Deepthroat No Gag Reflex

Deepthroat No Gag Reflex

Dr. Jenn Mann is a licensed marriage and family therapist and the relationship expert behind InStyle's long-running weekly column, Hump Day. She is best known for her hit VH1 show, "Couples Therapy with Dr. Jenn," and her popular call-in advice Sirius XM radio show, "The Dr. Jenn Show."

Updated on April 21, 2021 @ 04:00PM

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I enjoy giving my boyfriend head. And not to brag, but I think I'm pretty decent at it. Recently though, he has hinted that he wants me to try deep-throating. In the porn I've watched it looks pretty intense — and I'm worried about my gag reflex. Any tips for how to deep throat for a first-timer? — The Shallow

I respect your willingness to swallow your pride, so to speak, and come at this with an open mind (and gullet). As you seem to already know, the gag reflex tends to be the biggest inhibitor of the deep throat technique.

Also known as the pharyngeal reflex or laryngeal spasm, the gag reflex is the contraction of the back of the throat that occurs when triggered by an object touching the roof of the mouth, back of the tongue, tonsil area, or the back of the throat. It is meant to prevent things from going down your throat that aren't supposed to be there, and to stop you from choking. The unfortunate truth is that our throats are not designed to swallow dicks! That said, some people have it easier than others in this category. Studies show that 37% of people do not have a gag reflex . On the other end of the spectrum, 10 to 15% of people have a hypersensitive gag reflex (HGR). Regardless of where you fall, you can learn how to deep throat if you care to. Consider these tips and then dive right in.

There are throat training exercises you can do to help desensitize your gag reflex. Keep in mind, this training must take place over time in order to be effective. Pick a phallic-shaped object, starting with something small like a toothbrush or your finger, and slowly move the object toward the back of your throat. When you feel yourself starting to gag, stop and try to relax while taking deep breaths in order to suppress your gag reflex. Try to hold it there for 10 Mississippis.

The more you practice this, the sooner you will see improvements. Once you are able to hold it there for the full 10 seconds, experiment with moving the object in and out slowly. This may stimulate your gag reflex even more. Make sure to keep breathing. Once you have conquered this with a small object, work your way up to a dildo. Hot tip: Do not practice this with a banana. It could break off into your throat and cause you to choke, which would be a very embarrassing way to go.

Positions that create a straight line from the mouth to the throat, allowing the penis to go there, are ideal. There are a few positions that are particularly good for this type of sword swallowing endeavor.

Whatever position you try, one of the most important things is that you are able to feel comfortable, safe, and relaxed with your partner. Feeling pressured or scared, besides creating a very negative experience for you, will lead to you tensing up the muscles in your jaw and your throat, which makes it less likely that you will get the results you were hoping for. Coming up with a signal that lets your partner know to stop is of the utmost importance, as is open communication any time sexual experimentation is going down.

When it comes to deep throating, creating optimal breathing opportunities and using breath to help you to relax are important ingredients for success. Stuffed up with a head cold? Wait until your sinuses are cleared out, then try.

Try experimenting with your breathing. Inhale as you slide him out, using that moment to take a breath. Try the reverse as well, inhale as he is going in and exhale as he is going out. Many experts recommend sticking your tongue out or flattening it in order to allow the penis to slide further down the throat. Keep in mind that this leaves your soft palate exposed and available to poking and prodding which is likely to trigger that gag reflex.

Go in hydrated like you are about to run a marathon. Dehydration is your enemy. You need saliva to do a good job. Putting some lube on your lips or on him can allow your mouth to go up and down smoothly which helps the whole process. If you are able to bring his penis into your mouth far enough, the back of your throat will begin to lubricate with a thick saliva.

There are many different tricks that are recommended to enhance your deep throat technique. They range from old wives' tales to more scientifically-based recommendations.

In order to feel safe and have a great experience, talk it out first. And make an ejaculation plan in advance. Are you comfortable swallowing? How do you want to be warned that he is about to cum — and where do you want it to go? Most importantly, like any sex act, this should be about wanting it. You should never feel pressured or coerced. With that? You're far from the shallow now.

In Hump Day, award-winning psychotherapist and TV host Dr. Jenn Mann answers your sex and relationship questions — unjudged and unfiltered.

