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How should I deal with my husband's very mild fondling of my daughters?

My husband sometimes touches our 3 and 6 year old daughters in ways that I find mildly inappropriate - e.g. pulling down the 3 year-old's pants so we can see her bottom, or caressing her bottom when she just needs help pulling down her night-time diaper to use the toilet in the morning; or holding the 6 year-old across his lap in an armchair and stroking her leg from top to bottom (just on the outside).
So we're not talking about anything obviously sexual, but nevertheless it makes me feel uncomfortable, and I feel I shouldn't ignore my gut reaction, even when it seems like an overreaction. I'm not sure how (or whether) to talk about it to him, or what to say to my daughters to help protect them.
Whenever an adult has any concern – whether it’s a gut feeling, an observation or other experience – with another adult’s behaviors with children, it is always wise to talk about it. It’s never an overreaction to worry about a child’s safety – even when it concerns loved one’s behaviors. Yes, perhaps your husband is just a dad who loves his children a whole bunch and uses touch to demonstrate his affection, but if his behaviors raise questions for you, now is a good time to address safety in your home.
Young Children are Sexual Beings It is often hard for some adults and parents to realize that even at age 3 children are sexual beings and experience sexual feelings. Your husband may not be aware of this, and so not understand the effects of his behaviors on your children’s feelings.
Most parents are careful that their children are not overstimulated in many different ways and in many areas of their lives, such as too much loud music, too much TV, too much food, too much play and activity. This kind of overstimulation causes children to become cranky and overtired.
Avoid Overstimulation Parents also need to be aware that they must be careful not to overstimulate a child’s sexual feelings. Children are way too young and emotionally immature to be able to handle feeling overstimulated sexually. Caressing a child’s leg (even a child as young as 3) can make them feel uncomfortable and overstimulated, and they may feel much more comfortable with a hug, or kiss on the cheek.
Reducing Your Child’s Vulnerability Focusing on a child’s private parts, such as you described your husband doing in showing off his daughter’s bottom can send a message to her that any adult can touch or show off her body. To help protect children against abuse, children need to be taught that they can say no to touching, and that their "no" will be respected. This is a very important piece of prevention in regards to the possibility of sexual abuse. There are, of course, exceptions to this – such as when a very small child needs help with toileting or bathing, or when there is need for medical attention. From Diapers to Dating: A Parent's Guide to Raising Sexually Healthy Children (link is external) is a book that can be a helpful resource for parents.
Warning Signs Another tool of prevention is to become aware of the Behaviors to Watch for When Adults Are With Children and Signs That an Adult May Be At-Risk to Harm a Child . As you review these, note whether you see any of these behaviors in your husband. Look for patterns or repetitious behavior that you’ve requested him to limit or stop. If you do see additional behaviors that trouble you, please contact us back for further guidance.
Speaking Up After looking over some these resources, including some of those indicated below, sit down and have a conversation with your husband about how certain types of touching, even when the intention is loving, can be harmful to children. This would be the time to include any other observations you have that concern you.
It would be great if you and he could reach agreement on some rules about privacy boundaries with your kids. For instance, some families teach their children that they have “No Touch Zones” – usually where their bathing suits cover them, or between the waist and the knees – and that no one is allowed to touch them (except for the reasons I already mentioned) in these areas. This is a way to make things very clear to children and to adults.
Prevention with Children The best way to work with your young children now is to become as aware as you can of healthy sexual development, talk with your children regularly in age-appropriate ways about their bodies and boundaries and create a family safety plan that includes open communication and rules about touch and privacy in the home.
Worrying about children's safety is rarely an "overreaction". Adults who care about children should be able to talk about creating the safest environment possible for children. I hope this information is helpful and invite you to please contact us back with any concerns or questions.
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Published: 22:01 GMT, 24 May 2014 | Updated: 15:55 GMT, 25 May 2014
As the sounds of a George Michael song drifted over the tropical gardens, Thailand’s Crown Prince and his fun-loving wife were in the mood to party.
But the guest of honour at the event was not a visiting head of state or local dignitary – but the couple’s pampered poodle, Foo Foo.
A video of the decadent event shot at the Thai Royal Palace in Bangkok shows Princess Srirasmi – a former waitress – cavorting in just a tiny G-string as she feeds the dog cake.
