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Dr. Jenn Mann is a licensed marriage and family therapist and the relationship expert behind InStyle's long-running weekly column, Hump Day. She is best known for her hit VH1 show, "Couples Therapy with Dr. Jenn," and her popular call-in advice Sirius XM radio show, "The Dr. Jenn Show." She is a bestselling author, most recently of The Relationship Fix .
I enjoy giving my boyfriend head. And not to brag, but I think I'm pretty decent at it. Recently though, he has hinted that he wants me to try deep-throating. In the porn I've watched it looks pretty intense — and I'm worried about my gag reflex. Any tips for how to deep throat for a first-timer? — The Shallow
I respect your willingness to swallow your pride, so to speak, and come at this with an open mind (and gullet). As you seem to already know, the gag reflex tends to be the biggest inhibitor of the deep throat technique.
Also known as the pharyngeal reflex or laryngeal spasm, the gag reflex is the contraction of the back of the throat that occurs when triggered by an object touching the roof of the mouth, back of the tongue, tonsil area, or the back of the throat. It is meant to prevent things from going down your throat that aren't supposed to be there, and to stop you from choking. The unfortunate truth is that our throats are not designed to swallow dicks! That said, some people have it easier than others in this category. Studies show that 37% of people do not have a gag reflex . On the other end of the spectrum, 10 to 15% of people have a hypersensitive gag reflex (HGR). Regardless of where you fall, you can learn how to deep throat if you care to. Consider these tips and then dive right in.
There are throat training exercises you can do to help desensitize your gag reflex. Keep in mind, this training must take place over time in order to be effective. Pick a phallic-shaped object, starting with something small like a toothbrush or your finger, and slowly move the object toward the back of your throat. When you feel yourself starting to gag, stop and try to relax while taking deep breaths in order to suppress your gag reflex. Try to hold it there for 10 Mississippis.
The more you practice this, the sooner you will see improvements. Once you are able to hold it there for the full 10 seconds, experiment with moving the object in and out slowly. This may stimulate your gag reflex even more. Make sure to keep breathing. Once you have conquered this with a small object, work your way up to a dildo. Hot tip: Do not practice this with a banana. It could break off into your throat and cause you to choke, which would be a very embarrassing way to go.
Positions that create a straight line from the mouth to the throat, allowing the penis to go there, are ideal. There are a few positions that are particularly good for this type of sword swallowing endeavor.
Whatever position you try, one of the most important things is that you are able to feel comfortable, safe, and relaxed with your partner. Feeling pressured or scared, besides creating a very negative experience for you, will lead to you tensing up the muscles in your jaw and your throat, which makes it less likely that you will get the results you were hoping for. Coming up with a signal that lets your partner know to stop is of the utmost importance, as is open communication any time sexual experimentation is going down.
When it comes to deep throating, creating optimal breathing opportunities and using breath to help you to relax are important ingredients for success. Stuffed up with a head cold? Wait until your sinuses are cleared out, then try.
Try experimenting with your breathing. Inhale as you slide him out, using that moment to take a breath. Try the reverse as well, inhale as he is going in and exhale as he is going out. Many experts recommend sticking your tongue out or flattening it in order to allow the penis to slide further down the throat. Keep in mind that this leaves your soft palate exposed and available to poking and prodding which is likely to trigger that gag reflex.
Go in hydrated like you are about to run a marathon. Dehydration is your enemy. You need saliva to do a good job. Putting some lube on your lips or on him can allow your mouth to go up and down smoothly which helps the whole process. If you are able to bring his penis into your mouth far enough, the back of your throat will begin to lubricate with a thick saliva.
There are many different tricks that are recommended to enhance your deep throat technique. They range from old wives' tales to more scientifically-based recommendations.
In order to feel safe and have a great experience, talk it out first. And make an ejaculation plan in advance. Are you comfortable swallowing? How do you want to be warned that he is about to cum — and where do you want it to go? Most importantly, like any sex act, this should be about wanting it. You should never feel pressured or coerced. With that? You're far from the shallow now.
In Hump Day, award-winning psychotherapist and TV host Dr. Jenn Mann answers your sex and relationship questions — unjudged and unfiltered.
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Stand Up Comedy By Regina DeCicco - Deep Throat Regina
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