Debauchery Of A Young Housewife

Debauchery Of A Young Housewife

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Love | When Mom Is Part of the Bachelorette Party Debauchery
When Mom Is Part of the Bachelorette Party Debauchery
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Traveling to a resort city like Miami with a handful of girlfriends for a pre-wedding weekend of debauchery — with drinking, pricey dinners, high-end hotels and male strip clubs — is the norm these days for a bachelorette party.
Having your mother spearheading the event, and enthusiastically participate in the merriment, is not.
Karen Maffucci, 53, planned the bachelorette party in May for her bride-to-be daughter, Ali Maffucci, 28, an author and food blogger, who was married in June. The elder Maffucci suggested adding the male strip show Hunk-O-Mania to the festivities, and she secured a V.I.P. table, encouraging her daughter’s lap dance and even supplying a stack of $1 bills.
“My cousin showed me photos of her daughter’s bachelorette party in Vegas, which she attended, so I assumed I’d go to Ali’s,” said Karen Maffucci, who has been married 31 years. A bachelorette party was never considered for her.
“Everyone has one now,” she added. “I’m too old to share a bed, but I didn’t want to miss the Miami event either, so I stayed at the Fontainebleau, while the girls were at the Loews. It gave everyone some breathing room.”
Karen Maffucci is one of a growing collection of mothers who want, and expect, an invitation to the former gal-pals-only event, a huge change from 15 to 20 years ago.
“Things started to change at the turn of the century,” said Beth Montemurro, a sociology professor at Penn State, Abington. “In the mid-, late 1990s, bachelorette parties were relatively new.”
Professor Montemurro, the author of “ Something Old, Something Bold: Bridal Showers and Bachelorette Parties ,” said the first bachelorette party guide she found in her research was published in 1998. “A 2003 survey sponsored by Bride’s magazine noted that 94 percent of brides planned to have bachelorette parties,” she said.
“While there was little industry to support bachelorette parties in the 20th century,” she said, “in the 21st century, clubs started offering packages catering to these celebrations.”
When an invitation to join the festivities for their daughter isn’t extended, the letdown for many mothers can be huge.
“I assumed when my first daughter got married, I’d be going,” said Saralee Rosenberg, 60, a novelist and the mother of two daughters and a son. “Especially after I found out her party was in Indiana, which is where she and I both went to school. I thought I could at least come for a little while, but the idea was shot down.”
For Ms. Rosenberg, the idea of being part of the celebration was a second chance to experience something she had missed. She met her husband on a blind date when she was 22; a year later, they were married.
“My parents didn’t think it would last, so I didn’t have a big wedding or an engagement party, let alone a bachelorette party,” she said. “When I had two daughters, I thought, ‘I’ll live vicariously through them.’ ”
Mothers like Ms. Rosenberg and Ms. Maffucci said they wanted to be included because they have completely different relationships with their daughters than their mothers had with them.
“We are not our mother’s mother,” Ms. Rosenberg said. “I wasn’t as connected with my mother, and we didn’t have the same interests or careers.”
Ms. Rosenberg is a baby boomer, one of the 75.8 million Americans born during the post-World War II population surge. Boomers, especially mothers, have much closer relationships with their children than the generation prior. “We are well traveled, we read the same books, see the same movies, we take exercise classes,” Ms. Rosenberg said. “For many of us, we feel like an older sister.”
Today, having Mom attend the bachelorette party is considered a given for some.
“There are really important relationships and rituals around weddings, partly because they’re extremely gender specific,” said Emily Fairchild , an associate professor of sociology at the New College of Florida in Sarasota. “These pre-wedding events are very bonding experiences amongst women. It makes total sense that a mom would want to be part of it.”
The growing popularity of the bachelorette party is part of the expansion of wedding celebrations. The moment of “I do” has morphed into a multiplatform calendar filler, with the engagement party, bridal party, rehearsal dinner and post-wedding brunch.
“Weddings have become a dominant part of popular culture and a prized public spectacle,” Professor Montemurro said. “It makes sense mothers would want to bask in the spotlight and be a major part of the celebration.”
Nikki Cole, 28, a fashion recruiter at JBCStyle, said her generation has more intimate relationships, free of secrets, with their mothers. “A lot of that is because social media is already sharing everything for us,” she said.
Ms. Cole’s mother attended both her sister’s bachelorette party in Las Vegas and hers in New Orleans.
“My mother and I follow each other on Facebook and Instagram,” she said. “She knows my friends and follows them, and they follow her. I’m lucky. I have a cool mom who doesn’t hover but who I can talk to about anything.”
No subject was off the table. “During the party, we played the questions game, and of course sex came up,” Ms. Cole said. “I wasn’t embarrassed because my mother already knew everything. But she did say these were things, especially sex, she could never have told her mother about.”
But not everyone wants to make room for Mom. Daughters who are extremely chummy with their mothers still view their presence at a party as crossing an already blurry line.
“Even though I’m very close with my mom, I’m not the same around her as I am with my friends,” said Alex Gilbert, 27, an assistant program manager for the Union for Reform Judaism in New York and the daughter of Ms. Rosenberg, the novelist. “You play silly games, and many things are revealed. My friends might feel uncomfortable if she was there.”
Ms. Gilbert said there may be other reasons a bride’s mother may want to attend.
“They want to prove they’re still young,” she said. “Our grandparents looked and acted so much older. It’s not a midlife crisis, but they want to prove they are not as old as their parents were at this age. And the truth is, they aren’t. My mother is very hip, she follows the same trends I do, but that doesn’t mean I want her at my party.”
Given all that, a mother’s presence at a bachelorette party is embraced by some.
“I didn’t think of inviting my mother until she said she wanted to come,” Ali Maffucci said. “I was nervous about the strip show, but my mother egged me on. I’m glad she was there to do that. She’s a big part of my life, and this is one of the enjoyable parts of the wedding process.”
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Life working on board a cruise ship is far more debauched than people realize. (Getty)

