Daughters Less Sex
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Daughters Less Sex
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I love my partner but don’t want sex with him. Should I feel guilty about my 25 years of casual flings?
‘I’m struggling with my desire to be hugged without feeling obliged to have sex in return.’ (Photo posed by models) Composite: Getty Images/Guardian Design Team
Original reporting and incisive analysis, direct from the Guardian every morning
© 2022 Guardian News & Media Limited or its affiliated companies. All rights reserved. (modern)
He’s a homebody while I adore going out. I can’t help meeting men – and being attracted to them
I am a woman in a long-term relationship with the father of our two young adult daughters. He is a great dad and a caring partner. He’s loyal and in love with me. I love him but rarely feel like having sex with him. I’m struggling with my desire to be hugged and heard without feeling obliged to have sex with him in return. Sometimes I can imagine myself into a playful state where I’m more likely to feel turned on , but it’s rare ( other than when we go on holiday and I’m much more receptive ). The other aspect of my sexuality is that I’ve always been attracted to other men. I’ve had casual relationships with a few men over the past 25 years. I don’t feel as guilty as I think I should. My partner is an introverted homebody, whereas I love to go out to gigs and social events. Of course, I inevitably meet other men there and am attracted to their energy. What are your thoughts on managing this dilemma?
It seems to me you are managing this dilemma – and doing so as well as anyone can. Long-term monogamy is hard for everyone. Feeling “less guilty” than one thinks one should about extramarital sexual experiences is common among those who understand that, in many societies, social norms and boundaries are in conflict with fundamental biological urges. Celebrate the differences between you, and do what you have to do to get your needs met while honouring the long-term bond and commitment between you as well as your joint responsibilities. Not everyone can navigate these ubiquitous dilemmas with grace, safety and a minimum of chaos; just continue to do your best.
Pamela Stephenson Connolly is a US-based psychotherapist who specialises in treating sexual disorders.
If you would like advice from Pamela on sexual matters, send us a brief description of your concerns to private.lives@theguardian.com (please don’t send attachments). Each week, Pamela chooses one problem to answer, which will be published online. She regrets that she cannot enter into personal correspondence. Submissions are subject to our terms and conditions .
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Sistine Stallone takes in the Ralph Lauren SS23 Runway Show
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Sylvester Stallone gushes about Jennifer Flavin in January
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Published: 15:25 BST, 14 October 2022 | Updated: 18:50 BST, 14 October 2022
Sylvester Stallone and wife Jennifer Flavin are gearing up to become reality television's most popular showbiz family - amid a suspiciously timed temporary split that took place between the pair last month.
The Stallones are currently filming a reality show for Paramount+ - which was first announced in August this year - and are said to be working with the same team behind Keeping Up With The Kardashians .
On Thursday, Sylvester, 76, and Jennifer, 54, showed off their glamorous daughters Sistine, 24, and Sophia Rose, 26, as they attended the Ralph Lauren SS23 Runway Show at The Huntington Library in San Marino, California.
However, the happy smiles follow some serious family drama that will no doubt be used as a storyline for the upcoming series, in the same way Kim Kardashian and her family are known for doing on their show.
New stars: Sylvester Stallone and wife Jennifer Flavin showed off their daughters on Thursday at the Ralph Lauren SS23 Runway Show at The Huntington Library in San Marino. Sistine, 24, and Sophia Rose, 26, looked stunning in their outfits
Next: The new reality TV show is produced by the same company that runs the hit TV show Keeping Up With The Kardashians which made stars of Kim, Khloe and Kourtney Kardashian
In August, a rep for the Rocky star confirmed the series stating: 'The Stallones are presently filming a reality show together, which will debut on Paramount+.'
Shortly after, former model Jennifer, who shares a third daughter Scarlet, 20 with the action man - filed for divorce on Aug. 19 after 25 years of marriage.
The news sent shockwaves through Hollywood, with many expecting a bitter divorce battle to rival Brad and Angelina.
Yet just a month later, the divorce was called off and the couple were then seen smiling and reuniting as they were pictured out and about in Los Angeles, much like Kim and her family.
Meant to be together: Sylvester, 76, and wife Jennifer, 54, looked glamorous as they made their first red carpet appearance since their recent reconciliation
Unsurprisingly, their reality TV show is produced by the same company that runs the hit TV show which made stars of Kim, Khloe and Kourtney Kardashian.
The sighting comes after it was reported that the lovebirds have a 'better channel of communication' to work through their differences, according to People .
They still have work to be done, the source noted, but 'in a longterm marriage like theirs, ending it and dividing up their assets would be difficult.'
While it is not all 'bliss' for the couple, they 'are both family-oriented,' the source said, 'that had a lot do do with their efforts to stay together.'
Ready for fall: The pair attended the Ralph Lauren SS23 Runway Show on Thursday, at The Huntington Library in San Marino, in matching fall-appropriate outfits
Family affair: The Hollywood duo brought along their gorgeous daughters Sistine, 24 (L) and Sophia, 26 (R)
Adding: 'They have their differences.'
Sylvester and Jennifer's fortune is estimated to be around $400 million; they live in a $36 million mansion in Palm Beach, Florida.
