky and breathe the air freely. Don’t worry about me. I told him today, make sure to remember my face and voice. When I was little, you said you could find me by my birth marks if I got lost. When you see me again, you will for sure recognize me.
Feb 8, 2020 - Dad, I lost you as well. Go find mom. Wait for me. And we shall go home together.
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I am very scared. I am infected too.
Feb 9, 2020
Sorry I lost all my energy yesterday. My heart rate went up. I was so fatigued and sleepy. So I set my phone to sleep mode. I didn’t know so much has happened during my sleep. Thank you everyone.
I want to live. Who doesn't? To be able to see and hear. To feel the warmth of an embrace. Who doesn't want these?
When dad and mom passed away, it felt like the arrow in my heart got pulled out, together with all my fear and helplessness. I want to live.
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I felt frightened this afternoon. Plus I was woken up by the phone. I could not sleep afterwards. I did not cry in the last two days. But I am still frightened. I am afraid I am not a lucky person. I am afraid I may drag my husband into this. This illness is so horrifying. It isolates you. You cannot see anyone. You can't even hold the hands of your loved ones when you are feeling scared and hopeless. You can't get a hug. This fear cannot be alleviated by any spiritual support from the outside world. You can only face this fear alone and overcome it by yourself.
I will force myself to eat no matter how unwell I feel because I want to live. I will force myself not to think of the worst. My brain can only have one thought - I want to live. I will force myself not to think too much. If emotions are medicine, then to live I will force myself to laugh.
I have asked my friend to look after Pepper.
I have to make some arrangements in case something happens to me.
I have to bring Pepper back.
I want to live.
Above was the last entry before publication.
Source: from a WeChat account