Daughter Home Incest

Daughter Home Incest

Published
by: Harvard University Press

https://www.jstor.org/stable/j.ctvjnrv84

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Front Matter

(pp. i-iv)

https://doi.org/10.2307/j.ctvjnrv84.1

Table of Contents

(pp. v-vi)

https://doi.org/10.2307/j.ctvjnrv84.2

https://doi.org/10.2307/j.ctvjnrv84.3

Author’s Note, 2000: In Memory of Lisa Hirschman

(pp. xiii-xvi)

https://doi.org/10.2307/j.ctvjnrv84.4

Introduction: Cinderella or Saint Dympna

(pp. 1-4)

https://doi.org/10.2307/j.ctvjnrv84.5

1 A Common Occurrence

(pp. 7-21)

https://doi.org/10.2307/j.ctvjnrv84.6

2 The Question of Harm

(pp. 22-35)

https://doi.org/10.2307/j.ctvjnrv84.7

3 The Question of Blame

(pp. 36-49)

https://doi.org/10.2307/j.ctvjnrv84.8

4 The Rule of the Father

(pp. 50-64)

https://doi.org/10.2307/j.ctvjnrv84.9

5 Incestuous Fathers and Their Families

(pp. 67-95)

https://doi.org/10.2307/j.ctvjnrv84.10

6 The Daughter’s Inheritance

(pp. 96-108)

https://doi.org/10.2307/j.ctvjnrv84.11

7 Seductive Fathers and Their Families

(pp. 109-126)

https://doi.org/10.2307/j.ctvjnrv84.12

8 The Crisis of Disclosure

(pp. 129-143)

https://doi.org/10.2307/j.ctvjnrv84.13

9 Restoring Families

(pp. 144-161)

https://doi.org/10.2307/j.ctvjnrv84.14

10 Criminal Justice

(pp. 162-176)

https://doi.org/10.2307/j.ctvjnrv84.15

11 Remedies for Victims

(pp. 177-201)

https://doi.org/10.2307/j.ctvjnrv84.16

12 Preventing Sexual Abuse

(pp. 202-218)

https://doi.org/10.2307/j.ctvjnrv84.17

Afterword, 2000: Understanding Incest Twenty Years Later

(pp. 219-250)

https://doi.org/10.2307/j.ctvjnrv84.18

Appendix: The Incest Statutes

(pp. 253-292)

https://doi.org/10.2307/j.ctvjnrv84.19

https://doi.org/10.2307/j.ctvjnrv84.20

https://doi.org/10.2307/j.ctvjnrv84.21

Back Matter

(pp. 316-316)