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*This story was first published in February 2017. It was one of our most popular stories for the year.*

OPINION: When I heard that a person on board a cruise ship near Dunedin had been killed on Thursday I immediately suspected that the unlucky person would be a Filipino deck-hand, working down in the lower decks.
Turns out my hunch, informed by my own experience from working on cruise ships for three years, was tragically correct.
The sombre intercom message to Emerald Princess passengers announcing there had been a death on board:
There's a clear-cut hierarchy on all cruise ships with regards to workers - staff and crew.

The unfortunate Filipino man who died when a gas cylinder exploded would have been classed as crew. He would have been seldom seen by any passengers, and would have been confined to the lower decks at most times. His death in Dunedin is a tragedy for his family - and his colleagues.
During my time on a ship I discovered that the working relationship on a cruise ship is intense and in some cases your workmates become your family.
Life for crew in the lower decks can be mundane and downright dangerous.
On the other hand, workers classed as staff, those cruise ship workers who regularly engage with passengers as part of their job, have far more rights, and enjoy a more comfortable life on board. They can mix and mingle, and go wherever they like on the ship, for the most part.
So what really goes on aboard those mega-cruise ships that are continually floating around the world's oceans?
If you're a passenger, you spend the majority of your time eating, drinking and spending.
If you're a worker who is classed as staff, such as a purser, dancer, musician, hairdresser, casino dealer (or photographer such as I was) life on board offers far more exciting and debauched possibilities.
You may have heard tales of the sordid sex and drugs lifestyle that cruise ship workers partake in, and I can tell you from experience it is all that and more.
Two of my three years working on ships were spent in the Caribbean.
Staff and crew regularly smuggled marijuana and cocaine on board in huge quantities, especially when the ship stopped at Ocho Rios in Jamaica.
Everyone knew where to get some, and if you weren't partaking yourself, your cabin mate probably was.
My original cabin mate, a young man from England, was certainly a fan of cocaine - and would often have a line or two before each work session where we'd take studio-styled photos of mostly overweight American passengers in ill-fitting formal attire.
He'd often head back to the cabin after a couple of hours to reinvigorate himself ahead of the next photo session.
His cocaine habit was eventually discovered by ship security, who were mostly ex-British Navy men just as debauched as the rest of the crew. You had to 'get on' with these gentlemen at your own peril. My cabin mate was kicked off the ship in Miami barely an hour later.
One of my jobs was dressing up as a pirate and running around the ship's massive twin restaurants and having my photo taken with every single passenger. That was more than 1000 photos a night! I was almost always blazing drunk.
Were cruise ship workers having lots of sex?
Think about this - you have hundreds of young people from different countries crammed into a boat taking drugs and drinking heavily, what do you think will happen?
It was rampant, and not just between staff. Passengers weren't allowed into staff quarters but plenty did find themselves below decks, especially attractive female passengers, and they were generally the guests of the Norwegian officers.
All the officers on board the ships I worked on were Norwegian. They held all the power - they were at the very top of the cruise ship totem pole.
I had a few scares. One of my workmates tried to kill herself on an Atlantic crossing by taking a heap of sleeping pills. She was going out with my boss, the head photographer, at the time. If it wasn't for the fast actions of a nurse on board who was from Auckland - whom I had to wake up at 3am - she might well have died.
During a day-trip to a famous natural sea water pool on the island of Aruba I slipped off a rock face and fell 10 metres into the ocean below, barley missing some rocks by centimetres. I had a few cuts on my back but was otherwise unscathed.
It took me about 30 seconds to surface, and my workmates thought I was already dead.
During a drunken night out in the Russian city of St Petersburg I was held by corrupt police for a few hours and ended up having to buy them a few bottles a vodka to win my freedom. They even dropped me off at the port, where I got back on board the ship barely five minutes before it set sail.
On one occasion, the FBI searched every inch of the ship when it emerged an American passenger from a wealthy family had disappeared. Her body was never found. The investigators eventually concluded that her own brother had pushed her to her death from a top-deck cabin during an argument.
There are plenty of other sordid tales I could share, probably enough for a no-holds-barred novel, but suffice to say life on board was seldom boring.
Looking back, it was a good way to see over 50 different countries and get paid for it. That said, you worked bloody hard and could never escape the incestuous nature of on board life.
I'm hoping to never get on board a cruise ship again.

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