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Really no delicate way to put this question, so…
When I’m giving my boyfriend a blowjob, there’s still at least another couple of inches that don’t fit in my mouth. I’ve tried putting my face at a 90-degree angle to his penis to make more room and open my throat, and that helps. I also notice that if I’ve had a drink or two, my gag reflex is a lot less sensitive. The problem is, I’ve always had a pretty sensitive gag reflex, maybe a little more sensitive than normal. Even when I went to my doctor’s office as a kid and he used a tongue depressor, I couldn’t stand it if it was anywhere near my throat. I also find it really difficult to swallow pills, and that may have something to do with it. Anyways, almost any time I try to take his whole penis in, I end up gagging or fighting off the urge to gag, which kind of kills the sexiness. He really loves it when I can fit more in, and I love giving him as much satisfaction as possible.
So, ladies (or men), advice? How do I train myself to ignore or lessen my gag reflex?
I have a small mouth and a severely over-active gag reflex. I have to use a child’s toothbrush and I throw up at the dentist. Even just my own spit sometimes triggers that nasty dry-heave, gaggy feeling. It’s awful.
IME, there really isn’t any way around it. I love oral but, seriously, I don’t get much more than the head in my mouth on a consistent basis. I can overcome it in spurts so I can take more of him in for just a single pass, which is surprising and sexy for him in that way, but to truly deepthroat? Forget about it. Good thing I have hands and a tongue. No one has ever complained about it to me.
When I was a kid I always had strep throat, and I spent a lot of time touching popsicles to my tonsils. I still do it today. I don’t have much of a gag reflex at all.
Perhaps you could practice with popsicles?
Deep-throating is vastly overrated, in my opinion. What you want to do is lightly grip and manipulate the base of the penis while going down of the rest of the penis. The twin sensations, after some practice, while stimulate your partner much more than throat action alone.
How about if you wrap your fingers around the base of his penis and stroke it while using your mouth as much as you can? Even measure how far you can go down with the top finger before it makes you gag. Use saliva to lube your hand (or lube). Occasionally try to see if you can go a little further.
I never thought gagging and torturing myself was sexy anyway, and I haven’t had any complaints with this method.
First, oral sex is more about the tongue than the lips, so if your tongue can reach an inch further than your lips, that counts.
And second . . . if my partner is to be believed, you have to be born without any gag reflex whatsoever.
If all else fails . . . find a partner who is “small.”
What a coincidence, when it spurts, it usually means I overcame
I think there are two different issues and if you ask you BF about he will probably agree.
Good blowjobs; All you really need is to be enthusiastic and have fun (it’s not a chore). The best ones I have had never involved deep throating. All the good nerve endings are at the head.
Deep throating; satisfies a totally different kink, you may be able to satisfy this in different ways depending on why he likes it. If he likes the visual, than you could start with him soft, and give him the visual until his blood pressure catches up.
I don’t know if it’ll work but I doubt you’ll hear any complaints.
I definitely agree, I just really like his reactions whenever I take all of him in.
If it’s something you really want to do, the gag reflex can be overcome. You might be surprised at how many how-to articles can be found. You’d think those articles would be in women’s magazines, and maybe some are, but the ones I’ve seen were in men’s magazines. I’ll summarize them for you.
If nothing else, it will help you when you have to take really big pills, and keep from gagging when your dental hygienist cleans your teeth.
First, understand the anatomy. Here’s an illustration.
Structures of the throat include the esophagus, trachea, epiglottis and tonsils.

When you swallow food, the epiglottis closes the trachea, so you don’t get any oatmeal in your lungs. It also closes when you deepthroat, and the penis goes down the esophagus. In the diagram, everything looks too narrow, right? If you open your mouth and stick your tongue out, there’s a lot of room. Look for yourself, in front of a mirror.
Understand that the gag is not so scary. Even if you throw up, it’s not a big deal, and you’ll learn to not gag.
Don’t go right for the BF. Practice first with a soft, narrow dildo, or a frankfurter, and get used to having something in there, without the stress of lovemaking.
When you think you are ready for the real thing, talk about it with him. You need to trust him to not push on the back of your head, and understand that you’re still working on the process. Tell him not to expect too much too soon. You’re not going right to a porn star’s ability in one night.
By the way, new research found that massaging the temples helps to overcome the gag reflex.
Do you actually throw up when you gag?
See, that’s the trick for me: I learned long ago that I may gag, but I don’t throw up. Learning that helped me relax a bit- a gag here or there isn’t going to kill me (and let’s be honest here: some guys think that’s hot). Plus, once you know you aren’t going to ruin the moment by barfing everywhere, you can practice more, easing up the gag reflex over time.
And for everyone saying she should do the hand method and such- those are all important parts of a good blow job no doubt, but a well placed bob or two with the whole thing down the throat seems to be a rather enjoyable thing for most guys. Certainly, I wouldn’t exclusively sit there jamming his entire dong down my throat for 10 minutes, but here and there it adds a certain something.
Do you actually throw up when you gag?
I don’t throw up, but I will cough hard and stop to breathe for a second.
Excuse me, I need to go see what the wife’s up to.
Don’t go right for the BF. Practice first with a soft, narrow dildo, or a frankfurter
Not a frankfurter. That seems like a risk for it breaking off leaving an inch or two, followed by choking.
What a coincidence, when it spurts, it usually means I overcame
Ha, I didn’t even notice the wording.
I posed this question to Nina Hartley once - she agreed that most men don’t care, it’s over-rated. Use your hands, show some enthusiasm. Most of the strongest sensation is in the head anyway (from what I have been told).
I’ve been told that sore throat sprays have a bit of anesthetic or something in them so that if you spray the back of your throat before you go down it’ll kill the gag reflex, no idea if it’s true though.
I’ve been told that sore throat sprays have a bit of anesthetic or something in them so that if you spray the back of your throat before you go down it’ll kill the gag reflex, no idea if it’s true though.
You have to desensitize your gag reflex over time. If you don’t like gagging, retching, and possibly inducing vomiting, this will be a pretty awful thing to do to yourself.
I’m in the same boat with the oversensitivity. But being able to deep throat is totally not worth sticking shit into my throat frequently until it stops bothering me so much…
A woman I know once told me that her trick is to squeeze her thumb in her left fist. I tried it (using my finger) and I didn’t gag but it wasn’t especially pleasant, either.
I’ve no idea if there’s a physiological reason for it or if it’s just a “concentrating on this so you don’t think about that” sort of thing. I suspect the latter but “works” is “works”.
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