https://doi.org/10.2307/j.ctvjnrv84.22

Through an intensive clinical study of forty incest victims and numerous interviews with professionals in mental health, child protection, and law enforcement, Judith Herman develops a composite picture of the incestuous family. In a new afterword, Herman offers a lucid and thorough overview of the knowledge that has developed about incest and other forms of sexual abuse since this book was first published. Reviewing the extensive research literature that demonstrates the validity of incest survivors' sometimes repressed and recovered memories, she convincingly challenges the rhetoric and methods of the backlash movement against incest survivors, and the concerted attempt to deny the events they find the courage to describe.
Every little girl knows the story of Cinderella, who was persecuted by her wicked stepmother and stepsisters, and who was rescued at last by her prince. The fairy tale most commonly repeated in Western culture warns girls to expect nothing but abuse from women, and teaches them to look to men for salvation. But the currently popular Cinderella story is only one variant of an old tale which has been preserved in folklore for many centuries. In other versions, the tale is about the sorrows of a girl who has lost her mother, and her persecution by an incestuous father....
Female children are regularly subjected to sexual assaults by adult males who are part of their intimate social world. The aggressors are not outcasts and strangers; they are neighbors, family friends, uncles, cousins, stepfathers, and fathers. To be sexually exploited by a known and trusted adult is a central and formative experience in the lives of countless women.
This disturbing fact, embarrassing to men in general and to fathers in particular, has been repeatedly unearthed in the past hundred years, and just as repeatedly buried. Any serious investigation of the emotional and sexual lives of women leads eventually to the...
Denial has always been the incestuous father’s first line of defense. For a long time it has served him well. The belief that incest is extremely uncommon, and the tendency to discredit children’s reports of sexual encounters with adults, have until recently remained entrenched in the public consciousness. With the collusion of the larger society, the incestuous father has thus been largely successful in preserving his secret.
In the last decade, as increasing evidence of the wide prevalence of father-daughter incest has been amassed, and as the victims themselves have become emboldened to speak out, it has grown more difficult...
If it must be conceded, first, that father-daughter incest occurs commonly, and second, that it is not a harmless pastime, then apologists for the incestuous father are thrown back upon their third and final excuse: he is not responsible for his actions. Most commonly, they blame his daughter, his wife, or both. Thus we make the acquaintance of the two major culprits in the incest romance, the Seductive Daughter and the Collusive Mother. Ensnared by the charms of a small temptress, or driven to her arms by a frigid, unloving wife, Poor Father can hardly help himself, or so his...
The incest taboo is universal in human culture. Though no single definition of the taboo applies among all peoples, no known culture permits unrestricted sexual union among kin. Almost all cultures prohibit intercourse and marriage within what is known as the nuclear family, that is, between parents and children, brothers and sisters.¹ The particular forms of the incest taboo, the types of behavior forbidden, the range of persons to whom the prohibition applies, and the punishments that attend its violation vary endlessly from one society to another. What is common to most cultures, however, is the seriousness with which the...
Forty women who had had incestuous relationships with their fathers shared their stories with us. Most were young women in their twenties or early thirties. At the time we met them, most had already married and some had already divorced; half had children. They worked at common women’s jobs; they were mothers and houseworkers, typists and secretaries, waitresses and factory workers, teachers and nurses. About half came from working-class and half from middle-class families.¹ Their ethnic and religious backgrounds reflected the predominant Catholicism of the state of Massachusetts, where most of them lived (see Tables 5.1 and 5.2). To all...
Many years had passed in the lives of our informants since their incestuous relationships had ended. All of the women we interviewed had been living on their own for several years, and many had raised families of their own. All had attempted, as best they could, to put their incest experiences behind them and to get on with their lives. But the memory of incest persisted, shaping their relations with others and their image of themselves. All, without exception, felt somehow branded or marked by their experiences:
Marion: How do you get over this? I know it eats away at...
Twenty women whose fathers had been seductive, but not overtly incestuous, told us their stories. Their class, ethnic, and religious backgrounds were similar to those of the incest victims whom we interviewed (see Table 5.1). Like the incest victims, most were young white women in ordinary women’s occupations. Like the incest victims, all were patients in psychotherapy.
We defined seductiveness on the part of fathers to mean behavior that was clearly sexually motivated, but which did not involve physical contact or a requirement for secrecy. For example, some fathers constantly talked about sex with their daughters, confiding the details of...
Most incest victims both long and fear to reveal their secret. In childhood, fear usually overcomes any hope of relief; most girls dread discovery of the incest secret and do not reveal it to anyone outside the family. They believe that no recourse is available to them and that disclosure of the secret would lead to disaster. But as the daughters grow up, the burden of secrecy becomes increasingly difficult to endure. The child who has remained silent for many years may finally be driven to seek outside help.
Unfortunately, given the current state of law enforcement, child protective services,...
After the crisis of disclosure comes the slow, laborious task of putting lives back together. For all family members, the time of reconstruction is a time of extreme anxiety. Return to the status quo ante is impossible, yet particularly for the parents, it may be equally impossible to conceive of a new way of life. The incestuous father has immense difficulty imagining how life can be bearable if he loses control over his wife and children and sexual access to his daughter. He cannot be expected to give up his accustomed power and privileges without a fight. If he meets...
Sexual relations between adults and children are forbidden by law in every state. Curiously, however, most incestuous relations between fathers and daughters do not meet the statutory definition of the crime of "incest," but rather fall under the definition of somewhat lesser crimes, such as "carnal abuse of a child," "indecent liberties with children, "or "corrupting the morals of a minor." Incest statutes are primarily concerned with prohibiting marriage and inbreeding among kin, not with protecting children. The definition of incest is therefore usually restricted to sexual intercourse between blood relatives. Only five states include sexual conduct other than intercourse...
