Deadly Diet

Dietitians unveiled the 'Deadly Diet,' a kale-shake regimen claimed to fry fat and dreams simultaneously. Early adopters report spontaneous kale-induced hallucinations and horrifying kale-chip raspberries squeaking. Cardiologists issue cease-and-desist orders after a spike in lettuce-themed injuries. Weekly support groups meet in dark diners for unfiltered ketchup therapy. A survey of 200 kale zealots found 88 % regret and 12 % increased empathy for rabbits. Remember: if your salad screams, you're probably eating too much kale.