Daughter Threesome

Daughter Threesome
My partner and I tried a threesome. Then she kissed someone without me
‘The lines have become blurred.’ Illustration: Lo Cole/The Guardian
My ex’s partner is forcing me to lie to my daughter. Should I refuse?
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It sounds as if you’ve never discussed ground rules, says Annalisa Barbieri, and that you have different ideas of what is permissible
My girlfriend and I are in our mid to late 20s and have been together for four years. Before we met, we both had sexual experiences with members of the same sex. Whil e I’ve never felt romantically attracted to a man, she has towards a woman. I might be bicurious; she is more bisexual.
Since we’ve been together, we’ve had one threesome (involving another woman). A handful of times, at parties, they made out in my presence, and with my consent. Otherwise, we have an exclusive relationship and are clear about never cheating.
Recently, she came home from a party (without me) and told me she had made out with a woman who is a close friend of hers . When she told me, I didn’t know what to feel : I warned her to be careful not to ruin her friendship . I knew that I didn’t love the idea.
Over the following weeks, my feelings bec ame clearer . My girlfriend and I had a falling out ; I was angry and felt cheated on. The fact that they were close friends meant I was put in the position of hav ing to be OK with them “just hanging out”.
My girlfriend doesn’t have a lot of friends and it would be unreasonable to object to them seeing each other . This is hard for me, though, because it’s easy to think it will happen again – or that their friendship will evolve into something else. I told my girlfriend my fears; she understood, and guaranteed it would never happen again. She also told me she only kissed her because she thought I would be OK with it , and that the lines were blurred. It has been a month or so now since it happened. I don’t know how to handle it.
When you have an open relationship, one that allows other people in, it doesn’t mean you have to be OK with everything that happens. At least part of your struggle seems to involve you trying to quash your feelings. I notice that immediately after it happened you warned your girlfriend to be careful not to ruin her friendship with the other girl – not your relationship. Why was that? It seems that the elasticity of your relationship accommodates your girlfriend more than you.
Did you open up your relationship to include others from the beginning, or is it a recent thing? Are you doing it because you both want to – or because she does? It sounds as if you’ve never really discussed ground rules, and that you and your girlfriend have different ideas of what is permissible. That she willingly told you about kissing her friend is a good sign, but she has taken things into a different arena.
There is, as sex and relationship counsellor Murray Blacket ( cosrt.org.uk ) pointed out, “a difference between having a sexual relationship with your regular partner and bringing others into it by choice and agreement [what you had done in the past], and a situation when one of you splinters off independently to be with someone else”.
Blacket added: “I think you need to have the conversation about whether your relationship is polysexual – you have sex with others, either together or separately, usually just once or twice, but there is no relationship – or polyrelational – when you also form a sexual relationship with someone outside the dyad.”
The lines have indeed become blurred. Your girlfriend kissed a woman she already has a friendship with – so now that relationship has turned sexual. Whether this was just a bit of fun, or is likely to turn into something beyond that one kiss, is really the question; but the fact that several weeks later you still don’t feel comfortable with it can’t be ignored.
I get the sense that you are trying to be cool about the situation. But whatever sort of relationship you have (exclusive, open, somewhere in between), it’s important, not to say liberating, to be able to tune into your feelings and admit what you want, and not to put up with things you’re not happy with.
Discuss this with your girlfriend; be brave, be honest. Draw up some ground rules, which could change over time if mutually agreed on; this is why ongoing communication is key. Only when it’s clear what is and isn’t permissible to you both will you give the other person a chance to show whether or not they are the partner for you.
Send your problem to annalisa.barbieri@mac.com . Annalisa regrets she cannot enter into personal correspondence.
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“American Pickers” star Danielle Colby is sharing the wealth of her television success with her cam-girl daughter, Memphis.
Mom, 45, spread the love to her 233,000 followers on Instagram (now try to keep up here) by re-sharing a clip from her 21-year-old daughter’s TikTok account, in which Memphis is seen promoting her own racy Instagram page — which provides a link to her subscribers-only OnlyFans site — while lip-syncing to Greta Van Fleet’s “Light My Love.”
The 11 seconds of footage depicts the young woman mouthing the words, “Your mind is a stream of colors, extending beyond our sky,” as a filter pulses a graphic of glowing hearts from behind her head.
The caption attached to Memphis’ TikTok update reads, “To be spoken to like this….. a dream. #CurameChoreo #ShowYourGlow #fypシ #fyp #36SecondsOfLightWork.”
Colby is one of the prime “pickers” on the long-running History channel series that sees junkyard and flea market enthusiasts Mike Wolfe and Frank Fritz travel the country in search of rare and antique American memorabilia.
The mother of two republished the video as an Instagram Story without comment on Tuesday — though it’s safe to say she’s bursting with pride, as Danielle’s multiple careers include performing burlesque.
Memphis, a self-proclaimed “ditzy accountant,” has also modeled vintage lingerie and eveningwear for Mom in the past.
“Memphis was born an old soul,” Danielle wrote in a May Instagram post, and shared about the bullying her daughter endured in school.
“Memphis learned to fiercely protect herself at a young age,” she continued. “She protects her space, her friends, her family and she shares what she has without a second thought. She is a warrior.”

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Demi Moore is explaining her side of a headline-making story.
In a newly published memoir, Inside Out , the Golden Globe-nominated actress is opening up about her rollercoaster life and the men in it. As Ellen DeGeneres inquired about in an interview airing on Tuesday, the star wrote of having threesomes with then-husband Ashton Kutcher . She announced their split in November 2011 after tying the knot in 2005 and the That '70s Show alum filed for divorce more than a year later.
During her sit-down with DeGeneres, Moore carefully explained why she had agreed.
"I don't think it should be implied that he instigated. I think it was—and again in trying to keep the perspective on my story—he expressed something that was of a fantasy and it was in my efforts to want to please and be what I thought he wanted," Moore said, referencing her earlier comments that the book reflects her point of view.
The actress acknowledged that, despite underlying problems, she was trying to keep their relationship going.
"It was a misguided sense of not really wanting to look maybe at the harder question or maybe what was really missing or, in my case, because I really felt like I had created an addiction to him, that my codependency in a way I'd never had before. I never had that kind of attachment."
The star said she spoke to Kutcher before the book came out, but over not nervous about the final product.
"In a way, I'm nervous for anyone who is in there from a point of view of feeling sensitive and putting myself in their place, but overall, no," Moore told DeGeneres. "I feel so good about the point of view, which for me, this is—I have no interest in blaming or villainizing anyone. The journey in the book is about overcoming."
"In a sense," she continued, "this is my story, my point of view. If anyone else in the book, including my daughters, if they see things differently, and in some cases they did—they had some things that they had sensitivity to because it being my story didn't always allow for the context of say things that created the pain they had of when they weren't speaking to me for me to share. It was truly honest about what my experience was."
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