Most incest victims reach adulthood bearing their secrets intact. It is not known how many successfully bury their past and go on with their lives, and how many continue to suffer the effects of their victimization. There is reason to suspect that a substantial proportion, perhaps even the majority of incest victims, feel lastingly scarred by their childhood experience. The complaints of the women we have interviewed about their experiences are so similar as to suggest the existence of a syndrome common to all incest victims, a syndrome that often leads to repeated disappointments in intimate relationships in adult life....
The sexual abuse of children is as old as patriarchy itself. Fathers have had sexual relations with their children from time immemorial, and they are likely to continue to do so for a long time to come. As long as fathers dominate their families, they will have the power to make sexual use of their children. Most fathers will choose not to exercise this power; but as long as the prerogative is implicitly granted to all men, some men will use it.
If incestuous abuse is indeed an inevitable result of patriarchal family structure, then preventing sexual abuse will ultimately...
This book, like so many feminist writings, began with two women talking. Our simple acts of speaking and listening joined us to a world-wide liberation movement. In the "free space" we created in our intimate dialogues with our patients and with each other, we joined with numerous other women who were uncovering the secret crimes at the heart of patriarchal order’.¹ When Lisa Hirschman and I began our study in the mid-1970s, incest was publicly invisible, yet the private confidences of numerous victims led us and a number of other feminist writers to suspect that sexual exploitation of women and...
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More stories to check out before you go
It was a normal, busy weekday. I was driving to work and noticed cars parked along the highway. I realised that there was a police crackdown on traffic violators and, to my horror, I suddenly realised that I had forgotten my driving license at home. Luckily, no one stopped me.
When I got to work, I decided to park my car and take a bus home to get my license. I wasn't going to take chances and risk trouble on my way home in the evening.
When I got home, I found the house silent. My husband had said he had a headache and was not going to work. I figured he was in bed, still asleep. My daughter, a university student, had mentioned she didn't have didn't have morning classes so she was probably studying in her bedroom.
I tip-toed upstairs to our room so as not to disturb my sleeping husband. I knew exactly where the license was so I thought I could just grab it and ease the door shut...until I heard noises from the bedroom.
I had never suspected my husband for cheating on me let alone bringing a woman to my house. But what I saw was beyond anyone's imagination; my husband having sex with our daughter!
The sight of my daughter and my husband naked on my very bed sickened me. I still get nauseated at the sheer thought of the spectacle. It was more ugly than shocking. Momentarily, I thought I had gone mad. I opened my mouth to scream but nothing came out.
Then my daughter shamelessly retorted: "Mum, why are you surprised? I thought you knew it all along!" And to rub it in, my husband confirmed that what they were doing was no mistake. "The only mistake we've made is using your bed," my husband arrogantly said. Only the previous night, he and I were very intimate on the same bed. What a betrayal!
Their retorts brought me back to my senses and I walked out. I later told my in-laws and the village elders what I had seen and all of us were summoned. My husband can win an Oscar; he denied everything saying that he was very concerned I was losing my mind. I was shocked when he and my in-laws suggested I should get psychiatric help. I knew they had beaten me and I got into serious depression.
I kicked my husband out of our bedroom and as expected he ran into his 'lovers' arms. My two sons kept aloof and never encouraged any discussion about what was happening. Maybe they too blame me for their sister's insanity though their distant relationship never changed.
Thoughts of pain and regret started creeping through my mind. I had severally been warned by concerned women who had seen them together that the two were overly involved. I often told-off the women justifying the closeness with the obvious fact that it is psychologically proven that daughters love their fathers more than their mothers.
When my daughter grew older and became a pretty young woman, I got suspicious but I severally rebuked myself for even imagining that my daughter and her father would ever have a sexual relationship. From when she was a tiny baby she would sit on his lap and lay her head on his chest and he would kiss her cheeks. What reason did I have to thwart the beautiful relationship between father and daughter?
I recall a day when one of my friends called me to inform me that she had seen my daughter and her father kissing passionately. I scolded the woman for having such immoral thoughts and firmly defended my family. My husband is a prominent business man and my family was steadfastly crocheted together hence I wouldn't be the one to expose it to public shame. Besides, even if it were true, everyone would blame me for being poor in parenting or worse still, no one would believe me. Had I listened, I would have cautioned my daughter early enough or separated them at some point but I worried what the two would have thought of me had it turned out to be just an innocent father-daughter relationship.
The relationship between me and my daughter was average; we had good and bad times and I was firm but loving whenever she did a mistake. But every time I corrected her, the father would reprimand me in her presence. This made her very disrespectful and even when I invited our local pastor to speak to her, she accused me of being unfair to her declaring that the only true friend she had was her father.
She was very distant to her brothers and had no girlfriends. When she was in high school, I questioned who her girlfriends were but she was categorical that she enjoyed her own company. I admit I may have given up on her too soon because I chose to ignore her and to continue bringing up my sons who had teachable spirits. I comforted myself that getting solace from her own father was safe instead of getting it from outside.
I went to see a psychological counselor as a last resort but he advised me to file a divorce. I have invested so much into that marriage that I can't stand losing all the estates I have laboured for. I chose to stay and ignore everything.
I do all a wife is supposed to do apart from sharing my bed with my husband or choosing his wardrobe. That's within my 'co-wife's' docket. It's been over three years since they moved in. Our sons have gone their different ways to pursue their car
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