The offending video: Crown Prince Maha and his topless wife entertaining Foo Foo
Raunchy: The video is sure to intensify concerns about Prince Maha's fitness to succeed his father
Controversial: Princess Srirasmi cavorted in just a tiny G-string
In one scene, the topless princess appears to bend over to eat out of a dog bowl, while in another a servant falls to his knees in front of her. Later the royal couple sing Happy Birthday to their dog.
The video emerged as Thailand is rocked by a military coup. Former prime minister Yingluck Shinawatra was detained in Bangkok on Friday, and hundreds of people have taken to the streets to protest about the military’s power-grab.
The Crown Prince and his wife yesterday left Tylney Hall, a five-star hotel in Hampshire, where they and a 30-strong entourage had been ensconced for almost a week.
The video is sure to intensify concerns about Prince Maha’s fitness to succeed his father, 86-year-old King Bhumibol Adulyadej. The king, who is said to have Parkinson’s disease, has not been seen in public since the military junta decreed martial law.
VIPs: The couple at Buckingham Palace in 2012
Last year leaked US diplomatic cables revealed many senior Thai officials expressed grave doubts about the Crown Prince.
In one, a former US ambassador in Bangkok told how Princess Srirasmi confided in him during a state dinner that Foo Foo ‘holds the rank of Air Chief Marshal’.
Four sons of the Crown Prince from a former marriage have been exiled from Thailand by their father since 1996 and now live in the United States.
Luxury: The Crown Prince and his wife yesterday left Tylney Hall, a five-star hotel in Hampshire, where they and a 30-strong entourage had been ensconced for almost a week
Yesterday one of them, Juthavachara Vivacharawongse, 34, told The Mail on Sunday at his home near San Diego, California: ‘I would prefer not to speak about this [the coup] or our father. It is a private, family matter.’
The Crown Prince married Princess Srirasmi in 2001. They have a nine-year-old son.
A source in Thailand, who asked not to be named for fear of reprisals, said yesterday: ‘There are many here who would prefer the Crown Prince not to come back.’
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My younger brother called me the other day and he was sounding rather annoyed. He and his wife of a few years had had a tiff and they were not in talking terms. They were seeking my wise counsel so they could iron out issues.
Apparently, the wife had asked the husband for permission on a Friday night to go meet her girlfriends, but she came back at an ungodly hour, 2am. While she insisted she was dropped by an Uber guy, my brother insisted it was her boyfriend.
I hate being dragged into such domestic squabbles as the mediator, because when the two finally solve their mess, they may turn the daggers on you.
To avoid being caught in that awkward mess, I listened to my brother’s accusations and then called my sis-in-law to grant her a right of reply.
From my line of thought you already know whose side I’m on. By the way I am the one who hooked them up and I would not recommend a girl of loose morals to my sibling.
“Your kid bro is just being paranoid. I was just at Wangu’s for our usual girls’ night out. We were having so much fun catching up with the girls, I got a bit carried away and stayed until late,” my sister-in-law explained and knowing her, I believed her.
Having listened to both sides of the story, my conclusion was that my kid bro was just being insecure.
“Imagine, this woman is cheating on me., Every month, she has to attend those stupid things she calls girls’ night out. I know she is using those tricks to fool me,” my bro insisted.
“Kwani what do you women do when you go for those things?” he posed.
A lot bro.
We eat. Play. Cry. Talk. Talk.
Girls night out can be as wild as lap dancing with hot bachelors in an exotic club. It can also be just an innocent bonding session where a bunch of working mums sit by the fireside and sip hot chocolate and munch cookies.
When I think of a wild girls’ night out, the name that comes to mind is my pal the adventurous Kui.
Kui was that girl in campus who knew the meaning of living life out loud. She studied hard and partied harder. And this is the same fun and adventurous spirit that she has taken to her marriage.
For Kui and her wild friends, a night out with the girls can mean anything from a crazy party in Watamu to a silly karaoke session at a club in Kilimani. For them, wild is the password.
But for some innocent souls like myself and my sister-in law, girls’ night out is a simple bonding session by overwhelmed career mums in a cozy house.
Here, we catch up on the highs and lows of our careers, marriage and house girl manenos...
Once in a while, a sister surprises us with news about pregnancy, or a separation or tells us that they have not been intimate for a year with the hubby. At times, it is just kawaida stuff that give career mamas sleepless nights.
The writer is a married working mother of a toddler boy and a pre-school girl. She shares her experience of juggling between career, family and social life.
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From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
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^ Zavala, Elizabeth (23 April 2018). "Judge won't dismiss new cases against convicted child killer Genene Jones" . San Antonio Express-News . Retrieved 15 May 2020 .