In the divorce proceedings, Jennifer accused Sylvester of 'intentional dissipation of marital assets.'
Back on! The pair are back together after Flavin shockingly filed for divorce from her husband of 25 years back in August. A judge officially dismissed the proceedings last week
Dapper: The Rocky star - who tied the knot with Jennifer in 1997 - was dapper as ever in a brown suede jacket over a cream cashmere sweater and white pants
Their divorce was put on pause on September 21 via an abatement in court.
The movie star and his wife of 25 years 'decided to meet up at home, where they talked and were able to work out their differences. They are both extremely happy,' his rep told Page Six .
Days prior to their reconciliation, a court filing revealed at a Palm Beach Country, Florida court revealed that the duo agreed 'that it is in the best interests of each of them individually, and more importantly collectively as a family, to resolve all issues attendant to the dissolution of their marriage in a dignified, amicable and private manner out-of-court.'
Like mother, like daughters: Jennifer showed off her model figure in a form-fitting off-shoulder brown gown, which she paired with a snakeskin purse as she posed with her girls and hubby
One missing: Missing from action was their youngest daughter Scarlet Rose, 20
Sly's girls: The Rocky star's daughters looked chic, with Sistine rocking a champagne-colored silk slip dress with a trendy motorcycle jacket draped over her shoulders
Dynamic duo: Her sister wore a similar look, choosing to go with a white silk slip and matching white purse, as well as a metallic plaid silver jacket
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Janet Ogundepo writes about the demeaning acts of fathers who abuse their daughters sexually
It came as a shock to many when news broke that a middle-aged man in Akwa-Ibom State, Joseph Sunday, raped his two daughters.
The daughters aged nine and 13 were said to live with their father when the act was committed.
Upon his arrest by the police, Sunday said he had been celibate for some years after he was separated from his wife and needed to confirm if he was still potent.
The eldest daughter who he had turned into a sex toy reported him to the police which led to his arrest.
The father who had also become jealous of his daughter scolded and beat the 13-year-old, having suspected she was having an affair with another man.
The PUNCH had reported the man as saying, “My wife left me some years ago because of some family issues and relocated to Rivers State. I have been the only one taking care of my daughters. I just wanted to test if my manhood was still functional.”
For thirty-seven-year-old Wasiu Orilonise, he told an Oyo State Magistrates Court that he committed incest with his 15-year-old daughter while carrying out a virginity test on her.
However, what started as a virginity test became twice daily sexual abuse before his arrest in 2019.
He claimed that since the demise of his wife some years ago, he had solely taken care of the victim and her siblings.
Incest is a crime of marriage, cohabitation or sexual intercourse between two or more closely related people such as between a parent and child(ren), siblings or grandchild.
Incest is a criminal offence according to the customary and statutory laws of Nigeria. The Nigerian Criminal Code defined incest as an offence against morality.
Section 3 of the Matrimonial Causes Act Cap 220 LFN 1990 noted that the marriage of a man was prohibited if the woman is or has been his, “wife’s mother, wife’s grandmother, wife’s daughter, wife’ son’s daughter, wife’s daughter’s daughter, father’s wife, son’s wife, daughter’s son’s wife, sister’s daughter, brother’s daughter, mother’s sister, father’s sister, sister, descendant or ancestress.”
The act also prohibits the marriage of a woman if the man is or has been her “ancestor, descendant, husband’s father, husband’s grandfather, brother, father’s brother, mother’s brother, brother’s son, sister’s son, husband’s son, husband’s son’s son, mother’s husband, grandmother’s husband, daughter husband, son’s daughter’s husband, daughter’s daughter husband.”
Incestual rape is prohibited under Section 357 of the Criminal Code. It defines rape as an “unlawful carnal knowledge of a woman or girl without her consent or with her consent if the consent is obtained by means of threats or intimidation of any kind or by fear of harm or by means of false and fraudulent representation as to the nature of the act….”
According to Familypedia, the prohibited degree of kinship referred to a degree of consanguinity (relatedness) between which sexual interrelationships are regarded as incestuous. It added that inbreeding was a taboo across nearly all cultures globally but the line at such relationships varied.
The Lagos State Domestic Violence Law stated that incest was domestic violence and a “sexual abuse exploitation including but not limited to rape, incest and sexual assault.”
The United Nations International Children’s Emergency Fund stated that about 120 million girls under the age of 20 were victims of sexual violence. It added that about 90 per cent of adolescent girls were first forced into sex by a known person.
In its May 2022 report, UNICEF further stated that about five per cent of young women were victims of sexual violence during childhood.
A Germany-based consumer and data firm, Statista noted that between 2017 and 2019, there were 59 reported cases of sexual violence in Nigeria and female victims accounted for 56 of the cases.
Women At Risk Foundation reported that Africa had the highest prevalence rate of child sexual abuse. It gave the figure as 34.4 per cent. It stated that one in four females reported experiencing sexual violence during childhood. It added that 70 per cent reported being sexually violated more than once.
Between April and May 2020, during the COVID-19 lockdown, over 80 cases of incest were reco
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