^ Zavala, Elizabeth (16 January 2020). "Genene Jones, dubbed 'killer nurse,' gets life in prison" . San Antonio Express-News . Retrieved 15 May 2020 .

^ Andone, Dakin (17 January 2020). "A former nurse suspected of killing dozens of children has been sentenced to life in prison" . CNN . Retrieved 15 May 2020 .

^ "Genene Jones" , Wikipedia , 7 May 2020 , retrieved 15 May 2020

^ Under Canadian Juvenile Law, the real names of "J.R.", "Sandra", and "Beth" cannot be mentioned within the episode, as all three were juveniles at the time of the murders. Canadian code prohibits the use of a juvenile offender's real name in print and in the newspaper. Subsequent articles, including some linked here, do reveal their full names and family names. Each of the juvenile perpetrators in this story received the maximum sentences allowed under Canadian Law: 10 years.

^ "Paula Sims, who admitted to killing her newborn babies in the 1980s, granted parole" . 28 October 2021.

^ "Judge orders Jane Dorotik to stand trial again on her husband's murder 22 years ago" . 11 March 2022.

^ "Murder charges against Jane Dorotik dropped in San Diego County case due to insufficient evidence. "It's finally over." " . 24 May 2022.

^ " "Torso Murderer" Valerie Pape Released From Arizona Prison, Will Be Deported to France" . Phoenix Times. 26 February 2016 . Retrieved 9 December 2019 .

^ Bibel, Sara. "Femme Fatales Return with a Vengeance on Season 6 of 'Deadly Women' on Investigation Discovery" . Archived from the original on 29 April 2014 . Retrieved 28 April 2014 .

^ "Deadly Women: Season 6, Episode 3 "Insatiable Greed" " . Amazon . Retrieved 9 August 2014 .

^ " 曾女杀夫与子陪审团建议死刑 ." Sina Network . August 10, 2011. Retrieved on January 29, 2016.

^ " 'Deadly Woman': Mother Manipulated Sons Into Killing Their Family Members (VIDEO)" . Huffington Post . 28 November 2011.

^ Lyons, Arthur; Funk, Stuart (illustration). "The Black Widow of Rancho Mirage" . Palm Springs Life . Archived from the original on 30 April 2014.

^ The story is also written about in Saroyan, Aram (1993). Rancho Mirage: An American Tragedy of Manners, Madness, and Murder . Barricade. ISBN 978-0942637953 .

Deadly Women is an American true-life crime documentary -style television series that first aired in 2005 on the Discovery Channel , focusing on female killers. It was originally based on a 52- minute-long TV documentary film called "Poisonous Women," which was released in 2003. Two years after, in 2005, it inspired a mini-series consisting of three episodes: "Obsession," "Greed" and "Revenge." After a three-year hiatus, the show resumed production in 2008 and began airing on the Investigation Discovery channel as a regularly scheduled series . The series is produced in Australia by Beyond International .

The 52 minutes long TV film which was the basic pilot to the show covered 4 cases of women throughout history who committed murders by poison. The TV film was narrated by Marsha Crenshaw.

Each of the three original episodes covered the cases of various groups of men who were united by the central theme of the episode. These three episodes of the show were narrated by Marsha Crenshaw.

Deadly Women resumed production of Season 2 in 2008, with slight changes. A new narrator was introduced, Lynnanne Zager, and each episode was reduced to featuring three cases instead of four.

Mary Bell – Bell strangled 4-year-old Martin Brown to death on May 25, 1968, just one day before her 11th birthday, in Newcastle-upon-Tyne , United Kingdom . Two months later, at age 11, Bell murdered 3-year-old Brian Howe with her friend Norma Bell (no relation). Norma was acquitted, but Mary was convicted and sentenced to life in prison. She was released in 1980 at age 23.

Holly Harvey – In Fayetteville, Georgia , troubled teen lovers Holly Harvey and Sandra Ketchum are forbidden from seeing one another by Holly's grandparents. Holly resents her grandparen
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